I came home from yet another speaking engagement Sunday night feeling pretty good. The talk had gone well, and the youth staff had invited me out to a pub afterwards to talk more. I was very tired since I had taught Sunday School that day, and then spent the afternoon at a picnic with the youth group from my church. As I pulled into the underground parking of my apartment building, I was feeling tired but content. I had spent the day doing what I love doing most. I fumbled with my keys to open the door from the garage into the main building and made my way to the elevator and pushed the button, knowing it would probably take forever for the machine to recognize my request and send an elevator down to the basement. As I stood there waiting my eyes wandered around the room as it always does when the boredom of waiting for the elevator sets in.
And then I saw it: a new piece of graffiti carved into the deep brown bricks of the hallway. In the midst the familiar etchings declaring eternal love between various youth of the building, in big ugly letters were two new words: KILL FAGS.
My stomach dropped, my muscles tightened and I could feel that old familiar dread grip the core of me. It was like I was back in high school again, wondering if someone had found out about me. Afraid of losing my home, losing my friends, getting beat up again.
I took a deep breath and exhaling began a centering prayer that I had been taught years ago by my spiritual director. I forced myself to remember who I am: I am a child of God. I am part of the body of Christ. I will NOT wear that name anymore.
I grabbed my keys and began to vigorously rub it against the offending words. I applied all my strength to it and the scratches I made began to cover over the hateful words. I stepped back and looked at my handiwork. It was now impossible to read the hateful words under all the other scratches I had made.
But I knew what was under there.
The elevator finally arrived and I got in and punched the button for my floor. As it began its ascent I slumped against the wall and fought back tears. I felt so very tired. I wondered about putting in a work order to have the wall repainted or something. But the thought of having to explain to the landlords...just left me feeling exhausted beyond words. Did I really want to make a big deal of this?
It was probably just some stupid kids.
The elevator lurched to a halt and I stepped out on my floor and used the key I had so recently applied to the wall to open the door to my apartment. Inside my wife was already fast asleep. I dumped my bags on the floor and collapsed on my sofa. Tears began to roll down my cheeks as I took up an old lament.
"How long oh Lord? How long?"
How long will hatred rule men's hearts.
How long will children grow up in fear?
How long will the wounds I thought finally healed be torn open yet again?
I had been struggling for days with a deep weariness. Sometimes I get tired of the overwhelming ugliness of the hate that this issue seems to engender in others. I am frustrated by the teens I can not protect, the damage I can not undo, and the fact that while words scratched in walls can be covered over the ones carved in some hearts are never fully removed. What does one do in response to such naked hatred?
But in this time I feel the Spirit with me, comforting me and reminding me that Jesus too was hated. I am not alone. And slowly, ever so slowly my heart begins to turn. I remember that the only response to hatred is to love, and I pray for whoever carved those words. I wonder what experiences have twisted them so that they would do such a thing and pray for God's grace in their lives. I remember that the only response to ignorance is truth, and as I take a day of rest I gather strength to go out this weekend and share my story once again. In the face of such ugliness I remembered the weekend before: watching 2,000 young Christians standing together after I shared my story cheering for me and declaring together that they wanted their generation to be the one that changed the legacy of homophobia that Christianity has long embraced.
Hatred may carve words on walls and hearts, but it is not the last word.
God's Word is alive and active. It is bringing change. It will not be stopped.
And with that hope held in my heart I put the words on the wall out of mind and I am able to sleep.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Letting God Work
I'm really grateful that Ron Belgau was one of the contributors for "Bridging the Gap: Conversations on Befriending Our Gay Neighbours."
Ron is a thoughtful and mature follower of Christ who also happens to be gay. He is someone with deep convictions - that some of our readers will share, and others will disagree with. What stands out about Ron for me, is that he is someone with deeply held traditional views and yet he engages with a great openness, love and care for his gay friends who have come to different theological perspectives than he has. Ron really seeks to stay in step with the Holy Spirit - not wanting to be like a pharisee in people's lives but wanting to be open to follow the Spirit's prompting.
I hope that Ron's connections in the Catholic community will open some doors for the BTG dvd being useful in that part of the Body of Christ.
Check out this clip:
Ron is a thoughtful and mature follower of Christ who also happens to be gay. He is someone with deep convictions - that some of our readers will share, and others will disagree with. What stands out about Ron for me, is that he is someone with deeply held traditional views and yet he engages with a great openness, love and care for his gay friends who have come to different theological perspectives than he has. Ron really seeks to stay in step with the Holy Spirit - not wanting to be like a pharisee in people's lives but wanting to be open to follow the Spirit's prompting.
I hope that Ron's connections in the Catholic community will open some doors for the BTG dvd being useful in that part of the Body of Christ.
Check out this clip:
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Announcing the BTG Synchroblog!!!
The culture wars surrounding the topic of homosexuality have sucked up tremendous resources, have left devastated casualties in their wake, and continue to perpetuate polarization and enmity – most clearly seen in the divide between the Christian community and the gay community. The diversity and divisiveness surrounding gay issues is staggering. Even the above statement needs to be unpacked. The sense of polarization is not simply between the Christian community and the gay community as if both of those communities were completely monolithic and mutually exclusive. Rather, we see fractures within the Christian community and disagreements within the gay community. In the midst of this wasteland are gay Christians – a diverse group of people too – who often find very little safe harbour on either side of the divide.
The intensity of this divide is ratcheted up several notches during annual Pride weeks. We’ve all seen the photos of the attempted Christian messages at Pride events. Placards and signs and megaphones. And many of us are grieved. Many of us disconnect and say, “That doesn’t represent the Jesus I know. That doesn’t represent me.”
We want to invite you to join us in a synchro-blog on the Wednesday of Pride week, June 24, to speak up and speak out of your heart to address this terrible divide.
New Direction has been seeking to foster safe and generous space for authentic conversation about faith and sexuality. We have committed ourselves to building bridges. But we cannot do it alone. We need other Christ-followers: gay and straight and everything in between, to speak up and join the conversation, to share the heart of the gospel in the midst of this conflict. We need those beyond the walls of the church: gay and straight and everything in between, to speak up and join the conversation, to share their thoughts on how the church can reach across the divide and build bridges.
If you've seen our DVD resource called, “Bridging the Gap: Conversations on Befriending Our Gay Neighbours” and would like to offer a review that day - that would be great. If you'd simply like to offer your own thoughts on what is needed to break down the dividing walls that continue to wound, alienate and obscure the good news of the gospel of Jesus Christ - that is great too. And for those who read this blog who do not identify as Christian - please consider participating! Those of us who do identify as Christian need to hear your perspectives. We need to listen to and learn from each other.
So please, spread share this invitation with others you think would have a thoughtful contribution to make!
Our prayer is that this synchro-blog would model an opportunity for multiple conversations, from multiple perspectives, with a commitment to hear one another with grace, humility and respect.
Tony Campolo says, “I hope that you do much good in building the bridges between conflicting parties on a controversial issue that is destroying the church of Jesus Christ today. What you are doing is of vital importance. My prayers are with you.”
Greg Paul says, “Trying to bring together two groups of people who really don't want to like each other isn't easy. Try to imagine building a bridge across a turbulent river, in the midst of a raging battle - with both sides shooting at you... Such radical reconciliation efforts come only at a cost, but so does the Gospel itself. New Direction, many years ago, was one of those Christian organizations that gay, lesbian and transgendered people loved to hate. In the intervening years, it has become one of the few true bridge builders between evangelical Christians and the gay community.”
For more information & to sign up to participate in our synchro-blog email:
wendy@newdirection.ca
I look forward to engaging your thoughts and contributions on June 24!
The intensity of this divide is ratcheted up several notches during annual Pride weeks. We’ve all seen the photos of the attempted Christian messages at Pride events. Placards and signs and megaphones. And many of us are grieved. Many of us disconnect and say, “That doesn’t represent the Jesus I know. That doesn’t represent me.”
We want to invite you to join us in a synchro-blog on the Wednesday of Pride week, June 24, to speak up and speak out of your heart to address this terrible divide.
New Direction has been seeking to foster safe and generous space for authentic conversation about faith and sexuality. We have committed ourselves to building bridges. But we cannot do it alone. We need other Christ-followers: gay and straight and everything in between, to speak up and join the conversation, to share the heart of the gospel in the midst of this conflict. We need those beyond the walls of the church: gay and straight and everything in between, to speak up and join the conversation, to share their thoughts on how the church can reach across the divide and build bridges.
If you've seen our DVD resource called, “Bridging the Gap: Conversations on Befriending Our Gay Neighbours” and would like to offer a review that day - that would be great. If you'd simply like to offer your own thoughts on what is needed to break down the dividing walls that continue to wound, alienate and obscure the good news of the gospel of Jesus Christ - that is great too. And for those who read this blog who do not identify as Christian - please consider participating! Those of us who do identify as Christian need to hear your perspectives. We need to listen to and learn from each other.
So please, spread share this invitation with others you think would have a thoughtful contribution to make!
Our prayer is that this synchro-blog would model an opportunity for multiple conversations, from multiple perspectives, with a commitment to hear one another with grace, humility and respect.
Tony Campolo says, “I hope that you do much good in building the bridges between conflicting parties on a controversial issue that is destroying the church of Jesus Christ today. What you are doing is of vital importance. My prayers are with you.”
Greg Paul says, “Trying to bring together two groups of people who really don't want to like each other isn't easy. Try to imagine building a bridge across a turbulent river, in the midst of a raging battle - with both sides shooting at you... Such radical reconciliation efforts come only at a cost, but so does the Gospel itself. New Direction, many years ago, was one of those Christian organizations that gay, lesbian and transgendered people loved to hate. In the intervening years, it has become one of the few true bridge builders between evangelical Christians and the gay community.”
For more information & to sign up to participate in our synchro-blog email:
wendy@newdirection.ca
I look forward to engaging your thoughts and contributions on June 24!
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Tony Campolo on Demonstrating Love
We hear it all the time, don't we?
"I love homosexuals ..... but....."
"I love gay people ..... but ...."
How is it that Christians truly demonstrate this love?
Tony Campolo challenges that "but" in unequivocal terms. Check out this clip:
What questions does this raise for you?
"I love homosexuals ..... but....."
"I love gay people ..... but ...."
How is it that Christians truly demonstrate this love?
Tony Campolo challenges that "but" in unequivocal terms. Check out this clip:
What questions does this raise for you?
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Milk
Well I finally got to see the movie, “Milk” last night. It was with an eclectic group of straight and gay, Christian and not. And after the movie we had some good conversation together.
For those of you not familiar with the movie, the basic story is that of Harvey Milk the first openly gay individual to be elected to public office as Supervisor in the Castro district of San Francisco in the late 1970’s. The context in which Harvey pursued a place in public office was the repeal of anti-discrimination laws on the basis of sexual orientation. In particular, these efforts were publicly endorsed and advanced by evangelical Christian Anita Bryant among others.
I had many conflicting emotions as I watched the film.
I could not help but lament the reminder of the toxic combination of fear and power – and the past and present demonstrations of how Christians capitulate to these drivers and motivators.
I could not help but feel deep concern and outrage for the replay of the kinds of events and experiences in Milk’s time with the current events in places like Uganda.
Fear is too dominant.
Playing on stereotypes and assumptions and mischaracterizations sadly continues.
Demanding with a sense of righteous entitlement to have it ‘your way’ has not given way to humility.
I’ll never be a politician. I’m not an activist. I know the issues are complex ~ and I don’t pretend to offer simplistic answers to the dilemmas of power in a pluralistic context.
But I do see the example of Jesus. I do see the Lord of the Universe empty himself, take the role of a servant, choose love over fear, and promote justice.
Regardless of what you believe theologically about homosexual behaviour, we should imitate Christ’s example as we engage a film like “Milk”, as we consider today’s propositions and legislative issues, and as we look at global justice for glbtq people.
Humble ourselves. Serve. Choose love over fear. And promote justice.
Harvey Milk was an imperfect man. But as Dianne Feinstein has said, "His homosexuality gave him an insight into the scars which all oppressed people wear. He believed that no sacrifice was too great a price to pay for the cause of human rights.”
One poignant line for me in the movie was when Harvey passionately corrects a political colleague and says, “It’s more than an issue – it’s our lives we’re fighting for.” Harvey, it seemed, tried to focus on the real lives of people – including and especially his constituents who were gay. It seems he remembered that this is primarily about people not just power.
Might those who name the name of Jesus remember this too.
For those of you not familiar with the movie, the basic story is that of Harvey Milk the first openly gay individual to be elected to public office as Supervisor in the Castro district of San Francisco in the late 1970’s. The context in which Harvey pursued a place in public office was the repeal of anti-discrimination laws on the basis of sexual orientation. In particular, these efforts were publicly endorsed and advanced by evangelical Christian Anita Bryant among others.
I had many conflicting emotions as I watched the film.
I could not help but lament the reminder of the toxic combination of fear and power – and the past and present demonstrations of how Christians capitulate to these drivers and motivators.
I could not help but feel deep concern and outrage for the replay of the kinds of events and experiences in Milk’s time with the current events in places like Uganda.
Fear is too dominant.
Playing on stereotypes and assumptions and mischaracterizations sadly continues.
Demanding with a sense of righteous entitlement to have it ‘your way’ has not given way to humility.
I’ll never be a politician. I’m not an activist. I know the issues are complex ~ and I don’t pretend to offer simplistic answers to the dilemmas of power in a pluralistic context.
But I do see the example of Jesus. I do see the Lord of the Universe empty himself, take the role of a servant, choose love over fear, and promote justice.
Regardless of what you believe theologically about homosexual behaviour, we should imitate Christ’s example as we engage a film like “Milk”, as we consider today’s propositions and legislative issues, and as we look at global justice for glbtq people.
Humble ourselves. Serve. Choose love over fear. And promote justice.
Harvey Milk was an imperfect man. But as Dianne Feinstein has said, "His homosexuality gave him an insight into the scars which all oppressed people wear. He believed that no sacrifice was too great a price to pay for the cause of human rights.”
One poignant line for me in the movie was when Harvey passionately corrects a political colleague and says, “It’s more than an issue – it’s our lives we’re fighting for.” Harvey, it seemed, tried to focus on the real lives of people – including and especially his constituents who were gay. It seems he remembered that this is primarily about people not just power.
Might those who name the name of Jesus remember this too.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Outrageous Grace
I have a little daily calendar that displays a passage from the Message. (Have I told you that I am completely addicted to the Message? I'm even using it this year for my "read through the Bible in a year" readings.) Almost without fail, this little calendar, that I seriously got at a yard sale for $.25, is like a cup of cold water to me. Today's verse:
"Sin didn't, and doesn't, have a chance in competition with the aggressive forgiveness we call grace. When it's sin versus grace, grace wins hands down. All sin can do is threaten us with death, and that's the end of it. Grace, because God is putting everything together again through the Messiah, invites us into life - a life that goes on and on and on, world without end" Romans 5: 20-21
Stunning isn't it?
Reminds me of a song written by a crazy Brit we recently had at our church, Godfrey Birtill:
Verse 1
There’s a lot of pain but a lot more healing
There’s a lot of trouble but a lot more peace
There’s a lot of hate but a lot more loving
There’s a lot of sin but a lot more grace
Chorus
Oh outrageous grace oh outrageous grace
Love unfurled by heaven’s hand
Oh outrageous grace oh outrageous grace
Through my Jesus I can stand
Verse 2
There’s a lot of fear but a lot more freedom
There’s a lot of darkness but a lot more light
There’s a lot of cloud but a lot more vision
There’s a lot of perishing but a lot more life
Bridge
There’s an enemy
That seeks to kill what it can’t control
It twists and turns
Making mountains out of molehills
But I will call on my Lord
Who is worthy of praise
I run to Him and I am saved
Copyright © 2000 Thankyou Music/PRS
(adm. worldwide by worshiptogether.com Songs
excluding the UK and Europe which is adm. by Kingsway Music tym@kingsway.co.uk).
All rights reserved. Used by permission.
Anyone in need of some grace today?
"Sin didn't, and doesn't, have a chance in competition with the aggressive forgiveness we call grace. When it's sin versus grace, grace wins hands down. All sin can do is threaten us with death, and that's the end of it. Grace, because God is putting everything together again through the Messiah, invites us into life - a life that goes on and on and on, world without end" Romans 5: 20-21
Stunning isn't it?
Reminds me of a song written by a crazy Brit we recently had at our church, Godfrey Birtill:
Verse 1
There’s a lot of pain but a lot more healing
There’s a lot of trouble but a lot more peace
There’s a lot of hate but a lot more loving
There’s a lot of sin but a lot more grace
Chorus
Oh outrageous grace oh outrageous grace
Love unfurled by heaven’s hand
Oh outrageous grace oh outrageous grace
Through my Jesus I can stand
Verse 2
There’s a lot of fear but a lot more freedom
There’s a lot of darkness but a lot more light
There’s a lot of cloud but a lot more vision
There’s a lot of perishing but a lot more life
Bridge
There’s an enemy
That seeks to kill what it can’t control
It twists and turns
Making mountains out of molehills
But I will call on my Lord
Who is worthy of praise
I run to Him and I am saved
Copyright © 2000 Thankyou Music/PRS
(adm. worldwide by worshiptogether.com Songs
excluding the UK and Europe which is adm. by Kingsway Music tym@kingsway.co.uk).
All rights reserved. Used by permission.
Anyone in need of some grace today?
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Common Ground in Christ
I got to know who Justin Lee was when I became acquainted with the “Bridges Across the Divide” website. Years before I was even connected with New Direction, the spouse of one of our ministry’s board members was one of the first group to get that site started. Seems like bridging and the ministry of reconciliation has been in our blood for some time.
Justin went on from Bridges Across to form the Gay Christian Network which is an online community for gay Christians of diverse theological perspectives. If you’ve never visited their site, go take a look: www.gaychristian.net
I spoke with Justin for the first time, when I called him to talk about the possibility of coming to a GCN conference – which I shared more about here. I was so impressed with his generosity of spirit. He could have slammed the phone down saying, “A lot of our members have been really hurt in Exodus ministries – and we don’t want you coming anywhere near our conference.” I would have understood if he had done that. But he didn’t. He took me at my word when I explained my reason for wanting to attend – a big step of trust on his part – and when I met him at the conference he was gracious, kind and inviting. After meeting him, he was someone I knew I would like.
As the ideas began to come together for our Bridging the Gap dvd, I knew that Justin would be a wonderful candidate to interview. His perspective was one that the piece needed to have – even if some of the things he shared would be stretching or uncomfortable or disagreed with by many of our viewers. What I hoped that people would walk away and be challenged with is the clear love and commitment that Justin has in his personal and intimate relationship with Jesus Christ.
In the midst of all of our disagreements about theology and homosexuality, we can begin to build a bridge when we see one another’s humanity – and for those of us who are believers – when we see one another’s love for Christ.
During the interview, I asked Justin, “Why would you want to be part of an initiative of a ministry like New Direction?” …… I asked it anticipating that his answer would hit the heart of the matter of what we were trying to accomplish with our DVD piece. Well in this clip, you hear part of Justin’s answer. And whether you agree with everything he says or not ….. I challenge you in the Spirit of Christ to open your heart to hear and connect with Justin, our brother in the Lord.
Thank you Justin for being so willing and generous to be a part of Bridging the Gap!
Justin went on from Bridges Across to form the Gay Christian Network which is an online community for gay Christians of diverse theological perspectives. If you’ve never visited their site, go take a look: www.gaychristian.net
I spoke with Justin for the first time, when I called him to talk about the possibility of coming to a GCN conference – which I shared more about here. I was so impressed with his generosity of spirit. He could have slammed the phone down saying, “A lot of our members have been really hurt in Exodus ministries – and we don’t want you coming anywhere near our conference.” I would have understood if he had done that. But he didn’t. He took me at my word when I explained my reason for wanting to attend – a big step of trust on his part – and when I met him at the conference he was gracious, kind and inviting. After meeting him, he was someone I knew I would like.
As the ideas began to come together for our Bridging the Gap dvd, I knew that Justin would be a wonderful candidate to interview. His perspective was one that the piece needed to have – even if some of the things he shared would be stretching or uncomfortable or disagreed with by many of our viewers. What I hoped that people would walk away and be challenged with is the clear love and commitment that Justin has in his personal and intimate relationship with Jesus Christ.
In the midst of all of our disagreements about theology and homosexuality, we can begin to build a bridge when we see one another’s humanity – and for those of us who are believers – when we see one another’s love for Christ.
During the interview, I asked Justin, “Why would you want to be part of an initiative of a ministry like New Direction?” …… I asked it anticipating that his answer would hit the heart of the matter of what we were trying to accomplish with our DVD piece. Well in this clip, you hear part of Justin’s answer. And whether you agree with everything he says or not ….. I challenge you in the Spirit of Christ to open your heart to hear and connect with Justin, our brother in the Lord.
Thank you Justin for being so willing and generous to be a part of Bridging the Gap!
Monday, May 4, 2009
Like a Weaned Child
You know those days when you just feel stressed…. Overwhelmed….?
Today was one of those days.
I follow a lot of conversations on a daily basis. I read a lot and think a lot and pray a lot – in the midst of trying to get all my New Direction work done and keeping my household with a husband and three young children from complete and utter chaos, as well as serving as an elder in my neighbourhood fellowship. Life is busy.
And today I just couldn’t shut my brain off.
First off, I encountered a couple of sites that had picked up on my “Dealing with Conflict” post ….. and they both were harsh towards Exodus IMO ….. and harsh just isn’t my style ….. it made me sad (and for inexplicable reasons triggered my not-so-latent Calvinistic guilt complex).
Later I met with a gay friend. This individual is in ministry in a conservative evangelical denomination. I respect this person’s integrity, commitment to honour Christ while navigating many questions, their love for the church, and willingness to be gracious. This person has walked in obedience. And this friend has been dealing with crap! People, who should be mature followers of Jesus, well versed in the ways of grace, have made assumptions, gossiped, reacted out of their own anxiety and fear, and forgotten that the Body of Christ is a place for all who seek Jesus and that ministry leaders are human beings not just human-doings on the church payroll. And I just felt sad and frustrated and helpless. So I tried to just listen and encourage…..
Then I was pointed to a blog conversation by a someone who wanted me to jump in. And as I scanned the numerous comments I felt my heart sink. A particularly dominant voice seemed so caustic, so certain, so loud (well at least judging by the bold and CAPS) ….. and this voice would sign off saying, “with respect…..blah, blah, blah….” And I thought to myself, “Is that respect? Really? When it is quite clear that in your mind, your way is the only way?” And I just couldn’t face engaging a conversation with those who are so certain and so confrontational.
I got about 20 emails today from people who wanted something ….. and some were so cryptic I still don’t know what they’re actually asking of me. And saying ‘no’ is hard for me.
And I just want to move to a tropical island, sit in the sun and watch the waves roll in. (But I can’t because many of them are so anti-gay that they condone hatred and violence toward glbtq people)
So why do I share all this? Just to garner some sympathy? No. I'm not looking for sympathy. I want honesty and authenticity. This blog is about bridging the gap – and the truth is that it is complex and difficult and overwhelming. And it costs us.
It means we will grieve. It means we will be overwhelmed at times – and stressed out. And I, for one, want to be very realistic about that.
It will require that we continually go back to the source of all life – Jesus Christ. Not for the perfect answer, not for the resolution to all the tension and uncertainty, not for some triumphant declaration ….. no, we go to Jesus for life.
In Christ, we begin to breathe again. We lay our racing minds and flustered emotions and weary spirits before him …. and he scoops them up so tenderly in his nail-scarred hands. And he looks in our faces with such love, such understanding – knowing it all. And he leans toward us and whispers in our ear, “Child, I’m so proud of you. Keep going. Keep loving. Keep serving. Keep hoping.” And then he breathes on us and we fill our lungs with this beautiful fragrance of all that is right and true and alive….. and in those moments our spirits are revived.
Psalm 131
My heart is not proud, O LORD,
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.
But I have stilled and quieted my soul;
like a weaned child with its mother,
like a weaned child is my soul within me.
O Israel, put your hope in the LORD
both now and forevermore.
Today was one of those days.
I follow a lot of conversations on a daily basis. I read a lot and think a lot and pray a lot – in the midst of trying to get all my New Direction work done and keeping my household with a husband and three young children from complete and utter chaos, as well as serving as an elder in my neighbourhood fellowship. Life is busy.
And today I just couldn’t shut my brain off.
First off, I encountered a couple of sites that had picked up on my “Dealing with Conflict” post ….. and they both were harsh towards Exodus IMO ….. and harsh just isn’t my style ….. it made me sad (and for inexplicable reasons triggered my not-so-latent Calvinistic guilt complex).
Later I met with a gay friend. This individual is in ministry in a conservative evangelical denomination. I respect this person’s integrity, commitment to honour Christ while navigating many questions, their love for the church, and willingness to be gracious. This person has walked in obedience. And this friend has been dealing with crap! People, who should be mature followers of Jesus, well versed in the ways of grace, have made assumptions, gossiped, reacted out of their own anxiety and fear, and forgotten that the Body of Christ is a place for all who seek Jesus and that ministry leaders are human beings not just human-doings on the church payroll. And I just felt sad and frustrated and helpless. So I tried to just listen and encourage…..
Then I was pointed to a blog conversation by a someone who wanted me to jump in. And as I scanned the numerous comments I felt my heart sink. A particularly dominant voice seemed so caustic, so certain, so loud (well at least judging by the bold and CAPS) ….. and this voice would sign off saying, “with respect…..blah, blah, blah….” And I thought to myself, “Is that respect? Really? When it is quite clear that in your mind, your way is the only way?” And I just couldn’t face engaging a conversation with those who are so certain and so confrontational.
I got about 20 emails today from people who wanted something ….. and some were so cryptic I still don’t know what they’re actually asking of me. And saying ‘no’ is hard for me.
And I just want to move to a tropical island, sit in the sun and watch the waves roll in. (But I can’t because many of them are so anti-gay that they condone hatred and violence toward glbtq people)
So why do I share all this? Just to garner some sympathy? No. I'm not looking for sympathy. I want honesty and authenticity. This blog is about bridging the gap – and the truth is that it is complex and difficult and overwhelming. And it costs us.
It means we will grieve. It means we will be overwhelmed at times – and stressed out. And I, for one, want to be very realistic about that.
It will require that we continually go back to the source of all life – Jesus Christ. Not for the perfect answer, not for the resolution to all the tension and uncertainty, not for some triumphant declaration ….. no, we go to Jesus for life.
In Christ, we begin to breathe again. We lay our racing minds and flustered emotions and weary spirits before him …. and he scoops them up so tenderly in his nail-scarred hands. And he looks in our faces with such love, such understanding – knowing it all. And he leans toward us and whispers in our ear, “Child, I’m so proud of you. Keep going. Keep loving. Keep serving. Keep hoping.” And then he breathes on us and we fill our lungs with this beautiful fragrance of all that is right and true and alive….. and in those moments our spirits are revived.
Psalm 131
My heart is not proud, O LORD,
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.
But I have stilled and quieted my soul;
like a weaned child with its mother,
like a weaned child is my soul within me.
O Israel, put your hope in the LORD
both now and forevermore.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Preaching on a Sunday Morning
There she was. A shy, tiny 16 year old girl. She wanted to talk to me, I was told. “She doesn’t normally come to church – she just happened to be here – and told her mom she wanted to talk to you.” Her voice was so soft I could barely hear her with kids racing around and adults chatting over coffee. She said, “I really like what you said in there. There is a gay-straight alliance at my school that I’m a part of. My mom didn’t want me to go to it – and she wouldn’t let me have any of my gay friends over….. but when she heard your sermon this morning she told me she’d been wrong. I just wanted to say thank you. I really like what you’re doing.”
We chatted for a few minutes and I encouraged her to keep loving and serving her gay friends. And as the conversation came to a close she tentatively reached out to hug me. Normally, I don’t feel like a giant – but in my high heels and with my motherly figure such as it is these days – I felt huge as I enveloped this wisp of a girl into an embrace. By now, her dark eyeliner and mascara were smudged all over her face, and she whispered one more, “thank you” and disappeared.
These are the moments that stand out as the precious ones. I don’t really care if people “like” my preaching. Why is it that people say “good sermon” anyway …..? Good for what? I don’t want to just be a good public speaker, a good communicator, someone who kept people’s attention, kept them interested – or heaven forbid entertained them …… I long for all of us, in the preaching of the Word, to be cut to the quick – to be taken over by the Living Word – to be changed, to be profoundly reminded of the grace in which we stand, to be renewed in the radical commitment to bridge the gap in every conversation, every relationship, every opportunity to be the very embodiment of the love of Christ in the flesh – to carry out and carry on the work of the incarnation. I long for us to be so secure in the love of the Father – that we willingly enter the insecurity of loving those who are different than we are.
And a tiny, wisp of a girl – who waits on the fringe, not sure if church is really for her ….. this tiny, wisp of a girl got it. How cool is that!!
We chatted for a few minutes and I encouraged her to keep loving and serving her gay friends. And as the conversation came to a close she tentatively reached out to hug me. Normally, I don’t feel like a giant – but in my high heels and with my motherly figure such as it is these days – I felt huge as I enveloped this wisp of a girl into an embrace. By now, her dark eyeliner and mascara were smudged all over her face, and she whispered one more, “thank you” and disappeared.
These are the moments that stand out as the precious ones. I don’t really care if people “like” my preaching. Why is it that people say “good sermon” anyway …..? Good for what? I don’t want to just be a good public speaker, a good communicator, someone who kept people’s attention, kept them interested – or heaven forbid entertained them …… I long for all of us, in the preaching of the Word, to be cut to the quick – to be taken over by the Living Word – to be changed, to be profoundly reminded of the grace in which we stand, to be renewed in the radical commitment to bridge the gap in every conversation, every relationship, every opportunity to be the very embodiment of the love of Christ in the flesh – to carry out and carry on the work of the incarnation. I long for us to be so secure in the love of the Father – that we willingly enter the insecurity of loving those who are different than we are.
And a tiny, wisp of a girl – who waits on the fringe, not sure if church is really for her ….. this tiny, wisp of a girl got it. How cool is that!!
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