April 17th is the International Day of Silence, a day on which students around the world will take a vow of silence at school to draw attention to the bullying, harassment, discrimination and abuse that GLBT people face at school. Over the last 13 years, this event has grown from a project at one university to one of the largest student led actions in the United States.
As it has grown in size it has gained a great deal of media attention, and has left many Christians wondering how they should respond to the Day of Silence at their school. On the extreme end of the perspective some groups have suggested keeping your children home that day, or having students walk out of class if others are allowed to not to speak in class. The stated purpose of suggested walk-out is to protest the “politicization of the public classroom”. However, protesting the students being silent by removing yourself from the classroom seems hypocritical to me. I would think that skipping class or especially leaving the classroom in protest is actually a worse disruption than what these groups are supposedly protesting against.
Other groups have attempted alternative Christian responses. There is the “Day of Truth” where Christian students are encouraged to gather and have events that talk about what the Bible says about homosexuality. Still other Christian groups are additionally planning counter-events and in some cases protests. While it would seem those who are organizing these events are well intentioned, I think Christians trying to hold counter events both distract from the important goal of stopping bullying, violence and harassment against LGBT students and gives the appearance that Christians support or don’t care that such discrimination occurs.
In some cases Christian groups have even implied or directly stated that bullying of LGBT students is not really an issue. I understand that some Christian groups are wary of statistics and stories coming from GLSEN or other gay organization, but using that as an excuse to pretend that this isn’t an issue is unacceptable.
I am a conservative evangelical youth pastor who believes that the Bible teaches that same sex erotic behaviour is outside of God’s plan for human sexuality. My conviction on this matter is not just theoretical, it is one that as a person who is same gender attracted I live out every day and one I have personally sacrificed to uphold. And as a conservative evangelical pastor I want to stand up and dispel any doubt over the question of whether LGBT students face bullying, discrimination, harassment and violence. The answer is YES they do!
The truth is that when I was a student questioning my own sexual identity in grade 9 I was beat up because of my orientation.
The truth is that I was lucky, because compared to many of my gay friends, I got off easy.
The truth is that I have talked to hundreds of youth across North America who have been called names like “fag”, “homo”, “sissy”, “dyke” and “lesbo” every single day.
The truth is that often teachers and administrators see this happen and do nothing about it.
The truth is that many students (like me) will never report the harassment and violence they face because they are scared and ashamed. So even if and when school administration will listen, they often don’t hear about the extent of it.
The truth is that it can often be Christians who perpetrate the bullying and name-calling.
I went to a Christian school. It happened there.
This is not just my experience. This is SO common. I have seen it in schools. I have seen it in churches, I have seen it in youth groups. I have talked to HUNDREDS of young people who have told me their stories.
This is REAL.
And when Christians pretend like it isn’t, we bring shame on the name of the Lord who we claim to follow.
When we stand by and let others speak out for justice while we do nothing, we fail the Kingdom of God.
When we actively oppose, or distract from those seeking justice we prove to a watching culture that our claims to love gay people are a lie.
This is REAL. This must STOP. We are part of the problem. Change starts with us.
That is the TRUTH about the Day of Silence.
Look for tomorrow's post: What To Do on the Day of Silence
Originally posted at: www.thinkyouthministry.ca
Monday, April 13, 2009
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Easter Greetings
My church has been in an interesting season. We have been fast-tracking the church year. What that means in practical terms is that we were celebrating Advent during Lent and now Christmas during Easter. I know – kind of odd. But it has been quite a refreshing experience. I was surprised to discover the deep meaning I sensed in singing Christmas carols outside of the normal Christmas season (that has been so co-opted by western commercialism). And what I found was that rather than ignoring Lent and Easter, I actually had a deeper appreciation for the season through the lens of the incarnation.
So I want to extend my prayers for all of you for a blessed Easter. May you experience the reality of the presence of the Risen Jesus the Christ who hailed from the very real, human place of Nazareth.
He knows us. He has overcome for us.
Thanks be to God.
So I want to extend my prayers for all of you for a blessed Easter. May you experience the reality of the presence of the Risen Jesus the Christ who hailed from the very real, human place of Nazareth.
He knows us. He has overcome for us.
Thanks be to God.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Tony Campolo's take on "Love the Sinner, Hate the Sin"
We've all heard it ....."I love the sinner ..... I just hate their sin."
This statement has been critiqued a thousand ways. While some may use this phrase with the best of intentions, it has proven to be unhelpful and alienating. Yet inevitably, on some blog conversation about homosexuality and Christianity it will come up. If conservative Christians hope to bridge the gap between the church and their gay neighbours, it will be important to deconstruct the use of such dismissive cliches.
In our interview with Tony Campolo for our now available DVD series, "Bridging the Gap" he had some very interesting comments to make.
We think Tony's point is one that needs to be heard loud and clear. Will you help us get this youtube clip out there far and wide? Share it with your friends and contacts.
This statement has been critiqued a thousand ways. While some may use this phrase with the best of intentions, it has proven to be unhelpful and alienating. Yet inevitably, on some blog conversation about homosexuality and Christianity it will come up. If conservative Christians hope to bridge the gap between the church and their gay neighbours, it will be important to deconstruct the use of such dismissive cliches.
In our interview with Tony Campolo for our now available DVD series, "Bridging the Gap" he had some very interesting comments to make.
We think Tony's point is one that needs to be heard loud and clear. Will you help us get this youtube clip out there far and wide? Share it with your friends and contacts.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Of Language, Labels & Identity ..... please pass the Tylenol
It seems to me that when it comes to the language surrounding people who are gay, folks can often talk past each other. The use of language is challenging. Different people can mean different things when they say exactly the same thing. And these different meanings arise from different experiences, cultures, and backgrounds. Not only that, but as a non-same-gender attracted person trying to use language in a helpful, sensitive way, my head spins sometimes when one person says to say it this way to be helpful and then another comes along and says the complete opposite. One person is offended and then another offended by what the first person suggested as an alternative. Is there a way through this linguistic mess so that we can actually hear one another without assumptions, misperceptions, and caricaturizations?
I thought I would take a stab at describing what I’m hearing …. And then invite others to weigh in with their thoughts.
The word gay: When I talk to people who use gay to identify themselves, most say that they consider gay to be descriptive of their experiences of same-gender attraction. It seems that they are not trying to make any additional statement about their beliefs and values, their sexual involvement – or lack thereof, or their political views. Given that this seems to be the common usage, you really can’t assume anything about a person’s life or lifestyle based on their use of the word gay to describe themselves. Some people who are comfortable saying, “I’m gay” hold to a very traditional understanding of Biblical sexual ethics. They may be celibate. They may be living a chaste single life. They may be seeking to be faithful within a heterosexual marriage despite their experience of same-gender attraction. Others, who use gay to describe themselves, may be in a committed same-sex partnership. They may be sexually active outside of a committed partnership. The word gay, in and of itself, actually doesn’t tell us that much about a person other than that they experience the reality of same-gender attraction.
I encounter a different understanding when I am listening to some within conservative Christian circles. To them, the word gay seems to connote a whole package deal. If someone says they’re gay in these circles it may likely be interpreted to mean:
• Sexually active with members of their own gender (and likely promiscuous)
• Lacking in sincere Christian faith
• Capitulated to and part of promoting the ‘gay agenda’ (which seems to often be assumed to mean they are trying to attack Christianity)
• Sees their entire identity as wrapped in gay subculture (which seems to often be assumed to be anti-Christian)
These descriptions are generalizations – and I am sure that many conservative Christians would say they are much more nuanced in their understandings of the word gay than these descriptions. Unfortunately, I run into these sorts of assumptions on a regular enough basis to know that they are still alive and well within church circles. I’ve had people come up to me and tell me that they are offended by my usage of the word gay in a seminar. Others have told me they are still angry that “homosexual people co-opted the word gay from its original meaning” (like that isn’t a regular occurrence with any number of words and their use). Sometimes I encounter those who don’t really want to hear any other explanations of how people who are gay understand and use the term – they want to hold onto their assumptions and offense. When we were filming Justin Lee, Executive Director of the Gay Christian Network, he shared about encountering Christians who told him that if he wasn’t sexually active he shouldn’t call himself gay. To which Justin said, “Why should I not use the word gay just because I don’t fit your stereotype of what a gay person is? Your stereotype needs to change.” Exactly.
When language is descriptive, I think we can find a way forward. When language is used to label, I think we all face feeling boxed in and misunderstood.
Christians, understandably, have concerns about how people identify themselves – especially if they are fellow believers. If a person wants to be known as a follower of Christ, then Scripture has a lot to say about what it means to be a disciple and to accept Christ as not only Saviour but Lord. Submitting to the Lordship of Christ means that we put Christ ahead of everything else – including our sexuality. In this sense, there is a legitimate call to ensure that our primary identity is connected to our relationship with Christ. Note: Our primary identity. That doesn’t mean we don’t use other words to describe parts of ourselves – things that make up our comprehensive sense of who we are.
I am a follower of Christ. I am the Beloved of God.
I am also a wife, a mother, a ministry leader, a daughter of Dutch immigrants, a member of the Christian Reformed denomination, an avid reader, a volleyball player, a home renovation TV show addict, a recovering bulimic, a contemplative, a student, a lover of people, a wanna-be writer, a Facebook wordtwist & tetris junkie…….
My identity is influenced by all these things and more. My identity is fluid – it continues to be impacted by my experiences, the ways I’m growing and still maturing.
I don’t want anyone to make assumptions about my character, my lifestyle, my decisions and choices based simply on the words I used to describe myself and the things that influence my identity. No matter how I describe myself, it will always be incomplete. I don’t want emails giving advice for recovering bulimics or ways to break TV and Facebook addiction……. If my friends want to sit me down and have an intervention that would be one thing – but I don’t want people who barely know me other than through my blog writings to presume they have the answers for my life.
Why would it be any different for the person who identifies as gay – among the many other things that describe who they are?
I don’t think that describing yourself as gay precludes you from embracing a primary identity as the Beloved of God.
There are many Christians who experience same-gender attraction who choose to move beyond gay as a descriptor they use for themselves.
There are many other Christians who experience same-gender attraction and find the use of the descriptor gay to be an expression of honesty and authenticity.
One ought not to make any other presumptions about faith, values, sexual activity, motivations, cultural engagement etc. until you sit down and get to know them, hear their story & heart, and discover through conversation and relationship the answers to those kinds of questions.
But ….. I’m not same-gender attracted. I’m not faced with the choice to identify or not identify with the description gay.
For those of you who are and those of you who do ….. what do you think?
I thought I would take a stab at describing what I’m hearing …. And then invite others to weigh in with their thoughts.
The word gay: When I talk to people who use gay to identify themselves, most say that they consider gay to be descriptive of their experiences of same-gender attraction. It seems that they are not trying to make any additional statement about their beliefs and values, their sexual involvement – or lack thereof, or their political views. Given that this seems to be the common usage, you really can’t assume anything about a person’s life or lifestyle based on their use of the word gay to describe themselves. Some people who are comfortable saying, “I’m gay” hold to a very traditional understanding of Biblical sexual ethics. They may be celibate. They may be living a chaste single life. They may be seeking to be faithful within a heterosexual marriage despite their experience of same-gender attraction. Others, who use gay to describe themselves, may be in a committed same-sex partnership. They may be sexually active outside of a committed partnership. The word gay, in and of itself, actually doesn’t tell us that much about a person other than that they experience the reality of same-gender attraction.
I encounter a different understanding when I am listening to some within conservative Christian circles. To them, the word gay seems to connote a whole package deal. If someone says they’re gay in these circles it may likely be interpreted to mean:
• Sexually active with members of their own gender (and likely promiscuous)
• Lacking in sincere Christian faith
• Capitulated to and part of promoting the ‘gay agenda’ (which seems to often be assumed to mean they are trying to attack Christianity)
• Sees their entire identity as wrapped in gay subculture (which seems to often be assumed to be anti-Christian)
These descriptions are generalizations – and I am sure that many conservative Christians would say they are much more nuanced in their understandings of the word gay than these descriptions. Unfortunately, I run into these sorts of assumptions on a regular enough basis to know that they are still alive and well within church circles. I’ve had people come up to me and tell me that they are offended by my usage of the word gay in a seminar. Others have told me they are still angry that “homosexual people co-opted the word gay from its original meaning” (like that isn’t a regular occurrence with any number of words and their use). Sometimes I encounter those who don’t really want to hear any other explanations of how people who are gay understand and use the term – they want to hold onto their assumptions and offense. When we were filming Justin Lee, Executive Director of the Gay Christian Network, he shared about encountering Christians who told him that if he wasn’t sexually active he shouldn’t call himself gay. To which Justin said, “Why should I not use the word gay just because I don’t fit your stereotype of what a gay person is? Your stereotype needs to change.” Exactly.
When language is descriptive, I think we can find a way forward. When language is used to label, I think we all face feeling boxed in and misunderstood.
Christians, understandably, have concerns about how people identify themselves – especially if they are fellow believers. If a person wants to be known as a follower of Christ, then Scripture has a lot to say about what it means to be a disciple and to accept Christ as not only Saviour but Lord. Submitting to the Lordship of Christ means that we put Christ ahead of everything else – including our sexuality. In this sense, there is a legitimate call to ensure that our primary identity is connected to our relationship with Christ. Note: Our primary identity. That doesn’t mean we don’t use other words to describe parts of ourselves – things that make up our comprehensive sense of who we are.
I am a follower of Christ. I am the Beloved of God.
I am also a wife, a mother, a ministry leader, a daughter of Dutch immigrants, a member of the Christian Reformed denomination, an avid reader, a volleyball player, a home renovation TV show addict, a recovering bulimic, a contemplative, a student, a lover of people, a wanna-be writer, a Facebook wordtwist & tetris junkie…….
My identity is influenced by all these things and more. My identity is fluid – it continues to be impacted by my experiences, the ways I’m growing and still maturing.
I don’t want anyone to make assumptions about my character, my lifestyle, my decisions and choices based simply on the words I used to describe myself and the things that influence my identity. No matter how I describe myself, it will always be incomplete. I don’t want emails giving advice for recovering bulimics or ways to break TV and Facebook addiction……. If my friends want to sit me down and have an intervention that would be one thing – but I don’t want people who barely know me other than through my blog writings to presume they have the answers for my life.
Why would it be any different for the person who identifies as gay – among the many other things that describe who they are?
I don’t think that describing yourself as gay precludes you from embracing a primary identity as the Beloved of God.
There are many Christians who experience same-gender attraction who choose to move beyond gay as a descriptor they use for themselves.
There are many other Christians who experience same-gender attraction and find the use of the descriptor gay to be an expression of honesty and authenticity.
One ought not to make any other presumptions about faith, values, sexual activity, motivations, cultural engagement etc. until you sit down and get to know them, hear their story & heart, and discover through conversation and relationship the answers to those kinds of questions.
But ….. I’m not same-gender attracted. I’m not faced with the choice to identify or not identify with the description gay.
For those of you who are and those of you who do ….. what do you think?
Friday, April 3, 2009
We've Done It!!
“Bridging the Gap: Conversations on Befriending Our Gay Neighbours” the DVD is now available! Click here to purchase.
The purpose of the Bridging the Gap DVD resource is: To better equip Christ-followers to share the love of Christ, through relationship, with our gay neighbours.
• Four segment video for small groups
• On-screen discussion questions
• Includes 40-page facilitator’s discussion guide
• FREE reproducible study guide
• Total running time: 3 hours
Participant Goals
Session 1: Gay People Are Our Neighbours
• Have an awareness of some of the real lives behind the issue of homosexuality
• Have an opportunity to assess heart attitudes
• Think more deeply about some personal steps to take to be more intentionally and relationally involved with those for whom diverse sexual identity is a reality
Session 2: The Journey of Loving Same-Gender Attracted People
• Consider core spiritual issues for someone who is same-gender attracted
• Reflect on the homophobia that continues to exist in the Christian community and consider practical steps to address this in a Christ-like manner
• Think more deeply about how to be an encouragement and support to someone who is same-gender attracted and seeking to follow Jesus
Session 3: Loving Each Other Through Difference and Disagreement
• Be confronted with the reality that Christians come to different perspectives on gay issues
• Engage a model of true friendship despite disagreement and hear the ways Christ continues to be honoured and revealed through such friendship
• Think more deeply about how to engage in a Christ-like manner with someone who holds a different perspective
Session 4: Creating a Safe Place in the Christian Community
• Understand the underlying values and attitudes that will be necessary to be a welcoming place for our gay neighbors
• Have an awareness of the potential barriers to a gay neighbor feeling safe and comfortable to explore belonging and faith in the church
• Think more deeply about some personal steps to take to be a safe presence for a gay neighbor seeking to explore who Jesus is
Check it out & spread the word!
The purpose of the Bridging the Gap DVD resource is: To better equip Christ-followers to share the love of Christ, through relationship, with our gay neighbours.
• Four segment video for small groups
• On-screen discussion questions
• Includes 40-page facilitator’s discussion guide
• FREE reproducible study guide
• Total running time: 3 hours
Participant Goals
Session 1: Gay People Are Our Neighbours
• Have an awareness of some of the real lives behind the issue of homosexuality
• Have an opportunity to assess heart attitudes
• Think more deeply about some personal steps to take to be more intentionally and relationally involved with those for whom diverse sexual identity is a reality
Session 2: The Journey of Loving Same-Gender Attracted People
• Consider core spiritual issues for someone who is same-gender attracted
• Reflect on the homophobia that continues to exist in the Christian community and consider practical steps to address this in a Christ-like manner
• Think more deeply about how to be an encouragement and support to someone who is same-gender attracted and seeking to follow Jesus
Session 3: Loving Each Other Through Difference and Disagreement
• Be confronted with the reality that Christians come to different perspectives on gay issues
• Engage a model of true friendship despite disagreement and hear the ways Christ continues to be honoured and revealed through such friendship
• Think more deeply about how to engage in a Christ-like manner with someone who holds a different perspective
Session 4: Creating a Safe Place in the Christian Community
• Understand the underlying values and attitudes that will be necessary to be a welcoming place for our gay neighbors
• Have an awareness of the potential barriers to a gay neighbor feeling safe and comfortable to explore belonging and faith in the church
• Think more deeply about some personal steps to take to be a safe presence for a gay neighbor seeking to explore who Jesus is
Check it out & spread the word!
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