We've all heard it ....."I love the sinner ..... I just hate their sin."
This statement has been critiqued a thousand ways. While some may use this phrase with the best of intentions, it has proven to be unhelpful and alienating. Yet inevitably, on some blog conversation about homosexuality and Christianity it will come up. If conservative Christians hope to bridge the gap between the church and their gay neighbours, it will be important to deconstruct the use of such dismissive cliches.
In our interview with Tony Campolo for our now available DVD series, "Bridging the Gap" he had some very interesting comments to make.
We think Tony's point is one that needs to be heard loud and clear. Will you help us get this youtube clip out there far and wide? Share it with your friends and contacts.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Of Language, Labels & Identity ..... please pass the Tylenol
It seems to me that when it comes to the language surrounding people who are gay, folks can often talk past each other. The use of language is challenging. Different people can mean different things when they say exactly the same thing. And these different meanings arise from different experiences, cultures, and backgrounds. Not only that, but as a non-same-gender attracted person trying to use language in a helpful, sensitive way, my head spins sometimes when one person says to say it this way to be helpful and then another comes along and says the complete opposite. One person is offended and then another offended by what the first person suggested as an alternative. Is there a way through this linguistic mess so that we can actually hear one another without assumptions, misperceptions, and caricaturizations?
I thought I would take a stab at describing what I’m hearing …. And then invite others to weigh in with their thoughts.
The word gay: When I talk to people who use gay to identify themselves, most say that they consider gay to be descriptive of their experiences of same-gender attraction. It seems that they are not trying to make any additional statement about their beliefs and values, their sexual involvement – or lack thereof, or their political views. Given that this seems to be the common usage, you really can’t assume anything about a person’s life or lifestyle based on their use of the word gay to describe themselves. Some people who are comfortable saying, “I’m gay” hold to a very traditional understanding of Biblical sexual ethics. They may be celibate. They may be living a chaste single life. They may be seeking to be faithful within a heterosexual marriage despite their experience of same-gender attraction. Others, who use gay to describe themselves, may be in a committed same-sex partnership. They may be sexually active outside of a committed partnership. The word gay, in and of itself, actually doesn’t tell us that much about a person other than that they experience the reality of same-gender attraction.
I encounter a different understanding when I am listening to some within conservative Christian circles. To them, the word gay seems to connote a whole package deal. If someone says they’re gay in these circles it may likely be interpreted to mean:
• Sexually active with members of their own gender (and likely promiscuous)
• Lacking in sincere Christian faith
• Capitulated to and part of promoting the ‘gay agenda’ (which seems to often be assumed to mean they are trying to attack Christianity)
• Sees their entire identity as wrapped in gay subculture (which seems to often be assumed to be anti-Christian)
These descriptions are generalizations – and I am sure that many conservative Christians would say they are much more nuanced in their understandings of the word gay than these descriptions. Unfortunately, I run into these sorts of assumptions on a regular enough basis to know that they are still alive and well within church circles. I’ve had people come up to me and tell me that they are offended by my usage of the word gay in a seminar. Others have told me they are still angry that “homosexual people co-opted the word gay from its original meaning” (like that isn’t a regular occurrence with any number of words and their use). Sometimes I encounter those who don’t really want to hear any other explanations of how people who are gay understand and use the term – they want to hold onto their assumptions and offense. When we were filming Justin Lee, Executive Director of the Gay Christian Network, he shared about encountering Christians who told him that if he wasn’t sexually active he shouldn’t call himself gay. To which Justin said, “Why should I not use the word gay just because I don’t fit your stereotype of what a gay person is? Your stereotype needs to change.” Exactly.
When language is descriptive, I think we can find a way forward. When language is used to label, I think we all face feeling boxed in and misunderstood.
Christians, understandably, have concerns about how people identify themselves – especially if they are fellow believers. If a person wants to be known as a follower of Christ, then Scripture has a lot to say about what it means to be a disciple and to accept Christ as not only Saviour but Lord. Submitting to the Lordship of Christ means that we put Christ ahead of everything else – including our sexuality. In this sense, there is a legitimate call to ensure that our primary identity is connected to our relationship with Christ. Note: Our primary identity. That doesn’t mean we don’t use other words to describe parts of ourselves – things that make up our comprehensive sense of who we are.
I am a follower of Christ. I am the Beloved of God.
I am also a wife, a mother, a ministry leader, a daughter of Dutch immigrants, a member of the Christian Reformed denomination, an avid reader, a volleyball player, a home renovation TV show addict, a recovering bulimic, a contemplative, a student, a lover of people, a wanna-be writer, a Facebook wordtwist & tetris junkie…….
My identity is influenced by all these things and more. My identity is fluid – it continues to be impacted by my experiences, the ways I’m growing and still maturing.
I don’t want anyone to make assumptions about my character, my lifestyle, my decisions and choices based simply on the words I used to describe myself and the things that influence my identity. No matter how I describe myself, it will always be incomplete. I don’t want emails giving advice for recovering bulimics or ways to break TV and Facebook addiction……. If my friends want to sit me down and have an intervention that would be one thing – but I don’t want people who barely know me other than through my blog writings to presume they have the answers for my life.
Why would it be any different for the person who identifies as gay – among the many other things that describe who they are?
I don’t think that describing yourself as gay precludes you from embracing a primary identity as the Beloved of God.
There are many Christians who experience same-gender attraction who choose to move beyond gay as a descriptor they use for themselves.
There are many other Christians who experience same-gender attraction and find the use of the descriptor gay to be an expression of honesty and authenticity.
One ought not to make any other presumptions about faith, values, sexual activity, motivations, cultural engagement etc. until you sit down and get to know them, hear their story & heart, and discover through conversation and relationship the answers to those kinds of questions.
But ….. I’m not same-gender attracted. I’m not faced with the choice to identify or not identify with the description gay.
For those of you who are and those of you who do ….. what do you think?
I thought I would take a stab at describing what I’m hearing …. And then invite others to weigh in with their thoughts.
The word gay: When I talk to people who use gay to identify themselves, most say that they consider gay to be descriptive of their experiences of same-gender attraction. It seems that they are not trying to make any additional statement about their beliefs and values, their sexual involvement – or lack thereof, or their political views. Given that this seems to be the common usage, you really can’t assume anything about a person’s life or lifestyle based on their use of the word gay to describe themselves. Some people who are comfortable saying, “I’m gay” hold to a very traditional understanding of Biblical sexual ethics. They may be celibate. They may be living a chaste single life. They may be seeking to be faithful within a heterosexual marriage despite their experience of same-gender attraction. Others, who use gay to describe themselves, may be in a committed same-sex partnership. They may be sexually active outside of a committed partnership. The word gay, in and of itself, actually doesn’t tell us that much about a person other than that they experience the reality of same-gender attraction.
I encounter a different understanding when I am listening to some within conservative Christian circles. To them, the word gay seems to connote a whole package deal. If someone says they’re gay in these circles it may likely be interpreted to mean:
• Sexually active with members of their own gender (and likely promiscuous)
• Lacking in sincere Christian faith
• Capitulated to and part of promoting the ‘gay agenda’ (which seems to often be assumed to mean they are trying to attack Christianity)
• Sees their entire identity as wrapped in gay subculture (which seems to often be assumed to be anti-Christian)
These descriptions are generalizations – and I am sure that many conservative Christians would say they are much more nuanced in their understandings of the word gay than these descriptions. Unfortunately, I run into these sorts of assumptions on a regular enough basis to know that they are still alive and well within church circles. I’ve had people come up to me and tell me that they are offended by my usage of the word gay in a seminar. Others have told me they are still angry that “homosexual people co-opted the word gay from its original meaning” (like that isn’t a regular occurrence with any number of words and their use). Sometimes I encounter those who don’t really want to hear any other explanations of how people who are gay understand and use the term – they want to hold onto their assumptions and offense. When we were filming Justin Lee, Executive Director of the Gay Christian Network, he shared about encountering Christians who told him that if he wasn’t sexually active he shouldn’t call himself gay. To which Justin said, “Why should I not use the word gay just because I don’t fit your stereotype of what a gay person is? Your stereotype needs to change.” Exactly.
When language is descriptive, I think we can find a way forward. When language is used to label, I think we all face feeling boxed in and misunderstood.
Christians, understandably, have concerns about how people identify themselves – especially if they are fellow believers. If a person wants to be known as a follower of Christ, then Scripture has a lot to say about what it means to be a disciple and to accept Christ as not only Saviour but Lord. Submitting to the Lordship of Christ means that we put Christ ahead of everything else – including our sexuality. In this sense, there is a legitimate call to ensure that our primary identity is connected to our relationship with Christ. Note: Our primary identity. That doesn’t mean we don’t use other words to describe parts of ourselves – things that make up our comprehensive sense of who we are.
I am a follower of Christ. I am the Beloved of God.
I am also a wife, a mother, a ministry leader, a daughter of Dutch immigrants, a member of the Christian Reformed denomination, an avid reader, a volleyball player, a home renovation TV show addict, a recovering bulimic, a contemplative, a student, a lover of people, a wanna-be writer, a Facebook wordtwist & tetris junkie…….
My identity is influenced by all these things and more. My identity is fluid – it continues to be impacted by my experiences, the ways I’m growing and still maturing.
I don’t want anyone to make assumptions about my character, my lifestyle, my decisions and choices based simply on the words I used to describe myself and the things that influence my identity. No matter how I describe myself, it will always be incomplete. I don’t want emails giving advice for recovering bulimics or ways to break TV and Facebook addiction……. If my friends want to sit me down and have an intervention that would be one thing – but I don’t want people who barely know me other than through my blog writings to presume they have the answers for my life.
Why would it be any different for the person who identifies as gay – among the many other things that describe who they are?
I don’t think that describing yourself as gay precludes you from embracing a primary identity as the Beloved of God.
There are many Christians who experience same-gender attraction who choose to move beyond gay as a descriptor they use for themselves.
There are many other Christians who experience same-gender attraction and find the use of the descriptor gay to be an expression of honesty and authenticity.
One ought not to make any other presumptions about faith, values, sexual activity, motivations, cultural engagement etc. until you sit down and get to know them, hear their story & heart, and discover through conversation and relationship the answers to those kinds of questions.
But ….. I’m not same-gender attracted. I’m not faced with the choice to identify or not identify with the description gay.
For those of you who are and those of you who do ….. what do you think?
Friday, April 3, 2009
We've Done It!!
“Bridging the Gap: Conversations on Befriending Our Gay Neighbours” the DVD is now available! Click here to purchase.
The purpose of the Bridging the Gap DVD resource is: To better equip Christ-followers to share the love of Christ, through relationship, with our gay neighbours.
• Four segment video for small groups
• On-screen discussion questions
• Includes 40-page facilitator’s discussion guide
• FREE reproducible study guide
• Total running time: 3 hours
Participant Goals
Session 1: Gay People Are Our Neighbours
• Have an awareness of some of the real lives behind the issue of homosexuality
• Have an opportunity to assess heart attitudes
• Think more deeply about some personal steps to take to be more intentionally and relationally involved with those for whom diverse sexual identity is a reality
Session 2: The Journey of Loving Same-Gender Attracted People
• Consider core spiritual issues for someone who is same-gender attracted
• Reflect on the homophobia that continues to exist in the Christian community and consider practical steps to address this in a Christ-like manner
• Think more deeply about how to be an encouragement and support to someone who is same-gender attracted and seeking to follow Jesus
Session 3: Loving Each Other Through Difference and Disagreement
• Be confronted with the reality that Christians come to different perspectives on gay issues
• Engage a model of true friendship despite disagreement and hear the ways Christ continues to be honoured and revealed through such friendship
• Think more deeply about how to engage in a Christ-like manner with someone who holds a different perspective
Session 4: Creating a Safe Place in the Christian Community
• Understand the underlying values and attitudes that will be necessary to be a welcoming place for our gay neighbors
• Have an awareness of the potential barriers to a gay neighbor feeling safe and comfortable to explore belonging and faith in the church
• Think more deeply about some personal steps to take to be a safe presence for a gay neighbor seeking to explore who Jesus is
Check it out & spread the word!
The purpose of the Bridging the Gap DVD resource is: To better equip Christ-followers to share the love of Christ, through relationship, with our gay neighbours.
• Four segment video for small groups
• On-screen discussion questions
• Includes 40-page facilitator’s discussion guide
• FREE reproducible study guide
• Total running time: 3 hours
Participant Goals
Session 1: Gay People Are Our Neighbours
• Have an awareness of some of the real lives behind the issue of homosexuality
• Have an opportunity to assess heart attitudes
• Think more deeply about some personal steps to take to be more intentionally and relationally involved with those for whom diverse sexual identity is a reality
Session 2: The Journey of Loving Same-Gender Attracted People
• Consider core spiritual issues for someone who is same-gender attracted
• Reflect on the homophobia that continues to exist in the Christian community and consider practical steps to address this in a Christ-like manner
• Think more deeply about how to be an encouragement and support to someone who is same-gender attracted and seeking to follow Jesus
Session 3: Loving Each Other Through Difference and Disagreement
• Be confronted with the reality that Christians come to different perspectives on gay issues
• Engage a model of true friendship despite disagreement and hear the ways Christ continues to be honoured and revealed through such friendship
• Think more deeply about how to engage in a Christ-like manner with someone who holds a different perspective
Session 4: Creating a Safe Place in the Christian Community
• Understand the underlying values and attitudes that will be necessary to be a welcoming place for our gay neighbors
• Have an awareness of the potential barriers to a gay neighbor feeling safe and comfortable to explore belonging and faith in the church
• Think more deeply about some personal steps to take to be a safe presence for a gay neighbor seeking to explore who Jesus is
Check it out & spread the word!
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Some steps in bridge building
Someone has anonymously commented on my last post – and given that my response to them was getting longer and longer – I decided to just make it it’s own post.
This commenter asked:
"How do we get to the point of seeing this issue as an area of disagreement rather than a salvation issue?"
This is a core question - and not one I have a perfect and complete answer for. But here are some thoughts:
If we are saved by grace alone through faith in Jesus Christ, then the issue of salvation is wrapped up in this truth. (Romans 5:1-3) Jesus Christ has already accomplished all that is needed for us to be restored to living relationship with God - for now and eternity. This reality is actualized as we are aware and receptive to this invitation of relationship. This reality cannot be earned or destroyed because of what we do. Our experience of this reality may be marred by what we do - but the reality of our redemption is secure in Christ. All of us find ourselves falling short of the glory of God deserving of eternal separation from God. But thanks be to God, we have been reconciled in Christ. The tragedy is that there are human beings who do not accept or acknowledge the reality of this reconciliation that is their's in Christ.
Now - there will be Christians who disagree on this understanding of justification - and if so, it may be very difficult for them to bridge the gap in viewing those who disagree with them on homosexuality as just as caught up in the reconciling reality of Christ as they are. But for those who can and do embrace this understanding of justification, there is hope for viewing fellow Christians who disagree with us on any number of topics (homosexuality just being one) as positioned to receive the same free gift of grace and redemption through Christ.
(Note: For those of you who now think I'm a universalist, let me clarify that while I do not believe our actions can destroy the redemption that Christ has accomplished on our behalf - I do see that such redemption is effective through our receptivity of it. Therefore, if a human being refuses to receive the reality of their redemption, it ceases to be actualized for them. For a more robust articulation of this understanding of justification, I might suggest reading Baxter Kruger - an actual theologian - which I am not.)
So, I view sexual ethics then as an issue of sanctification (the process of becoming more like Christ) - not justification. This frees me to engage my brothers and sisters who testify to being receptive of Christ's accomplished redemption on their behalf - regardless of where they are at in the process of sanctification and including those who disagree with me about areas that need sanctifying. For example, take an issue like divorce. Christians disagree on the acceptability of divorce and remarriage. But despite these disagreements, most Christians would view a divorced and/or remarried person who identifies as a Christian to be a genuine follower of Jesus.
Those who share this view of justification, even those who hold a very conservative view of sexual ethics, have the capacity to be able to receive someone who holds a different perspective than they do as a mutual pilgrim on the journey of faith - seeking to know and live out God's will for their lives. Because the area of sexual ethics can be so charged, so threatening, so frightening, I think it is important in conversations about homosexuality to remind one another of the basis of our justification. We may disagree with a gay Christian's decision to marry or be in relationship with a same-gender partner, but if we revisit the question of justification then we will hopefully have the humility and grace to understand that this individual has just as much access to live in the reality of Christ's redemption as anyone else does. (Ephesians 2:8-10) And then hopefully we will recognize that it is truly only God who can judge the receptivity of the fullness of Christ's redemption in any human heart. By being a recipient of the free gift of grace, I am then invited to extend the same grace to others - entrusting them and their understanding of Scripture in relation to issues of sanctification to God.
Now this can leave many unanswered questions. I’ll surmise on some of the common ones I hear:
"Do I never share what I believe with the other person?"
Sharing what we believe with someone who holds a different perspective than we do is always a matter of discernment and ought to require of us to search our own motives. If we are sharing what we believe in the context of relationship, where there is rapport and trust established, where we have demonstrated that we are as willing to listen as to speak, then we are most likely to encounter receptivity on the other person's part to at least listen. If we are sharing what we believe because we have sensed the Holy Spirit nudging us to speak, and we've waited for a sense of confirmation, then we are most likely to encounter receptivity. If we are sharing what we believe from a place of love - and not from fear or a desire to control - then we are most likely to encounter receptivity. And if we are able to share with no strings attached, (ie. "If you don't agree with me - this relationship is done.) truly entrusting the other person to Christ with the full assurance that the Holy Spirit is more than able to convict and challenge them in the appropriate areas at the appropriate times, then I think we can be useful in building bridges. (I Peter 3:15)
"What boundaries on behaviour should a church have?"
Any church community needs to have clear and shared understanding about appropriate behaviour for those who identify as followers of Jesus Christ, called to be his representatives in the world. (An example of such a process is found in Acts 15) On the issue of homosexuality, some church communities will have a consensus that homosexual behaviour is precluded by Scripture. Other church communities will have consensus that homosexual behaviour expressed in committed, monogamous relationships can be consistent with living a God-honouring life. And then there are church communities where there is a lack of consensus because different people have different perspectives. This last description is one that I see more and more frequently. There may be official policies on the books of the church - but in reality, there is diversity of perspective. One way that such a church can move forward is to have a clear and shared understanding that the issue of homosexuality is a disputable matter in that congregation - that members will not sit in judgment over one another - and that there will be a commitment to honour each other's true convictions on this topic. Wherever a church finds itself, I think everyone benefits from a clear understanding of where a church is landing. This means the members are clear on the expectations and it means those who visit or consider attending (including gay people) will have a clear understanding with no surprises down the road. Part of this clear understanding will need to articulate a church's position on specific questions like leadership roles, church membership, and marriage. Regardless of the position a church takes, I believe each congregation needs to be challenged and encouraged to be a welcoming place to all people - including those who hold a different perspectives.
"How do I correct a brother or sister in Christ who is making choices I believe are inconsistent with Scripture?"
Similar to my responses to the first question, words of correction require discernment, maturity and humility. Scripture teaches us that as a follower of Jesus we are not an island. God places us in community and we are encouraged to not give up meeting together. (Hebrews 10:25) Doing life together is a significant factor in growing spiritually – and part of that means that we need to care for one another enough to confront and correct one another. Such correction always needs to come with gentleness and not out of fear or anger. (II Timothy 4:2)
"If gay people can go to heaven even if they are in a gay relationship - then why would any gay people choose celibacy or try to pursue the opportunity for a healthy heterosexual marriage?"
I often encounter a fear among conservative Christians that if we are too accepting of gay-affirming Christians then we’ll all just slide down the slippery slope of liberalism and relativism. I hear a lot of fear in this kind of response, fear for the future of the church. What those of us who are seeking to build bridges need to stay connected to is the truth that God is in control. We don’t need to control everything – God is in control. God, through the generations, has spoken and is speaking and will speak. Scripture tells us that God’s Word is alive and active and powerful. (Hebrews 4:12) God will continue to speak to individuals and to church communities, convicting, challenging, encouraging, and leading. There will continue to be people who experience same-gender attraction who believe God is calling them to refrain from engaging in a gay relationship. There will continue to be people who experience same-gender attraction who believe the integration of their faith and sexuality leads them to make a life-long commitment to a same-sex partner. People will live out their convictions in different ways. This has always been a reality in the church – and will be a reality in the future. There are so many different areas in each of our lives where we could be more fully living out God’s best intentions for us. None of us hits the mark. Which is why we are a people who live by grace. Not a cheap grace – doing whatever we feel like and assuming God’s grace will cover it anyway. But rather, the grace of knowing that though we can never measure up, can never fulfill God’s law, can never be fully like Christ this side of heaven, Christ has made a way for us to be reconciled to God. (Romans 3:23) For example, Scripture tells us to sell all we have to give to the poor, to deny ourselves, to pour out our lives on behalf of the weak and needy….. how many of us live that out fully? How many of us, in the fat, wealthy Western church, have come to terms with our wealth, see it as God’s blessing, and live at peace with God? There would be those who radically disagree – who have sold all they have and are living among the poor. When those who live among the poor can have the grace and maturity and humility to accept those of us who continue to live in bigger houses than we need, continue to buy more stuff than we possibly can use, eat more food than our bodies require etc., I think they model for us a way to be the Body of Christ together – accepting that we all need to wrestle with God is asking of us in our lives. (Colossians 3:13)
I received an email some weeks ago from a ministry leader. He spoke about how he has always believed that God’s best intention is for same-gender attracted people to not express that in sexual behaviour or relationships. He has owned and lived out that conviction, first as a single man for many years, and now as happily married man with his wife. But he also readily acknowledged the faith of gay people who hold a gay-affirming perspective. It seems to me, that there is more of a spaciousness in which such perspectives can be shared today than there was even just five or ten years ago. I pray that such spaciousness arises from a place of grace, humility and maturity – and from a radical faith in a radical God who extends the redemption won through Christ to all people.
These are some of my thoughts ..... What do you think?
This commenter asked:
"How do we get to the point of seeing this issue as an area of disagreement rather than a salvation issue?"
This is a core question - and not one I have a perfect and complete answer for. But here are some thoughts:
If we are saved by grace alone through faith in Jesus Christ, then the issue of salvation is wrapped up in this truth. (Romans 5:1-3) Jesus Christ has already accomplished all that is needed for us to be restored to living relationship with God - for now and eternity. This reality is actualized as we are aware and receptive to this invitation of relationship. This reality cannot be earned or destroyed because of what we do. Our experience of this reality may be marred by what we do - but the reality of our redemption is secure in Christ. All of us find ourselves falling short of the glory of God deserving of eternal separation from God. But thanks be to God, we have been reconciled in Christ. The tragedy is that there are human beings who do not accept or acknowledge the reality of this reconciliation that is their's in Christ.
Now - there will be Christians who disagree on this understanding of justification - and if so, it may be very difficult for them to bridge the gap in viewing those who disagree with them on homosexuality as just as caught up in the reconciling reality of Christ as they are. But for those who can and do embrace this understanding of justification, there is hope for viewing fellow Christians who disagree with us on any number of topics (homosexuality just being one) as positioned to receive the same free gift of grace and redemption through Christ.
(Note: For those of you who now think I'm a universalist, let me clarify that while I do not believe our actions can destroy the redemption that Christ has accomplished on our behalf - I do see that such redemption is effective through our receptivity of it. Therefore, if a human being refuses to receive the reality of their redemption, it ceases to be actualized for them. For a more robust articulation of this understanding of justification, I might suggest reading Baxter Kruger - an actual theologian - which I am not.)
So, I view sexual ethics then as an issue of sanctification (the process of becoming more like Christ) - not justification. This frees me to engage my brothers and sisters who testify to being receptive of Christ's accomplished redemption on their behalf - regardless of where they are at in the process of sanctification and including those who disagree with me about areas that need sanctifying. For example, take an issue like divorce. Christians disagree on the acceptability of divorce and remarriage. But despite these disagreements, most Christians would view a divorced and/or remarried person who identifies as a Christian to be a genuine follower of Jesus.
Those who share this view of justification, even those who hold a very conservative view of sexual ethics, have the capacity to be able to receive someone who holds a different perspective than they do as a mutual pilgrim on the journey of faith - seeking to know and live out God's will for their lives. Because the area of sexual ethics can be so charged, so threatening, so frightening, I think it is important in conversations about homosexuality to remind one another of the basis of our justification. We may disagree with a gay Christian's decision to marry or be in relationship with a same-gender partner, but if we revisit the question of justification then we will hopefully have the humility and grace to understand that this individual has just as much access to live in the reality of Christ's redemption as anyone else does. (Ephesians 2:8-10) And then hopefully we will recognize that it is truly only God who can judge the receptivity of the fullness of Christ's redemption in any human heart. By being a recipient of the free gift of grace, I am then invited to extend the same grace to others - entrusting them and their understanding of Scripture in relation to issues of sanctification to God.
Now this can leave many unanswered questions. I’ll surmise on some of the common ones I hear:
"Do I never share what I believe with the other person?"
Sharing what we believe with someone who holds a different perspective than we do is always a matter of discernment and ought to require of us to search our own motives. If we are sharing what we believe in the context of relationship, where there is rapport and trust established, where we have demonstrated that we are as willing to listen as to speak, then we are most likely to encounter receptivity on the other person's part to at least listen. If we are sharing what we believe because we have sensed the Holy Spirit nudging us to speak, and we've waited for a sense of confirmation, then we are most likely to encounter receptivity. If we are sharing what we believe from a place of love - and not from fear or a desire to control - then we are most likely to encounter receptivity. And if we are able to share with no strings attached, (ie. "If you don't agree with me - this relationship is done.) truly entrusting the other person to Christ with the full assurance that the Holy Spirit is more than able to convict and challenge them in the appropriate areas at the appropriate times, then I think we can be useful in building bridges. (I Peter 3:15)
"What boundaries on behaviour should a church have?"
Any church community needs to have clear and shared understanding about appropriate behaviour for those who identify as followers of Jesus Christ, called to be his representatives in the world. (An example of such a process is found in Acts 15) On the issue of homosexuality, some church communities will have a consensus that homosexual behaviour is precluded by Scripture. Other church communities will have consensus that homosexual behaviour expressed in committed, monogamous relationships can be consistent with living a God-honouring life. And then there are church communities where there is a lack of consensus because different people have different perspectives. This last description is one that I see more and more frequently. There may be official policies on the books of the church - but in reality, there is diversity of perspective. One way that such a church can move forward is to have a clear and shared understanding that the issue of homosexuality is a disputable matter in that congregation - that members will not sit in judgment over one another - and that there will be a commitment to honour each other's true convictions on this topic. Wherever a church finds itself, I think everyone benefits from a clear understanding of where a church is landing. This means the members are clear on the expectations and it means those who visit or consider attending (including gay people) will have a clear understanding with no surprises down the road. Part of this clear understanding will need to articulate a church's position on specific questions like leadership roles, church membership, and marriage. Regardless of the position a church takes, I believe each congregation needs to be challenged and encouraged to be a welcoming place to all people - including those who hold a different perspectives.
"How do I correct a brother or sister in Christ who is making choices I believe are inconsistent with Scripture?"
Similar to my responses to the first question, words of correction require discernment, maturity and humility. Scripture teaches us that as a follower of Jesus we are not an island. God places us in community and we are encouraged to not give up meeting together. (Hebrews 10:25) Doing life together is a significant factor in growing spiritually – and part of that means that we need to care for one another enough to confront and correct one another. Such correction always needs to come with gentleness and not out of fear or anger. (II Timothy 4:2)
"If gay people can go to heaven even if they are in a gay relationship - then why would any gay people choose celibacy or try to pursue the opportunity for a healthy heterosexual marriage?"
I often encounter a fear among conservative Christians that if we are too accepting of gay-affirming Christians then we’ll all just slide down the slippery slope of liberalism and relativism. I hear a lot of fear in this kind of response, fear for the future of the church. What those of us who are seeking to build bridges need to stay connected to is the truth that God is in control. We don’t need to control everything – God is in control. God, through the generations, has spoken and is speaking and will speak. Scripture tells us that God’s Word is alive and active and powerful. (Hebrews 4:12) God will continue to speak to individuals and to church communities, convicting, challenging, encouraging, and leading. There will continue to be people who experience same-gender attraction who believe God is calling them to refrain from engaging in a gay relationship. There will continue to be people who experience same-gender attraction who believe the integration of their faith and sexuality leads them to make a life-long commitment to a same-sex partner. People will live out their convictions in different ways. This has always been a reality in the church – and will be a reality in the future. There are so many different areas in each of our lives where we could be more fully living out God’s best intentions for us. None of us hits the mark. Which is why we are a people who live by grace. Not a cheap grace – doing whatever we feel like and assuming God’s grace will cover it anyway. But rather, the grace of knowing that though we can never measure up, can never fulfill God’s law, can never be fully like Christ this side of heaven, Christ has made a way for us to be reconciled to God. (Romans 3:23) For example, Scripture tells us to sell all we have to give to the poor, to deny ourselves, to pour out our lives on behalf of the weak and needy….. how many of us live that out fully? How many of us, in the fat, wealthy Western church, have come to terms with our wealth, see it as God’s blessing, and live at peace with God? There would be those who radically disagree – who have sold all they have and are living among the poor. When those who live among the poor can have the grace and maturity and humility to accept those of us who continue to live in bigger houses than we need, continue to buy more stuff than we possibly can use, eat more food than our bodies require etc., I think they model for us a way to be the Body of Christ together – accepting that we all need to wrestle with God is asking of us in our lives. (Colossians 3:13)
I received an email some weeks ago from a ministry leader. He spoke about how he has always believed that God’s best intention is for same-gender attracted people to not express that in sexual behaviour or relationships. He has owned and lived out that conviction, first as a single man for many years, and now as happily married man with his wife. But he also readily acknowledged the faith of gay people who hold a gay-affirming perspective. It seems to me, that there is more of a spaciousness in which such perspectives can be shared today than there was even just five or ten years ago. I pray that such spaciousness arises from a place of grace, humility and maturity – and from a radical faith in a radical God who extends the redemption won through Christ to all people.
These are some of my thoughts ..... What do you think?
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
To study and pray ......pray and study
This past weekend I had the opportunity to teach a couple of seminars at a conference called, “The Evolving Church: Amidst the Powers”. It was a pretty intense experience with some theological heavy-weights as keynote speakers. Stanley Hauerwas’ paper on “The Power of War” is something I’m still chewing on ….. and wish I could get my hands on the transcript (Dan – c’mon – give it up).
I had the opportunity to be a panelist in response to Marva Dawn who spoke on “Hope in a Crisis Time against and with the Powers”. As you might imagine, I asked Dr. Dawn about the divided realities within the Christian community. We don’t agree on what the powers are – so how can we stand together against them or with them? What do we do with the reality of “disputable matters” within the Body of Christ? Dr. Dawn responded with a reference to one of the texts I most often use when preaching on behalf of New Direction:
II Corinthians 5: 18 – 21
All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.
Dr. Dawn’s response to the reality of division is to be an agent of reconciliation.
Now that is a word of hope.
You might think that a woman with four Master’s degrees and a Ph.D. would talk about what the “right” position was – surely, she has earned that right. But I was delighted to hear her connect these painful realities with the ministry of reconciliation.
It struck me as I participated in this conference, sat in the speaker’s lounge with folks much smarter than I and much more educated than my Master’s level, how rich the tradition of Christian thinking is. I was inspired, again, to reach higher, read widely, think more deeply. Brilliant, incredibly educated people – embodying a humility and grace, modeling a fierce Christ-centeredness and robust discipleship.
The topic of homosexuality is a complex one. In the last seven years of ministry – and prior to that as well – I have read widely on the topic. I have laid awake many a night, thinking deeply, praying earnestly, listening intently for the Spirit’s guidance. And I am profoundly humbled by all that I do not understand, do not know. Navigating through the plethora of hermeneutical grids alone is enough to give me insomnia. (That is …. how we interpret the Bible)
I live in the assurance of II Peter 1:3: His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.
You don’t need a graduate degree to know Christ and live in His divine power. Christ is available to any and all completely independent of any ability of our own.
Yet, for those of us who take on the mantle of leadership, who speak publicly into a divided community, it is critical that we take seriously our responsibility to think deeply, study carefully, and be clear and humble about the limitations in our understanding. A seminary professor of mine used to say, “Wendy, for every hour in prayer spend an hour in your study and for every hour in study, spend an hour in prayer.” This has been a helpful corrective to remember when I’ve tended to lean to one side or the other.
Dr. Walter Wink was one of the keynote speakers at this conference. Dr. Wink, in his work on ‘the powers,’ has made a profound and rich contribution to a Christian understanding of how to engage culture around us. Given Dr. Wink’s health and the limitations on his ability to travel, I felt very privileged to have the opportunity to hear him speak in person. Dr. Wink has been a proponent of full inclusion of gay brothers and sisters in the church for many years. I have read scathing, dismissive critiques of this man from those who hold a more conservative theological perspective on homosexuality. How the world sees us biting and devouring each other. How our arrogance can erect dividing walls.
I, for one, want to be known as an agent of reconciliation – humble in the face of my own limitations. I, for one, want to be open to listen, learn, engage with love and courage – not fear.
For as Marva Dawn so delightfully reminded us on Saturday, we need not fear for God has already won, He will make all things right, and in the words of Colossians 3:3 “My life is hidden with Christ in God.”
I had the opportunity to be a panelist in response to Marva Dawn who spoke on “Hope in a Crisis Time against and with the Powers”. As you might imagine, I asked Dr. Dawn about the divided realities within the Christian community. We don’t agree on what the powers are – so how can we stand together against them or with them? What do we do with the reality of “disputable matters” within the Body of Christ? Dr. Dawn responded with a reference to one of the texts I most often use when preaching on behalf of New Direction:
II Corinthians 5: 18 – 21
All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.
Dr. Dawn’s response to the reality of division is to be an agent of reconciliation.
Now that is a word of hope.
You might think that a woman with four Master’s degrees and a Ph.D. would talk about what the “right” position was – surely, she has earned that right. But I was delighted to hear her connect these painful realities with the ministry of reconciliation.
It struck me as I participated in this conference, sat in the speaker’s lounge with folks much smarter than I and much more educated than my Master’s level, how rich the tradition of Christian thinking is. I was inspired, again, to reach higher, read widely, think more deeply. Brilliant, incredibly educated people – embodying a humility and grace, modeling a fierce Christ-centeredness and robust discipleship.
The topic of homosexuality is a complex one. In the last seven years of ministry – and prior to that as well – I have read widely on the topic. I have laid awake many a night, thinking deeply, praying earnestly, listening intently for the Spirit’s guidance. And I am profoundly humbled by all that I do not understand, do not know. Navigating through the plethora of hermeneutical grids alone is enough to give me insomnia. (That is …. how we interpret the Bible)
I live in the assurance of II Peter 1:3: His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.
You don’t need a graduate degree to know Christ and live in His divine power. Christ is available to any and all completely independent of any ability of our own.
Yet, for those of us who take on the mantle of leadership, who speak publicly into a divided community, it is critical that we take seriously our responsibility to think deeply, study carefully, and be clear and humble about the limitations in our understanding. A seminary professor of mine used to say, “Wendy, for every hour in prayer spend an hour in your study and for every hour in study, spend an hour in prayer.” This has been a helpful corrective to remember when I’ve tended to lean to one side or the other.
Dr. Walter Wink was one of the keynote speakers at this conference. Dr. Wink, in his work on ‘the powers,’ has made a profound and rich contribution to a Christian understanding of how to engage culture around us. Given Dr. Wink’s health and the limitations on his ability to travel, I felt very privileged to have the opportunity to hear him speak in person. Dr. Wink has been a proponent of full inclusion of gay brothers and sisters in the church for many years. I have read scathing, dismissive critiques of this man from those who hold a more conservative theological perspective on homosexuality. How the world sees us biting and devouring each other. How our arrogance can erect dividing walls.
I, for one, want to be known as an agent of reconciliation – humble in the face of my own limitations. I, for one, want to be open to listen, learn, engage with love and courage – not fear.
For as Marva Dawn so delightfully reminded us on Saturday, we need not fear for God has already won, He will make all things right, and in the words of Colossians 3:3 “My life is hidden with Christ in God.”
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