Happy and Healthy?

Someone recently asked me about the outcomes of the various options in front of same-gender attracted people who are seeking to integrate their experience of faith with their sexual identity.

Essentially, I see these potential options in front of people. (If you can think of additional options – by all means I’d be intrigued to hear your thoughts)

• Live as though you didn’t experience same-gender attraction (ie. denial).

• Explore and potentially experience fluidity in your sexual attractions.

• Commit to live a single and celibate life in full recognition of the reality of the persistence of your same-gender attraction.

• Live in intentional community as a single person with honesty and authenticity about your sexual identity.

• Be a partner in a mixed-orientation marriage where there is genuine love and attraction, full disclosure, honest ongoing dialogue, commitment to serving and being faithful to one another and to your shared values and goals.

• Be a companion in a committed friendship (also known as covenantal friendships) that has boundaries and commitments to be non-sexual.

• Be open to building a relationship with a same-sex partner but maintain sexual chastity during your time of singleness.

• Be a partner in a covenanted same-sex relationship and/or marriage.

The diverse spectrum of readers of this blog may have very different beliefs and feelings about the appropriateness of any one of these options – I’m simply describing what I have encountered. What I can say, is that I have encountered people in all of these categories – and I have encountered followers of Jesus in all of these categories.

So, in this conversation, I was asked which of these options did I consistently see the most happy and healthy people. And my answer: I don’t know. For the most part (with the exception perhaps of the first one), I have seen people happy and healthy living out a variety of these outcomes.

I can’t say that happiness and healthiness are automatic guarantees that someone is living in the centre of God’s will for them. But on the other hand, I don’t think that God desires one of his children to be unhappy or unhealthy. The role of suffering in the life of a follower of Jesus is an important conversation to have when exploring these realities.

But if you are asking about what makes someone happy and healthy in living out one of the above options, I think it comes down to this (based on my observations and friendships):

1. If the person is secure in the unconditional love of God for them – they are much more likely to be in a happier and healthier place.
2. If the person is honest and accepting of him/herself and has a safe place to be able to share that – they are much more likely to be in a happier and healthier place. (Note: This doesn’t mean “I accept myself so I never have to grow or change anything” …. But it does mean that the person isn’t stuck in a paralyzing place of self-loathing.)

If a same-gender attracted person chooses one of these options – but lives in fear and dread of God’s punishment – they will experience a restlessness that keeps them from fully experiencing the peace of God. And if a same-gender attracted person is unable to be honest and share of themselves truly in the option they choose – they will likely begin to feel dead and empty inside with a subsequent sense of disconnection from God and others.

I don’t think you need to have sexual intercourse to be fully human and alive. Just look at the life of Jesus. But I do think we need to know in our deepest gut that we are loved by God unconditionally. And I do think we need a place where we can fully accept the realities about ourselves and be known and accepted by others.

In the often challenging journey of discovering how one might integrate their experience of same-gender attraction with their faith, values and convictions, there are different options to explore. The journey needs to be marked with prayer, Scriptural engagement, discernment – both individually and with the Body of Christ to whom you are connected, and a willingness to follow and obey God as he leads you. It often isn’t a linear trajectory – there are often twists and turns along the way. But if you keep your eyes fixed on Christ, if you ground yourself in the true knowledge of God’s love for you, if you situate yourself in friendship and relationship with those with whom you can be honest and authentic – then you will be well positioned to move forward towards a healthy outcome in which you may well experience deep and lasting happiness.

Sexual Fluidity & Fidelity

Maybe I’m not the only one who has a tough time really getting my head around what the idea of sexual fluidity means in people’s day-to-day lives. On one hand, I’ve seen over-inflated estimates of orientation change give way to the awareness that such complete shifts are rare. But on the other hand, in the world of queer theory the idea of fluidity seems readily accepted and though while more common for women not precluded from the experience of men. It seems to be a general consensus in the queer community that to try to experience shifts in your experience of sexual attraction through therapy is harmful – but if it happens all on its own – then so be it. I suppose one of the challenges is that we really don’t have any sense of how common experiences of fluidity are – nor to whom they will occur – or particularly why they occur.

But as a person of faith, who engages with people experiencing same-gender attraction who share faith convictions, this whole area of fluidity raises some questions. For someone who feels deeply convicted that same-gender sexual intimacy is not God’s best for them, is there a healthy way to explore the potential of their own fluidity? Not out of self-loathing or driven by fear, but from a place of mature self-acceptance?

I’ve heard enough painful stories of people who unsuccessfully tried to exploit a marginal sense of bisexuality to conform to Christian standards, to not be overly naïve. And while I know of many stories of couples who divorced upon the disclosure of same-sex orientation, I also know of couples in mixed orientation marriages with devout faith commitments who are making it work with honesty and integrity. And not only is it working, but they experience joy and fulfillment in their life together. Is that sexual fluidity at work? Or is it the fruit of commitment?

Because this whole area of sexual fluidity raises the question of the place of fidelity. For a person of faith, commitment within covenant is a reflection of God’s character. Without question such fidelity is deeply broken across the board - significantly seen among heterosexuals in our current divorce rates. But one does wonder how this interfaces with the concept of fluidity.

I came across this comment on a blog post about sexual fluidity:

“I notice that all the concern here is for the people who seem to be coming to terms with their sexual fluidity. What about the partners who committed themselves to someone they thought was with them for life, only to be told they now read a book and say that they are “sexually fluid”.
I am a lesbian who has been in a nearly ten year monogamous relationship with a woman who had been with men in the past. After two children and the usual picket fence stuff, and having the normal tough times with young kids and my partner with PND, when the going gets tough she says “I want to have sex with men again”. Having also said though that the sex with me was the best in her life and she loved me more than she’d ever loved anyone, now I have to buy that instead of knuckling down and working through our relationship stuff it’s just that she’s “sexually fluid”.
When she found out about the book “Sexual fluidity” she felt that finally she wasn’t a freak and there were other people just like her. I felt compassionately towards her but at the same time thinking, what about me and our kids? It just seems too convenient. It seems to be another opportunity to not own one’s inability to commit. When one is in a committed relationship with kids, my belief is you try everything to make the relationship work before you walk away, not just one day out of the blue say “I’m done, and by the way I feel like having sex with men again”.”

I think of intimacy and fidelity as two intrinsically linked but sometimes paradoxical realities. Everyone needs to have authentic experiences of intimacy. That is, wholistic intimacy – not only that which is reduced to genital sexual intimacy. And I would suggest that everyone also needs fidelity. Where fidelity is lacking (fidelity to values, fidelity in relationship, fidelity in family etc.) a person can become fragmented and empty. Sometimes in relationships these two can seem to be in tension. To remain faithful in a relationship can seem to mean a deficient experience of intimacy. Or conversely, experiencing intimacy may seem to demand the breaking of fidelity. But if you give up one for the other, brokenness inevitably results. And while one can certainly heal and move on from such experiences, most often scars remain.

At the risk of being pegged a hopeless conservative, I deeply believe that we are suffering from a lack of fidelity. But I also believe that we are often suffering from experiences of cheap and shallow intimacy. And I do have to wonder, if the concept of sexual fluidity might be a symptom of both.

What do you think? Have you experienced sexual fluidity? What impact did fidelity have on your experience?

Ubuntu & Bridge-Building

On my way back from the GCN conference in Nashville last month, I read a little book containing the words and inspiration of Desmond Tutu. In the introduction that he penned, Tutu speaks of a concept called ubuntu. He describes this term as a central aspect of African philosophy – the essence of what it is to be human.

He says,

“The definition of this concept has two parts. The first part is that the person is friendly, hospitable, generous, gentle, caring and compassionate. In other words, someone who will use his or her strengths on behalf of others – the weak and the poor and the ill – and not take advantage of anyone. This person treats others as he or she would be treated. And because of this they express the second part of the concept, which concerns openness, large-heartedness. They share their worth. In doing so my humanity is recognized and become inextricably bound to theirs.”

Then he goes on to say,

“But anger, resentment, a lust for revenge, greed, even the aggressive competitiveness that rules so much of our contemporary world, corrodes and jeopardizes our harmony. Ubuntu points out that those who seek to destroy and dehumanize are also victims – victims, usually of a pervading ethos, be it a political ideology, an economic system, or a distorted religious conviction. Consequently, they are as much dehumanized as those on whom they trample.”

He concludes by saying that the expression of ubuntu shows that the “only way we can ever be human is together. The only way we can be free is together.”

Reading this description of ubuntu was so poignant for me as I returned from my experience at the Gay Christian conference. Some of you may recall that this was not my first experience at a GCN conference. My first time I went rather incognito – simply wanting to be present, to listen and observe and open my heart to what God would reveal to me in the experience. I had a lot of internal tension during that experience that I did not really know how to resolve. What I sensed I needed to do was to simply stay present to those tensions and allow God to continue to lead me.

In the time since that conference and this one, God has continued to open doors for us to focus on building bridges in the complex and diverse milieu that surrounds the intersection of faith and sexuality. God has given us a grace to be in the midst of diverse beliefs and practice and look with his eyes to see where his Spirit is at work.

So this year, I went to the GCN conference to facilitate a workshop. I very much viewed it as a time to simply facilitate – because I fully expected to learn much more than I had to offer. You see, GCN in many ways embodies the reality of bridge-building – all the good, the bad and the ugly the comes along with the messy reality of trying to find unity in diversity. What I felt at my first conference – and again at this one – was the pang of wishing the church-at-large could somehow experience this embodiment of generous and gracious space. Not that it’s perfect. But it is a space where people of very different perspectives, on very personal issues, have found a way to make Christ central, worship the focus, and to extend love, grace and friendship to one another. It truly is a place of hospitality.


In our workshop together, we explored some of the barriers we encounter when trying to build bridges:
- fear
- pride
- lack of readiness
- different paradigms
- different hermeneutics (ways of interpreting scripture)
- ethnic and cultural differences

We looked at tools that help us to build bridges:
- learning to really listen
- humility
- really understanding grace
- building relationship over a long time
- being willing to be transparent and vulnerable
- demonstrating a willingness to understand other perspectives
- taking on a learning posture rather than being agenda-driven

And we talked about some of the benefits – the fruit – of building bridges:
- it helps us to grow
- it’s not “us” vs. “them”
- it brings maturity
- we get to bless one another
- we remember the Kingdom of God is diverse
- creates space for other who come after us
- can help reach those who don’t know Christ
- we practice being Christ-centered
- helps us live out unity in diversity
- we serve others in relationship

What would you add to these lists? Make your suggestions in the comments.


When I think about building bridges in the arena of faith and sexuality, it can be easy to think about how hard it is, how easily it is misunderstood, how much criticism I receive because of it. But these words continue to motivate me to enter diverse contexts with humility and grace to find common ground, shared core values and collaborative goals:

“Even though I am free of the demands and expectations of everyone, I have voluntarily become a servant to any and all in order to reach a wide range of people: religious, nonreligious, meticulous moralists, loose-living immoralists, the defeated, the demoralized—whoever. I didn't take on their way of life. I kept my bearings in Christ—but I entered their world and tried to experience things from their point of view. I've become just about every sort of servant there is in my attempts to lead those I meet into a God-saved life. I did all this because of the Message. I didn't just want to talk about it; I wanted to be in on it!”
(I Cor. 9: 21-23 the Message)

At the end of the day, bridge building offers me the profound joy of being a person of ubuntu. I have a lot to learn and have a long ways to grow into my ubuntu-hood …. But I am so grateful for those who invite me into their space, who share their table and facebook chats with me, who extend their humanity to me across whatever differences we have. I count it a great gift.

Urbana 09

So I’ve made it home from Urbana 09 while back in St. Louis, 16,000 conference participants are still hitting the main sessions, workshops and completely slamming a tiny little Starbucks across the street from the conference centre. Put on by Intervarsity Christian Fellowship, Urbana happens once every 3 years. From what I understand, this year had the most developed focus on hosting conversations around sexual identity.

I began my workshop by suggesting these priorities:
• Fostering a spacious place for those outside the heterosexual mainstream to explore faith
• Encouraging disciples in local, contextualized communities
• Nurture shalom where these issues touch real people’s lives
• Dismantling the negative perceptions of those outside the church

I wanted to lay out the context by describing the attitudes, tensions, and challenges I regularly encounter across the diverse spectrum of folks I engage. I also wanted to identify the realities that should inform our thinking: the impact of post-modernity, post-Christendom, rapid social change, generational disconnection, diversity in the church, and turbulence in the church.

In light of these considerations, core values for engagement:
• To be radical in hospitality
• To be grace-based—not judgment-based
• To not use shame or fear as motivators
• To be non-coercive
• To embody a sense of mutuality & equity (non-patronizing)
• To be respectful of differences
• To be realistic about expectations
• To be alert to issues of justice
• To focus on authentic hope in Christ
• To empower the individual to own their own journey
• To continue growing in discernment

There were four speakers addressing various aspects of engaging our gay neighbours. Andrew Marin, Christopher Yuan and Bill Henson joined me in offering five workshops – by far the most Urbana has ever had. The four of us also joined forces in offering our thoughts in a 90 minute panel discussion. Going in, I’d read Andy’s book, followed his blog and connected a bit over email with him, I had a bit of a sense of who Christopher was, but had never heard of Bill. And I wondered how well our different talks would mesh. I was glad they put us on a panel together – and I was grateful for how that discussion emerged. While each speaker comes from their own unique context and journey, there was a clear and consistent focus on: the priority of sharing the love of Christ with people where they’re at; and promoting a strong relational paradigm for mission and ministry.

I expected that the audience would be diverse – and I was right. It seemed that generally speaking audiences had a good capacity to acknowledge and respect the reality of diversity. I encountered many students for whom these are very personal realities - and I cherished the chance to affirm to them God's love and his desire to use them in their sense of calling.

All in all, I leave Urbana hopeful – hopeful that gay brothers and sisters will know the love of God as they serve him in missions and beyond and that this generation of leaders will engage their gay neighbours with priorities and values that embody the heart of Christ.

Uganda & Beyond: Speaking the Truth in Love

On my way to St. Louis to speak at the Urbana Student Missions conference, I had the opportunity to re-read Jean Vanier’s book, “Finding Peace”. If you haven’t read this little gem – go get it and read it! In its pages I was again inspired, revitalized and focused to continue our bridge-building work as an expression of the peace-making heart of God.

Vanier says, “The world is divided into many thousands of more or less hermetically closed groups. If each group is sure that it is better than others, how can peace ever come? It is difficult to dialogue with others if we cling arrogantly to the idea that we are right or that our power and technology are a sign of our humanity and goodness. Walls and barriers exist between people because of language, but also because of fear – each group fearful of those who are different, fearful of losing its identity. People resist opening up to others. Aren’t we all in one way or another enclosed in a secure group, in our culture, our religion, our family, our network of friends? Family and different types of groups are needed for human growth, but when they become sealed they engender rivalry, conflict, elitism.” (p. 16 emphasis mine)

Last night I heard Oscar Muriu from Kenya speak at Urbana. He spoke about the incarnation and the movements that Christ embodied in this choice to enter our world vulnerably as a newborn child. The movements from pride to humility, from power to powerlessness, from position to poverty (and he had one more which I’m not recalling) are the incarnational postures to which we are called as those who seek to nurture shalom. Here was a passionate African leader challenging 16,000 students to lead the way through vibrant expressions of incarnational mission, to extend grace to the generation before them who made lots of mistakes but who did the best they knew how in obedience and faithfulness to Christ, and to lead by forging a new and radical path that refuses the way of empire, colonialism, power and money. How grateful I was, how hopeful I was to think about partnership and engagement with our African brothers and sisters who embrace and embody such incarnational paradigms.

I continue to have many questions about how to best engage the situation in Uganda. I am keenly aware of our tragic legacy of colonialism and the danger of imposing western culture into their unique context. One of my deepest personal core values is to not be patronizing in my engagement with others – but to extend honour and respect by experiencing mutuality with the expectation that there will always be opportunity to learn even as there is opportunity to offer personal experience. And I am concerned that I not speak into a global situation (of which I would be the first to say I have no first-hand experience) with an unconscious yet arrogant presumption. At the same time, have we not learned some things in the 40 plus years since Stonewall? Are there not some things that can and ought to be offered and shared in both a spirit of humility and the conviction of valuing the image of God and the belovedness of each glbt person?

As I have continued to ponder and pray, I continue to return to this idea that seems to be generating powerful fear behind the Ugandan legislation and broader misconceptions about glbt people. It is this idea that gay people are recruiting “our children”. It seems to me that this is one of the core drivers behind the perpetuation and justification of devaluing the lives of same-sex oriented individuals in not only Uganda, but many parts of the world.

As a mom, I well know, that if you want to see me turn from a meek & mild, gentle & nice woman to a ferocious mama bear in 3 seconds flat – then just threaten my children. The gloves are off, I don’t care who you are – I’ll take you out. If I am honest, I may not take the necessary time to investigate if the threat is real or fabricated – because in that moment all I care about is protecting my babies. And if I don’t have access to reliable information about the perceived threat, then I will likely be incapable of making clear decisions consistent with the universal core value of treating others as I would want to be treated. All of that goes out the window in light of my gut level passion to protect my children.

And it is this kind of fear-inducing, manipulation (often promoted in the name of Christ) to which I feel I must speak. I must speak because this whole notion of widespread recruiting of children by average gay people is not true. And because stirring up fear that turns one human being against another is completely inconsistent with the way of Jesus – who chose incarnation: humility, powerlessness & poverty.

It is a sad reality of human sexuality that older adults seduce the young. This is indisputable. But this is not a gay issue – this is a human issue.

And it is a tragic reality that sexual abuse can cause tremendous woundedness and confusion in victims. But it is not accurate to insinuate that all gay people should be viewed as offenders until proven innocent – anymore than it would be to insinuate that all straight people should be viewed as offenders until proven innocent.

And it is not accurate to insinuate that homosexuality can somehow be “caught”, that it will “spread”, or that extending dignity and respect to our gay neighbours will increase the prevalence of homosexuality among our youth. The question of causation is complex and currently inconclusive. So while there seems to be a unique combination of both nature and nurture factors impacting different people to different degrees, what we do know is that a homosexual orientation is not something chosen or simply adopted. (And really, given the climate in Uganda towards gay people – who in their right mind would choose that?)

The reality of an increase in same-sex sexual experimentation, particularly in our western context, is, in my opinion, an alarming one. In my understanding, it is alarming because it fosters an unhealthy promiscuity for which young people seem to be often oblivious to long-term consequences including the potential of confusion in one's experience of sexual identity. But such experimentation, I would suggest, is far more the result of our own consumeristic, lust-oriented, celebrity-fixated, individualistic culture than it is the fruit of extending fair and just treatment and hospitality to our gay neighbours.

So, as someone in the west who desires to humbly acknowledge that I do not fully understand all the complex cultural realities influencing attitudes about homosexuality in a context like Uganda, I do wish, as a follower of Jesus Christ who in serving gay people has experienced much heart change, to offer such distinctions on these matters as they impact our children.

It may be that you continue, on the basis of Scripture, to hold a theological perspective that homosexual behaviour is inconsistent with God’s guidelines for human sexuality. If you hold such convictions may it be not from fear, misinformation, or prejudice – but from prayerful, humble wrestling with Scripture. But let us, who name the name of Jesus, recognize that such conviction about God-honouring behaviour cannot negate the truth of God’s love for our gay neighbours and our responsibility as his followers to challenge fear-inducing misinformation that would oppress or marginalize.

Vanier: “This passage, this crossing over the barricades that separate cultures and religions, is not a rejection of one’s own faith, tradition, and culture, but rather a fulfillment of them. Faith, religion, and culture find their deepest meaning as they become a way to permit us to be bonded to God, the God of love and compassion, which give us the strength, the courage, and the wisdom to meet others who are different as persons. We can only become peacemakers if we believe that every person – whatever their culture, religion, values, abilities or disabilities – is important and precious to God and if we seek to open our hearts to them. Such encounters between people are deep, wonderful moments that seem to transcend time and space, religion and culture. They bring people together to a place of trust and mutual respect as they listen to one another and their sacred stories, not from the place of their own certitudes and ideologies, but from the place of inner silence. They imply a fundamental equality: no one person is superior to another. As we enter into this relationship together, we are opening our hearts to one another and somehow losing some of the things we want to possess in order to feel superior and to have power. Walls that separate culture, religion, social status, and people start to weaken in this gentle encounter.” (p.40)

Across unique and complex cultural realties, may our shared love for Christ remind us to speak the truth (not generalizations, assumptions, or unsubstantiated threats), cast out fear, and extend dignity and respect to all our neighbours.

Risking for Justice

In a speaking engagement I raised two fairly recent public statements as a case study in contrasts. One was the statement issued by Liverpool pastors speaking out against homophobia in their community in the wake of the beating death of a gay teen and near-fatal assault on another gay man. The other was the Manhattan Declaration - a call to defend the truths of sanctity of life, marriage and religious liberty. The contrast, as I saw it, was the difference in use of power.

It seemed to me that the Liverpool statement used the power of the signers to promote shalom for those in their community – including those who held divergent views. It was a statement that could create some problems for them, where the pastors could potentially lose power in their constituency.

The Manhattan Declaration, on the other hand, seemed to be using power to beget power. It seemed to me an example of a desperate church trying to reestablish the realm of Christendom in an increasingly post-Christendom context. (My personal view is that I don’t think the Kingdom really comes through the establishment of Christian Empire) Regardless of one’s convictions about the positions presented in the Declaration concerning abortion, homosexuality and religious freedom, I think every follower of Jesus needs to consider how God exerts his power.

Consider this Advent reading from Henri Nouwen:

God 'Unmasks the Illusion of Power'
Learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart. Matthew 11:29

God chose powerlessness. God chose to enter into human history in complete weakness. That divine choice forms the center of Christian faith. In Jesus of Nazareth, the powerless God appeared among us to unmask the illusion of power, to disarm the prince of darkness who rules the world, and to bring the divided human race to a new unity.
Through total and unmitigated powerlessness, God shows us divine mercy. The radical, divine choice is the choice to reveal glory, beauty, truth, peace, joy, and most of all, love in and through the complete divestment of power. It is very hard - if not impossible - for us to grasp this divine mystery.
Jesus, in all we do and say this Advent, may we follow your example of gentleness and humility.

Well as you might imagine, I got some flack for raising this case study in contrasts. It was interesting to me that my support of the Liverpool statement was considered to be an “endorsement of gay people” (which was viewed as negative). And that my critique of the Manhattan Declaration was perceived as divisive, dishonouring, tearing down the Body of Christ, and assisting in the promotion of the ‘gay agenda’ (whatever that even is exactly….)

Now I happen to really value unity in diversity. So, in raising my critiques my goal was not for everyone to agree with me or necessarily adopt my views. Rather, my goal was to get people thinking.

I fear we are too apathetic to really think. And even more, that we are too afraid to think.

I first spoke up for justice for glbtqi people in Uganda last March. At the time I could never have imagined the draconian legislation advocating extremely harsh penalties for gay people currently before that nation’s government. As I consider the jaw-dropping developments in the Ugandan context over the last 9 months, I see a lot of scrambling (I won’t speak up …. Oh, now there’s a lot of pressure …. OK I will speak up …..). If you are unfamiliar with all the developments, check out this link for a comprehensive time line and description of events. And if you’ve been silent up till now: go think, pray and act. A first, easy step is to join the facebook group “Speaking Out Against Uganda’s Anti-Homosexuality Bill 2009”

Friends, these are real people with real lives that are at stake. What risks are you willing to take on their behalf? After my radio interview this week, a man emailed to say that he’s just had to resign from the position of elder in his church because he spoke out and advocated loving engagement with gay people. Would you risk your position in your church to stand up for justice and shalom?

I suppose one good thing about not really having much power is that you don’t fear losing it. Janis Joplin sang, “Another word for freedom is having nothing to lose.”

When it comes to engagement, not on gay issues, but engagement with people for whom gay issues are real, personal and intimate – I want to be truly free.

I want to be free to think - and to rethink.
Free to stand up and speak up.
Free to follow Jesus’ example: which essentially means free to lose everything, suffer much, have people misunderstand, misinterpret, desert and betray you (apparently, especially folks in your own religion) ….

Am I willing to experience all of that to speak up for justice and shalom?
Am I willing to experience all of that to challenge power politics and the church behaving like the empire?

Damn right I am.

Because the good news of the gospel begins with justice and shalom and it comes in the way of a subversive Kingdom not a power-majority empire.

It comes in the way of love.


(Personal note: For those who may be wondering, I was grateful for my sabbatical from July - September. I did begin my book - but, no, it is not finished. The last couple months being back have been jammed packed with speaking engagements. But, I am really looking forward to getting back into the swing of blogging - and hope to reconnect with y'all in the comment section. wendy)

How would you feel? by Brian Pengelly

How would you feel if I told you that a country was passing a law that would severely restrict the rights and freedoms of Christians? That the government of a country, which was entirely controlled by followers of another religion had decided to band together and do something about the “Christian threat”? What if they published the names of people they suspected to be Christians in the newspaper, and encouraged the public to harm them or refuse to associate with them? What if they passed a law so that if you were caught practicing your faith in your own home you could be thrown in jail for 7 years? What if they made it a law that if your neighbour found out you were a Christian they were forced to report it to the police or face 3 years in prison themselves? What if that law had a provision in it that if you were caught multiple times you could be put to death?

How would you feel? Angry? Sad? Would you be motivated to do something about it? Would you ask your member of parliament or senator to approve sanctions against the country treating your Christian brothers and sisters in such a way? What would you do?

Now stop. Because it IS really happening right now. In Uganda.

But there is one difference, which is why you probably haven’t heard about it. You see in Uganda this very scenario is being played out, except the people in power are Christians, and the laws are being made against gay people.

Does that change things for you? If so why?

You see, no matter what you think about what scripture says about homosexuality, we should all be able to agree on one of the most basic teachings in Scripture: the Golden Rule. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” So here is the question: Would you want to be treated the way gay people are treated in Uganda? Would you want your government to treat you the way they are treated because your religion believed something different from theirs?

If we take Scripture seriously, then we as Christians have no right to treat those who do not share our beliefs in oppressive or unfair ways. Yet the history of our faith has shown that Christians in political power very often do exactly that. It is easy to look back at ancient examples of injustice like the crusades and think, “I wouldn’t be part of something like that.” But this is happening now, on our watch.

So the question is: What are we going to do about it? Are we going to turn a blind eye? Or are we as Christians going to speak up and say to the Christians in power in Uganda, “When you take away the basic rights of gay and lesbian people it grieves the heart of the Father and it lessens freedom for all of us.”

Do I believe that Christians should stand up for the teaching of Scripture and moral truth? Yes I do. But how we do it is as much or MORE important than what we teach. If we try to use power to force our beliefs on others, if we take away basic human freedoms from others in trying to proclaim the teaching of the Bible, then we by our actions are unfaithful to that same teaching and have failed.

If you want to know more about how you can speak up against this join the Facebook group

Or follow this link to learn more and find a list of people you can write to, to make your voice heard.

God at Work in Unlikely Places

Greg Paul, a pastor in an inner city community, reminds us that we are called to humbly embrace that we are the beloved.

Modelling Repentance

Bruxy Cavey challenges the tendency of the Christian community to organize mainly for prohibition and calls us a lifestyle of repentance.

Campolo: Gay Issues in the Church

Campolo highlights questions youth are asking regarding gay issues in the church.

Online Relating

Bridging the Gap panel discuss the realities of relating online and share helpful insight.

A Question of Corinthians Part 2

As I head into the second post examining the implications of 1 Corinthians 5 on how Christians who disagree with each other on the issue of homosexuality should treat one another I want to make one thing abundantly clear: I do not claim to have "the answer" to the question at hand. I do not claim the kind of authority that would allow me to even attempt such a thing, but as a follower of Christ I am sharing my ideas with other believers in the hope that we will continue to wrestle with this passage. I think that one of the greatest dangers in approaching a passage like this is to blithely assume you know what it means, and in that confidence dismiss it. This happens on all sides of the debate, with people either "explaining it away" on the one hand, or assuming they know what it means on the other hand so that they don't have to think about the further implications because to them it is just about "that one thing."

It is our natural human tendency to want nicely packaged resolution to things. It makes life much more convenient if we have the answer and then put it to mind, but I believe that part of "meditating on scripture day and night" is leaving space to continue to learn and grow as I learn new things from a passage throughout my life. In keeping my mind open and continuing to wrestle I am not waffling so that I never have to make a choice on things, rather I am staying open to what the Spirit is showing me today, that I did not catch the last time I looked at this.

So the following is not so much an answer to the "Question of Corinthians" but rather a set of questions that the Spirit has been using to challenge me as I wrestle with this passage. I hope that you will gain benefit from it as well.

1. The Question of Consistency

Several of the people who commented on the first half of this post noted that Christians have tended to focus on the fact that the passage does not just focus on the issue of sexual immorality, but also lists idolatry, greed, drunkenness, and swindlers as those we should not eat with. The issue of greed came up in particular, with people debating what constitutes a person being greedy, and several people noting that much of the world would consider our Western lifestyles horribly greedy. Why I have never heard a sermon warning me not to eat with greedy people? What about Slanderers? I don't think I have even heard a definition of the word in a sermon, let alone exposition on what it means to avoid them. If sexual immorality is so clear, why are these other issues treated so differently? Even within the wide definition of sexual immorality there is a huge gap what Christians agree on. Why do we treat divorce and remarriage so differently from homosexuality? Does that mean we loosen our views on homosexuality or tighten them on other issues? What would it look like if we did?

2. The Question of Discernment

What role does discernment of the individual case as hand should go into how I apply this scripture? It seems as Jesus confronted the Pharisees one of his frequent critiques was that the applied rules without understanding the point behind them, and ended up missing the point. What is the point of Paul's pronouncement here? Since this is in response to a particular case, when does it apply and when does it not? Is there a difference between approving of homosexuality and bragging about incest. It is interesting to me that individual in question was using Scripture to back up his actions? Did he sincerely believe what he was doing was okay? Does that make a difference? How far does one have to go before the church should put them out? If someone things rated R movies are okay, and another doesn't do we put them out too? Is the point of church discipline the restoration of the brother or maintaining God and the Church's holiness?

These questions are ones that i have particularly grappled with, and as I have tried to discern a way forward have come to the following: the heart of the person involved is a key question. I have had friends who when coming to this issue have basically gone "this is so hard, I am going to change my beliefs so I can get what I want." The interesting thing about this is that while they often protest they are following God still, their attitude is reflected on other issues. I remember telling one friend I talked with "I understand people disagree on the issue of homosexuality, but you are sleeping with multiple partners, some of who are married! I think you are making excuses at this point!" On the other hand I look at friends of mine like Justin Lee (who is featured on the DVD) who even as their views on homosexuality have changed have sacrificed greatly to uphold the Christian beliefs of chastity, faithfulness and sexual purity. Although I still disagree with many things with Justin, having got to know him and his heart to follow Christ I feel confident continuing to work and minister with him. I certainly would have no compunction about eating a meal with him. With my other friend while I have not cut him out of my life, the difference in heart has led to alot of strain on our friendship as my refusal to approve of his actions has caused him to reject me.

The other thing that really sticks with me as I wrestle with this passage is that if the purpose of excommunication is to bring a brother to repentance, why I have I never seen it have that result in my many friends who have been thrown out of the church? What I have seen instead is that those who are hard hearted just leave, and those who still care about God find other churches that agree with them, or stay on the outskirts of the church. They want to be part of the body but will not compromise their integrity of belief simply to be let back into community. Are they the same as the example in Corinthians? Should they be handled the same way? Does church discipline work different when you have millions of believers in a city instead of a handful?

3. The Question of Assumptions

One of the things that struck me most when I read the comments on the last post is how people often start at a totally different place than me. I was particularly intrigued by the one poster who immediately linked "eating together" with the Lord's Table. This is not a connection I would ever have made on my own, and do not know that I agree with it yet...but I started to ask why they made that connection, and why it never occurred to me. I am guessing that it has a lot to do with the differences in the denominations in which we circulate. I tend to come from a denomination that does not put huge emphasis on communion (as we call it) though we practice it. But when I mentioned this to a friend who grew up in a church where the Eucharist (a term I never even heard growing up) is central to church life they immediately saw a connection there.

In another comment someone talked about reading Paul versus reading Jesus, and immediately my conservative evangelical side kicked in and went "that's not a valid point..all Scripture is God breathed..." often these discussions bog down because we are not really arguing about homosexuality or whatever else, we are arguing about principles of interpretation. So what assumptions am I bringing to the text that blind me to what the Spirit is telling me? How has my context shaped me to hear and how has it shaped me to overlook important things? What are the read divides? What are the valid critiques that those who disagree with me see clearly that I am likely to ignore?

Like I said, I do not have the final answer to all of these questions. As I encounter more and more people who disagree with me on this issue I am trying to listen to the Spirit and discern on how I should interact with each of them. I continue to ask what is helpful to them, to the church, and what Christ wants to do in this situation. I have had those I have had to set boundaries on. There are others that I embrace as brothers and sisters in Christ and do not apologize for doing so. But I do not want dismiss this passage. I believe God is alive and speaking through Scripture and so I continue to wrestle with this passage but alone and with other believers as I continue to follow Christ. Thank you all for being a small part of that and I look forward to continuing to wrestle with you.

Breaking Judgments of Gay People

Bruxy Cavey calls us to break down pre-judgments and stereotypes about gay people.

Empathy in the midst of the Divide

Brian McLaren shares the story of his grandfather and the ways we embody systemic injustice. He reminds us to live in the Spirit of Christ.

A Question of Corinthians Part 1 by Brian Pengelly

As I talk across Canada, sharing my passion for bridging the gap between the church and the LGBT community I have been surprised at how positively I have been received. There is a sense that the Church is ready to begin to face this issue, and many of the evangelical Christians I know have a sense that what they church has been doing is not right, but they are not quite sure what they should be doing instead. As they grapple with the many questions that come up, one that seems to consistently be a challenge is how to relate to LGBT individuals who claim to be Christians. I have lost count of the times when Christians have told me stories about how they have non Christian friends who are gay who they relate to well, but when faced by a Christian who is gay the rules change, and they feel free to treat them rudely, or cut them entirely out of their lives.

The reason for this usually comes down to 1 Corinthians 5:9-11. The verses state:

"I have written you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people­ not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat."

The logic here flows like this: "The Bible teaches that homosexuality is sexually immoral, therefore anyone who claims to be gay and acts on it should be put out of the church, and Christians should refuse to associate with them in any way."

Many Christians that I have worked with over the years find themselves trapped between their internal sense that cutting their friends and family members out of their lives is not the right thing to do, and yet at the same time want to be obedient to Scripture. Others seem to use these verses as an excuse to not have to deal with the challenges of loving people they disagree with, or worse yet to treat LGBT people in disrespectful ways.

I know my Side A friends shake their heads and go "Obviously this verse doesn't apply because there is nothing immoral about gay sexual relationships!" but for those who are Side B navigating friendships with those within the church this verse can be a major stumbling block.

Later this week I will post my thoughts on this verse, but i am interested to read how others have understood this verse. How do you understand this verse? Does it mean that Side B and Side A Christians can't ever work together?

Walking in Step with the Holy Spirit

Wendy Gritter points to the complexity of sexual identity and the great need to address our own issues of anxiety before responding to an individual asking questions of faith and sexuality.

Putting Skin on the Issue by Brian Pengelly

When I go around to talk to youth groups I have learned over the years not to start with "Hi my name is Brian, and I'm gay!" The issue of homosexuality is one that Christians have learned to be defensive about and as soon as the hear "The G word" many of them put up a mental barrier or distrust that makes it hard to get them to challenge any of their presuppositions. So when I am talking to church groups I instead start with a bunch of humorous stories about what it was like growing up in church.
In many ways this portion of my talk resembles a stand up comedy routine but it tends to gain the attention of the audience and more importantly it builds a feeling of commonality and familiarity. When I get people laughing about the stress of getting ready for church, or how silly Sunday School songs are when you stop and think about them then they begin to identify with me. There is something that happens where the audience goes "He is one of us! He understands us!" which allows me to bypass some of the defenses of people, so that when I get to the part of the story where I say "and then I realized I was gay" it changes their assumptions about gay people. It allows them to feel that gay people are REAL people like them, rather than "those people out there". Once this has happened, getting them to think about how they treat gay people, and whether that honors God or not is much easier to do.

Often in evangelical circles there is a feeling that when dealing with the issue of homosexuality the way to best follow God is to keep people's stories out of it, and just focus on "what scripture says". However as I was recently rereading through the gospels it struck me that this was the opposite of what Jesus did. In Matthew 12 Jesus is confronted because his disciples who were hungry were plucking grain and eating it, which was against the Sabbath law. Jesus doesn't defend them by explaining that what they are doing is lawful, he reminds the Pharisees how David also broke the law by eating the temple bread. Jesus's then quotes Hosea 6:6 which says "I desire mercy not sacrifice". By ignoring stories we keep people in the safely theoretical space. But people's stories matters to God. Their circumstances, their pain, their experiences are all known by Him, and he cares about them. The debate about homosexuality that rages on in the church can never be allowed to be a war of ideas...it is about people.

When people of whatever stripe allow themselves to dehumanize those who disagree with them, to make those people into an "other" that they do not have to care about the same way they care about those that agree with them, we they lose the heart of God. This is why it is so important for us to make the effort to befriend those we disagree with , it helps us to remember that other people are people with loves and lives, challenges and circumstances beyond the issue that we disagree on. It helps us see people as more than people we disagree with, but as co-bearers of the image of Christ, just like us.

So as you encounter people who you disagree with, whatever side you are on, take time to get to know them. Listen to their stories. Get to know their families and communities. Ask what circumstances and experiences have shaped them into the person they are now. After all, how do you love someone if you don't even know who they really are?

Befriending 'Outsiders'

Bruxy Cavey points to the example of Paul engage the people of Athens as a model for Christians to engage those outside of the church with eyes to see where God is already at work.

Differing Graciously

Brian McLaren describes the tension many Christians feel who have gay loved ones.

Responding to the Tel Aviv shootings by Brian Pengelly

While I was enjoying a relaxing long weekend camping with friends in the Catskills an unidentified person walked into a LGBT support group in Tel Aviv Israel and opened fire with an M-16. Two people were killed and 15 others wounded. I didn’t get the news until this morning when I sat down to my laptop to catch up on email and blogs that I read on a regular basis.

As I read the news, a lot of different feelings warred inside me: anger, fear, sadness, and frustration all came up in a rush. In my head I began building an idea of who would do such a thing. I went over all the times I had been bullied or felt excluded and began building connections in my mind. I wondered why other Christians I knew hadn’t said anything about this and wondered what it meant about them.

Then I remembered another shooting. A little over ten years ago I was a young youth worker fresh out of Bible College when the Columbine shooting happened. The two shooters had worn black trench coats, and were misidentified by some as being goth.

At that time I had been working at building relationships with a number of teens who identified with the “goth” subculture. I remember these students telling me stories about how suddenly they were treated as potential killers by those around them. Many of them were called names, and one friend was even assaulted by others who saw them as “one of those freaks.” The irony of it all was that my friends were some of the gentlest people I had ever met. Many were pacifists who refused to touch weapons, and others were vegan because they could not even countenance violence against animals.

Horrific events like this seem to bring out the part of our human nature that seeks to classify the “other” and to draw away into the safety of “people like us”. We desperately seek for meaning in such events, and try to assure ourselves that something we can do we protect us from such things happening. And in the process these very human reactions can cause us to do a lot of things which can hurt innocents.

As of the time I am writing this we do not know who committed this crime and we do not know why. I would ask all people to be careful about making rash judgements without firm information. If more details do emerge we still need to be careful about the generalizations that we make from them. If the killer turns out to be motivated by hatred of gay people in general we must refrain from transferring that person’s crime onto others who share that person’s nationality, ethnicity, or religion. If it turns out that the shooter was gay that information should not be used by groups to try and prove anything about gay people in general either, or claim that gay relationships are more dangerous.

In the face of such an evil act I believe that the only response is for all of us: gay and straight, people of diverse religions or no religion, liberals and conservatives to commit to working hard to understand each other better. We must commit to defending and respecting each other. We must all speak out against violence whether in its obvious forms such as this shooting, or its more subtle forms that happen a thousand times every day.

But most of all we must resist the temptation to retreat further into “us vs them” thinking. We must not be ruled by fear. Because it is that very thing…the ability to think as another human being as “other” that allows the violence in the first place.