Empathy in the midst of the Divide

Brian McLaren shares the story of his grandfather and the ways we embody systemic injustice. He reminds us to live in the Spirit of Christ.

Differing Graciously

Brian McLaren describes the tension many Christians feel who have gay loved ones.

Jesus & the Breaking of Barriers

Brian McLaren describes Jesus welcome and inclusion for our gay neighbours.

BTG on Sojourners

Brian McLaren has posted a blog entitled, "Evangelicals Need to Love Gay People"

It is posted on his site: www.brianmclaren.net

And it has also been pick up on Sojourner's blog: God's Politics

McLaren references an op-ed piece by Jonathon Merritt, points to Andy Marin's book, "Love is an Orientation", and then says,

"And last but in no way least there is Wendy Gritter, who helped produce an extremely helpful video called Bridging the Gap. Its purpose is not to take a for-or-against position on homosexuality, but to create space for Christians, whatever their opinion on the issue, to learn to be more loving and Christ-like to their gay and lesbian friends and neighbors."

This is followed by the BTG trailer.....

Thank you Brian! This is really exciting for us.

And..... if you are a reader who is gay .... head over to the Sojourner's blog and join the conversation ..... right now there seem to be a few too many straight evangelicals offering the same old comments ..... let's try some new conversations that actually do seek to 'bridge the gap'!

Brian McLaren in "Bridging the Gap"

Brian McLaren is an author, speaker and activist. Many who have felt disillusioned with either the church or Christianity, or simply no longer willing to complacently languish in the status quo, have found in Brian a refreshing, revitalizing call to re-engage in the ways of Jesus. Others view Brian with a great deal of suspicion. McLaren is a man who has encountered both incredible appreciation and criticism from within the Body of Christ.

"Why", you might ask, "would you include someone so controversial in your 'Bridging the Gap' project?"

You see, Brian is not only controversial generally, he has been both applauded and challenged for his comments on the topic of homosexuality.

We are deeply appreciative of Brian's willingness to be a contributor to this project not because we expected him to provide THE definitive answer - but because as a pastor he has a keen awareness of the pain that the polarization and enmity over the topic of homosexuality causes: to glbtq people, to those with gay loved ones, to the church, to our witness in the world.... He has a way of naming those things that hit at the heart of the matter for so many of us - in a way we can resonate with. He captures our dilemma at a relational level in such a way that it causes us to re-engage, to wrestle with God and to wrestle with each other, to find steps forward that will honour Christ and honour the image of God in one another despite disagreement. And regardless of what anyone thinks of Brian's writing and ideas, anyone who meets him in person, as I have, will encounter a man of grace who well reflects the invitational heart of his Saviour, Jesus Christ.

I have often said to our staff that if we're going to just go and do "business as usual", not rocking the boat, not making anyone uncomfortable, not challenging anyone to think and relate more deeply ..... then we might as well pack up shop and go home. This ministry area is too hard & too costly, to not risk stepping out of our comfort zones and press in to the new places God is calling us to reach out and share the love of Christ.

The question "Bridging the Gap" asks is: How can we more fully relate to our gay neighbours in the Spirit of Christ?

The question is not: Who do we agree with?
The question is not: Who do we need to correct?
The question is not: Who is missing the mark?

The question is: How are we more fully relating to our gay neighbours (some who will be fellow believers and others who need to yet encounter the real presence of Jesus) in the Spirit of Christ?

In his statement of endorsement for "Bridging the Gap", Brian says,

"According to a recent study, only 16% of Evangelicals who are aged 35 or older have a close friend or relative who is gay. Meanwhile, younger evangelicals are twice as likely to know gay people personally. Whatever your age and theological opinion on homosexuality, you'll benefit greatly from watching "Bridging the Gap." I and several of my friends appear in the DVD, along with six Christians who have experienced same-sex attraction ... all in hopes of helping our fellow Christians better share the love of Christ with gay men and women ... who (whether we know it yet or not) are our relatives, neighbors, friends, and coworkers. There's so much hot rhetoric and cold treatment when it comes to this sensitive subject; this DVD will bring needed light and warmth."

Thank you Brian. We are deeply grateful!

Freedom and Responsibility

Over my years with New Direction I’ve had the opportunity to interact with many different people who experience same-gender attraction. They have landed on many different places on the spectrum of belief, of practice, of expectations. It has been a growing experience for me. I have had to wrestle with what I believe, what I practice and what I expect. I’ve learned that I cannot simply rest on my laurels without vigorous reflection, thought and critique. I’ve been challenged by my same-gender attracted and gay friends as I’ve witnessed their journeys, the ways they have had to wrestle to try to understand their sexuality, their identity, their values and beliefs. Those I respect the most, even if we land in different places, are the ones who weren’t content to be spoon-fed answers – but rather took risks to own for themselves what they believe.

In my interview with Brian Mclaren for this “Bridging the Gap” DVD curriculum, he said, “My experience as a Christian has not been that following Jesus has suddenly made everything obvious. My experience has been that following Jesus has continually called me to repentance. Repentance meaning re-thinking. At any stage in this process, you can cut the cords and say, “I can’t think about this, this is too complex.” The fear of dealing with ambiguity can make us run away, especially when our ambiguity is interpreted by our fellow Christians as compromise. This is one of the ugly things we do to each other. We make our acceptance of each other really conditional on nobody thinking, because if you think, you might change your opinion. And if you change your opinion, you might…. and you belong to a “no-think” club. How can God be pleased with that?”
God created us with a free will – the capacity to choose, the capacity to decide, the capacity to discern. The ‘gift’ of this free will emanated from his love.

I see this in parenting my own children. My kids are young enough to still be forming in their own thinking, faith journeys, ethics and values. As a parent, I have the opportunity to teach them …. But I try to not only teach them what I believe – but teach them the tools for engagement with many diverse experiences and paradigms. If I don’t, if I only provide a rigid system of what I think, what happens when they begin to struggle with something I believe? What happens when something legitimately gets questioned – and they have no system to think for themselves - to own what they believe? I’ve seen too many individuals brought up in good Christian homes, sometimes having been educated in good Christian schools, having attended good Christian churches walk away from faith because the system they were taught didn’t actually prepare them to discern for themselves, to embrace faith for themselves, to process a changing culture. Too many weren’t prepared to face the complex realities of competing ideas, values and beliefs.

This lack of preparedness contributes to individuals being stuck in an immature place – a place that is vulnerable to the controlling presence of fear. Afraid to think. Afraid to differ. Afraid to challenge. Afraid to disappoint.

Such fear limits us in so many ways. I believe such fear limits our experience of the love of the Father. We can feel the Father’s love – but it is tainted by our fear that His love is conditional on us ‘staying the course’. Not that ‘staying the course’ is a bad thing …. But believing in a conditional love from a Father who loves unconditionally, who saves us by grace and by the goodness of His own character, limits us. When the apostle John speaks of perfect love driving out fear …. I think it hits the heart of some of this deep-seated unbelief that God couldn’t really love us that much or love us that freely.

It also limits our ability to love others. Another quote from Jean Vanier: “When religion closes people up in their own particular group, it puts belonging to the group, and its success and growth, above love and vulnerability towards others; it no longer nourishes and opens the heart. When this happens, religion becomes an ideology, that is to say, a series of ideas that we impose on ourselves, as well as on others; it closes us up behind walls. When religion helps us to open our hearts in love and compassion to those who are not of our faith so as to help them to find the source of freedom within their own hearts and to grow in compassion and love of others, then this religion is a source of life”
When it comes to beliefs about sexual identity, it seems that Christians have a particular challenge to move beyond ideology. And…. (and I say this with some trepidation and the intention of a gentle spirit) this is particularly poignant for those for whom same-gender attraction is a personal reality. This is, of course, understandable (and I am limited in my understanding not having the ability to stand in their shoes). It is personal. It is intimate. It is of most significant importance.

In recent weeks, I have encountered same-gender attracted Christians who hold a conservative perspective – who seem to want the rest of the culture to change to reflect their perspectives. Now on one hand, because they believe what they believe to be true – of course they would want others to believe in a similar fashion. But there is also a sense of, “This makes things hard for me. It is threatening to me. I don’t want to be in the minority. I don’t want to be maligned. I don’t want to be pressured.” Again, these things are very understandable….. and yet, maturity in Christ brings us to the place where we, like Jesus, experience rejection, pressure, testing, mocking, ridicule – and it does not threaten us, it does not diminish us, it does not sway us from our firm convictions that we are loved by the Father and that we are choosing to live in a manner that we believe is consistent with His best intentions for us. We have the freedom to own what we believe and then seek to live consistently with that. But with that freedom comes the responsibility to really own that, to not blame anyone else when living that out is hard, and to not somehow expect that everyone should agree with us so that we don’t have to live in a counter-cultural manner.

On the flip side, I encounter gay Christians who seem to expect that anyone who doesn’t share their more gay-affirming perspectives is really just ignorant, not as enlightened as they are, not as fully mature in their understanding of faith, stuck in fear and ideology …. And ironically, they often seem to be just as stuck in their ideology.

The challenge in this divided context is to both embrace the freedom God gives us to discern, believe, and practice a life that we believe is consistent with His will for us AND to step up to the responsibility that freedom demands. This responsibility means that we will honour another’s freedom. This responsibility means that we will move toward a great maturity in not being threatened by another’s liberty.

This is not a simplistic “live and let live” …. This is cross-carrying, self-sacrificing love. And it is hard. It demands a vibrant faith.

A final Vanier thought: “It is not easy to strike a balance between closedness, having a clear identity that fosters growth in certain values and spirituality, and openness to those who do not live with the same values. Being too open can dilute the quality of life and stunt growth to maturity and wisdom; being too closed can stifle. It requires the wisdom, maturity, and inner freedom of community members to help the community find harmony that not only preserves and deepens life and a real sense of belonging but also gives and receives life.”

One more note: I have also been delighted to meet same-gender attracted and gay Christians who embody the kind of generous maturity of which Vanier speaks – and I’ll share some of my experiences in friendship with them in a future post.