Someone has anonymously commented on my last post – and given that my response to them was getting longer and longer – I decided to just make it it’s own post.
This commenter asked:
"How do we get to the point of seeing this issue as an area of disagreement rather than a salvation issue?"
This is a core question - and not one I have a perfect and complete answer for. But here are some thoughts:
If we are saved by grace alone through faith in Jesus Christ, then the issue of salvation is wrapped up in this truth. (Romans 5:1-3) Jesus Christ has already accomplished all that is needed for us to be restored to living relationship with God - for now and eternity. This reality is actualized as we are aware and receptive to this invitation of relationship. This reality cannot be earned or destroyed because of what we do. Our experience of this reality may be marred by what we do - but the reality of our redemption is secure in Christ. All of us find ourselves falling short of the glory of God deserving of eternal separation from God. But thanks be to God, we have been reconciled in Christ. The tragedy is that there are human beings who do not accept or acknowledge the reality of this reconciliation that is their's in Christ.
Now - there will be Christians who disagree on this understanding of justification - and if so, it may be very difficult for them to bridge the gap in viewing those who disagree with them on homosexuality as just as caught up in the reconciling reality of Christ as they are. But for those who can and do embrace this understanding of justification, there is hope for viewing fellow Christians who disagree with us on any number of topics (homosexuality just being one) as positioned to receive the same free gift of grace and redemption through Christ.
(Note: For those of you who now think I'm a universalist, let me clarify that while I do not believe our actions can destroy the redemption that Christ has accomplished on our behalf - I do see that such redemption is effective through our receptivity of it. Therefore, if a human being refuses to receive the reality of their redemption, it ceases to be actualized for them. For a more robust articulation of this understanding of justification, I might suggest reading Baxter Kruger - an actual theologian - which I am not.)
So, I view sexual ethics then as an issue of sanctification (the process of becoming more like Christ) - not justification. This frees me to engage my brothers and sisters who testify to being receptive of Christ's accomplished redemption on their behalf - regardless of where they are at in the process of sanctification and including those who disagree with me about areas that need sanctifying. For example, take an issue like divorce. Christians disagree on the acceptability of divorce and remarriage. But despite these disagreements, most Christians would view a divorced and/or remarried person who identifies as a Christian to be a genuine follower of Jesus.
Those who share this view of justification, even those who hold a very conservative view of sexual ethics, have the capacity to be able to receive someone who holds a different perspective than they do as a mutual pilgrim on the journey of faith - seeking to know and live out God's will for their lives. Because the area of sexual ethics can be so charged, so threatening, so frightening, I think it is important in conversations about homosexuality to remind one another of the basis of our justification. We may disagree with a gay Christian's decision to marry or be in relationship with a same-gender partner, but if we revisit the question of justification then we will hopefully have the humility and grace to understand that this individual has just as much access to live in the reality of Christ's redemption as anyone else does. (Ephesians 2:8-10) And then hopefully we will recognize that it is truly only God who can judge the receptivity of the fullness of Christ's redemption in any human heart. By being a recipient of the free gift of grace, I am then invited to extend the same grace to others - entrusting them and their understanding of Scripture in relation to issues of sanctification to God.
Now this can leave many unanswered questions. I’ll surmise on some of the common ones I hear:
"Do I never share what I believe with the other person?"
Sharing what we believe with someone who holds a different perspective than we do is always a matter of discernment and ought to require of us to search our own motives. If we are sharing what we believe in the context of relationship, where there is rapport and trust established, where we have demonstrated that we are as willing to listen as to speak, then we are most likely to encounter receptivity on the other person's part to at least listen. If we are sharing what we believe because we have sensed the Holy Spirit nudging us to speak, and we've waited for a sense of confirmation, then we are most likely to encounter receptivity. If we are sharing what we believe from a place of love - and not from fear or a desire to control - then we are most likely to encounter receptivity. And if we are able to share with no strings attached, (ie. "If you don't agree with me - this relationship is done.) truly entrusting the other person to Christ with the full assurance that the Holy Spirit is more than able to convict and challenge them in the appropriate areas at the appropriate times, then I think we can be useful in building bridges. (I Peter 3:15)
"What boundaries on behaviour should a church have?"
Any church community needs to have clear and shared understanding about appropriate behaviour for those who identify as followers of Jesus Christ, called to be his representatives in the world. (An example of such a process is found in Acts 15) On the issue of homosexuality, some church communities will have a consensus that homosexual behaviour is precluded by Scripture. Other church communities will have consensus that homosexual behaviour expressed in committed, monogamous relationships can be consistent with living a God-honouring life. And then there are church communities where there is a lack of consensus because different people have different perspectives. This last description is one that I see more and more frequently. There may be official policies on the books of the church - but in reality, there is diversity of perspective. One way that such a church can move forward is to have a clear and shared understanding that the issue of homosexuality is a disputable matter in that congregation - that members will not sit in judgment over one another - and that there will be a commitment to honour each other's true convictions on this topic. Wherever a church finds itself, I think everyone benefits from a clear understanding of where a church is landing. This means the members are clear on the expectations and it means those who visit or consider attending (including gay people) will have a clear understanding with no surprises down the road. Part of this clear understanding will need to articulate a church's position on specific questions like leadership roles, church membership, and marriage. Regardless of the position a church takes, I believe each congregation needs to be challenged and encouraged to be a welcoming place to all people - including those who hold a different perspectives.
"How do I correct a brother or sister in Christ who is making choices I believe are inconsistent with Scripture?"
Similar to my responses to the first question, words of correction require discernment, maturity and humility. Scripture teaches us that as a follower of Jesus we are not an island. God places us in community and we are encouraged to not give up meeting together. (Hebrews 10:25) Doing life together is a significant factor in growing spiritually – and part of that means that we need to care for one another enough to confront and correct one another. Such correction always needs to come with gentleness and not out of fear or anger. (II Timothy 4:2)
"If gay people can go to heaven even if they are in a gay relationship - then why would any gay people choose celibacy or try to pursue the opportunity for a healthy heterosexual marriage?"
I often encounter a fear among conservative Christians that if we are too accepting of gay-affirming Christians then we’ll all just slide down the slippery slope of liberalism and relativism. I hear a lot of fear in this kind of response, fear for the future of the church. What those of us who are seeking to build bridges need to stay connected to is the truth that God is in control. We don’t need to control everything – God is in control. God, through the generations, has spoken and is speaking and will speak. Scripture tells us that God’s Word is alive and active and powerful. (Hebrews 4:12) God will continue to speak to individuals and to church communities, convicting, challenging, encouraging, and leading. There will continue to be people who experience same-gender attraction who believe God is calling them to refrain from engaging in a gay relationship. There will continue to be people who experience same-gender attraction who believe the integration of their faith and sexuality leads them to make a life-long commitment to a same-sex partner. People will live out their convictions in different ways. This has always been a reality in the church – and will be a reality in the future. There are so many different areas in each of our lives where we could be more fully living out God’s best intentions for us. None of us hits the mark. Which is why we are a people who live by grace. Not a cheap grace – doing whatever we feel like and assuming God’s grace will cover it anyway. But rather, the grace of knowing that though we can never measure up, can never fulfill God’s law, can never be fully like Christ this side of heaven, Christ has made a way for us to be reconciled to God. (Romans 3:23) For example, Scripture tells us to sell all we have to give to the poor, to deny ourselves, to pour out our lives on behalf of the weak and needy….. how many of us live that out fully? How many of us, in the fat, wealthy Western church, have come to terms with our wealth, see it as God’s blessing, and live at peace with God? There would be those who radically disagree – who have sold all they have and are living among the poor. When those who live among the poor can have the grace and maturity and humility to accept those of us who continue to live in bigger houses than we need, continue to buy more stuff than we possibly can use, eat more food than our bodies require etc., I think they model for us a way to be the Body of Christ together – accepting that we all need to wrestle with God is asking of us in our lives. (Colossians 3:13)
I received an email some weeks ago from a ministry leader. He spoke about how he has always believed that God’s best intention is for same-gender attracted people to not express that in sexual behaviour or relationships. He has owned and lived out that conviction, first as a single man for many years, and now as happily married man with his wife. But he also readily acknowledged the faith of gay people who hold a gay-affirming perspective. It seems to me, that there is more of a spaciousness in which such perspectives can be shared today than there was even just five or ten years ago. I pray that such spaciousness arises from a place of grace, humility and maturity – and from a radical faith in a radical God who extends the redemption won through Christ to all people.
These are some of my thoughts ..... What do you think?
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
To study and pray ......pray and study
This past weekend I had the opportunity to teach a couple of seminars at a conference called, “The Evolving Church: Amidst the Powers”. It was a pretty intense experience with some theological heavy-weights as keynote speakers. Stanley Hauerwas’ paper on “The Power of War” is something I’m still chewing on ….. and wish I could get my hands on the transcript (Dan – c’mon – give it up).
I had the opportunity to be a panelist in response to Marva Dawn who spoke on “Hope in a Crisis Time against and with the Powers”. As you might imagine, I asked Dr. Dawn about the divided realities within the Christian community. We don’t agree on what the powers are – so how can we stand together against them or with them? What do we do with the reality of “disputable matters” within the Body of Christ? Dr. Dawn responded with a reference to one of the texts I most often use when preaching on behalf of New Direction:
II Corinthians 5: 18 – 21
All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.
Dr. Dawn’s response to the reality of division is to be an agent of reconciliation.
Now that is a word of hope.
You might think that a woman with four Master’s degrees and a Ph.D. would talk about what the “right” position was – surely, she has earned that right. But I was delighted to hear her connect these painful realities with the ministry of reconciliation.
It struck me as I participated in this conference, sat in the speaker’s lounge with folks much smarter than I and much more educated than my Master’s level, how rich the tradition of Christian thinking is. I was inspired, again, to reach higher, read widely, think more deeply. Brilliant, incredibly educated people – embodying a humility and grace, modeling a fierce Christ-centeredness and robust discipleship.
The topic of homosexuality is a complex one. In the last seven years of ministry – and prior to that as well – I have read widely on the topic. I have laid awake many a night, thinking deeply, praying earnestly, listening intently for the Spirit’s guidance. And I am profoundly humbled by all that I do not understand, do not know. Navigating through the plethora of hermeneutical grids alone is enough to give me insomnia. (That is …. how we interpret the Bible)
I live in the assurance of II Peter 1:3: His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.
You don’t need a graduate degree to know Christ and live in His divine power. Christ is available to any and all completely independent of any ability of our own.
Yet, for those of us who take on the mantle of leadership, who speak publicly into a divided community, it is critical that we take seriously our responsibility to think deeply, study carefully, and be clear and humble about the limitations in our understanding. A seminary professor of mine used to say, “Wendy, for every hour in prayer spend an hour in your study and for every hour in study, spend an hour in prayer.” This has been a helpful corrective to remember when I’ve tended to lean to one side or the other.
Dr. Walter Wink was one of the keynote speakers at this conference. Dr. Wink, in his work on ‘the powers,’ has made a profound and rich contribution to a Christian understanding of how to engage culture around us. Given Dr. Wink’s health and the limitations on his ability to travel, I felt very privileged to have the opportunity to hear him speak in person. Dr. Wink has been a proponent of full inclusion of gay brothers and sisters in the church for many years. I have read scathing, dismissive critiques of this man from those who hold a more conservative theological perspective on homosexuality. How the world sees us biting and devouring each other. How our arrogance can erect dividing walls.
I, for one, want to be known as an agent of reconciliation – humble in the face of my own limitations. I, for one, want to be open to listen, learn, engage with love and courage – not fear.
For as Marva Dawn so delightfully reminded us on Saturday, we need not fear for God has already won, He will make all things right, and in the words of Colossians 3:3 “My life is hidden with Christ in God.”
I had the opportunity to be a panelist in response to Marva Dawn who spoke on “Hope in a Crisis Time against and with the Powers”. As you might imagine, I asked Dr. Dawn about the divided realities within the Christian community. We don’t agree on what the powers are – so how can we stand together against them or with them? What do we do with the reality of “disputable matters” within the Body of Christ? Dr. Dawn responded with a reference to one of the texts I most often use when preaching on behalf of New Direction:
II Corinthians 5: 18 – 21
All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.
Dr. Dawn’s response to the reality of division is to be an agent of reconciliation.
Now that is a word of hope.
You might think that a woman with four Master’s degrees and a Ph.D. would talk about what the “right” position was – surely, she has earned that right. But I was delighted to hear her connect these painful realities with the ministry of reconciliation.
It struck me as I participated in this conference, sat in the speaker’s lounge with folks much smarter than I and much more educated than my Master’s level, how rich the tradition of Christian thinking is. I was inspired, again, to reach higher, read widely, think more deeply. Brilliant, incredibly educated people – embodying a humility and grace, modeling a fierce Christ-centeredness and robust discipleship.
The topic of homosexuality is a complex one. In the last seven years of ministry – and prior to that as well – I have read widely on the topic. I have laid awake many a night, thinking deeply, praying earnestly, listening intently for the Spirit’s guidance. And I am profoundly humbled by all that I do not understand, do not know. Navigating through the plethora of hermeneutical grids alone is enough to give me insomnia. (That is …. how we interpret the Bible)
I live in the assurance of II Peter 1:3: His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.
You don’t need a graduate degree to know Christ and live in His divine power. Christ is available to any and all completely independent of any ability of our own.
Yet, for those of us who take on the mantle of leadership, who speak publicly into a divided community, it is critical that we take seriously our responsibility to think deeply, study carefully, and be clear and humble about the limitations in our understanding. A seminary professor of mine used to say, “Wendy, for every hour in prayer spend an hour in your study and for every hour in study, spend an hour in prayer.” This has been a helpful corrective to remember when I’ve tended to lean to one side or the other.
Dr. Walter Wink was one of the keynote speakers at this conference. Dr. Wink, in his work on ‘the powers,’ has made a profound and rich contribution to a Christian understanding of how to engage culture around us. Given Dr. Wink’s health and the limitations on his ability to travel, I felt very privileged to have the opportunity to hear him speak in person. Dr. Wink has been a proponent of full inclusion of gay brothers and sisters in the church for many years. I have read scathing, dismissive critiques of this man from those who hold a more conservative theological perspective on homosexuality. How the world sees us biting and devouring each other. How our arrogance can erect dividing walls.
I, for one, want to be known as an agent of reconciliation – humble in the face of my own limitations. I, for one, want to be open to listen, learn, engage with love and courage – not fear.
For as Marva Dawn so delightfully reminded us on Saturday, we need not fear for God has already won, He will make all things right, and in the words of Colossians 3:3 “My life is hidden with Christ in God.”
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
When You're Told that What God Has Done Is Not Enough by Brian Pengelly
Recently I was asked to speak to a gathering of youth. The group was made up of youth from a variety of churches and denominations, and after I shared my story a number of youth and pastors came to talk with me and express how grateful they were. One woman told about having a gay brother, and how every time she mentioned him the Christians in her church became cold. Another young man came up to me with tears in his eyes, shaking visibly. He could only say “Thank-you! You don’t know how much that needed to be said” before he fled from the room.
In the hour from the end of my talk to when they locked the door, I made myself available to talk to any who wished, as well as left information about where I could be reached by email if others wished to talk more. I went home feeling tired and drained, but pleased with how things had gone.
A week later, the pastor who had asked me to come to speak forwarded an email that had been going around one of the youth groups. It was written by two leaders from that group denouncing me and my teaching. The email was long and written with a great deal of capital letters for extra emphasis. The crux of the letter was this: the authors were furious that I honestly admitted that I was still attracted to the same sex, that my sexual orientation had not changed, and that I had accepted that, in all likelihood, my experience of same-gender attraction would continue to be my reality for the rest of my life.
To these leaders, this honest story of who I was and what I was experiencing was threatening and dangerous. They apologized to their youth for bringing them to hear it. They made it clear to their youth that they did not believe God would allow anyone to continue to be attracted to the same sex if they really wanted to change. To them, what I had shared about what God had done in my life simply wasn’t enough.
The authors then went on to say:
"God did not make us depressed, or suicidal, or full of sickness in our bodies. God did not make homosexuals. We have done it to ourselves. At some point in each of our lives doors open to the demonic, whether by our own decisions or by the devil planting someone in our paths to set a trap. The outcome of each trap is determined by our decisions, or if we are children, our parents decision of how to handle each situation.“
It became clear to me that these youth leaders had bought into a stream of theology often known as Word of Faith theology. They believed that God has promised to heal every area of a believer’s life right now and given them the authority to command that healing into existence. Because of this, my testimony was a great threat to them because God had simply not done enough in my life. Despite the fact that I could testify that I had not been in a relationship with another male since high school, despite the fact that I was able to enjoy a happy marriage to a woman, despite the fact that God had clearly been using me in ministry for over a decade….my testimony was not acceptable because God had not completely taken away my attraction to men.
There are many doctrines which I disagree with and can simply agree to disagree with people about. But I feel the need to speak up against Word of Faith theology because I have seen first hand the damage that it has caused to me and many others. The authors assumed that because I was telling my story and had my experiences, I had never confessed my sin or had prayer ministry to cast out the demons in my life that may have entered because of being abused. In fact they were so bold as to write:
"Had at any time in Brian’s life he cried out to God and taken his authority that he has been given as a believer and told his body "IN JESUS NAME I AM NOT GAY AND GOD DID NOT MAKE ME GAY AND I WILL NOT HAVE HOMOSEXUAL TENANDANCIES ANYMORE", and then taken his mind captive when ever those thoughts came in, Brian most likely would not struggle with this anymore. Had he at anytime repented of that initial time when he was in the library and he spoke out I am gay, and then asked God to forgive him for all the rest of the times that he has thought thoughts or acted in a homosexual manner, asked God to forgive him for that initial self cursing and THEN had the spirit of sexual perversion cast out of him, Brian most likely would not still struggle with this sin."
The truth is that I once attended a youth group where they taught such things, and believing that they were true, I did go forward to the altar, confess these very sins, and pray that very prayer meaning it with every cell of my body. I believed that God would heal me.....and then he didn't. When it didn't happen I was told it was because I lacked enough faith, or I was doing something wrong. The message I received was that it was my fault. And yet I knew in my heart that I had prayed with all the faith that I had and could do no more. When I said this, I was rejected by that group. I spent years believing that lie, that it was my fault and I just wasn't good enough to make it all go away. As I grew older and studied the Bible I came to realize that this was a false teaching and turned away from it. But that teaching left me in shame and despair for years of my life.
Sadly, I have seen many of my same-gender attracted friends buy into this thinking and go on even longer believing that it is their fault that their orientation hasn’t changed. And I have watched the effects that it has on them. The inevitable result of this kind of belief, when their orientation doesn’t change, is self hatred. Many of those friends fell into depression, self harm, and suicidal thoughts. When this happened, once again, they were told that those were signs of their own lack of faith, and instead of offering help they were shamed even more. So what most of them learned to do is to simply pretend that everything was okay and that their orientation had changed because that was the only thing that was acceptable. Several of them got married as a way of claiming their healing, and every single one of them are now divorced leaving hurt spouses and children in their wake.
The leaders who criticized me lumped attraction to the same sex, depression, suicidal thoughts and physical sickness as all being the same. (Something that my gay friends find incredibly insulting.) Yet even if you accept that they are the same, Jesus warned about making assumptions about the causes of people’s physical sickness like the leaders in this letter did. (Read John 9:2-4 or Luke 15:1-5 for examples of this) Further the teaching that children are punished for the sins or spiritual practices of their parents (often called generational curses) is highly problematic. Many Christian teachers have quoted Exodus 20:5 to support this belief, but they tend to fail to take into account that in Jeremiah 31 in the new covenant God promises NOT to do this any more. (Jer 31:28-30)
There has also been a sad legacy within the ex-gay movement of using this kind of teaching to burden parents as being at fault for their children’s sexual orientation. I do not know how many times over the years I heard about generational curses, mixed in with some pop psychology to explain the fact that I was attracted to men. My own story does include significant perceived rejection from my father. But the truth is that causation of sexual orientation is incredibly complex and that there is no good evidence to link it to parental behaviour. In fact, several of my best gay friends had wonderful relationships with their parents. But because of this kind of teaching, I have met with more parents than I can count who blame themselves for their children’s sexual orientation. I have listened to them as they examined every little thing they did or said in their lives wondering where they had spoken curses over their children!
When taken to its worst form, Word of Faith doctrine takes this blaming to the extreme of blaming parents whose children get sick. One of my best friends in the world had her two year old son die suddenly of a brain aneurysm caused by a rare genetic disorder. She was attending a church where many people had bought into this type of thinking and thus when faced with the horror of a dying child, their theology only allowed them to blame the parent. As a result my friend, in a time of great pain and hurt, was told that it was her fault that her son had died, because she had not prayed enough for him.
When I was in high school the teaching of Word of Faith theology held great appeal to me because they promised me a quick and easy solution to what I saw as the problem in my life. But since then I have matured both in my understanding of myself and my understanding of Scripture. While Scripture does tell many stories of healing, there are many other stories where healing does not occur. Paul’s story of the thorn in his flesh in 2 Corinthians is one that has been of great comfort to me. The books of Job and Ecclesiastes both wrestle with the reality of suffering in the world and both settle without formulaic answers only mystery. Job’s prayer “The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away blessed be the name of the Lord” is one that I have prayed many times over the years. The Bible is not afraid of a God that does not heal everything on demand. It embraces this mystery, and if our own theology is not big enough to grasp this, then our theology is too small.
I have found a place of peace and acceptance for the reality of my life. I am still attracted to men. Because of my understanding of Scripture I choose not to act on those attractions. I have asked God to take them away, in His grace and goodness he has chosen not to. I am fine with that. I know that the people who wrote the letter against my teaching mean well. They mention in it how God has done miraculous things in their own life, and I am not here to dispute their claims. But taking one’s own experience and universalizing it can cause great harm. I thank God for what he has done in my life, but I do not assume that it will be the same story other same-gender attracted people experience or if they do not get married like I have that they lack an amount of faith that I have. I receive my relationship with my wife as gift.
To those who take offense to my story, I can only say “this is what God has done in my life.” I will respectfully refuse to be judged by you, and I will keep telling my story to as many youth as I can so that they know that if they happen to be attracted to the same sex it IS NOT their fault, and that God is not angry at them or waiting for them to invoke the magic formula to heal them. God loves them and is present with them whether their attractions change or not. Having walked that journey myself I know that young people who are wrestling with the questions of faith and sexuality have enough to deal with already without being told their orientation is their fault or easily changed.
Jesus once admonished the Pharisees for “loading people down with burdens, but not lifting one finger to help lift them.” I believe that Word of Faith teaching does this very thing to those who continue to have same sex attractions. I believe that as Christians we need to stand against this distortion of Scripture. We need to genuinely listen to the stories of our brothers and sisters when they tell us that sincere prayer does not magically take it away, and find ways that we as a Christian community can come around and support them as they seek to walk out lives in a way that honours God. We need a spirit that celebrates what God has done, rather than demand what he has not.
In the hour from the end of my talk to when they locked the door, I made myself available to talk to any who wished, as well as left information about where I could be reached by email if others wished to talk more. I went home feeling tired and drained, but pleased with how things had gone.
A week later, the pastor who had asked me to come to speak forwarded an email that had been going around one of the youth groups. It was written by two leaders from that group denouncing me and my teaching. The email was long and written with a great deal of capital letters for extra emphasis. The crux of the letter was this: the authors were furious that I honestly admitted that I was still attracted to the same sex, that my sexual orientation had not changed, and that I had accepted that, in all likelihood, my experience of same-gender attraction would continue to be my reality for the rest of my life.
To these leaders, this honest story of who I was and what I was experiencing was threatening and dangerous. They apologized to their youth for bringing them to hear it. They made it clear to their youth that they did not believe God would allow anyone to continue to be attracted to the same sex if they really wanted to change. To them, what I had shared about what God had done in my life simply wasn’t enough.
The authors then went on to say:
"God did not make us depressed, or suicidal, or full of sickness in our bodies. God did not make homosexuals. We have done it to ourselves. At some point in each of our lives doors open to the demonic, whether by our own decisions or by the devil planting someone in our paths to set a trap. The outcome of each trap is determined by our decisions, or if we are children, our parents decision of how to handle each situation.“
It became clear to me that these youth leaders had bought into a stream of theology often known as Word of Faith theology. They believed that God has promised to heal every area of a believer’s life right now and given them the authority to command that healing into existence. Because of this, my testimony was a great threat to them because God had simply not done enough in my life. Despite the fact that I could testify that I had not been in a relationship with another male since high school, despite the fact that I was able to enjoy a happy marriage to a woman, despite the fact that God had clearly been using me in ministry for over a decade….my testimony was not acceptable because God had not completely taken away my attraction to men.
There are many doctrines which I disagree with and can simply agree to disagree with people about. But I feel the need to speak up against Word of Faith theology because I have seen first hand the damage that it has caused to me and many others. The authors assumed that because I was telling my story and had my experiences, I had never confessed my sin or had prayer ministry to cast out the demons in my life that may have entered because of being abused. In fact they were so bold as to write:
"Had at any time in Brian’s life he cried out to God and taken his authority that he has been given as a believer and told his body "IN JESUS NAME I AM NOT GAY AND GOD DID NOT MAKE ME GAY AND I WILL NOT HAVE HOMOSEXUAL TENANDANCIES ANYMORE", and then taken his mind captive when ever those thoughts came in, Brian most likely would not struggle with this anymore. Had he at anytime repented of that initial time when he was in the library and he spoke out I am gay, and then asked God to forgive him for all the rest of the times that he has thought thoughts or acted in a homosexual manner, asked God to forgive him for that initial self cursing and THEN had the spirit of sexual perversion cast out of him, Brian most likely would not still struggle with this sin."
The truth is that I once attended a youth group where they taught such things, and believing that they were true, I did go forward to the altar, confess these very sins, and pray that very prayer meaning it with every cell of my body. I believed that God would heal me.....and then he didn't. When it didn't happen I was told it was because I lacked enough faith, or I was doing something wrong. The message I received was that it was my fault. And yet I knew in my heart that I had prayed with all the faith that I had and could do no more. When I said this, I was rejected by that group. I spent years believing that lie, that it was my fault and I just wasn't good enough to make it all go away. As I grew older and studied the Bible I came to realize that this was a false teaching and turned away from it. But that teaching left me in shame and despair for years of my life.
Sadly, I have seen many of my same-gender attracted friends buy into this thinking and go on even longer believing that it is their fault that their orientation hasn’t changed. And I have watched the effects that it has on them. The inevitable result of this kind of belief, when their orientation doesn’t change, is self hatred. Many of those friends fell into depression, self harm, and suicidal thoughts. When this happened, once again, they were told that those were signs of their own lack of faith, and instead of offering help they were shamed even more. So what most of them learned to do is to simply pretend that everything was okay and that their orientation had changed because that was the only thing that was acceptable. Several of them got married as a way of claiming their healing, and every single one of them are now divorced leaving hurt spouses and children in their wake.
The leaders who criticized me lumped attraction to the same sex, depression, suicidal thoughts and physical sickness as all being the same. (Something that my gay friends find incredibly insulting.) Yet even if you accept that they are the same, Jesus warned about making assumptions about the causes of people’s physical sickness like the leaders in this letter did. (Read John 9:2-4 or Luke 15:1-5 for examples of this) Further the teaching that children are punished for the sins or spiritual practices of their parents (often called generational curses) is highly problematic. Many Christian teachers have quoted Exodus 20:5 to support this belief, but they tend to fail to take into account that in Jeremiah 31 in the new covenant God promises NOT to do this any more. (Jer 31:28-30)
There has also been a sad legacy within the ex-gay movement of using this kind of teaching to burden parents as being at fault for their children’s sexual orientation. I do not know how many times over the years I heard about generational curses, mixed in with some pop psychology to explain the fact that I was attracted to men. My own story does include significant perceived rejection from my father. But the truth is that causation of sexual orientation is incredibly complex and that there is no good evidence to link it to parental behaviour. In fact, several of my best gay friends had wonderful relationships with their parents. But because of this kind of teaching, I have met with more parents than I can count who blame themselves for their children’s sexual orientation. I have listened to them as they examined every little thing they did or said in their lives wondering where they had spoken curses over their children!
When taken to its worst form, Word of Faith doctrine takes this blaming to the extreme of blaming parents whose children get sick. One of my best friends in the world had her two year old son die suddenly of a brain aneurysm caused by a rare genetic disorder. She was attending a church where many people had bought into this type of thinking and thus when faced with the horror of a dying child, their theology only allowed them to blame the parent. As a result my friend, in a time of great pain and hurt, was told that it was her fault that her son had died, because she had not prayed enough for him.
When I was in high school the teaching of Word of Faith theology held great appeal to me because they promised me a quick and easy solution to what I saw as the problem in my life. But since then I have matured both in my understanding of myself and my understanding of Scripture. While Scripture does tell many stories of healing, there are many other stories where healing does not occur. Paul’s story of the thorn in his flesh in 2 Corinthians is one that has been of great comfort to me. The books of Job and Ecclesiastes both wrestle with the reality of suffering in the world and both settle without formulaic answers only mystery. Job’s prayer “The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away blessed be the name of the Lord” is one that I have prayed many times over the years. The Bible is not afraid of a God that does not heal everything on demand. It embraces this mystery, and if our own theology is not big enough to grasp this, then our theology is too small.
I have found a place of peace and acceptance for the reality of my life. I am still attracted to men. Because of my understanding of Scripture I choose not to act on those attractions. I have asked God to take them away, in His grace and goodness he has chosen not to. I am fine with that. I know that the people who wrote the letter against my teaching mean well. They mention in it how God has done miraculous things in their own life, and I am not here to dispute their claims. But taking one’s own experience and universalizing it can cause great harm. I thank God for what he has done in my life, but I do not assume that it will be the same story other same-gender attracted people experience or if they do not get married like I have that they lack an amount of faith that I have. I receive my relationship with my wife as gift.
To those who take offense to my story, I can only say “this is what God has done in my life.” I will respectfully refuse to be judged by you, and I will keep telling my story to as many youth as I can so that they know that if they happen to be attracted to the same sex it IS NOT their fault, and that God is not angry at them or waiting for them to invoke the magic formula to heal them. God loves them and is present with them whether their attractions change or not. Having walked that journey myself I know that young people who are wrestling with the questions of faith and sexuality have enough to deal with already without being told their orientation is their fault or easily changed.
Jesus once admonished the Pharisees for “loading people down with burdens, but not lifting one finger to help lift them.” I believe that Word of Faith teaching does this very thing to those who continue to have same sex attractions. I believe that as Christians we need to stand against this distortion of Scripture. We need to genuinely listen to the stories of our brothers and sisters when they tell us that sincere prayer does not magically take it away, and find ways that we as a Christian community can come around and support them as they seek to walk out lives in a way that honours God. We need a spirit that celebrates what God has done, rather than demand what he has not.
Monday, March 16, 2009
A 3 Strand Cord
I consider three different cords in living out the gospel with our gay neighbours.
First there is mission: reaching our gay neighbours who do not experience relationship with Jesus Christ with the good news of His love.
Second is justice: speaking out on issues of unjust treatment and the ways we fail to honour the image of God in our gay neighbours AND living out justice by treating our gay neighbours with the respect and love that is consistent with the shalom of God.
Third is ministry: doing life with our brothers and sisters in Christ who are gay, sharing mutual encouragement and accountability to grow as faithful disciples of Jesus Christ, and offering care and support in seasons of growth and healing.
When these three cords of mission, justice and ministry are intertwined, I believe our Christian response has the best chance of representing Christ in our world. If one cord or another is given undue emphasis the strength of the cord becomes compromised.
In simplistic terms, one could say that the typical evangelical response has been focused on ministry. And I would suggest that within that ministry response there has often been an undue focus on the pursuit of orientation change. One could also say that the typical liberal response has been focused on justice. Unfortunately, I have not seen a particularly robust investment in mission as I survey the Christian community’s general response to our gay neighbours.
As I look forward and prayerfully seek to chart a distinct course, I want that course to be marked by the kind of cord Ecclesiastes 4:12 describes, “A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Mission, justice and ministry.
Holding these three aspects of a Christian response in tension comes down to a bottom-line question for me: Will this encourage my gay neighbours to fully experience the love of Christ?
This means I have to risk being misunderstood – across the board. My bottom-line question is not, “How can I rally people who agree with me?” Nor is it, “What can I say that will be most strategic for fundraising?” Or, “How can I ensure that people will like me and my ministry?” It isn’t even, “How can I demonstrate the right, orthodox position?”
If I write or speak and neglect to ask myself, “Will this encourage my gay neighbours to fully experience the love of Christ?” then I will fail to embody the response that I believe Christ is asking of me.
I am constantly challenged, as one who holds a more conservative view of sexual ethics, by Jesus’ words in Matthew 23 ….. “They tie up heavy loads and put them on men's shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.” I don’t want to put on heavy loads without stepping into that place of identification, sharing the load and walking together. Or his words, “But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel.” I don’t want to neglect matters of justice, mercy and faithfulness. I don’t want to major in the minors and strain out a gnat. Oh Christ have mercy on us!
There has been some discussion of late of my support of covenantal friendships. I do not view a covenantal friendship as a sexless marriage. However, in our microwave, throw-away culture, I do appreciate the Biblical value of covenant expressed in friendship. Just because two people covenant to do life together, sharing a deep abiding friendship and commitment to be there for each other – does not make them like spouses. (ie. Abraham and Lot made a covenant.) Whether these two people are same-gender attracted or not, I see this as a viable option for those who are single – for whatever reason. And if such a commitment is made – between two friends or a group of friends - it seems to me to be something the Christian community can celebrate together – for it is an expression of gospel, counter-cultural living, when we say that we are going to serve another through life’s ups and downs. It is an option that might be more rare than common – but I believe it is an option that can be God-glorifying in the right circumstances.
I am very challenged by God’s word in the creation account that it was not good for a human being to be alone – something that was spoken before sin had even entered the picture. And I am also mindful of Jesus’ words that in the new heaven and new earth there will be no marriage – but there will be relationship, there will be intimacy, there will be faithfulness. How do I know that? Because our Triune God lives in intimate, faithful relationship in a reality that far exceeds our limited understandings.
Whether living alone, living with a long-time friend, living in intentional community, living with a spouse and/or other family members, each human being needs relationship, needs to know they belong, are loved, and accepted. These good gifts are essential aspects of God’s shalom.
Though a likely small percentage, there are gay men and women in our neighbourhoods. If your paradigm is, “There are no homosexual people – only heterosexual people with a homosexual problem”, then I suppose what I have written may make little sense. But if you accept the reality that there are some people, perhaps 3-5% of the population, who by no choice of their own experience a persistent orientation of attraction for their own gender, then I pray that if you are a Christ-follower you will search for liberating, God-honouring ways for our gay brothers and sisters to experience intimacy in relationship. And I pray that you will ask, “How will we reach out with mission, justice and ministry? How will we, together, experience God’s love, relationship, intimacy and faithfulness?”
I, for one, want to be open to as many options as possible – options that I pray will encourage my gay neighbours to fully experience the love of Christ.
First there is mission: reaching our gay neighbours who do not experience relationship with Jesus Christ with the good news of His love.
Second is justice: speaking out on issues of unjust treatment and the ways we fail to honour the image of God in our gay neighbours AND living out justice by treating our gay neighbours with the respect and love that is consistent with the shalom of God.
Third is ministry: doing life with our brothers and sisters in Christ who are gay, sharing mutual encouragement and accountability to grow as faithful disciples of Jesus Christ, and offering care and support in seasons of growth and healing.
When these three cords of mission, justice and ministry are intertwined, I believe our Christian response has the best chance of representing Christ in our world. If one cord or another is given undue emphasis the strength of the cord becomes compromised.
In simplistic terms, one could say that the typical evangelical response has been focused on ministry. And I would suggest that within that ministry response there has often been an undue focus on the pursuit of orientation change. One could also say that the typical liberal response has been focused on justice. Unfortunately, I have not seen a particularly robust investment in mission as I survey the Christian community’s general response to our gay neighbours.
As I look forward and prayerfully seek to chart a distinct course, I want that course to be marked by the kind of cord Ecclesiastes 4:12 describes, “A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Mission, justice and ministry.
Holding these three aspects of a Christian response in tension comes down to a bottom-line question for me: Will this encourage my gay neighbours to fully experience the love of Christ?
This means I have to risk being misunderstood – across the board. My bottom-line question is not, “How can I rally people who agree with me?” Nor is it, “What can I say that will be most strategic for fundraising?” Or, “How can I ensure that people will like me and my ministry?” It isn’t even, “How can I demonstrate the right, orthodox position?”
If I write or speak and neglect to ask myself, “Will this encourage my gay neighbours to fully experience the love of Christ?” then I will fail to embody the response that I believe Christ is asking of me.
I am constantly challenged, as one who holds a more conservative view of sexual ethics, by Jesus’ words in Matthew 23 ….. “They tie up heavy loads and put them on men's shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.” I don’t want to put on heavy loads without stepping into that place of identification, sharing the load and walking together. Or his words, “But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel.” I don’t want to neglect matters of justice, mercy and faithfulness. I don’t want to major in the minors and strain out a gnat. Oh Christ have mercy on us!
There has been some discussion of late of my support of covenantal friendships. I do not view a covenantal friendship as a sexless marriage. However, in our microwave, throw-away culture, I do appreciate the Biblical value of covenant expressed in friendship. Just because two people covenant to do life together, sharing a deep abiding friendship and commitment to be there for each other – does not make them like spouses. (ie. Abraham and Lot made a covenant.) Whether these two people are same-gender attracted or not, I see this as a viable option for those who are single – for whatever reason. And if such a commitment is made – between two friends or a group of friends - it seems to me to be something the Christian community can celebrate together – for it is an expression of gospel, counter-cultural living, when we say that we are going to serve another through life’s ups and downs. It is an option that might be more rare than common – but I believe it is an option that can be God-glorifying in the right circumstances.
I am very challenged by God’s word in the creation account that it was not good for a human being to be alone – something that was spoken before sin had even entered the picture. And I am also mindful of Jesus’ words that in the new heaven and new earth there will be no marriage – but there will be relationship, there will be intimacy, there will be faithfulness. How do I know that? Because our Triune God lives in intimate, faithful relationship in a reality that far exceeds our limited understandings.
Whether living alone, living with a long-time friend, living in intentional community, living with a spouse and/or other family members, each human being needs relationship, needs to know they belong, are loved, and accepted. These good gifts are essential aspects of God’s shalom.
Though a likely small percentage, there are gay men and women in our neighbourhoods. If your paradigm is, “There are no homosexual people – only heterosexual people with a homosexual problem”, then I suppose what I have written may make little sense. But if you accept the reality that there are some people, perhaps 3-5% of the population, who by no choice of their own experience a persistent orientation of attraction for their own gender, then I pray that if you are a Christ-follower you will search for liberating, God-honouring ways for our gay brothers and sisters to experience intimacy in relationship. And I pray that you will ask, “How will we reach out with mission, justice and ministry? How will we, together, experience God’s love, relationship, intimacy and faithfulness?”
I, for one, want to be open to as many options as possible – options that I pray will encourage my gay neighbours to fully experience the love of Christ.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Speaking Up for Justice
This past weekend a conference addressing homosexuality was held in Uganda. You can read more details and background here and here and here. There are some deeply troubling reports about this conference that I feel I need to speak out about. New Direction as a ministry has intentionally chosen to stay out of politics. However, I feel that the issues raised at the Uganda conference are about justice. And I must speak out for justice if I am to be faithful to Jesus Christ.
But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do,
what God is looking for in men and women.
It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor,
be compassionate and loyal in your love…
(Micah 6:8 the Message)
It is not just to advocate for the criminalization of gay people. Currently, gay people in Uganda face the possibility of life in prison. This ought not to be! And those who name the name of Jesus need to speak up and say so.
It is not just to coerce gay people into therapy. Disputes about the harm of reparative therapy aside, forced therapy ought not to be. And those who know the invitational character of Jesus need to speak up and say so.
It is not just to stir up fear and hatred of gay people. Blaming gay people for the genocide in Rwanda cannot be tolerated. Equating homosexuality with pedophilia when the research clearly refutes such a notion is inexcusable. It must be challenged for what it is – inciting hatred and potential violence towards gay people in an already volatile context such as Uganda. Such hatred is completely inconsistent with God’s call to shalom. And those who follow Jesus need to speak up and say so.
"Quit your worship charades. I can't stand your trivial religious games: Monthly conferences, weekly Sabbaths, special meetings— meetings, meetings, meetings—I can't stand one more! Meetings for this, meetings for that. I hate them! You've worn me out! I'm sick of your religion, religion, religion, while you go right on sinning. When you put on your next prayer-performance, I'll be looking the other way. No matter how long or loud or often you pray, I'll not be listening. And do you know why? Because you've been tearing people to pieces, and your hands are bloody. Go home and wash up. Clean up your act. Sweep your lives clean of your evildoings so I don't have to look at them any longer. Say no to wrong. Learn to do good. Work for justice. Help the down-and-out. Stand up for the homeless. Go to bat for the defenseless.” (Isaiah 1:13 the Message)
I invite others to join me in calling for the decriminalization of homosexuality throughout the world. I invite others to join me in standing for justice for our gay neighbours – in Uganda and throughout the world. And I invite others to do all they can, through relationship and in word & deed, to overcome the incitement of hatred with love.
But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do,
what God is looking for in men and women.
It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor,
be compassionate and loyal in your love…
(Micah 6:8 the Message)
It is not just to advocate for the criminalization of gay people. Currently, gay people in Uganda face the possibility of life in prison. This ought not to be! And those who name the name of Jesus need to speak up and say so.
It is not just to coerce gay people into therapy. Disputes about the harm of reparative therapy aside, forced therapy ought not to be. And those who know the invitational character of Jesus need to speak up and say so.
It is not just to stir up fear and hatred of gay people. Blaming gay people for the genocide in Rwanda cannot be tolerated. Equating homosexuality with pedophilia when the research clearly refutes such a notion is inexcusable. It must be challenged for what it is – inciting hatred and potential violence towards gay people in an already volatile context such as Uganda. Such hatred is completely inconsistent with God’s call to shalom. And those who follow Jesus need to speak up and say so.
"Quit your worship charades. I can't stand your trivial religious games: Monthly conferences, weekly Sabbaths, special meetings— meetings, meetings, meetings—I can't stand one more! Meetings for this, meetings for that. I hate them! You've worn me out! I'm sick of your religion, religion, religion, while you go right on sinning. When you put on your next prayer-performance, I'll be looking the other way. No matter how long or loud or often you pray, I'll not be listening. And do you know why? Because you've been tearing people to pieces, and your hands are bloody. Go home and wash up. Clean up your act. Sweep your lives clean of your evildoings so I don't have to look at them any longer. Say no to wrong. Learn to do good. Work for justice. Help the down-and-out. Stand up for the homeless. Go to bat for the defenseless.” (Isaiah 1:13 the Message)
I invite others to join me in calling for the decriminalization of homosexuality throughout the world. I invite others to join me in standing for justice for our gay neighbours – in Uganda and throughout the world. And I invite others to do all they can, through relationship and in word & deed, to overcome the incitement of hatred with love.
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