Below is a letter I wrote in response to an old friend who is committed to living a celibate life. I'm posting an edited version of it because it seems to be a query that I am hearing more and more often...
"I have had conversations with a number of 'side B' same-gender attracted people - those who hold to a conservative understanding of sexual ethics - who have also expressed some frustration / concern with how to interact with 'side A' gay Christians - including the times they find themselves in the same church. This can be a difficult situation - and I can empathize with the different tensions that result.
I think we will increasingly see in the church that homosexuality is viewed as a disputable matter. More and more I think there will be an acceptance of the reality that people of good Christian faith come to different conclusions on this interpretive issue. For myself, I have been stretched a lot in the last number of years. I continue to be influenced and impacted by the Creation account and my sense of God's best intentions for human sexuality. But, like you, I have encountered others who come to different conclusions - and they have a very genuine faith. This disconnect can be anxiety producing and threatening - and this is especially so when it is a personal reality, struggle and journey.
A few things I would offer .....
1. You need to own your convictions. This requires great maturity. You must live your life in alignment with what you really believe to be true - even if you find yourself increasingly faced with others who have made different choices. It is a different situation - but there are some similiarities. I have been married for 14 years. It has often been a very difficult marriage. For a variety of reasons it is often a lonely and painful place - for both of us - despite our best intentions. All around me there are people who are encouraging me to seek a divorce. And I know a lot of divorced Christians who love God, some who have remarried and are very happy in their new marriage. This can cause me to wonder why I should continue to be faithful in my marriage - given some of the hurts that happen. But at the end of the day, I need to make my decision to stay faithful in my marriage based on what my convictions are. And I continue to believe that God will be faithful to us, that he will be sufficient, that suffering is a normal part of the Christian life, that God will help me and provide for me as I stay true to my vows.
2. Be alert to the temptations to bitterness and blaming. This may require great discipline to continue to forgive, release, bless and love others - including the gay couples in your church.
3. Don't be afraid. God is with you. He is leading you. Don't worry about whether you will change your convictions. Don't worry about disappointing God. Don't fear making the wrong decision. When we give energy to worry and fear - the enemy has a foothold. Fear and love are like oil and vinegar. If you spend energy worrying and afraid that you will not be able to maintain a celibate life - you will be distracted from that which will actually strengthen you to stay true to your convictions regardless of what others are doing. What will actually strengthen you in your convictions is to be focused on God's love for you. Instead of being afraid that you will disappoint God if you change your views - focus on the Father's extravagent love for you - no matter what. Even if your views changed, or if you had a same-sex sexual relationship - God the Father loves you. You don't have to be afraid. As you rest in this love, as you refuse to give fear a foothold, you will actually be more free to stay true to your convictions.
4. Be alert to the core temptations common to all humanity. The desert fathers and mothers talked about the 8 bad thoughts as the root of all sin and seperation from God. We often think of them as the 7 deadly sins ..... but I think it is actually more helpful to view them as the 8 temptations. Lust, gluttony, laziness, indifference, pride, greed, envy, anger. I would encourage you to find some helpful and encouraging resources to help you focus on growing in mastery over these temptations. Kathleen Norris has a new book called "Acedia and Me" (acedia is the temptation to 'indifference') .... it is a wonderful read that is practical, encouraging, realistic, and solid. Another very good read is Jean Vanier's "Becoming Human".
5. Stay connected to the people and things that bring you joy.
6. Watch for a rebellious spirit that wants to eradicate suffering. Suffering is a normal part of the Christian life.
7. Nurture a sense of fulfillment in your own spirit from the choices you have made.
8. Watch your own levels of anxiety. Practise good self-care so that anxiety doesn't become a dominating reality.
I share these things, in part, out of my own difficult journey of seeking to remain faithful to what I believe to be true - when many others around me think my staying true is silly or unnecessary or based in fear.
I want my life to be motivated by love - but the reality is that is hard work.
I hope that is somewhat helpful.
It was great to hear from you and I pray that you will experience great shalom in your walk with Christ, your friendships and relationships, in your work and that you will know great joy.
blessings,
wendy
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Top 10 List
I gleaned a number of thoughts from our Bridging the Gap interviews and prepared a top 10 list for a recent speaking engagement. It isn't THE top 10 list I'm sure - and I hope that others with wisdom and insight will offer additional suggestions in the comments .... but here was my attempt:
Top 10 ways the church can be a safe and welcoming place for those exploring & growing in faith and navigating questions and realities of sexuality:
#10 - Safe communities begin with safe people. Safe people listen well, they are well acquainted with their own struggles, are non-judgmental, and able to navigate disagreements with grace.
Who is safe at your church – and how would a newcomer discover that and have the opportunity to connect?
#9 - Cultivate a realism and understanding of the realities that same-gender attracted and gay people face. Listen well to the gay people you know. There is great diversity within the gay community – generationally, politically, etc. Address stereotypes as they come up in conversation.
#8 - Make room for messy people with messy lives. “No perfect people allowed”. Be a place where leadership are transparent about their struggles. Be a confessional community.
#7 - Commit to non- patronizing pastoral care. No one wants to be the “token troubled Christian.” Remember: “No one needs the grace of Christ more than I do”
#6 – Be a place of rest for the lonely. Psalm 68:6 “God sets the lonely in families”
#5 – Deconstruct the notion of a “big scary gay agenda” and discern between matters of justice that you know are consistent with godly principles and can support – and potential efforts to coerce a uniformity that doesn’t give space for matters of conscience.
#4 - Those who are mature take the lead in calling out motivations of fear and anxiety – and in so doing creating a generous place that isn’t controlling ….. affecting things from appearance, to ideas, to behaviour …… Mature people in the community remind us to humbly entrust people to Christ and the conviction of the Spirit.
#3 – Look for opportunities to speak out against injustice and violence – and find creative ways to link hands through service with gay people in the city.
#2 – Build relationships with gay affirming churches in your neighbourhood.
#1 - Be intentional about opportunities to speak words of welcome and inclusion – and be swift to address language that alienates. Dismantle any sense of “us & them”.
Top 10 ways the church can be a safe and welcoming place for those exploring & growing in faith and navigating questions and realities of sexuality:
#10 - Safe communities begin with safe people. Safe people listen well, they are well acquainted with their own struggles, are non-judgmental, and able to navigate disagreements with grace.
Who is safe at your church – and how would a newcomer discover that and have the opportunity to connect?
#9 - Cultivate a realism and understanding of the realities that same-gender attracted and gay people face. Listen well to the gay people you know. There is great diversity within the gay community – generationally, politically, etc. Address stereotypes as they come up in conversation.
#8 - Make room for messy people with messy lives. “No perfect people allowed”. Be a place where leadership are transparent about their struggles. Be a confessional community.
#7 - Commit to non- patronizing pastoral care. No one wants to be the “token troubled Christian.” Remember: “No one needs the grace of Christ more than I do”
#6 – Be a place of rest for the lonely. Psalm 68:6 “God sets the lonely in families”
#5 – Deconstruct the notion of a “big scary gay agenda” and discern between matters of justice that you know are consistent with godly principles and can support – and potential efforts to coerce a uniformity that doesn’t give space for matters of conscience.
#4 - Those who are mature take the lead in calling out motivations of fear and anxiety – and in so doing creating a generous place that isn’t controlling ….. affecting things from appearance, to ideas, to behaviour …… Mature people in the community remind us to humbly entrust people to Christ and the conviction of the Spirit.
#3 – Look for opportunities to speak out against injustice and violence – and find creative ways to link hands through service with gay people in the city.
#2 – Build relationships with gay affirming churches in your neighbourhood.
#1 - Be intentional about opportunities to speak words of welcome and inclusion – and be swift to address language that alienates. Dismantle any sense of “us & them”.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Priorities for a Generation Navigating Disagreement
In the last few weeks, I had the opportunity to deliver the evening message at one of the downtown churches in Toronto. The group I was engaging was a delightful mix of university students, long-time church members, young professionals, empty-nesters and everyone in-between. I spent the first evening laying some basic groundwork – suggesting that any conversation about homosexuality within the church that is divorced from relational engagement with gay people is an adventure in missing the point; and that unless we see gay brothers and sisters in the faith as mutual pilgrims, our efforts at engagement will bear little fruit. The second evening, I attempted to navigate some of the reality of the diversity in perspectives on homosexuality that are present not only in the world, but increasingly obvious in the Christian community ~ with the opening reminder that we are again called to a posture of humility and self-examination as we navigate such complexity. Below is an edited for length copy of what I shared:
The prophet Hosea speaks about sowing the wind and reaping the whirlwind …. This is an apt description for the fractured and broken place the Christian community finds itself in. We have sown hatred, we have sown fear, we have sown enmity against brothers and sisters in Christ, we have sown arrogance divorced from relationship – and we are reaping confusion, alienation, slander, cynicism, and a misrepresentation of Christ to the world by the enmity within the church ….. That’s the truth of it. On both sides of the divide, we have often behaved in ways that did not reflect the character of Christ.
I want to describe what I see as an emerging expression or generation (not designated by age – but rather perhaps by where they position themselves in this time of transition) within the Christian community.
This expression continues to take the bible seriously, and subscribe to the bible as inerrant – but also recognize that while the bible may be inerrant – there are no inerrant interpreters of the bible. All of us see through a glass dimly – none of us has a perfect pipeline to God. In my conversations with gay friends who hold a different perspective than I do, I have come to a place of saying, “I believe these things deeply, they are of significance to me, I have done my homework – have studied, have prayed, have reflected, have listened – but I recognize that I could be wrong – that I don’t have perfect access to absolute truth – and so I want to engage in conversation and relationship with a humility that is willing to really listen to how you have engaged Scripture, to hear your reflections and prayers – and I want to be open to hear how Christ has been leading you. Doesn’t mean my beliefs are up for grabs – but it demonstrates humility over arrogance. I interviewed Bruxy Cavey for our Bridging the Gap project and Bruxy said, “As a theologically conservative Christian myself, the challenge to me is to accept that it’s possible for someone to come to a different theological conclusion based on scripture, and still be a committed follower of Jesus. I’m used to feeling like, I know you’re a real Christ follower when you agree with me about everything, and part of the journey of a conservative Christian is realizing that there are genuine, heartfelt, passionate followers of Jesus, who arrived at different conclusions on some theological issues and some ethical issues rooted in their passion for, and study of scripture. Now there are also some sloppy, lazy, self-serving people who make up their ethics as they go along, to validate how they want to live, and then try to look through scripture to find the proof-text. And how do you know the difference between the two of those? First of all, as a Christian, I want to give people the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise, but also I get to know the difference when I get to know them, when we hang out together, when we do Bible study together.”
Jesus said that you will know a good tree by the fruit that it bears. And as I have built relationships with gay Christians – many who come to different conclusions theologically than I have – I have also come to experience good fruit, the fruit of the Spirit in their lives, I have experienced their love for Christ. I disagree with them, and it is a significant point of disagreement – but given the evidence I see in their lives of their love for Christ, I am not in a place where I am willing to call their faith counterfeit. That is a call that only God, who sees the heart, is able to judge. Doesn’t mean I won’t discern by walking in step with the Spirit when it is time to speak a word in season about how Christ calls us to live our lives – but it does mean I will wait on God’s timing and I will trust that God is big enough and powerful enough to convict them of the sin in their life – just as He is to convict me of the sin in my life.
So I see a generation that takes the bible seriously – but takes a humble posture in the face of the limitations of our interpretive grids. Doesn’t mean they don’t have clear beliefs themselves – but that they are less willing to impose their beliefs on others in whom they see evidence of love for Christ and the fruits of the Spirit.
Another thing I see in this emerging expression is a deep commitment to relationship. This generation is sensitive to not alienate people they feel Christ has invited them to love and be loyal to. They take Jesus’ words in Luke 17:2 very seriously, "Hard trials and temptations are bound to come, but too bad for whoever brings them on! Better to wear a millstone necklace and take a swim in the deep blue sea than give even one of these dear little ones a hard time!”
This emerging expression isn’t wishy-washy on sin – but they tend to shy away from a top ten hit list which singles out certain categories of sin. As God began to deconstruct some of the prideful and arrogant assumptions that I unwittingly held concerning my perspectives about homosexuality, one of the things that I began to see was the disproportionate attention given to homosexuality ….. my sense was, “How many times does Scripture address homosexual behaviour?” Six times – and it is fair to say that a number of those may well be referring to homosexual behaviour as it was practiced in the context of either idolatry or violence. How many times does Scripture refer to pride and arrogance? 900 times according to Biblegateway.com ….
And so this generation isn’t necessarily “soft on gays” as often accused …. But they are challenged and convicted by the pervasive sin of consumerism that perpetrates profound injustice that seems to often be conveniently overlooked by a rich and self-absorbed western church. They chafe at the sense of injustice that would keep gay and lesbian people at arms length while there seems to be a smug indifference to Jesus’ words to the rich young ruler, "You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." This generation has grown weary of the seemingly endless splinter picking of gay and lesbian neighbours while obvious planks seem to go unaddressed.
This emerging expression counts a robust conversation that seeks to honour Christ, while honouring and respecting one another – even through disagreement – as valuable and are not quick to trade an unengaged certainty for the opportunity to explore questions of faith with someone holding a diverse perspective.
My friend Ron is a celibate gay Christian. He holds a very conservative view of sexuality. This is how he describes his engagement with those with whom he disagrees:
It can, at times, be very difficult to deal with Christians with whom I disagree. Especially if we’re having a conversation about the disagreement, and they’re explaining why they think they have interpreted the Bible correctly, and I just want to pull my hair out and say, “you can’t believe that”, but I also have to step back and ask myself, how am I showing Christ’s love in this situation, and am I being Christ, or am I being a pharasee. I wrestle a lot in reading the New Testament, Christ sometimes does speak very harshly to sin, but Christ is also known for his dinner parties with the sinners, and I wrestle deeply, “is this a time to speak strongly, is this a time to sit down and have dinner together”. And I do sometimes speak out to friends when I know that there’s a depth of trust there. That whether or not they agree with me, they can at least hear what I have to say, but I also know that I have to be careful not to fall into the self-righteousness of thinking that I have all the answers. Through my gay friends, there are things that I disagree greatly with, but there are also ways in which they challenge me, and I can see that they are giving their life to Christ more deeply in some area then I am. In entering into friendships, I open myself to the way they may need to challenge me, but also try to share my own experience, my own understanding of what the Bible says to gently challenge them and to let the spirit work in that situation, in the hope that we will draw closer together and that Christ will show us what is true, and how he wants us to live together in unity. In the meantime, we have all of these divisions, and it’s painful to God, it’s a deep scandal to our witness, it causes non-Christians to wonder, “How can a God of love be operating in the midst of all that disagreement?” And so I want is to do what I can to bind up those wounds. To be willing to be challenged by the people I disagree with. And in being willing to be challenged, also earn the right to challenge.
This emerging expression is less concerned with determining who is excluded and more focused on being part of the most generous invitation to all to come and discover the Love of the Father, Jesus the Son, made real through the presence of the Holy Spirit.
Our text reflects on one of Jesus’ core teachings – that we are to love those we may have perceived to be against us, and that "When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. ….In a word, what I'm saying is, “Grow up. You're kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you." (Matt. 5:44-48, the Message)
If we live out the words of this text, in the midst of our disagreements – which are many – and in the midst of some of our unanswered questions about how the church can best reach and disciple our gay brothers and sisters – then I believe we will have the tools to move forward in a wise way, able in humility to continue to practice the unity to which Christ called us to in John 17, “I pray…. that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you.”
The prophet Hosea speaks about sowing the wind and reaping the whirlwind …. This is an apt description for the fractured and broken place the Christian community finds itself in. We have sown hatred, we have sown fear, we have sown enmity against brothers and sisters in Christ, we have sown arrogance divorced from relationship – and we are reaping confusion, alienation, slander, cynicism, and a misrepresentation of Christ to the world by the enmity within the church ….. That’s the truth of it. On both sides of the divide, we have often behaved in ways that did not reflect the character of Christ.
I want to describe what I see as an emerging expression or generation (not designated by age – but rather perhaps by where they position themselves in this time of transition) within the Christian community.
This expression continues to take the bible seriously, and subscribe to the bible as inerrant – but also recognize that while the bible may be inerrant – there are no inerrant interpreters of the bible. All of us see through a glass dimly – none of us has a perfect pipeline to God. In my conversations with gay friends who hold a different perspective than I do, I have come to a place of saying, “I believe these things deeply, they are of significance to me, I have done my homework – have studied, have prayed, have reflected, have listened – but I recognize that I could be wrong – that I don’t have perfect access to absolute truth – and so I want to engage in conversation and relationship with a humility that is willing to really listen to how you have engaged Scripture, to hear your reflections and prayers – and I want to be open to hear how Christ has been leading you. Doesn’t mean my beliefs are up for grabs – but it demonstrates humility over arrogance. I interviewed Bruxy Cavey for our Bridging the Gap project and Bruxy said, “As a theologically conservative Christian myself, the challenge to me is to accept that it’s possible for someone to come to a different theological conclusion based on scripture, and still be a committed follower of Jesus. I’m used to feeling like, I know you’re a real Christ follower when you agree with me about everything, and part of the journey of a conservative Christian is realizing that there are genuine, heartfelt, passionate followers of Jesus, who arrived at different conclusions on some theological issues and some ethical issues rooted in their passion for, and study of scripture. Now there are also some sloppy, lazy, self-serving people who make up their ethics as they go along, to validate how they want to live, and then try to look through scripture to find the proof-text. And how do you know the difference between the two of those? First of all, as a Christian, I want to give people the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise, but also I get to know the difference when I get to know them, when we hang out together, when we do Bible study together.”
Jesus said that you will know a good tree by the fruit that it bears. And as I have built relationships with gay Christians – many who come to different conclusions theologically than I have – I have also come to experience good fruit, the fruit of the Spirit in their lives, I have experienced their love for Christ. I disagree with them, and it is a significant point of disagreement – but given the evidence I see in their lives of their love for Christ, I am not in a place where I am willing to call their faith counterfeit. That is a call that only God, who sees the heart, is able to judge. Doesn’t mean I won’t discern by walking in step with the Spirit when it is time to speak a word in season about how Christ calls us to live our lives – but it does mean I will wait on God’s timing and I will trust that God is big enough and powerful enough to convict them of the sin in their life – just as He is to convict me of the sin in my life.
So I see a generation that takes the bible seriously – but takes a humble posture in the face of the limitations of our interpretive grids. Doesn’t mean they don’t have clear beliefs themselves – but that they are less willing to impose their beliefs on others in whom they see evidence of love for Christ and the fruits of the Spirit.
Another thing I see in this emerging expression is a deep commitment to relationship. This generation is sensitive to not alienate people they feel Christ has invited them to love and be loyal to. They take Jesus’ words in Luke 17:2 very seriously, "Hard trials and temptations are bound to come, but too bad for whoever brings them on! Better to wear a millstone necklace and take a swim in the deep blue sea than give even one of these dear little ones a hard time!”
This emerging expression isn’t wishy-washy on sin – but they tend to shy away from a top ten hit list which singles out certain categories of sin. As God began to deconstruct some of the prideful and arrogant assumptions that I unwittingly held concerning my perspectives about homosexuality, one of the things that I began to see was the disproportionate attention given to homosexuality ….. my sense was, “How many times does Scripture address homosexual behaviour?” Six times – and it is fair to say that a number of those may well be referring to homosexual behaviour as it was practiced in the context of either idolatry or violence. How many times does Scripture refer to pride and arrogance? 900 times according to Biblegateway.com ….
And so this generation isn’t necessarily “soft on gays” as often accused …. But they are challenged and convicted by the pervasive sin of consumerism that perpetrates profound injustice that seems to often be conveniently overlooked by a rich and self-absorbed western church. They chafe at the sense of injustice that would keep gay and lesbian people at arms length while there seems to be a smug indifference to Jesus’ words to the rich young ruler, "You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." This generation has grown weary of the seemingly endless splinter picking of gay and lesbian neighbours while obvious planks seem to go unaddressed.
This emerging expression counts a robust conversation that seeks to honour Christ, while honouring and respecting one another – even through disagreement – as valuable and are not quick to trade an unengaged certainty for the opportunity to explore questions of faith with someone holding a diverse perspective.
My friend Ron is a celibate gay Christian. He holds a very conservative view of sexuality. This is how he describes his engagement with those with whom he disagrees:
It can, at times, be very difficult to deal with Christians with whom I disagree. Especially if we’re having a conversation about the disagreement, and they’re explaining why they think they have interpreted the Bible correctly, and I just want to pull my hair out and say, “you can’t believe that”, but I also have to step back and ask myself, how am I showing Christ’s love in this situation, and am I being Christ, or am I being a pharasee. I wrestle a lot in reading the New Testament, Christ sometimes does speak very harshly to sin, but Christ is also known for his dinner parties with the sinners, and I wrestle deeply, “is this a time to speak strongly, is this a time to sit down and have dinner together”. And I do sometimes speak out to friends when I know that there’s a depth of trust there. That whether or not they agree with me, they can at least hear what I have to say, but I also know that I have to be careful not to fall into the self-righteousness of thinking that I have all the answers. Through my gay friends, there are things that I disagree greatly with, but there are also ways in which they challenge me, and I can see that they are giving their life to Christ more deeply in some area then I am. In entering into friendships, I open myself to the way they may need to challenge me, but also try to share my own experience, my own understanding of what the Bible says to gently challenge them and to let the spirit work in that situation, in the hope that we will draw closer together and that Christ will show us what is true, and how he wants us to live together in unity. In the meantime, we have all of these divisions, and it’s painful to God, it’s a deep scandal to our witness, it causes non-Christians to wonder, “How can a God of love be operating in the midst of all that disagreement?” And so I want is to do what I can to bind up those wounds. To be willing to be challenged by the people I disagree with. And in being willing to be challenged, also earn the right to challenge.
This emerging expression is less concerned with determining who is excluded and more focused on being part of the most generous invitation to all to come and discover the Love of the Father, Jesus the Son, made real through the presence of the Holy Spirit.
Our text reflects on one of Jesus’ core teachings – that we are to love those we may have perceived to be against us, and that "When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. ….In a word, what I'm saying is, “Grow up. You're kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you." (Matt. 5:44-48, the Message)
If we live out the words of this text, in the midst of our disagreements – which are many – and in the midst of some of our unanswered questions about how the church can best reach and disciple our gay brothers and sisters – then I believe we will have the tools to move forward in a wise way, able in humility to continue to practice the unity to which Christ called us to in John 17, “I pray…. that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you.”
Charting a Distinct Course Forward
It is with a mixture of emotion that I announce that New Direction Ministries of Canada is charting our own distinct course forward with our decision to not renew our membership with Exodus International.
I came to my role with New Direction seven years ago, naive but willing. Exodus was the first learning environment that offered some direction and guidance to me as I sought to fulfill this unique and challenging post God had called me to. I came to know many deeply devoted disciples of Jesus Christ and came to respect the faith and commitment of many of the leaders within the Exodus network.
My learning did not end, however, with Exodus. As a student of the church, I have deeply valued the network of leaders within Canada who have become trusted colleagues and friends, as well as contacts within some of the expressions of church that are emerging in these turbulent days of change. I find that I am resonating with those asking questions of how to embody the gospel for the common good in a postmodern, post-Christendom, post-enlightenment world.
Increasingly over the last few years I have, as a straight leader, also become very committed to a listening posture and have intentionally benefited from seriously considering the critique of ministries with a legacy like New Direction's. I deeply value the opportunities I have had to listen to those within the gay community and the ex-gay survivor movement. In this process, not only I - but others within our organization - have appreciated the glimpses and chances God has presented us to seek to build bridges.
At the same time, we have become uncomfortable with some of the messages expressed in a variety of ways through the very diverse Exodus network. Some of these messages run counter to the ways that we are seeking to build bridges and be part of the broader missional conversation. I am also mindful that some of the distinct emphasis of New Direction may be troublesome to other Exodus leaders - and I would not want our presence in the network to be a source of tension or disagreement.
Let me be clear, New Direction has not changed its foundational theological position nor its position on sexual ethics. However, the ways in which we express these positions embody a more generous orthodoxy than some Exodus leaders may be comfortable with.
New Direction has been a member ministry of Exodus a very long time. This decision has not come hastily nor been taken lightly. We continue to desire to honour our legacy - even as we willingly critique our past and move with purpose towards our distinct future. As with any family, there is a time to leave the nest and chart one's own course. We believe that time has come.
There may be some who applaud this decision and others who lament it. I actually hope that this announcement comes and goes with little fanfare. New Direction is simply seeking to be faithful to carry out all that we believe God is calling us to. We have been called to relational ministry and been asked to identify with our gay brothers and sisters, to do life with them – and to call the church to join us in that. We have been called to bridge the gap. Please pray that we will be faithful to Christ and to this calling.
And please also join us in praying for Exodus. Pray that they will have the wisdom and discernment to be faithful to live out Christ’s calling in their context, to be of good support to those who are wrestling with sexuality and faith, and to speak helpful words to a church called to be a light to the world.
I came to my role with New Direction seven years ago, naive but willing. Exodus was the first learning environment that offered some direction and guidance to me as I sought to fulfill this unique and challenging post God had called me to. I came to know many deeply devoted disciples of Jesus Christ and came to respect the faith and commitment of many of the leaders within the Exodus network.
My learning did not end, however, with Exodus. As a student of the church, I have deeply valued the network of leaders within Canada who have become trusted colleagues and friends, as well as contacts within some of the expressions of church that are emerging in these turbulent days of change. I find that I am resonating with those asking questions of how to embody the gospel for the common good in a postmodern, post-Christendom, post-enlightenment world.
Increasingly over the last few years I have, as a straight leader, also become very committed to a listening posture and have intentionally benefited from seriously considering the critique of ministries with a legacy like New Direction's. I deeply value the opportunities I have had to listen to those within the gay community and the ex-gay survivor movement. In this process, not only I - but others within our organization - have appreciated the glimpses and chances God has presented us to seek to build bridges.
At the same time, we have become uncomfortable with some of the messages expressed in a variety of ways through the very diverse Exodus network. Some of these messages run counter to the ways that we are seeking to build bridges and be part of the broader missional conversation. I am also mindful that some of the distinct emphasis of New Direction may be troublesome to other Exodus leaders - and I would not want our presence in the network to be a source of tension or disagreement.
Let me be clear, New Direction has not changed its foundational theological position nor its position on sexual ethics. However, the ways in which we express these positions embody a more generous orthodoxy than some Exodus leaders may be comfortable with.
New Direction has been a member ministry of Exodus a very long time. This decision has not come hastily nor been taken lightly. We continue to desire to honour our legacy - even as we willingly critique our past and move with purpose towards our distinct future. As with any family, there is a time to leave the nest and chart one's own course. We believe that time has come.
There may be some who applaud this decision and others who lament it. I actually hope that this announcement comes and goes with little fanfare. New Direction is simply seeking to be faithful to carry out all that we believe God is calling us to. We have been called to relational ministry and been asked to identify with our gay brothers and sisters, to do life with them – and to call the church to join us in that. We have been called to bridge the gap. Please pray that we will be faithful to Christ and to this calling.
And please also join us in praying for Exodus. Pray that they will have the wisdom and discernment to be faithful to live out Christ’s calling in their context, to be of good support to those who are wrestling with sexuality and faith, and to speak helpful words to a church called to be a light to the world.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Of kidney stones, final edits, current events, and authenticity…..
So January has basically been a write-off for blogging …. It has been an unexpected month of navigating unpredictable pain levels with a stubborn cluster of kidney stones that apparently cannot be zapped and simply need to be endured until “this too shall pass”. I’ve heard enough rock and stone jokes to last me till retirement and God and I have had more than several conversations about what the possible purpose of such a disruption of pain could be….
In the midst of varying pain levels it has been a month of deadlines, new opportunities, and feeling behind the 8-ball on cultural commentary.
The Bridging the Gap project is at the intense stage of completing final edits and graphics to release the pilot version. In fact, we’ve already run two segments with one pilot group and will be getting packages out to the other ten groups hopefully Monday. It is amazing to me how you can work on a project for more than a year ….. and then in 2 hours see this experience be dramatically impacted by the make up of the group who are engaging with it. I’m grateful for the opportunity to observe one pilot group in action …. though at times it’s been tough to keep my commitment to myself to not interject with my own commentary when the discussion sometimes veers into what I perceive to be unhelpful territory. I think I have permanent bite marks on my tongue :)
In the midst of kidney stone madness, I also had a number of commitments for speaking engagements. (Many thanks to all who were praying for me to have the physical ability to get through them.) I was working with some new teaching material that is focused on navigating turbulent times of transition and change within the Christian church and the implications for how we work through our disagreements about gay issues. I’ll share more of that in another blog post. In the midst of it, I have found myself staring uncertainty and anxiety straight in the face. This is the reality of seeking to build bridges in a contentious climate.
What has been so interesting is to simultaneously encounter Ted Haggard’s re-emergence on the media scene and the polarization such a sensationalized story can generate. As I read through some of the commentary on the HBO documentary (which I haven’t actually seen – no HBO for me), Ted’s appearances on Oprah and Larry King, and new revelations from another young man who was involved with Haggard, I am reminded of the turmoil the divide between evangelicals and the gay community creates.
There are those who continue to espouse a simplistic, and in some cases overtly legalistic, stance. Then there are those who are clearly wrestling with how to embody the love of Christ in such a complex case. Ted, it seems, continues to wrestle deeply himself. It seems to me that he is very committed to trying to articulate a message about Jesus Christ, while at the same time struggling to express authentically the realities he has spent the last two years trying to face and own. These realities are profoundly painful and difficult: He lied. His hypocrisy has had devastating consequences in compromising his desire to share the gospel of Christ. He has betrayed and wounded the people he loves the most. These are the tragic realities he has to wake up and face every day.
But he also needs to figure out for himself, without the drugs and the compulsive and addictive behaviours, what the meaning and reality of his attractions are. There are those who insistently badger him with what label he ought now to adopt. Gay. Straight. Bi-sexual. But with this insistence comes a lack of understanding of the tension a follow of Jesus faces. This tension arises from one’s desire for fidelity to Christ.
It would seem that Haggard associates a number of other descriptions to the word gay other than the common cultural understanding that the term gay simply describes someone who experiences same-gender attraction. It seems that he is sensitive to the common evangelical assumption that to say you are gay assumes that you are sexually active with members of your own gender. Clearly, in fidelity to Christ AND to his wife, he does not want to say that. But it seems to leave him in a no-man’s land of struggling for authenticity – and being unsure of how to express that - with the knowledge that evangelicals are watching him carefully. Personally, I believe it is unfortunate that stereotypes about gay people continue to afflict the common evangelical understanding – leaving those who are persistently attracted to their own gender with very few options to express that honestly without a whole lot of extra baggage.
Assumptions. Fear. Anxiety. Outrage. Can we even imagine a day when these are no longer the primary responses of the evangelical community to the real life of a person addressing persistent same-gender attraction and deep and personal questions of faith and fidelity to Christ?
It is such redemptive imagination that motivates the Bridging the Gap project. We believe there needs to be a generous and spacious place for someone like Ted Haggard to own up to his mistakes in the past, to wrestle through the implications of his faith for his future, and to express authentically his reality without fear of layers of assumption and judgment being piled on top.
I, for one, want to see Ted Haggard have every encouragement and support to live out his clear convictions, to walk in renewed fidelity to Christ and to his marriage vows, to know God’s grace in his weakness, to love well, and walk humbly with his God. And I pray that he will find the safety and language needed to do so with authenticity and transparency with his close family and friends.
In the midst of varying pain levels it has been a month of deadlines, new opportunities, and feeling behind the 8-ball on cultural commentary.
The Bridging the Gap project is at the intense stage of completing final edits and graphics to release the pilot version. In fact, we’ve already run two segments with one pilot group and will be getting packages out to the other ten groups hopefully Monday. It is amazing to me how you can work on a project for more than a year ….. and then in 2 hours see this experience be dramatically impacted by the make up of the group who are engaging with it. I’m grateful for the opportunity to observe one pilot group in action …. though at times it’s been tough to keep my commitment to myself to not interject with my own commentary when the discussion sometimes veers into what I perceive to be unhelpful territory. I think I have permanent bite marks on my tongue :)
In the midst of kidney stone madness, I also had a number of commitments for speaking engagements. (Many thanks to all who were praying for me to have the physical ability to get through them.) I was working with some new teaching material that is focused on navigating turbulent times of transition and change within the Christian church and the implications for how we work through our disagreements about gay issues. I’ll share more of that in another blog post. In the midst of it, I have found myself staring uncertainty and anxiety straight in the face. This is the reality of seeking to build bridges in a contentious climate.
What has been so interesting is to simultaneously encounter Ted Haggard’s re-emergence on the media scene and the polarization such a sensationalized story can generate. As I read through some of the commentary on the HBO documentary (which I haven’t actually seen – no HBO for me), Ted’s appearances on Oprah and Larry King, and new revelations from another young man who was involved with Haggard, I am reminded of the turmoil the divide between evangelicals and the gay community creates.
There are those who continue to espouse a simplistic, and in some cases overtly legalistic, stance. Then there are those who are clearly wrestling with how to embody the love of Christ in such a complex case. Ted, it seems, continues to wrestle deeply himself. It seems to me that he is very committed to trying to articulate a message about Jesus Christ, while at the same time struggling to express authentically the realities he has spent the last two years trying to face and own. These realities are profoundly painful and difficult: He lied. His hypocrisy has had devastating consequences in compromising his desire to share the gospel of Christ. He has betrayed and wounded the people he loves the most. These are the tragic realities he has to wake up and face every day.
But he also needs to figure out for himself, without the drugs and the compulsive and addictive behaviours, what the meaning and reality of his attractions are. There are those who insistently badger him with what label he ought now to adopt. Gay. Straight. Bi-sexual. But with this insistence comes a lack of understanding of the tension a follow of Jesus faces. This tension arises from one’s desire for fidelity to Christ.
It would seem that Haggard associates a number of other descriptions to the word gay other than the common cultural understanding that the term gay simply describes someone who experiences same-gender attraction. It seems that he is sensitive to the common evangelical assumption that to say you are gay assumes that you are sexually active with members of your own gender. Clearly, in fidelity to Christ AND to his wife, he does not want to say that. But it seems to leave him in a no-man’s land of struggling for authenticity – and being unsure of how to express that - with the knowledge that evangelicals are watching him carefully. Personally, I believe it is unfortunate that stereotypes about gay people continue to afflict the common evangelical understanding – leaving those who are persistently attracted to their own gender with very few options to express that honestly without a whole lot of extra baggage.
Assumptions. Fear. Anxiety. Outrage. Can we even imagine a day when these are no longer the primary responses of the evangelical community to the real life of a person addressing persistent same-gender attraction and deep and personal questions of faith and fidelity to Christ?
It is such redemptive imagination that motivates the Bridging the Gap project. We believe there needs to be a generous and spacious place for someone like Ted Haggard to own up to his mistakes in the past, to wrestle through the implications of his faith for his future, and to express authentically his reality without fear of layers of assumption and judgment being piled on top.
I, for one, want to see Ted Haggard have every encouragement and support to live out his clear convictions, to walk in renewed fidelity to Christ and to his marriage vows, to know God’s grace in his weakness, to love well, and walk humbly with his God. And I pray that he will find the safety and language needed to do so with authenticity and transparency with his close family and friends.
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