I gleaned a number of thoughts from our Bridging the Gap interviews and prepared a top 10 list for a recent speaking engagement. It isn't THE top 10 list I'm sure - and I hope that others with wisdom and insight will offer additional suggestions in the comments .... but here was my attempt:
Top 10 ways the church can be a safe and welcoming place for those exploring & growing in faith and navigating questions and realities of sexuality:
#10 - Safe communities begin with safe people. Safe people listen well, they are well acquainted with their own struggles, are non-judgmental, and able to navigate disagreements with grace.
Who is safe at your church – and how would a newcomer discover that and have the opportunity to connect?
#9 - Cultivate a realism and understanding of the realities that same-gender attracted and gay people face. Listen well to the gay people you know. There is great diversity within the gay community – generationally, politically, etc. Address stereotypes as they come up in conversation.
#8 - Make room for messy people with messy lives. “No perfect people allowed”. Be a place where leadership are transparent about their struggles. Be a confessional community.
#7 - Commit to non- patronizing pastoral care. No one wants to be the “token troubled Christian.” Remember: “No one needs the grace of Christ more than I do”
#6 – Be a place of rest for the lonely. Psalm 68:6 “God sets the lonely in families”
#5 – Deconstruct the notion of a “big scary gay agenda” and discern between matters of justice that you know are consistent with godly principles and can support – and potential efforts to coerce a uniformity that doesn’t give space for matters of conscience.
#4 - Those who are mature take the lead in calling out motivations of fear and anxiety – and in so doing creating a generous place that isn’t controlling ….. affecting things from appearance, to ideas, to behaviour …… Mature people in the community remind us to humbly entrust people to Christ and the conviction of the Spirit.
#3 – Look for opportunities to speak out against injustice and violence – and find creative ways to link hands through service with gay people in the city.
#2 – Build relationships with gay affirming churches in your neighbourhood.
#1 - Be intentional about opportunities to speak words of welcome and inclusion – and be swift to address language that alienates. Dismantle any sense of “us & them”.
Showing posts with label safe church. Show all posts
Showing posts with label safe church. Show all posts
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
addressing background baggage....
One really can’t speak about “bridging the gap” between evangelical Christians and gay people without addressing the perceptions and misunderstandings surrounding ex-gay ministries. Now, some would say that we (New Direction) have no business even raising the question, given that we are a para-church organization focused on sexual identity. Some would say that we perpetuate the issues.
It may seem to be splitting hairs, though I would prefer to think of it as simply our attempt to chart our own distinct course forward, but New Direction seeks to move beyond the ex-gay label. The term ex-gay has some baggage to be sure.
Anthony Venn-Brown in this blog post asks 20 questions of ex-gay leaders. In his questions, one gets a sense of some of the complaint / critique against ex-gay leaders / ministries that continues to foster a divide. If you are a Christian with a heart to befriend your gay neighbour you will do well to acquaint yourself with some of this context. It may be behind some of the cynicism that you may encounter. I would submit that there is some learning to be had here – and hope that those who hold a more traditional view of sexual ethics will humble themselves and take the time to listen and digest.
Anthony’s questions do seem to presuppose that an ex-gay leader is male and same-gender attracted and likely now married to a woman. I suppose it is apt then, as New Direction tries to move beyond the ex-gay descriptor and be effective and useful in briding the gap, that as its leader I am not male, not same-gender attracted ….. and not married to a woman :)
Given that this is the case, I simply can’t respond to some of Anthony’s penetrating personal questions. However, I thought I’d take a stab at some of the others.
1. Do you know of anyone who was completely gay (not a bisexual) who has become completely heterosexual?
I’m not certain I would have any way of knowing if someone was completely gay and not bisexual. Likewise, I’m not certain I would have any way of knowing if someone had become completely heterosexual. It seems to me that at some level both realities are personal and subjective. While I have come to know sga people who report very fulfilling marriages with their opposite gender spouse (including their sexual relationship), most that I know personally are also honest and authentic about the reality of a sense of vulnerability in attractions to their own gender. At New Direction we try to foster a space where people can be honest without a sense of shame or of not measuring up. We’re comfortable with the reality that people experience diverse sexual attractions and seek to focus on encouraging people to live consistently with their beliefs and values. We recognize that ex-gay ministries have seemed to be deceptive when they put on a pedestal those who claim to have gone from gay to straight. We recognize that it has seemed the amount of healing has been exaggerated or that when asked direct questions about residual sga, responses have been evasive or misleading. In response, New Direction commits to sharing honest and authentic stories. We caution Christians to not project aspects of one person’s testimony onto every gay person they meet. And we choose to focus on an individual’s faith journey over and above their sexual orientation.
8. Even though it may not have been your experience, do you think it is possible to be gay and live in a long term, monogamous relationship?
We understand that gay people have been often been lumped together and mischaracterized. This has contributed to the divide. I do think it is possible for someone to be gay and live in a long term, monogamous relationship. The breakdown of relationships is sad reality that is common to the human condition. There are promiscuous gay people and there are promiscuous straight people. We don’t find it helpful to speak of the gay lifestyle – because for 100 gay people you may well encounter 100 different lifestyles. We encourage people to get to know each individual personally before making assumptions about their beliefs and values or the manner in which they live their life.
16. When Exodus commenced three decades ago everyone believed that you had to change your sexual orientation in order to be a Christian. Considering that there are now 100,000’s of gay Christians who have come out, live moral lives, have a strong faith and believe that God loves them just as they are, hasn’t your “ex-gay” message become redundant and obsolete?
I don’t believe that a same-gender attracted person must change their orientation to be a Christian and I do believe that God’s love is unconditional for all people. At the same time, there continue to be same-gender attracted people who believe that it is not God’s will for them to express their same-gender attraction in a sexual relationship. It is in support of these men and women that a ministry like New Direction seeks to serve. Part of that support is working to create safe places within the Christian community for them to be honest and authentic about their experiences with sga. Part of that support is helping them work through experiences of shame or fear, past hurts, patterns of addictive behaviour, and building a strong network of healthy, intimate friendships.
19. Considering the majority of “ex-gay” ministries reject the growing scientific evidence that same-sex-orientation happens prenatally through both genetic and hormonal influences, how do you respond to those who are born with gender or genital ambiguities which is obviously biological?
I seek to take a humble approach to the science around causation. We really don’t know all the details about the complex factors that may play a role in predisposing someone to experience same-gender attraction. At this point, the science around prenatal factors is compelling, though inconclusive in pinpointing determination.
I am deeply humbled by the complex realities facing intersexed individuals. My response is rooted in relationship where I seek to listen, love and serve the individual where they’re at. If invited, I would seek to gently explore beliefs, values and the implications of faith in experiencing love and intimacy in relationship. In a similar manner, I am humbled by the realities of individuals navigating transgender issues.
My prayer is that as followers of Jesus have the opportunity to engage in relationship with individuals facing these realities, we will embody the gentle, discernment of the Good Shepherd.
It may seem to be splitting hairs, though I would prefer to think of it as simply our attempt to chart our own distinct course forward, but New Direction seeks to move beyond the ex-gay label. The term ex-gay has some baggage to be sure.
Anthony Venn-Brown in this blog post asks 20 questions of ex-gay leaders. In his questions, one gets a sense of some of the complaint / critique against ex-gay leaders / ministries that continues to foster a divide. If you are a Christian with a heart to befriend your gay neighbour you will do well to acquaint yourself with some of this context. It may be behind some of the cynicism that you may encounter. I would submit that there is some learning to be had here – and hope that those who hold a more traditional view of sexual ethics will humble themselves and take the time to listen and digest.
Anthony’s questions do seem to presuppose that an ex-gay leader is male and same-gender attracted and likely now married to a woman. I suppose it is apt then, as New Direction tries to move beyond the ex-gay descriptor and be effective and useful in briding the gap, that as its leader I am not male, not same-gender attracted ….. and not married to a woman :)
Given that this is the case, I simply can’t respond to some of Anthony’s penetrating personal questions. However, I thought I’d take a stab at some of the others.
1. Do you know of anyone who was completely gay (not a bisexual) who has become completely heterosexual?
I’m not certain I would have any way of knowing if someone was completely gay and not bisexual. Likewise, I’m not certain I would have any way of knowing if someone had become completely heterosexual. It seems to me that at some level both realities are personal and subjective. While I have come to know sga people who report very fulfilling marriages with their opposite gender spouse (including their sexual relationship), most that I know personally are also honest and authentic about the reality of a sense of vulnerability in attractions to their own gender. At New Direction we try to foster a space where people can be honest without a sense of shame or of not measuring up. We’re comfortable with the reality that people experience diverse sexual attractions and seek to focus on encouraging people to live consistently with their beliefs and values. We recognize that ex-gay ministries have seemed to be deceptive when they put on a pedestal those who claim to have gone from gay to straight. We recognize that it has seemed the amount of healing has been exaggerated or that when asked direct questions about residual sga, responses have been evasive or misleading. In response, New Direction commits to sharing honest and authentic stories. We caution Christians to not project aspects of one person’s testimony onto every gay person they meet. And we choose to focus on an individual’s faith journey over and above their sexual orientation.
8. Even though it may not have been your experience, do you think it is possible to be gay and live in a long term, monogamous relationship?
We understand that gay people have been often been lumped together and mischaracterized. This has contributed to the divide. I do think it is possible for someone to be gay and live in a long term, monogamous relationship. The breakdown of relationships is sad reality that is common to the human condition. There are promiscuous gay people and there are promiscuous straight people. We don’t find it helpful to speak of the gay lifestyle – because for 100 gay people you may well encounter 100 different lifestyles. We encourage people to get to know each individual personally before making assumptions about their beliefs and values or the manner in which they live their life.
16. When Exodus commenced three decades ago everyone believed that you had to change your sexual orientation in order to be a Christian. Considering that there are now 100,000’s of gay Christians who have come out, live moral lives, have a strong faith and believe that God loves them just as they are, hasn’t your “ex-gay” message become redundant and obsolete?
I don’t believe that a same-gender attracted person must change their orientation to be a Christian and I do believe that God’s love is unconditional for all people. At the same time, there continue to be same-gender attracted people who believe that it is not God’s will for them to express their same-gender attraction in a sexual relationship. It is in support of these men and women that a ministry like New Direction seeks to serve. Part of that support is working to create safe places within the Christian community for them to be honest and authentic about their experiences with sga. Part of that support is helping them work through experiences of shame or fear, past hurts, patterns of addictive behaviour, and building a strong network of healthy, intimate friendships.
19. Considering the majority of “ex-gay” ministries reject the growing scientific evidence that same-sex-orientation happens prenatally through both genetic and hormonal influences, how do you respond to those who are born with gender or genital ambiguities which is obviously biological?
I seek to take a humble approach to the science around causation. We really don’t know all the details about the complex factors that may play a role in predisposing someone to experience same-gender attraction. At this point, the science around prenatal factors is compelling, though inconclusive in pinpointing determination.
I am deeply humbled by the complex realities facing intersexed individuals. My response is rooted in relationship where I seek to listen, love and serve the individual where they’re at. If invited, I would seek to gently explore beliefs, values and the implications of faith in experiencing love and intimacy in relationship. In a similar manner, I am humbled by the realities of individuals navigating transgender issues.
My prayer is that as followers of Jesus have the opportunity to engage in relationship with individuals facing these realities, we will embody the gentle, discernment of the Good Shepherd.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Vulnerability and Hiddenness
I’ve been pondering the power of vulnerability. Seems like an oxymoron doesn’t it? In fact, having shared some honest vulnerability with others recently, it seems quite apparent that some, if not many, view vulnerability as weakness and something to be avoided. Someone told me they were embarrassed by my vulnerability. Another said I had weak boundaries and that I was being manipulative by sharing so personally. Others just quoted bible verses to quiet the deep, personal questions I was wrestling with. Such hurtful reactions make you want to just shut up and not risk opening yourself up again. But….. as I ponder and reflect on the value of vulnerability, I feel compelled to continue to risk.
Being real simply seems non-negotiable to me. Not that I propose people spilling their guts about every little thing at all times. Don’t misunderstand me – I have Cloud and Townsend’s copy of “Boundaries” close by on my bookshelf. But like I John 1:7 reminds us, “If we are living in the light, as God is in the light, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from all sin.” I want to live in the light – I don’t want to pretend I’m better than I am, I don’t want to worry that if I slip up and let someone see what I’m really like I’ll be rejected, and I don’t want to have to “fake it till I make it”. My mentors remind me that not everyone can handle the “what you see is what you get” approach. That’s true. We all need discernment about what to share and when. But I think there is something life-giving and good about wanting to be known – warts and all – and experience being accepted.
Baxter Kruger says, “Genuine acceptance removes fear and hiding, and creates freedom to know and to be known. In this freedom arises a fellowship and sharing so honest and open and real that the persons involved dwell in one another. There is union without loss of individual identity. When one weeps, the other tastes salt. It is only in the Triune relationship of Father, Son and Spirit that personal relationship of this order exists, and the early Church used the word ‘perichoresis’ to describe it. The good news is that Jesus Christ has drawn us within this relationship, and its fullness and life are to be played out in each of us and in all creation.”
To know and be known is so core to being truly human, truly alive. But to be known means that we have to risk revealing who we really are.
In my work with New Direction I encounter a great deal of fear and anxiety. I encounter a lot of people doing a lot of hiding. In so many different ways I see the damaging, dehumanizing effects of this fear and hiddenness. And something in this idealistic heart of mine says, “That’s not the way it is supposed to be!” IF we really knew how to love ~ we wouldn’t need to hide from each other. IF we really knew how to be accepting ~ we wouldn’t need to invest so much energy into protecting ourselves. Ever since Adam and Eve first sinned, we humans have hidden ourselves. But IF we were really caught up in the relational reality of Father, Son and Holy Spirit we would encounter such a safe, radical place of love and acceptance that we, too, could open our hearts to love and accept with the largeness and generosity we see in God.
When I hide my true self, my vulnerability ~ I have to wonder if it is because I have not fully experienced the love of God. And when I risk exposing my true self, my vulnerability ~ I have to hope that it flows out from that place of being Loved by the Father (and not some manipulative place of neediness). The test of course, is how I react when the offering of the gift of my vulnerability is met with rejection, shame and judgment. Boy that sucks. But it is a pretty good test of how grounded, secure and known I am in the love of God. Do I want to snap back with a judgment? Do I want to “knock them down a peg or two”? (When faced with a hurt or stressor my typical response is ‘fight’ rather than ‘flight’)
When I consider Jesus I see Someone who chose to embody vulnerability. The Incarnation has vulnerability written all over it. And in this place of vulnerability he encountered rejection, shame and judgment ….. and he resisted both ‘flight’ and ‘fight’. He stayed present ~ completely secure in the love and acceptance and indwelling of the Father and Spirit. That is so where I want to be (though I so quickly fall short).
“And when you come before God… here’s what I want you to do: Find a quiet, secluded place where you won’t be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God and you will begin to sense his grace.” Matthew 6: 5-6 the Message
I just re-read this article about men on the ‘down-low’ in Black and Latino communities. I read Christine’s account of her Pride participation. I sat with a ministry colleague who is a married wife and mother seeking to disentangle herself from an affair with a woman. And these themes of vulnerability and hiddenness grip me.
There is a common sentiment in the Christian community that goes something like this, “There aren’t any homosexual people, there are only heterosexual people with a homosexual problem.” While I see multiple challenges with this statement, to me one of the significant ones is the hiddenness it perpetuates. “Don’t own the reality that you experience same-gender attraction – because it is just a ‘problem’ and you just need to deal with it.” “Don’t reveal that vulnerable place where it just feels like this is part of who you are – because that just perpetuates this ‘problem’ and will keep you from emerging into your true heterosexuality.”
I was recently invited to review some policy statements that a denomination is working on. The policy on homosexual conduct carried an undertone of resentment, hostility and fear towards gay people. It seemed to be far more concerned with who was “out” rather than who could be invited “in”. And I groaned under the weight of how to even begin to address such systemic attitudes. “Couldn’t they see that any same-gender attracted person reading these policy statements, even those agreeing with the basic theological beliefs about sexual ethics, would feel compelled to stay hidden, to never share the vulnerable and intimate realities they experience?”
I want to be a safe person – who offers and receives the gift of vulnerability. I want to be a safe person – because through me, I want my gay friends to encounter a safe place in the embrace of God. The God who chooses to reveal himself through vulnerability. The God who offers the kind of genuine acceptance that dispels fear and hiddenness. The God who allows us the grace and strength to stay present – open to his love – even in the face of rejection, shame and judgment from others.
Being real simply seems non-negotiable to me. Not that I propose people spilling their guts about every little thing at all times. Don’t misunderstand me – I have Cloud and Townsend’s copy of “Boundaries” close by on my bookshelf. But like I John 1:7 reminds us, “If we are living in the light, as God is in the light, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from all sin.” I want to live in the light – I don’t want to pretend I’m better than I am, I don’t want to worry that if I slip up and let someone see what I’m really like I’ll be rejected, and I don’t want to have to “fake it till I make it”. My mentors remind me that not everyone can handle the “what you see is what you get” approach. That’s true. We all need discernment about what to share and when. But I think there is something life-giving and good about wanting to be known – warts and all – and experience being accepted.
Baxter Kruger says, “Genuine acceptance removes fear and hiding, and creates freedom to know and to be known. In this freedom arises a fellowship and sharing so honest and open and real that the persons involved dwell in one another. There is union without loss of individual identity. When one weeps, the other tastes salt. It is only in the Triune relationship of Father, Son and Spirit that personal relationship of this order exists, and the early Church used the word ‘perichoresis’ to describe it. The good news is that Jesus Christ has drawn us within this relationship, and its fullness and life are to be played out in each of us and in all creation.”
To know and be known is so core to being truly human, truly alive. But to be known means that we have to risk revealing who we really are.
In my work with New Direction I encounter a great deal of fear and anxiety. I encounter a lot of people doing a lot of hiding. In so many different ways I see the damaging, dehumanizing effects of this fear and hiddenness. And something in this idealistic heart of mine says, “That’s not the way it is supposed to be!” IF we really knew how to love ~ we wouldn’t need to hide from each other. IF we really knew how to be accepting ~ we wouldn’t need to invest so much energy into protecting ourselves. Ever since Adam and Eve first sinned, we humans have hidden ourselves. But IF we were really caught up in the relational reality of Father, Son and Holy Spirit we would encounter such a safe, radical place of love and acceptance that we, too, could open our hearts to love and accept with the largeness and generosity we see in God.
When I hide my true self, my vulnerability ~ I have to wonder if it is because I have not fully experienced the love of God. And when I risk exposing my true self, my vulnerability ~ I have to hope that it flows out from that place of being Loved by the Father (and not some manipulative place of neediness). The test of course, is how I react when the offering of the gift of my vulnerability is met with rejection, shame and judgment. Boy that sucks. But it is a pretty good test of how grounded, secure and known I am in the love of God. Do I want to snap back with a judgment? Do I want to “knock them down a peg or two”? (When faced with a hurt or stressor my typical response is ‘fight’ rather than ‘flight’)
When I consider Jesus I see Someone who chose to embody vulnerability. The Incarnation has vulnerability written all over it. And in this place of vulnerability he encountered rejection, shame and judgment ….. and he resisted both ‘flight’ and ‘fight’. He stayed present ~ completely secure in the love and acceptance and indwelling of the Father and Spirit. That is so where I want to be (though I so quickly fall short).
“And when you come before God… here’s what I want you to do: Find a quiet, secluded place where you won’t be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God and you will begin to sense his grace.” Matthew 6: 5-6 the Message
I just re-read this article about men on the ‘down-low’ in Black and Latino communities. I read Christine’s account of her Pride participation. I sat with a ministry colleague who is a married wife and mother seeking to disentangle herself from an affair with a woman. And these themes of vulnerability and hiddenness grip me.
There is a common sentiment in the Christian community that goes something like this, “There aren’t any homosexual people, there are only heterosexual people with a homosexual problem.” While I see multiple challenges with this statement, to me one of the significant ones is the hiddenness it perpetuates. “Don’t own the reality that you experience same-gender attraction – because it is just a ‘problem’ and you just need to deal with it.” “Don’t reveal that vulnerable place where it just feels like this is part of who you are – because that just perpetuates this ‘problem’ and will keep you from emerging into your true heterosexuality.”
I was recently invited to review some policy statements that a denomination is working on. The policy on homosexual conduct carried an undertone of resentment, hostility and fear towards gay people. It seemed to be far more concerned with who was “out” rather than who could be invited “in”. And I groaned under the weight of how to even begin to address such systemic attitudes. “Couldn’t they see that any same-gender attracted person reading these policy statements, even those agreeing with the basic theological beliefs about sexual ethics, would feel compelled to stay hidden, to never share the vulnerable and intimate realities they experience?”
I want to be a safe person – who offers and receives the gift of vulnerability. I want to be a safe person – because through me, I want my gay friends to encounter a safe place in the embrace of God. The God who chooses to reveal himself through vulnerability. The God who offers the kind of genuine acceptance that dispels fear and hiddenness. The God who allows us the grace and strength to stay present – open to his love – even in the face of rejection, shame and judgment from others.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Risk Engaging the Conversation
The Windy City Times recently report on a meeting between members of SoulForce and Bill Hybels and others from Willow Creek Church. For those of you who may not be familiar with SoulForce, they are a national civil-rights and social-justice organization seeking freedom for LGBT people from religious and political oppression. SoulForce, in an initiative called “American Family Outing”, have been visiting mega-churches in the U.S. including: Joel Osteen and Lakewood Church in Houston, The Potter's House (Bishop T.D. Jakes – Senior Pastor) in Dallas, Bishop Harry Jackson and Hope Christian Church outside Washington, D.C., Bishop Eddie Long and New Birth Missionary Baptist Church near Atlanta, Bill Hybels and Willow Creek Community Church near Chicago, and Rick Warren and Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, California. The purpose of these visits is to share “the power of love, commitment and dedication” of lgbt families with these influential church communities.
Of their visit to Willow Creek, SoulForce Executive Director, Jeff Lutes, said, “This was about making connections—person-to-person and family-to-family—and I think we did that. I respect Willow Creek for having the courage and the willingness to really have a meaningful conversation about this. You can't really have honest, healthy conversation with somebody that you don't know or trust or you might fear just because they're unknown.”
The power of conversations. The power of personal connection. The power of relational engagement. I couldn’t agree more.
Lutes went on to say that he asked Bill Hybels if he would take up the challenge of speaking out more clearly on behalf of lgbt people. He said, “Even though there’s still distance between that position and our totally gay-affirming position, there’s still a lot he could do in terms of leadership on things that would create a lot more safety and protection for our community.”
That reminded me of an exchange Michael Bussee, a gay Christian, and I had on Throckmorton’s blog:
Michael: Here’s my point. Although we may disgree on the science and endlessly debate other aspects of the “gay issue”, at the very heart of this entire discussion is the basic theological question — “will unrepentant gays inheriit the kingdom of God”? Some say yes and some say no. This is the great divide. How can we “build bridges” over such a gap? Perhaps we can agree that God loves us all. Pehaps we can agree that only God makes the final judgement. Perhaps we can agree that gays should not be mistreated, beaten or killed. But that may be all.
Wendy: In some corners of the Christian community this would be a huge leap forward don’t you think? It may be only a ’start’…. but if we bridged that gap just maybe hearts would be softened and much more open to the ongoing whisper of the Spirit as we engage in authentic friendships. That is my prayer.
Michael: Wendy; You asked: “In some corners of the Christian community this would be a huge leap forward don’t you think?” Yup, it would be.
In the Windy Times article, both Jay Bakker and another SoulForce member refer to their hope that the gap between Willow Creek (calling same-gender attracted people to live chaste lives) and SoulForce (fully affirming of gay marriage) would eventually disappear.
It begs the question, “Is that the only option to have any Christ-like impact on the reality of same-gender attracted people?”
At New Direction we’re trying to forge a new way forward.
We do hope to be part of dismantling the sense of enmity that so often resides between lgbt people and the church.
We do hope to be part of dismantling attitudes and actions that demean and hurt and alienate lgbt people.
We hope to challenge the church to be a safer place for those who wrestle, question, or embrace diverse sexual identities.
We hope the church will become much more courageous and innovative in honouring single people, in creating space for intimate community and relationships, and in nurturing a sense of family and belonging for all people.
And we hope that Christ-followers, like Bill Hybels, will enter the conversation, to take the time to listen and relate with their gay neighbours.
That means taking risks. Risking challenging the status quo. Risking being misunderstood, judged and/or written off.
But real people are worth it – more than worth it.
Lutes expressed that he “respected Willow Creek for having the courage and the willingness to really have a meaningful conversation”
I do too.
Since SoulForce expressed some concern over some of the ministry resources that Willow Creek had on their website for those dealing with same-gender attraction, I’d like to offer New Direction’s resources to Willow Creek.
I know we’re not where SoulForce would like us to be – we don’t fully affirm gay marriage. Rather, it seems that Willow Creek and New Direction are at a similar place theologically as we continue to look to the creation account in Genesis and see in the complementarity of male and female that God created an ongoing imperative for boundaries in sexual relationships.
But I do hope that we are embodying a fresh courage, relational perspective, open willingness to engage and commitment to justice that will “create more safety and protection” for lgbt people.
In that safe place, might same-gender attracted people know that they are deeply loved by God and invited to experience fullness of life in relationship with Him.
(hat tip: www.exgaywatch.com)
Of their visit to Willow Creek, SoulForce Executive Director, Jeff Lutes, said, “This was about making connections—person-to-person and family-to-family—and I think we did that. I respect Willow Creek for having the courage and the willingness to really have a meaningful conversation about this. You can't really have honest, healthy conversation with somebody that you don't know or trust or you might fear just because they're unknown.”
The power of conversations. The power of personal connection. The power of relational engagement. I couldn’t agree more.
Lutes went on to say that he asked Bill Hybels if he would take up the challenge of speaking out more clearly on behalf of lgbt people. He said, “Even though there’s still distance between that position and our totally gay-affirming position, there’s still a lot he could do in terms of leadership on things that would create a lot more safety and protection for our community.”
That reminded me of an exchange Michael Bussee, a gay Christian, and I had on Throckmorton’s blog:
Michael: Here’s my point. Although we may disgree on the science and endlessly debate other aspects of the “gay issue”, at the very heart of this entire discussion is the basic theological question — “will unrepentant gays inheriit the kingdom of God”? Some say yes and some say no. This is the great divide. How can we “build bridges” over such a gap? Perhaps we can agree that God loves us all. Pehaps we can agree that only God makes the final judgement. Perhaps we can agree that gays should not be mistreated, beaten or killed. But that may be all.
Wendy: In some corners of the Christian community this would be a huge leap forward don’t you think? It may be only a ’start’…. but if we bridged that gap just maybe hearts would be softened and much more open to the ongoing whisper of the Spirit as we engage in authentic friendships. That is my prayer.
Michael: Wendy; You asked: “In some corners of the Christian community this would be a huge leap forward don’t you think?” Yup, it would be.
In the Windy Times article, both Jay Bakker and another SoulForce member refer to their hope that the gap between Willow Creek (calling same-gender attracted people to live chaste lives) and SoulForce (fully affirming of gay marriage) would eventually disappear.
It begs the question, “Is that the only option to have any Christ-like impact on the reality of same-gender attracted people?”
At New Direction we’re trying to forge a new way forward.
We do hope to be part of dismantling the sense of enmity that so often resides between lgbt people and the church.
We do hope to be part of dismantling attitudes and actions that demean and hurt and alienate lgbt people.
We hope to challenge the church to be a safer place for those who wrestle, question, or embrace diverse sexual identities.
We hope the church will become much more courageous and innovative in honouring single people, in creating space for intimate community and relationships, and in nurturing a sense of family and belonging for all people.
And we hope that Christ-followers, like Bill Hybels, will enter the conversation, to take the time to listen and relate with their gay neighbours.
That means taking risks. Risking challenging the status quo. Risking being misunderstood, judged and/or written off.
But real people are worth it – more than worth it.
Lutes expressed that he “respected Willow Creek for having the courage and the willingness to really have a meaningful conversation”
I do too.
Since SoulForce expressed some concern over some of the ministry resources that Willow Creek had on their website for those dealing with same-gender attraction, I’d like to offer New Direction’s resources to Willow Creek.
I know we’re not where SoulForce would like us to be – we don’t fully affirm gay marriage. Rather, it seems that Willow Creek and New Direction are at a similar place theologically as we continue to look to the creation account in Genesis and see in the complementarity of male and female that God created an ongoing imperative for boundaries in sexual relationships.
But I do hope that we are embodying a fresh courage, relational perspective, open willingness to engage and commitment to justice that will “create more safety and protection” for lgbt people.
In that safe place, might same-gender attracted people know that they are deeply loved by God and invited to experience fullness of life in relationship with Him.
(hat tip: www.exgaywatch.com)
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Creating a safer place....
Yesterday I spent a full day equipping pastors and leaders. Our goal is to help leaders think through how their church can be a safer place for all "limpers". It's always a draining day - for the participants and for me. Change takes a lot of energy. Dealing with mindsets, assumptions and fear is hard work. One pastor yesterday said, "You're stretching us!" To which I replied, "I'm being stretched too."
We like to have nice neat answers. Truth is, mission and ministry are messy. Grace is messy. Relationships, if they're worth their salt, are messy. So when we offer these seminars we let people know right upfront that we're not going to spoonfeed them simple answers - but that we're going to invite them to wrestle with real life situations that require tremendous humility, discernment and love to engage.
Yesterday, I cried in the seminar. I didn't expect to. But as I was sharing stories of the same-gender attracted and gay people I've had the privilege of coming to know, I was just overwhelmed with emotion. After six years of serving with New Direction I am more convinced than ever that the church is impoverished by the absence or the hiding of our same-gender attracted brothers and sisters. Of course, this sense of impoverishment will only be more fully realized as Christ-followers engage in meaningful friendships with their gay neighbours.
So let me give a quick shout-out to the pastors and leaders from yesterday's seminar - your open-heartedness was an encouragement, your willingness to tackle challenging case studies admirable, and your readiness to be stretched a sign of hopefulness as, together, we seek to create a safer place within the Christian community.
-WG
We like to have nice neat answers. Truth is, mission and ministry are messy. Grace is messy. Relationships, if they're worth their salt, are messy. So when we offer these seminars we let people know right upfront that we're not going to spoonfeed them simple answers - but that we're going to invite them to wrestle with real life situations that require tremendous humility, discernment and love to engage.
Yesterday, I cried in the seminar. I didn't expect to. But as I was sharing stories of the same-gender attracted and gay people I've had the privilege of coming to know, I was just overwhelmed with emotion. After six years of serving with New Direction I am more convinced than ever that the church is impoverished by the absence or the hiding of our same-gender attracted brothers and sisters. Of course, this sense of impoverishment will only be more fully realized as Christ-followers engage in meaningful friendships with their gay neighbours.
So let me give a quick shout-out to the pastors and leaders from yesterday's seminar - your open-heartedness was an encouragement, your willingness to tackle challenging case studies admirable, and your readiness to be stretched a sign of hopefulness as, together, we seek to create a safer place within the Christian community.
-WG
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