Recently I was asked to speak to a gathering of youth. The group was made up of youth from a variety of churches and denominations, and after I shared my story a number of youth and pastors came to talk with me and express how grateful they were. One woman told about having a gay brother, and how every time she mentioned him the Christians in her church became cold. Another young man came up to me with tears in his eyes, shaking visibly. He could only say “Thank-you! You don’t know how much that needed to be said” before he fled from the room.
In the hour from the end of my talk to when they locked the door, I made myself available to talk to any who wished, as well as left information about where I could be reached by email if others wished to talk more. I went home feeling tired and drained, but pleased with how things had gone.
A week later, the pastor who had asked me to come to speak forwarded an email that had been going around one of the youth groups. It was written by two leaders from that group denouncing me and my teaching. The email was long and written with a great deal of capital letters for extra emphasis. The crux of the letter was this: the authors were furious that I honestly admitted that I was still attracted to the same sex, that my sexual orientation had not changed, and that I had accepted that, in all likelihood, my experience of same-gender attraction would continue to be my reality for the rest of my life.
To these leaders, this honest story of who I was and what I was experiencing was threatening and dangerous. They apologized to their youth for bringing them to hear it. They made it clear to their youth that they did not believe God would allow anyone to continue to be attracted to the same sex if they really wanted to change. To them, what I had shared about what God had done in my life simply wasn’t enough.
The authors then went on to say:
"God did not make us depressed, or suicidal, or full of sickness in our bodies. God did not make homosexuals. We have done it to ourselves. At some point in each of our lives doors open to the demonic, whether by our own decisions or by the devil planting someone in our paths to set a trap. The outcome of each trap is determined by our decisions, or if we are children, our parents decision of how to handle each situation.“
It became clear to me that these youth leaders had bought into a stream of theology often known as Word of Faith theology. They believed that God has promised to heal every area of a believer’s life right now and given them the authority to command that healing into existence. Because of this, my testimony was a great threat to them because God had simply not done enough in my life. Despite the fact that I could testify that I had not been in a relationship with another male since high school, despite the fact that I was able to enjoy a happy marriage to a woman, despite the fact that God had clearly been using me in ministry for over a decade….my testimony was not acceptable because God had not completely taken away my attraction to men.
There are many doctrines which I disagree with and can simply agree to disagree with people about. But I feel the need to speak up against Word of Faith theology because I have seen first hand the damage that it has caused to me and many others. The authors assumed that because I was telling my story and had my experiences, I had never confessed my sin or had prayer ministry to cast out the demons in my life that may have entered because of being abused. In fact they were so bold as to write:
"Had at any time in Brian’s life he cried out to God and taken his authority that he has been given as a believer and told his body "IN JESUS NAME I AM NOT GAY AND GOD DID NOT MAKE ME GAY AND I WILL NOT HAVE HOMOSEXUAL TENANDANCIES ANYMORE", and then taken his mind captive when ever those thoughts came in, Brian most likely would not struggle with this anymore. Had he at anytime repented of that initial time when he was in the library and he spoke out I am gay, and then asked God to forgive him for all the rest of the times that he has thought thoughts or acted in a homosexual manner, asked God to forgive him for that initial self cursing and THEN had the spirit of sexual perversion cast out of him, Brian most likely would not still struggle with this sin."
The truth is that I once attended a youth group where they taught such things, and believing that they were true, I did go forward to the altar, confess these very sins, and pray that very prayer meaning it with every cell of my body. I believed that God would heal me.....and then he didn't. When it didn't happen I was told it was because I lacked enough faith, or I was doing something wrong. The message I received was that it was my fault. And yet I knew in my heart that I had prayed with all the faith that I had and could do no more. When I said this, I was rejected by that group. I spent years believing that lie, that it was my fault and I just wasn't good enough to make it all go away. As I grew older and studied the Bible I came to realize that this was a false teaching and turned away from it. But that teaching left me in shame and despair for years of my life.
Sadly, I have seen many of my same-gender attracted friends buy into this thinking and go on even longer believing that it is their fault that their orientation hasn’t changed. And I have watched the effects that it has on them. The inevitable result of this kind of belief, when their orientation doesn’t change, is self hatred. Many of those friends fell into depression, self harm, and suicidal thoughts. When this happened, once again, they were told that those were signs of their own lack of faith, and instead of offering help they were shamed even more. So what most of them learned to do is to simply pretend that everything was okay and that their orientation had changed because that was the only thing that was acceptable. Several of them got married as a way of claiming their healing, and every single one of them are now divorced leaving hurt spouses and children in their wake.
The leaders who criticized me lumped attraction to the same sex, depression, suicidal thoughts and physical sickness as all being the same. (Something that my gay friends find incredibly insulting.) Yet even if you accept that they are the same, Jesus warned about making assumptions about the causes of people’s physical sickness like the leaders in this letter did. (Read John 9:2-4 or Luke 15:1-5 for examples of this) Further the teaching that children are punished for the sins or spiritual practices of their parents (often called generational curses) is highly problematic. Many Christian teachers have quoted Exodus 20:5 to support this belief, but they tend to fail to take into account that in Jeremiah 31 in the new covenant God promises NOT to do this any more. (Jer 31:28-30)
There has also been a sad legacy within the ex-gay movement of using this kind of teaching to burden parents as being at fault for their children’s sexual orientation. I do not know how many times over the years I heard about generational curses, mixed in with some pop psychology to explain the fact that I was attracted to men. My own story does include significant perceived rejection from my father. But the truth is that causation of sexual orientation is incredibly complex and that there is no good evidence to link it to parental behaviour. In fact, several of my best gay friends had wonderful relationships with their parents. But because of this kind of teaching, I have met with more parents than I can count who blame themselves for their children’s sexual orientation. I have listened to them as they examined every little thing they did or said in their lives wondering where they had spoken curses over their children!
When taken to its worst form, Word of Faith doctrine takes this blaming to the extreme of blaming parents whose children get sick. One of my best friends in the world had her two year old son die suddenly of a brain aneurysm caused by a rare genetic disorder. She was attending a church where many people had bought into this type of thinking and thus when faced with the horror of a dying child, their theology only allowed them to blame the parent. As a result my friend, in a time of great pain and hurt, was told that it was her fault that her son had died, because she had not prayed enough for him.
When I was in high school the teaching of Word of Faith theology held great appeal to me because they promised me a quick and easy solution to what I saw as the problem in my life. But since then I have matured both in my understanding of myself and my understanding of Scripture. While Scripture does tell many stories of healing, there are many other stories where healing does not occur. Paul’s story of the thorn in his flesh in 2 Corinthians is one that has been of great comfort to me. The books of Job and Ecclesiastes both wrestle with the reality of suffering in the world and both settle without formulaic answers only mystery. Job’s prayer “The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away blessed be the name of the Lord” is one that I have prayed many times over the years. The Bible is not afraid of a God that does not heal everything on demand. It embraces this mystery, and if our own theology is not big enough to grasp this, then our theology is too small.
I have found a place of peace and acceptance for the reality of my life. I am still attracted to men. Because of my understanding of Scripture I choose not to act on those attractions. I have asked God to take them away, in His grace and goodness he has chosen not to. I am fine with that. I know that the people who wrote the letter against my teaching mean well. They mention in it how God has done miraculous things in their own life, and I am not here to dispute their claims. But taking one’s own experience and universalizing it can cause great harm. I thank God for what he has done in my life, but I do not assume that it will be the same story other same-gender attracted people experience or if they do not get married like I have that they lack an amount of faith that I have. I receive my relationship with my wife as gift.
To those who take offense to my story, I can only say “this is what God has done in my life.” I will respectfully refuse to be judged by you, and I will keep telling my story to as many youth as I can so that they know that if they happen to be attracted to the same sex it IS NOT their fault, and that God is not angry at them or waiting for them to invoke the magic formula to heal them. God loves them and is present with them whether their attractions change or not. Having walked that journey myself I know that young people who are wrestling with the questions of faith and sexuality have enough to deal with already without being told their orientation is their fault or easily changed.
Jesus once admonished the Pharisees for “loading people down with burdens, but not lifting one finger to help lift them.” I believe that Word of Faith teaching does this very thing to those who continue to have same sex attractions. I believe that as Christians we need to stand against this distortion of Scripture. We need to genuinely listen to the stories of our brothers and sisters when they tell us that sincere prayer does not magically take it away, and find ways that we as a Christian community can come around and support them as they seek to walk out lives in a way that honours God. We need a spirit that celebrates what God has done, rather than demand what he has not.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
A 3 Strand Cord
I consider three different cords in living out the gospel with our gay neighbours.
First there is mission: reaching our gay neighbours who do not experience relationship with Jesus Christ with the good news of His love.
Second is justice: speaking out on issues of unjust treatment and the ways we fail to honour the image of God in our gay neighbours AND living out justice by treating our gay neighbours with the respect and love that is consistent with the shalom of God.
Third is ministry: doing life with our brothers and sisters in Christ who are gay, sharing mutual encouragement and accountability to grow as faithful disciples of Jesus Christ, and offering care and support in seasons of growth and healing.
When these three cords of mission, justice and ministry are intertwined, I believe our Christian response has the best chance of representing Christ in our world. If one cord or another is given undue emphasis the strength of the cord becomes compromised.
In simplistic terms, one could say that the typical evangelical response has been focused on ministry. And I would suggest that within that ministry response there has often been an undue focus on the pursuit of orientation change. One could also say that the typical liberal response has been focused on justice. Unfortunately, I have not seen a particularly robust investment in mission as I survey the Christian community’s general response to our gay neighbours.
As I look forward and prayerfully seek to chart a distinct course, I want that course to be marked by the kind of cord Ecclesiastes 4:12 describes, “A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Mission, justice and ministry.
Holding these three aspects of a Christian response in tension comes down to a bottom-line question for me: Will this encourage my gay neighbours to fully experience the love of Christ?
This means I have to risk being misunderstood – across the board. My bottom-line question is not, “How can I rally people who agree with me?” Nor is it, “What can I say that will be most strategic for fundraising?” Or, “How can I ensure that people will like me and my ministry?” It isn’t even, “How can I demonstrate the right, orthodox position?”
If I write or speak and neglect to ask myself, “Will this encourage my gay neighbours to fully experience the love of Christ?” then I will fail to embody the response that I believe Christ is asking of me.
I am constantly challenged, as one who holds a more conservative view of sexual ethics, by Jesus’ words in Matthew 23 ….. “They tie up heavy loads and put them on men's shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.” I don’t want to put on heavy loads without stepping into that place of identification, sharing the load and walking together. Or his words, “But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel.” I don’t want to neglect matters of justice, mercy and faithfulness. I don’t want to major in the minors and strain out a gnat. Oh Christ have mercy on us!
There has been some discussion of late of my support of covenantal friendships. I do not view a covenantal friendship as a sexless marriage. However, in our microwave, throw-away culture, I do appreciate the Biblical value of covenant expressed in friendship. Just because two people covenant to do life together, sharing a deep abiding friendship and commitment to be there for each other – does not make them like spouses. (ie. Abraham and Lot made a covenant.) Whether these two people are same-gender attracted or not, I see this as a viable option for those who are single – for whatever reason. And if such a commitment is made – between two friends or a group of friends - it seems to me to be something the Christian community can celebrate together – for it is an expression of gospel, counter-cultural living, when we say that we are going to serve another through life’s ups and downs. It is an option that might be more rare than common – but I believe it is an option that can be God-glorifying in the right circumstances.
I am very challenged by God’s word in the creation account that it was not good for a human being to be alone – something that was spoken before sin had even entered the picture. And I am also mindful of Jesus’ words that in the new heaven and new earth there will be no marriage – but there will be relationship, there will be intimacy, there will be faithfulness. How do I know that? Because our Triune God lives in intimate, faithful relationship in a reality that far exceeds our limited understandings.
Whether living alone, living with a long-time friend, living in intentional community, living with a spouse and/or other family members, each human being needs relationship, needs to know they belong, are loved, and accepted. These good gifts are essential aspects of God’s shalom.
Though a likely small percentage, there are gay men and women in our neighbourhoods. If your paradigm is, “There are no homosexual people – only heterosexual people with a homosexual problem”, then I suppose what I have written may make little sense. But if you accept the reality that there are some people, perhaps 3-5% of the population, who by no choice of their own experience a persistent orientation of attraction for their own gender, then I pray that if you are a Christ-follower you will search for liberating, God-honouring ways for our gay brothers and sisters to experience intimacy in relationship. And I pray that you will ask, “How will we reach out with mission, justice and ministry? How will we, together, experience God’s love, relationship, intimacy and faithfulness?”
I, for one, want to be open to as many options as possible – options that I pray will encourage my gay neighbours to fully experience the love of Christ.
First there is mission: reaching our gay neighbours who do not experience relationship with Jesus Christ with the good news of His love.
Second is justice: speaking out on issues of unjust treatment and the ways we fail to honour the image of God in our gay neighbours AND living out justice by treating our gay neighbours with the respect and love that is consistent with the shalom of God.
Third is ministry: doing life with our brothers and sisters in Christ who are gay, sharing mutual encouragement and accountability to grow as faithful disciples of Jesus Christ, and offering care and support in seasons of growth and healing.
When these three cords of mission, justice and ministry are intertwined, I believe our Christian response has the best chance of representing Christ in our world. If one cord or another is given undue emphasis the strength of the cord becomes compromised.
In simplistic terms, one could say that the typical evangelical response has been focused on ministry. And I would suggest that within that ministry response there has often been an undue focus on the pursuit of orientation change. One could also say that the typical liberal response has been focused on justice. Unfortunately, I have not seen a particularly robust investment in mission as I survey the Christian community’s general response to our gay neighbours.
As I look forward and prayerfully seek to chart a distinct course, I want that course to be marked by the kind of cord Ecclesiastes 4:12 describes, “A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Mission, justice and ministry.
Holding these three aspects of a Christian response in tension comes down to a bottom-line question for me: Will this encourage my gay neighbours to fully experience the love of Christ?
This means I have to risk being misunderstood – across the board. My bottom-line question is not, “How can I rally people who agree with me?” Nor is it, “What can I say that will be most strategic for fundraising?” Or, “How can I ensure that people will like me and my ministry?” It isn’t even, “How can I demonstrate the right, orthodox position?”
If I write or speak and neglect to ask myself, “Will this encourage my gay neighbours to fully experience the love of Christ?” then I will fail to embody the response that I believe Christ is asking of me.
I am constantly challenged, as one who holds a more conservative view of sexual ethics, by Jesus’ words in Matthew 23 ….. “They tie up heavy loads and put them on men's shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.” I don’t want to put on heavy loads without stepping into that place of identification, sharing the load and walking together. Or his words, “But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel.” I don’t want to neglect matters of justice, mercy and faithfulness. I don’t want to major in the minors and strain out a gnat. Oh Christ have mercy on us!
There has been some discussion of late of my support of covenantal friendships. I do not view a covenantal friendship as a sexless marriage. However, in our microwave, throw-away culture, I do appreciate the Biblical value of covenant expressed in friendship. Just because two people covenant to do life together, sharing a deep abiding friendship and commitment to be there for each other – does not make them like spouses. (ie. Abraham and Lot made a covenant.) Whether these two people are same-gender attracted or not, I see this as a viable option for those who are single – for whatever reason. And if such a commitment is made – between two friends or a group of friends - it seems to me to be something the Christian community can celebrate together – for it is an expression of gospel, counter-cultural living, when we say that we are going to serve another through life’s ups and downs. It is an option that might be more rare than common – but I believe it is an option that can be God-glorifying in the right circumstances.
I am very challenged by God’s word in the creation account that it was not good for a human being to be alone – something that was spoken before sin had even entered the picture. And I am also mindful of Jesus’ words that in the new heaven and new earth there will be no marriage – but there will be relationship, there will be intimacy, there will be faithfulness. How do I know that? Because our Triune God lives in intimate, faithful relationship in a reality that far exceeds our limited understandings.
Whether living alone, living with a long-time friend, living in intentional community, living with a spouse and/or other family members, each human being needs relationship, needs to know they belong, are loved, and accepted. These good gifts are essential aspects of God’s shalom.
Though a likely small percentage, there are gay men and women in our neighbourhoods. If your paradigm is, “There are no homosexual people – only heterosexual people with a homosexual problem”, then I suppose what I have written may make little sense. But if you accept the reality that there are some people, perhaps 3-5% of the population, who by no choice of their own experience a persistent orientation of attraction for their own gender, then I pray that if you are a Christ-follower you will search for liberating, God-honouring ways for our gay brothers and sisters to experience intimacy in relationship. And I pray that you will ask, “How will we reach out with mission, justice and ministry? How will we, together, experience God’s love, relationship, intimacy and faithfulness?”
I, for one, want to be open to as many options as possible – options that I pray will encourage my gay neighbours to fully experience the love of Christ.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Speaking Up for Justice
This past weekend a conference addressing homosexuality was held in Uganda. You can read more details and background here and here and here. There are some deeply troubling reports about this conference that I feel I need to speak out about. New Direction as a ministry has intentionally chosen to stay out of politics. However, I feel that the issues raised at the Uganda conference are about justice. And I must speak out for justice if I am to be faithful to Jesus Christ.
But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do,
what God is looking for in men and women.
It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor,
be compassionate and loyal in your love…
(Micah 6:8 the Message)
It is not just to advocate for the criminalization of gay people. Currently, gay people in Uganda face the possibility of life in prison. This ought not to be! And those who name the name of Jesus need to speak up and say so.
It is not just to coerce gay people into therapy. Disputes about the harm of reparative therapy aside, forced therapy ought not to be. And those who know the invitational character of Jesus need to speak up and say so.
It is not just to stir up fear and hatred of gay people. Blaming gay people for the genocide in Rwanda cannot be tolerated. Equating homosexuality with pedophilia when the research clearly refutes such a notion is inexcusable. It must be challenged for what it is – inciting hatred and potential violence towards gay people in an already volatile context such as Uganda. Such hatred is completely inconsistent with God’s call to shalom. And those who follow Jesus need to speak up and say so.
"Quit your worship charades. I can't stand your trivial religious games: Monthly conferences, weekly Sabbaths, special meetings— meetings, meetings, meetings—I can't stand one more! Meetings for this, meetings for that. I hate them! You've worn me out! I'm sick of your religion, religion, religion, while you go right on sinning. When you put on your next prayer-performance, I'll be looking the other way. No matter how long or loud or often you pray, I'll not be listening. And do you know why? Because you've been tearing people to pieces, and your hands are bloody. Go home and wash up. Clean up your act. Sweep your lives clean of your evildoings so I don't have to look at them any longer. Say no to wrong. Learn to do good. Work for justice. Help the down-and-out. Stand up for the homeless. Go to bat for the defenseless.” (Isaiah 1:13 the Message)
I invite others to join me in calling for the decriminalization of homosexuality throughout the world. I invite others to join me in standing for justice for our gay neighbours – in Uganda and throughout the world. And I invite others to do all they can, through relationship and in word & deed, to overcome the incitement of hatred with love.
But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do,
what God is looking for in men and women.
It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor,
be compassionate and loyal in your love…
(Micah 6:8 the Message)
It is not just to advocate for the criminalization of gay people. Currently, gay people in Uganda face the possibility of life in prison. This ought not to be! And those who name the name of Jesus need to speak up and say so.
It is not just to coerce gay people into therapy. Disputes about the harm of reparative therapy aside, forced therapy ought not to be. And those who know the invitational character of Jesus need to speak up and say so.
It is not just to stir up fear and hatred of gay people. Blaming gay people for the genocide in Rwanda cannot be tolerated. Equating homosexuality with pedophilia when the research clearly refutes such a notion is inexcusable. It must be challenged for what it is – inciting hatred and potential violence towards gay people in an already volatile context such as Uganda. Such hatred is completely inconsistent with God’s call to shalom. And those who follow Jesus need to speak up and say so.
"Quit your worship charades. I can't stand your trivial religious games: Monthly conferences, weekly Sabbaths, special meetings— meetings, meetings, meetings—I can't stand one more! Meetings for this, meetings for that. I hate them! You've worn me out! I'm sick of your religion, religion, religion, while you go right on sinning. When you put on your next prayer-performance, I'll be looking the other way. No matter how long or loud or often you pray, I'll not be listening. And do you know why? Because you've been tearing people to pieces, and your hands are bloody. Go home and wash up. Clean up your act. Sweep your lives clean of your evildoings so I don't have to look at them any longer. Say no to wrong. Learn to do good. Work for justice. Help the down-and-out. Stand up for the homeless. Go to bat for the defenseless.” (Isaiah 1:13 the Message)
I invite others to join me in calling for the decriminalization of homosexuality throughout the world. I invite others to join me in standing for justice for our gay neighbours – in Uganda and throughout the world. And I invite others to do all they can, through relationship and in word & deed, to overcome the incitement of hatred with love.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
A Message of God's Love
I’ve just watched Dustin Lance Black win the Oscar for best screenplay for the movie Milk. Unfortunately, I haven’t yet been able to see the movie as I rarely have the chance to get to the theatre. In his acceptance speech, Lance spoke with overt emotion of the hope that the story of Harvey Milk had offered to him as a gay teen growing up in Mormon home. And then he looked into the camera to remind gay and lesbian young people everywhere that God loves them. How powerful.
I just finished this weekend an advance reader copy of Andy Marin’s new book, “Love is an Orientation”. It is a great book. And like Lance’s public declaration, Marin brings our focus back to the essential true foundation – the love of God for our gay neighbours.
Congratulations Lance. Congratulations Andy. May your message go far and wide.
And I’m looking forward to seeing Milk once it comes out on DVD.
I just finished this weekend an advance reader copy of Andy Marin’s new book, “Love is an Orientation”. It is a great book. And like Lance’s public declaration, Marin brings our focus back to the essential true foundation – the love of God for our gay neighbours.
Congratulations Lance. Congratulations Andy. May your message go far and wide.
And I’m looking forward to seeing Milk once it comes out on DVD.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Of motivations and integrity....
As I was posting my last entry on ‘trust issues’, I came across a comment that had somehow gotten lost in the wasteland of unmoderated comments. “Jack” was very articulate in raising concerns that seem to be shared by other gay readers, so I wanted to try to address some of the issues he raises:
Jack: Quite honestly, I truly question your motives. I think you truly want to reach out to gays and lesbians, and at some level, I believe that part. However, I always leave this blog and ones to similar to this wondering what outcome are you truly looking for. I see a lot of words revolving around reconciliation, understanding, bridging the gap and so on. But I am left wondering less about the process you are using and wondering MORE about what kind of outcome you are searching for? Is it your hope that you will befriend Gays and Lesbians in hopes that we will decide to become celibate and live chaste lives?
Wendy: These are the outcomes I pray for:
1. I hope that the conservative Christian community will be a safer place for gay people to be honest and open about their day-to-day realities and journey of faith. Some gay people might want to see a day when no one holds a conservative sexual ethic – but I think the reality is that there will always be people of faith who interpret Scripture in a manner that precludes same-sex sexual behaviour. The questions for me are, “How do those who do hold a conservative sexual ethic relate to gay people? How can motivations of fear, control, dominance, coercion, and hatred be confronted as being completely incompatible with the person and ministry of Jesus Christ? How can conservative Christians be helped to feel more comfortable and prepared to be in friendships with gay people – even though there may be points of disagreement that need to be navigated?”
So my hope is that Christians who continue to hold a conservative sexual ethic will do so on the basis of their own convictions birthed from prayer, study of Scripture, and a realistic connection and understanding of the realities of gay people – NOT from fear-based stereotypes of gay people, judgmental control, arrogance, or a sense of drivenness to “make the gay go away”.
My hope is that conservative Christians will engage people with respect, will speak up for issues of justice, and will navigate points of disagreement with humility and grace.
2. I hope, through the context of relationship with Christ-followers, that gay and lesbian people who are not believers would encounter the presence of Christ. I am unapologetically passionate about people coming to know and live in the reality of God’s love for them in Jesus Christ.
At the same time, if a gay person comes to Christ, they will, when the time is right (and that may not be for a long time), need to wrestle with Scripture and through prayer discern what God’s will is for them. In my pastoral connections, I regularly point people to resources like www.gaychristian.net where multiple perspectives are articulated. My perspective is that each individual needs to own what they believe – and then seek to live in a manner that is consistent with those beliefs. Some gay people will own a side B perspective – and many will own a side A perspective. I seek to leave that with God. For those who own a side B perspective, a commitment to celibacy often follows. Some find fulfillment and serenity in this decision. Others find over time that they move towards a side A perspective. Sometimes it is different than that – sometimes someone who was side A moves towards a side B perspective. In my years of connecting with people, I have encountered a lot of diversity in how people navigate their journey of faith - and I have learned to let go and let God be God.
3. I hope that those who are side B in theological perspective (conservative sexual ethic) would focus on shared love for Christ and a mutual commitment to grow in relationship with Christ with side A believers (gay affirming). My hope is that more Christians will recognize that God, through the Holy Spirit, is the one whose job it is to convict and challenge on issues of sin for any and all believers. And we all have sin issues that we're not dealing with. There are times that we are prompted by the Holy Spirit to speak a word in season – but this requires discernment, trust in the relationship, and an openness for someone to accept or reject what we have to offer. Growing in this kind of discernment is most fruitful when we err on the side of humility and waiting for God’s confirmation rather than leading with an anxiety-based agenda.
4. I hope to particularly encourage those individuals who experience same-gender attraction who embrace a side B perspective in their walk with Christ. For example, my post about ‘staying true to convictions’ was written to an person who is committed to a side B perspective. It was not written as manifesto on why every gay person should be side B.
5. I hope that we will be part of fostering a generous spaciousness within the Christian community. Part of that may be accepting that the issue of homosexuality is a disputable matter. Good Christians who love God and take the bible seriously do disagree on this topic. And we can still love and respect each other despite our disagreements. We can still acknowledge and honour each other’s faith and love for Christ. And we can, through relationship, come to a place where we do trust one another’s motives. I hope that part of seeking to foster a generous spaciousness means that people have the room and freedom to continue to explore and respond to the ways they belief God is leading them.
Jack: Is it your hope that you will befriend Gays and Lesbians in hopes that we will decide to become celibate and live chaste lives? If this is your ultimate goal then you might as well stop your efforts now. Why would gay and lesbians want to be a part of conservative/evangelical congregation where your presence would be only lukewarm at best? Why not attend an MCC Church or another liberal mainline congregation where the issue of homosexuality has long since been answered?
Wendy: The reality is that there are some gay and lesbian people who are choosing, on the basis of their own convictions, to live celibate lives. There are very few resources that are of much encouragement to them. Sometimes, this decision to live celibately is driven by fear and self-hatred. When we sense this, we always want to gently challenge them if that seems to be the dominant motivation. If someone is committed to living celibately, we want that to come from a place of security in God’s love and acceptance – not fear.
Some gay and lesbian people do want to be part of a evangelical/conservative congregation, for a variety of reasons, and if we can help that environment to be more welcoming through our writing, resources and teaching – then we hope that is honouring to Christ and helpful to gay people.
Let me be clear. We are not trying to convince side A individuals or institutions to shift towards a side B perspective. It would be quite audacious to think we could have that kind of influence – and completely out of touch with reality. If God is who he says he is, then we don’t have to worry about convincing anyone – that is his job. If our writings are some sort of catalyst for rethinking attitudes and perspectives – we entrust that to God. Any seeds sown are God’s business. Our prayer is consistently that we would not get in the way of what he is already doing.
Jack: It just seems to me that this blog and others are so condescending--even more so than the out and out gay haters like Phelps and his crowd. In some ways I think Evangelical Christians who are so (all of a sudden" surgary sweet) and nice are a cause for MORE concern. More of a concern because it seems that this "new approach" being used by some in the evangelical church is an attempt to engage gays and lesbians in conversation without truly looking for a different outcome than those who out and out publicly denounce homosexuality. To put it in easier terms it just seems like a "sneakier approach" with the same intent in mind. Sort of a "love the sinner hate the sin" dressed up in a pretty dress--it looks nicer and prettier but the message and the outcome is still the same.
Wendy: The last thing we want to be is condescending.
At the same time, I would challenge the notion that the only person who can be loving and respectful toward gay people is the person who fully embraces and affirms all aspects of gay life. I deeply love my gay friends - and they do view me as an ally of sorts. I don’t agree with them on every theological point. But I have all kinds of friends with whom I don’t agree on every theological point. We can still be friends who care for each other, respect each other, and encourage each other to grow in the faith. For my gay friends who are not followers of Jesus, I love and care for them the same I would any other friend who isn’t a believer.
If the only terms acceptable for authentic engagement are that we all have to agree on everything, what a fractured and divided and horribly disengaged society we would be. And if those are the only terms, then there really is very little hope that the gap between the gay community and conservative Christian community can be bridged – and that would be a tragedy.
I would hope that those who connect with us over the long haul would discern the significant difference between someone, like Phelps, who expresses overt hate, consigns people to hell for their orientation, is driven to eradicate gay people from society, and protests any fair and equal treatment – and our commitment to love gay people and to be part of a generous spaciousness.
Last thought, a number of gay people, who are understandably skeptical and cynical, have commented on my “sweetness”…. what you may not realize is the crap that I take for the generosity I seek to embody on this blog, through the resources we develop and the speaking that I do. While I understand the skepticism and the reality that trust is earned …. and I’m committed to walking this out long term and being patient while people watch and observe ….. I wouldn’t be completely honest if I didn’t say that sometimes it is hard to encounter the skepticism. I’m hardly a martyr …. But the truth is that it can be exhausting to try to stay present in the moderate middle. Being a bridge can be painful – especially when folks on both ends question your motives. But at the end of the day, I believe being a bridge, to the best of my ability, is what Christ has called me to – and so I lean on his grace in the confidence that he sees the integrity of my heart.
p.s. If you would like to read Jack's full comment, see it in the comment section here: http://btgproject.blogspot.com/2009/02/staying-true-to-convictions.html
Jack: Quite honestly, I truly question your motives. I think you truly want to reach out to gays and lesbians, and at some level, I believe that part. However, I always leave this blog and ones to similar to this wondering what outcome are you truly looking for. I see a lot of words revolving around reconciliation, understanding, bridging the gap and so on. But I am left wondering less about the process you are using and wondering MORE about what kind of outcome you are searching for? Is it your hope that you will befriend Gays and Lesbians in hopes that we will decide to become celibate and live chaste lives?
Wendy: These are the outcomes I pray for:
1. I hope that the conservative Christian community will be a safer place for gay people to be honest and open about their day-to-day realities and journey of faith. Some gay people might want to see a day when no one holds a conservative sexual ethic – but I think the reality is that there will always be people of faith who interpret Scripture in a manner that precludes same-sex sexual behaviour. The questions for me are, “How do those who do hold a conservative sexual ethic relate to gay people? How can motivations of fear, control, dominance, coercion, and hatred be confronted as being completely incompatible with the person and ministry of Jesus Christ? How can conservative Christians be helped to feel more comfortable and prepared to be in friendships with gay people – even though there may be points of disagreement that need to be navigated?”
So my hope is that Christians who continue to hold a conservative sexual ethic will do so on the basis of their own convictions birthed from prayer, study of Scripture, and a realistic connection and understanding of the realities of gay people – NOT from fear-based stereotypes of gay people, judgmental control, arrogance, or a sense of drivenness to “make the gay go away”.
My hope is that conservative Christians will engage people with respect, will speak up for issues of justice, and will navigate points of disagreement with humility and grace.
2. I hope, through the context of relationship with Christ-followers, that gay and lesbian people who are not believers would encounter the presence of Christ. I am unapologetically passionate about people coming to know and live in the reality of God’s love for them in Jesus Christ.
At the same time, if a gay person comes to Christ, they will, when the time is right (and that may not be for a long time), need to wrestle with Scripture and through prayer discern what God’s will is for them. In my pastoral connections, I regularly point people to resources like www.gaychristian.net where multiple perspectives are articulated. My perspective is that each individual needs to own what they believe – and then seek to live in a manner that is consistent with those beliefs. Some gay people will own a side B perspective – and many will own a side A perspective. I seek to leave that with God. For those who own a side B perspective, a commitment to celibacy often follows. Some find fulfillment and serenity in this decision. Others find over time that they move towards a side A perspective. Sometimes it is different than that – sometimes someone who was side A moves towards a side B perspective. In my years of connecting with people, I have encountered a lot of diversity in how people navigate their journey of faith - and I have learned to let go and let God be God.
3. I hope that those who are side B in theological perspective (conservative sexual ethic) would focus on shared love for Christ and a mutual commitment to grow in relationship with Christ with side A believers (gay affirming). My hope is that more Christians will recognize that God, through the Holy Spirit, is the one whose job it is to convict and challenge on issues of sin for any and all believers. And we all have sin issues that we're not dealing with. There are times that we are prompted by the Holy Spirit to speak a word in season – but this requires discernment, trust in the relationship, and an openness for someone to accept or reject what we have to offer. Growing in this kind of discernment is most fruitful when we err on the side of humility and waiting for God’s confirmation rather than leading with an anxiety-based agenda.
4. I hope to particularly encourage those individuals who experience same-gender attraction who embrace a side B perspective in their walk with Christ. For example, my post about ‘staying true to convictions’ was written to an person who is committed to a side B perspective. It was not written as manifesto on why every gay person should be side B.
5. I hope that we will be part of fostering a generous spaciousness within the Christian community. Part of that may be accepting that the issue of homosexuality is a disputable matter. Good Christians who love God and take the bible seriously do disagree on this topic. And we can still love and respect each other despite our disagreements. We can still acknowledge and honour each other’s faith and love for Christ. And we can, through relationship, come to a place where we do trust one another’s motives. I hope that part of seeking to foster a generous spaciousness means that people have the room and freedom to continue to explore and respond to the ways they belief God is leading them.
Jack: Is it your hope that you will befriend Gays and Lesbians in hopes that we will decide to become celibate and live chaste lives? If this is your ultimate goal then you might as well stop your efforts now. Why would gay and lesbians want to be a part of conservative/evangelical congregation where your presence would be only lukewarm at best? Why not attend an MCC Church or another liberal mainline congregation where the issue of homosexuality has long since been answered?
Wendy: The reality is that there are some gay and lesbian people who are choosing, on the basis of their own convictions, to live celibate lives. There are very few resources that are of much encouragement to them. Sometimes, this decision to live celibately is driven by fear and self-hatred. When we sense this, we always want to gently challenge them if that seems to be the dominant motivation. If someone is committed to living celibately, we want that to come from a place of security in God’s love and acceptance – not fear.
Some gay and lesbian people do want to be part of a evangelical/conservative congregation, for a variety of reasons, and if we can help that environment to be more welcoming through our writing, resources and teaching – then we hope that is honouring to Christ and helpful to gay people.
Let me be clear. We are not trying to convince side A individuals or institutions to shift towards a side B perspective. It would be quite audacious to think we could have that kind of influence – and completely out of touch with reality. If God is who he says he is, then we don’t have to worry about convincing anyone – that is his job. If our writings are some sort of catalyst for rethinking attitudes and perspectives – we entrust that to God. Any seeds sown are God’s business. Our prayer is consistently that we would not get in the way of what he is already doing.
Jack: It just seems to me that this blog and others are so condescending--even more so than the out and out gay haters like Phelps and his crowd. In some ways I think Evangelical Christians who are so (all of a sudden" surgary sweet) and nice are a cause for MORE concern. More of a concern because it seems that this "new approach" being used by some in the evangelical church is an attempt to engage gays and lesbians in conversation without truly looking for a different outcome than those who out and out publicly denounce homosexuality. To put it in easier terms it just seems like a "sneakier approach" with the same intent in mind. Sort of a "love the sinner hate the sin" dressed up in a pretty dress--it looks nicer and prettier but the message and the outcome is still the same.
Wendy: The last thing we want to be is condescending.
At the same time, I would challenge the notion that the only person who can be loving and respectful toward gay people is the person who fully embraces and affirms all aspects of gay life. I deeply love my gay friends - and they do view me as an ally of sorts. I don’t agree with them on every theological point. But I have all kinds of friends with whom I don’t agree on every theological point. We can still be friends who care for each other, respect each other, and encourage each other to grow in the faith. For my gay friends who are not followers of Jesus, I love and care for them the same I would any other friend who isn’t a believer.
If the only terms acceptable for authentic engagement are that we all have to agree on everything, what a fractured and divided and horribly disengaged society we would be. And if those are the only terms, then there really is very little hope that the gap between the gay community and conservative Christian community can be bridged – and that would be a tragedy.
I would hope that those who connect with us over the long haul would discern the significant difference between someone, like Phelps, who expresses overt hate, consigns people to hell for their orientation, is driven to eradicate gay people from society, and protests any fair and equal treatment – and our commitment to love gay people and to be part of a generous spaciousness.
Last thought, a number of gay people, who are understandably skeptical and cynical, have commented on my “sweetness”…. what you may not realize is the crap that I take for the generosity I seek to embody on this blog, through the resources we develop and the speaking that I do. While I understand the skepticism and the reality that trust is earned …. and I’m committed to walking this out long term and being patient while people watch and observe ….. I wouldn’t be completely honest if I didn’t say that sometimes it is hard to encounter the skepticism. I’m hardly a martyr …. But the truth is that it can be exhausting to try to stay present in the moderate middle. Being a bridge can be painful – especially when folks on both ends question your motives. But at the end of the day, I believe being a bridge, to the best of my ability, is what Christ has called me to – and so I lean on his grace in the confidence that he sees the integrity of my heart.
p.s. If you would like to read Jack's full comment, see it in the comment section here: http://btgproject.blogspot.com/2009/02/staying-true-to-convictions.html
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