Today is the day ..... and after spending time in prayer this morning, I opened an overflowing inbox with people letting me know they'd already posted or asking to be added to the list yet. Fantastic.
So we'd invite you to begin checking out the blogs listed in the sidebar. Welcome to those who may be stumbling upon this collection of conversations through another link. If you would like to add your thoughts on your blog - post a comment and we'll get you added to the list. Additionally, if you are looking for a follow-up resource to this conversation, consider checking out our DVD series which you can read more about here or see the trailer here.
Also.... you can follow on twitter today at: #btgblog
My prayer: that love will trump all else in the conversations today!
p.s. Look for the tiny asterik * at the end of the links in the side bar to see those who have already put up their Bridging the Gap posting.... mind you, I'm having a hard time keeping up.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
One day till Synchroblog!
The Synchroblog is almost upon us! Tomorrow we will see over 60 different bloggers linking into this website to share their thoughts on how we can best reach across the divides that often separate Christians and LGBT individuals.
Any time you bring that many thinkers together, from so many different places, beliefs and backgrounds there is the chance for conflict. However, we hope that the Synchroblog will be a collection of conversations that encourage people and demonstrate a concrete example of the unity that is possible in the midst of diversity.
With that hope in mind here are a few suggestions to keep in mind as you prepare to post and comment tomorrow:
1) Be Positive!
This is an opportunity to generate conversation, share ideas and dream together about something better. It is easy when looking at a problem to focus on what is wrong. It can also be easy to point fingers and blame those you think caused the problem. But we hope the Synchroblog will be a place where people will be able to talk about how to move forward! I look forward to hearing the good things that you are seeing as well as the challenges. I hope to hear stories of what has worked as you have reached out to others who you perhaps don't agree with. This initiative is a time to dream of what can be, and talk about how to get there.
2) Be Respectful!
The staggering diversity of people that we see taking part in this conversation is really encouraging. We have gay and straight, Christians of many different stripes and denominations, as well as individuals who are not Christian but want to join the conversation. Some contributors will have thought and studied and experienced much in journeying with integrating faith and sexuality - other may be less informed but wanting to be part of making a positive contribution. It is safe to say that those posting will not agree on many things. We do ask that everyone who posts or comments be polite, humble and gentle with each other. Approach this as a chance to learn from others rather than one to prove to others how right you are. Avoid attacks on other people and focus instead on putting out your ideas as clearly as possible, and listening to others carefully. Posts that demean, insult or attack others will not be accepted into the Synchroblog.
3) Be Prayerful!
While not everyone who is participating identifies as a follower of Christ, we do encourage all to be prayerful and reflective as they they write. For our brothers and sisters in Christ, we encourage you to listen to the guiding of the Spirit and to try to be reflect Jesus in all that you do. We believe that God wants to work through this event and this gathering of contributors. So we ask all Christians involved to be in prayer as you write, as you read, and as you interact with others.
4) Spread the Word!
The impact of this synchroblog is limited only by the number of people who get to see it. Remember to link back to this blog and to let your readers know about the larger Synchroblog when you post.
We at New Direction are really excited to see what happens tomorrow and look forward to reading it all and continuing the discussion! See you then!
by: Brian Pengelly
Any time you bring that many thinkers together, from so many different places, beliefs and backgrounds there is the chance for conflict. However, we hope that the Synchroblog will be a collection of conversations that encourage people and demonstrate a concrete example of the unity that is possible in the midst of diversity.
With that hope in mind here are a few suggestions to keep in mind as you prepare to post and comment tomorrow:
1) Be Positive!
This is an opportunity to generate conversation, share ideas and dream together about something better. It is easy when looking at a problem to focus on what is wrong. It can also be easy to point fingers and blame those you think caused the problem. But we hope the Synchroblog will be a place where people will be able to talk about how to move forward! I look forward to hearing the good things that you are seeing as well as the challenges. I hope to hear stories of what has worked as you have reached out to others who you perhaps don't agree with. This initiative is a time to dream of what can be, and talk about how to get there.
2) Be Respectful!
The staggering diversity of people that we see taking part in this conversation is really encouraging. We have gay and straight, Christians of many different stripes and denominations, as well as individuals who are not Christian but want to join the conversation. Some contributors will have thought and studied and experienced much in journeying with integrating faith and sexuality - other may be less informed but wanting to be part of making a positive contribution. It is safe to say that those posting will not agree on many things. We do ask that everyone who posts or comments be polite, humble and gentle with each other. Approach this as a chance to learn from others rather than one to prove to others how right you are. Avoid attacks on other people and focus instead on putting out your ideas as clearly as possible, and listening to others carefully. Posts that demean, insult or attack others will not be accepted into the Synchroblog.
3) Be Prayerful!
While not everyone who is participating identifies as a follower of Christ, we do encourage all to be prayerful and reflective as they they write. For our brothers and sisters in Christ, we encourage you to listen to the guiding of the Spirit and to try to be reflect Jesus in all that you do. We believe that God wants to work through this event and this gathering of contributors. So we ask all Christians involved to be in prayer as you write, as you read, and as you interact with others.
4) Spread the Word!
The impact of this synchroblog is limited only by the number of people who get to see it. Remember to link back to this blog and to let your readers know about the larger Synchroblog when you post.
We at New Direction are really excited to see what happens tomorrow and look forward to reading it all and continuing the discussion! See you then!
by: Brian Pengelly
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Gentleness & Respect
I thought this clip of Bruxy was a perfect one to post in the days prior to our synchroblog scheduled a week from today.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Am I gay?
I encounter a lot of people who wonder why I serve with the ministry of New Direction. It is true, that historically many of the leaders in such ministries have been individuals that experience same-gender attraction. People ask, “What exactly is the connection for Wendy?”
Recently, someone assumed I held a ‘side a’ gay affirming perspective because of my openness to affirm the true Christian faith of gay-affirming Christians. This individual also took the few sentences I shared of my personal journey and assumed I was a lesbian. One of my facebook friends who is gay felt I should take that as a compliment …. though in this particular conversation it was certainly NOT intended as a compliment.
So….. am I gay? Am I same-gender attracted? Am I bi-sexual? Am I fluid in my sexuality?
There are times that I make intentional, but subtle, remarks that could lead to inference or confusion ….. for example when I say, “I’m mainly heterosexual.” Now, in part, I’m just being a bit of a wise-ass when I say that – but on the intentional side, I’m seeking to challenge the black and white notions of sexuality that many conservative Christians hold. I think it is important for those who feel they are in the ‘sexual majority box’ to reconsider that there isn’t just a “right” and “wrong” box of sexuality to put people into. I view sexuality on a continuum. And yes, there are individuals who hit the extremes on either end – but there are a whole lot of folks that land somewhere between those two poles. This continuum affects so much more than just our type of desire for genital sexual intimacy. It encompasses our spirituality, our emotions, our desire for companionship and soul-nourishing relationship. In this understanding of the fluidity of sexuality, I would be the first to say that my own sexuality is fluid. Given that I think our sexuality is, to some degree, impacted by our experiences, and given my story, that shouldn’t be a big surprise.
When I was 13, I met a new teacher at school. She was smart and seemed so confident and sure of herself. And to my utter surprise – she took an interest in me! I began to babysit for her – and we would talk and talk and talk. It seemed like for the first time in my life someone was really listening to me – really valuing my thoughts and ideas. She chose me to be in her canoe for a week long school trip. She chose me. I couldn’t believe it. And by the end of the week – it was a done deal. We were soul mates, kindred spirits, no one else understood me like she did, no one cared for me like she did ….. and though I didn’t know it at the time – I was smitten. I had allowed my heart to open up – and all the need and all the fear and all the insecurity of my whole life rushed in with the reckless hope that finally I would be loved.
This relationship lasted for nearly 10 years. By the end, I had turned my back on my family, my heritage and my church. What I didn’t know then – and could not see for many years – was that this was my initiation into what would become a life-strangling co-dependent relationship.
Wikopedia loosely defines a co-dependent person as someone who exhibits too much and often inappropriate caring for persons who depend on them.
Though the relationship was never a sexual one – as I look back it is very clear to me that had she ever introduced a sexual element, I would have been a sitting duck. I was so vulnerable during those years.
The relationship ended badly. She went through a difficult period in her life, and finally facing the extent of the unhealth of our relationship told me, “You’ve ruined my life – I don’t ever want to speak with you again.” I was devastated to the point of being suicidal. After so many years of my life being so enmeshed with hers – I didn’t know who I was, didn’t know what I believed, didn’t know where I was going ….. I was a sorry mess.
Unlike all the self-help, self-improvement stuff available – I found that I didn’t have the resources within myself to recover from this loss. This was a whole lot deeper and more entrenched than just learning to think positive thoughts. I couldn’t heal myself. I couldn’t even fully heal through loving, healthy relationships with other people – as important as experiencing community is. I needed someone bigger and more powerful, more trustworthy, more perfectly loving – someone who I could know that I know that I know loves me, won’t leave me, and sees me in a way I can’t even see myself – sees me as whole and confident – sees me as someone who can love, and contribute, and make a difference – someone who’s life matters.
I’ll never forget the first time I heard the song, “I will change your name”.
I will change your name
You shall no longer be called
Wounded, outcast
Lonely or afraid
I will change your name
Your new name shall be
Confidence, joyfulness
Overcoming one
Faithfulness, friend of God
One who seeks my face.
This idea – that my past was not my destiny – that who I was did not determine who I would be …. This sense of empowering healing gave me an unshakable gift of hope.
For years, I wondered why so much of my life had been swallowed up in so many years of identity confusion and unhealthy relationships – what purpose could that possibly have served? Today, I see the fingerprints of God all over my life. And I’m grateful for the way God has shaped me to embody and advocate for generous spaciousness.
But for those of you who are gay reading this, you will recognize that what I describe is quite different than the individual who persistently and pervasively experiences a gay orientation.
So, no….. I’m not gay. If I was, I would be unashamed to say so. But that is not my experience. This means I will always be limited in fully and completely understanding what it is like to stand in the shoes of a brother or sister who is gay and wrestling mightily with God to know his will for their life. This means that I try to lead with listening and to engage with humility and to love with an unconditional robustness that breaks down any sense of “us and them”.
And if people assume I’m gay because I love gay people – so be it.
Recently, someone assumed I held a ‘side a’ gay affirming perspective because of my openness to affirm the true Christian faith of gay-affirming Christians. This individual also took the few sentences I shared of my personal journey and assumed I was a lesbian. One of my facebook friends who is gay felt I should take that as a compliment …. though in this particular conversation it was certainly NOT intended as a compliment.
So….. am I gay? Am I same-gender attracted? Am I bi-sexual? Am I fluid in my sexuality?
There are times that I make intentional, but subtle, remarks that could lead to inference or confusion ….. for example when I say, “I’m mainly heterosexual.” Now, in part, I’m just being a bit of a wise-ass when I say that – but on the intentional side, I’m seeking to challenge the black and white notions of sexuality that many conservative Christians hold. I think it is important for those who feel they are in the ‘sexual majority box’ to reconsider that there isn’t just a “right” and “wrong” box of sexuality to put people into. I view sexuality on a continuum. And yes, there are individuals who hit the extremes on either end – but there are a whole lot of folks that land somewhere between those two poles. This continuum affects so much more than just our type of desire for genital sexual intimacy. It encompasses our spirituality, our emotions, our desire for companionship and soul-nourishing relationship. In this understanding of the fluidity of sexuality, I would be the first to say that my own sexuality is fluid. Given that I think our sexuality is, to some degree, impacted by our experiences, and given my story, that shouldn’t be a big surprise.
When I was 13, I met a new teacher at school. She was smart and seemed so confident and sure of herself. And to my utter surprise – she took an interest in me! I began to babysit for her – and we would talk and talk and talk. It seemed like for the first time in my life someone was really listening to me – really valuing my thoughts and ideas. She chose me to be in her canoe for a week long school trip. She chose me. I couldn’t believe it. And by the end of the week – it was a done deal. We were soul mates, kindred spirits, no one else understood me like she did, no one cared for me like she did ….. and though I didn’t know it at the time – I was smitten. I had allowed my heart to open up – and all the need and all the fear and all the insecurity of my whole life rushed in with the reckless hope that finally I would be loved.
This relationship lasted for nearly 10 years. By the end, I had turned my back on my family, my heritage and my church. What I didn’t know then – and could not see for many years – was that this was my initiation into what would become a life-strangling co-dependent relationship.
Wikopedia loosely defines a co-dependent person as someone who exhibits too much and often inappropriate caring for persons who depend on them.
Though the relationship was never a sexual one – as I look back it is very clear to me that had she ever introduced a sexual element, I would have been a sitting duck. I was so vulnerable during those years.
The relationship ended badly. She went through a difficult period in her life, and finally facing the extent of the unhealth of our relationship told me, “You’ve ruined my life – I don’t ever want to speak with you again.” I was devastated to the point of being suicidal. After so many years of my life being so enmeshed with hers – I didn’t know who I was, didn’t know what I believed, didn’t know where I was going ….. I was a sorry mess.
Unlike all the self-help, self-improvement stuff available – I found that I didn’t have the resources within myself to recover from this loss. This was a whole lot deeper and more entrenched than just learning to think positive thoughts. I couldn’t heal myself. I couldn’t even fully heal through loving, healthy relationships with other people – as important as experiencing community is. I needed someone bigger and more powerful, more trustworthy, more perfectly loving – someone who I could know that I know that I know loves me, won’t leave me, and sees me in a way I can’t even see myself – sees me as whole and confident – sees me as someone who can love, and contribute, and make a difference – someone who’s life matters.
I’ll never forget the first time I heard the song, “I will change your name”.
I will change your name
You shall no longer be called
Wounded, outcast
Lonely or afraid
I will change your name
Your new name shall be
Confidence, joyfulness
Overcoming one
Faithfulness, friend of God
One who seeks my face.
This idea – that my past was not my destiny – that who I was did not determine who I would be …. This sense of empowering healing gave me an unshakable gift of hope.
For years, I wondered why so much of my life had been swallowed up in so many years of identity confusion and unhealthy relationships – what purpose could that possibly have served? Today, I see the fingerprints of God all over my life. And I’m grateful for the way God has shaped me to embody and advocate for generous spaciousness.
But for those of you who are gay reading this, you will recognize that what I describe is quite different than the individual who persistently and pervasively experiences a gay orientation.
So, no….. I’m not gay. If I was, I would be unashamed to say so. But that is not my experience. This means I will always be limited in fully and completely understanding what it is like to stand in the shoes of a brother or sister who is gay and wrestling mightily with God to know his will for their life. This means that I try to lead with listening and to engage with humility and to love with an unconditional robustness that breaks down any sense of “us and them”.
And if people assume I’m gay because I love gay people – so be it.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Hitting 50!
I have some of my best ideas sitting and brainstorming over lattes with my friend Mark. Mark Petersen, Executive Director of the Bridgeway Foundation, is an innovative missional partner. He shares the passions of so many Kingdom builders ~ consistently with an energy and excitement that amaze me.
The earliest seeds of the DVD project were shared with Mark. And it was his encouragement and support that was so instrumental in getting the whole project off the ground.
It was again in conversation with Mark that the idea for the synchroblog took shape. As we talked and laughed and dreamed a bit, I remember thinking that if we at least got 20 people blogging with us I would feel like it was a worthwhile endeavour. And if we got 50 people joining us to contribute their positive suggestions for ways to break down dividing walls of hostility… that would be awesome. Mark, on the other hand, said he thought we could get 100 bloggers to connect with the initiative.
Well, we’ve hit 50! Today, Mark and I are both blogging to extend the invitation even further.
I’ve had a lot of emails from people not quite sure what it is or how to participate. Hopefully, this will clarify things:
1. If you have a blog and would like to participate just send us your site address.
2. Then on Wednesday, June 24th, post on your blog your thoughts on how to ‘bridge the gap’. You can read the original invitation again here.
3. On June 24th, indicate your participation in this larger initiative by including a brief comment about the synchroblog with a link back to our site and an invitation to your readers to check out the other posts.
4. Moderate the comments for your own blog as you normally would.
There is no technical synchronization – it is simply a group of people, writing on the same topic, on the same day.
If you don’t have a blog but would like to participate, write up your contribution and email it to me: wendy (at) newdirection.ca
We’ll post it here on BTG on the 24th either under your name or anonymous – whatever your preference is.
If you choose to participate, you are not obligated beyond posting on your own site that day. Of course, we encourage participants to read the other posts and join in the comment conversations on the other blogs as you are able.
Thanks to those who will and who have already shared the invitation to participate with others. I’d love to have to be the one buying Mark the lattes this time around :)
Check out Mark sharing about his partnership with "Bridging the Gap":
The earliest seeds of the DVD project were shared with Mark. And it was his encouragement and support that was so instrumental in getting the whole project off the ground.
It was again in conversation with Mark that the idea for the synchroblog took shape. As we talked and laughed and dreamed a bit, I remember thinking that if we at least got 20 people blogging with us I would feel like it was a worthwhile endeavour. And if we got 50 people joining us to contribute their positive suggestions for ways to break down dividing walls of hostility… that would be awesome. Mark, on the other hand, said he thought we could get 100 bloggers to connect with the initiative.
Well, we’ve hit 50! Today, Mark and I are both blogging to extend the invitation even further.
I’ve had a lot of emails from people not quite sure what it is or how to participate. Hopefully, this will clarify things:
1. If you have a blog and would like to participate just send us your site address.
2. Then on Wednesday, June 24th, post on your blog your thoughts on how to ‘bridge the gap’. You can read the original invitation again here.
3. On June 24th, indicate your participation in this larger initiative by including a brief comment about the synchroblog with a link back to our site and an invitation to your readers to check out the other posts.
4. Moderate the comments for your own blog as you normally would.
There is no technical synchronization – it is simply a group of people, writing on the same topic, on the same day.
If you don’t have a blog but would like to participate, write up your contribution and email it to me: wendy (at) newdirection.ca
We’ll post it here on BTG on the 24th either under your name or anonymous – whatever your preference is.
If you choose to participate, you are not obligated beyond posting on your own site that day. Of course, we encourage participants to read the other posts and join in the comment conversations on the other blogs as you are able.
Thanks to those who will and who have already shared the invitation to participate with others. I’d love to have to be the one buying Mark the lattes this time around :)
Check out Mark sharing about his partnership with "Bridging the Gap":
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