I’ve been pondering lately the amount of bullying I see go on in the name of Christ.
Wikipedia suggests: “Bullying is an act of repeated aggressive behavior in order to intentionally hurt another person, physically or mentally. Bullying is characterized by an individual behaving in a certain way to gain power over another person.”
This is the kicker when it comes to “Christianized” bullying …. Good Christian people would never say they are trying to intentionally hurt the other person. None-the-less, aggressive, passive-aggressive, manipulative behaviour that seeks to gain power over another person happens all the time in the name of Christ.
And I’m afraid that at an individual level and at a systemic level, we Christians delude ourselves to the ways that we act like bullies. We justify our bullying in evangelistic language. Afterall, we can’t “love people into hell” you know. We fail to be willing to look at the ways our own needs and our own fears drive our ‘persuasive’ engagement with others.
But I think Philippians 2 can provide a wake-up call. In it we see a picture of Jesus that is the anti-thesis of a bully. The apostle Paul tells us that Jesus ‘made himself nothing, taking the nature of a servant’ and that he ‘humbled himself’. In this picture of Jesus we see someone who was always invitational – who did not force himself into people’s lives. In fact, we see in John 6 that after his teaching about eating his flesh and drinking his blood, many disciples left him. Jesus teaches that people can only come to him if the Father enables them and then asks the disciples if they want to leave too. Peter answers and says, “Lord, to whom would we go? You alone have the words that give eternal life.”
In Peter’s response we glimpse the kind of understanding that Jesus had engendered in his disciples. They were not afraid to go, they didn’t feel shamed to stay….. they had experienced that which was life-giving in their relationship with Jesus – and that is what caused them to want to remain connected with the spirit and life they encountered in Christ.
Would our friends who do not embrace a relationship with Christ, say the same of us, his followers? Would our friends who do know Christ, but who hold different beliefs and values than we do, say the same of us? Would they feel the freedom to experience that which they experience to be life-giving (ie. not our definition of life-giving)? And would it be that life-giving experience that causes them to want to remain, stay connected, take the next steps?
The question for followers of Jesus: Do we trust that it really is God the Father who draws people to himself?
“It is the Spirit who gives eternal life. Human effort accomplishes nothing. And the very words I have spoken to you are spirit and life…… That is what I meant when I said that people can’t come to me unless the Father brings them to me.” (John 6:63, 65)
If we believe this, truly believe it – ought it not free us up to be much more invitational, much more loving, much more relaxed with others?
One of the things that triggered my thinking about this post was a recent interview I gave for Gay Christian Network radio. At one point in the interview, I said something like, “It’s not like we’re calling people to repentance – unless they’re involved in destructive behaviours or something like that.”
And it’s the kind of statement that reminds me of the complexity of speaking to multiple audiences. Given that my primary audience was members of GCN, my intent with that statement was to express our deeply held value to be non-coercive in people’s lives. I wanted to embody the kind of humility that says, “I’m not going to arrogantly presume that I am right, you are wrong, and you better change and become like me.”
But if I am side B, that is, holding to a more traditional interpretation of Scripture on the appropriateness of homosexual behaviour, then surely I should be calling people to repentance shouldn’t I? Shouldn’t I be trying to convince people that they are wrong, need to rethink and change to become like me in accordance with my interpretation of Scripture?
If more conservative folks heard this interview on GCN, this could be a trigger ….. “Ah-ha…. We knew it. We knew Wendy Gritter has slid down the slippery slope of compromise! She isn't even calling people to repentance.”
But is that kind of black & white call to repentance my job, in my context, in the relationships that I invest in and nurture through this blog, facebook, my neighbourhood etc.? Is that really what God is asking me to do?
Or is God asking me to walk in humility, loving and serving, and seeking to embody the character of Jesus, the One who made himself nothing and took the role of servant? What if God is simply asking me to keep my eyes open to the ways he is already at work in another’s life – way ahead of me? And is, perhaps, my ‘job’ so-to-speak, to be alert to the prompting of the Holy Spirit to ask a question at the right time, to offer a point to ponder, to listen together to what God is up to?
Christianity, as an institutionalized religion, has a horrific history of violence, coercion, and addiction to power. We have been frightful bullies. And in the ways the Christian community often calls for gay people to ‘repent’ that same bullying spirit rears its ugly head.
And I will do everything I know to do, to live and relate in a manner that is subversive to this oppressive legacy.
Afterall, ‘people can’t come to Jesus unless the Father brings them to him’. I don’t have to be a bully on his behalf. In fact, his Spirit within me pleads for me to act in the ‘opposite spirit’ – the spirit of gentleness, of invitation, of humility, of welcome. My simple prayer is that in such a spirit of service and friendship, those who cross my path would encounter the life-giving Christ.
Showing posts with label demonstrating love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label demonstrating love. Show all posts
Friday, June 5, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
The Writing on the Wall by Brian Pengelly
I came home from yet another speaking engagement Sunday night feeling pretty good. The talk had gone well, and the youth staff had invited me out to a pub afterwards to talk more. I was very tired since I had taught Sunday School that day, and then spent the afternoon at a picnic with the youth group from my church. As I pulled into the underground parking of my apartment building, I was feeling tired but content. I had spent the day doing what I love doing most. I fumbled with my keys to open the door from the garage into the main building and made my way to the elevator and pushed the button, knowing it would probably take forever for the machine to recognize my request and send an elevator down to the basement. As I stood there waiting my eyes wandered around the room as it always does when the boredom of waiting for the elevator sets in.
And then I saw it: a new piece of graffiti carved into the deep brown bricks of the hallway. In the midst the familiar etchings declaring eternal love between various youth of the building, in big ugly letters were two new words: KILL FAGS.
My stomach dropped, my muscles tightened and I could feel that old familiar dread grip the core of me. It was like I was back in high school again, wondering if someone had found out about me. Afraid of losing my home, losing my friends, getting beat up again.
I took a deep breath and exhaling began a centering prayer that I had been taught years ago by my spiritual director. I forced myself to remember who I am: I am a child of God. I am part of the body of Christ. I will NOT wear that name anymore.
I grabbed my keys and began to vigorously rub it against the offending words. I applied all my strength to it and the scratches I made began to cover over the hateful words. I stepped back and looked at my handiwork. It was now impossible to read the hateful words under all the other scratches I had made.
But I knew what was under there.
The elevator finally arrived and I got in and punched the button for my floor. As it began its ascent I slumped against the wall and fought back tears. I felt so very tired. I wondered about putting in a work order to have the wall repainted or something. But the thought of having to explain to the landlords...just left me feeling exhausted beyond words. Did I really want to make a big deal of this?
It was probably just some stupid kids.
The elevator lurched to a halt and I stepped out on my floor and used the key I had so recently applied to the wall to open the door to my apartment. Inside my wife was already fast asleep. I dumped my bags on the floor and collapsed on my sofa. Tears began to roll down my cheeks as I took up an old lament.
"How long oh Lord? How long?"
How long will hatred rule men's hearts.
How long will children grow up in fear?
How long will the wounds I thought finally healed be torn open yet again?
I had been struggling for days with a deep weariness. Sometimes I get tired of the overwhelming ugliness of the hate that this issue seems to engender in others. I am frustrated by the teens I can not protect, the damage I can not undo, and the fact that while words scratched in walls can be covered over the ones carved in some hearts are never fully removed. What does one do in response to such naked hatred?
But in this time I feel the Spirit with me, comforting me and reminding me that Jesus too was hated. I am not alone. And slowly, ever so slowly my heart begins to turn. I remember that the only response to hatred is to love, and I pray for whoever carved those words. I wonder what experiences have twisted them so that they would do such a thing and pray for God's grace in their lives. I remember that the only response to ignorance is truth, and as I take a day of rest I gather strength to go out this weekend and share my story once again. In the face of such ugliness I remembered the weekend before: watching 2,000 young Christians standing together after I shared my story cheering for me and declaring together that they wanted their generation to be the one that changed the legacy of homophobia that Christianity has long embraced.
Hatred may carve words on walls and hearts, but it is not the last word.
God's Word is alive and active. It is bringing change. It will not be stopped.
And with that hope held in my heart I put the words on the wall out of mind and I am able to sleep.
And then I saw it: a new piece of graffiti carved into the deep brown bricks of the hallway. In the midst the familiar etchings declaring eternal love between various youth of the building, in big ugly letters were two new words: KILL FAGS.
My stomach dropped, my muscles tightened and I could feel that old familiar dread grip the core of me. It was like I was back in high school again, wondering if someone had found out about me. Afraid of losing my home, losing my friends, getting beat up again.
I took a deep breath and exhaling began a centering prayer that I had been taught years ago by my spiritual director. I forced myself to remember who I am: I am a child of God. I am part of the body of Christ. I will NOT wear that name anymore.
I grabbed my keys and began to vigorously rub it against the offending words. I applied all my strength to it and the scratches I made began to cover over the hateful words. I stepped back and looked at my handiwork. It was now impossible to read the hateful words under all the other scratches I had made.
But I knew what was under there.
The elevator finally arrived and I got in and punched the button for my floor. As it began its ascent I slumped against the wall and fought back tears. I felt so very tired. I wondered about putting in a work order to have the wall repainted or something. But the thought of having to explain to the landlords...just left me feeling exhausted beyond words. Did I really want to make a big deal of this?
It was probably just some stupid kids.
The elevator lurched to a halt and I stepped out on my floor and used the key I had so recently applied to the wall to open the door to my apartment. Inside my wife was already fast asleep. I dumped my bags on the floor and collapsed on my sofa. Tears began to roll down my cheeks as I took up an old lament.
"How long oh Lord? How long?"
How long will hatred rule men's hearts.
How long will children grow up in fear?
How long will the wounds I thought finally healed be torn open yet again?
I had been struggling for days with a deep weariness. Sometimes I get tired of the overwhelming ugliness of the hate that this issue seems to engender in others. I am frustrated by the teens I can not protect, the damage I can not undo, and the fact that while words scratched in walls can be covered over the ones carved in some hearts are never fully removed. What does one do in response to such naked hatred?
But in this time I feel the Spirit with me, comforting me and reminding me that Jesus too was hated. I am not alone. And slowly, ever so slowly my heart begins to turn. I remember that the only response to hatred is to love, and I pray for whoever carved those words. I wonder what experiences have twisted them so that they would do such a thing and pray for God's grace in their lives. I remember that the only response to ignorance is truth, and as I take a day of rest I gather strength to go out this weekend and share my story once again. In the face of such ugliness I remembered the weekend before: watching 2,000 young Christians standing together after I shared my story cheering for me and declaring together that they wanted their generation to be the one that changed the legacy of homophobia that Christianity has long embraced.
Hatred may carve words on walls and hearts, but it is not the last word.
God's Word is alive and active. It is bringing change. It will not be stopped.
And with that hope held in my heart I put the words on the wall out of mind and I am able to sleep.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Tony Campolo on Demonstrating Love
We hear it all the time, don't we?
"I love homosexuals ..... but....."
"I love gay people ..... but ...."
How is it that Christians truly demonstrate this love?
Tony Campolo challenges that "but" in unequivocal terms. Check out this clip:
What questions does this raise for you?
"I love homosexuals ..... but....."
"I love gay people ..... but ...."
How is it that Christians truly demonstrate this love?
Tony Campolo challenges that "but" in unequivocal terms. Check out this clip:
What questions does this raise for you?
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Top 10 List
I gleaned a number of thoughts from our Bridging the Gap interviews and prepared a top 10 list for a recent speaking engagement. It isn't THE top 10 list I'm sure - and I hope that others with wisdom and insight will offer additional suggestions in the comments .... but here was my attempt:
Top 10 ways the church can be a safe and welcoming place for those exploring & growing in faith and navigating questions and realities of sexuality:
#10 - Safe communities begin with safe people. Safe people listen well, they are well acquainted with their own struggles, are non-judgmental, and able to navigate disagreements with grace.
Who is safe at your church – and how would a newcomer discover that and have the opportunity to connect?
#9 - Cultivate a realism and understanding of the realities that same-gender attracted and gay people face. Listen well to the gay people you know. There is great diversity within the gay community – generationally, politically, etc. Address stereotypes as they come up in conversation.
#8 - Make room for messy people with messy lives. “No perfect people allowed”. Be a place where leadership are transparent about their struggles. Be a confessional community.
#7 - Commit to non- patronizing pastoral care. No one wants to be the “token troubled Christian.” Remember: “No one needs the grace of Christ more than I do”
#6 – Be a place of rest for the lonely. Psalm 68:6 “God sets the lonely in families”
#5 – Deconstruct the notion of a “big scary gay agenda” and discern between matters of justice that you know are consistent with godly principles and can support – and potential efforts to coerce a uniformity that doesn’t give space for matters of conscience.
#4 - Those who are mature take the lead in calling out motivations of fear and anxiety – and in so doing creating a generous place that isn’t controlling ….. affecting things from appearance, to ideas, to behaviour …… Mature people in the community remind us to humbly entrust people to Christ and the conviction of the Spirit.
#3 – Look for opportunities to speak out against injustice and violence – and find creative ways to link hands through service with gay people in the city.
#2 – Build relationships with gay affirming churches in your neighbourhood.
#1 - Be intentional about opportunities to speak words of welcome and inclusion – and be swift to address language that alienates. Dismantle any sense of “us & them”.
Top 10 ways the church can be a safe and welcoming place for those exploring & growing in faith and navigating questions and realities of sexuality:
#10 - Safe communities begin with safe people. Safe people listen well, they are well acquainted with their own struggles, are non-judgmental, and able to navigate disagreements with grace.
Who is safe at your church – and how would a newcomer discover that and have the opportunity to connect?
#9 - Cultivate a realism and understanding of the realities that same-gender attracted and gay people face. Listen well to the gay people you know. There is great diversity within the gay community – generationally, politically, etc. Address stereotypes as they come up in conversation.
#8 - Make room for messy people with messy lives. “No perfect people allowed”. Be a place where leadership are transparent about their struggles. Be a confessional community.
#7 - Commit to non- patronizing pastoral care. No one wants to be the “token troubled Christian.” Remember: “No one needs the grace of Christ more than I do”
#6 – Be a place of rest for the lonely. Psalm 68:6 “God sets the lonely in families”
#5 – Deconstruct the notion of a “big scary gay agenda” and discern between matters of justice that you know are consistent with godly principles and can support – and potential efforts to coerce a uniformity that doesn’t give space for matters of conscience.
#4 - Those who are mature take the lead in calling out motivations of fear and anxiety – and in so doing creating a generous place that isn’t controlling ….. affecting things from appearance, to ideas, to behaviour …… Mature people in the community remind us to humbly entrust people to Christ and the conviction of the Spirit.
#3 – Look for opportunities to speak out against injustice and violence – and find creative ways to link hands through service with gay people in the city.
#2 – Build relationships with gay affirming churches in your neighbourhood.
#1 - Be intentional about opportunities to speak words of welcome and inclusion – and be swift to address language that alienates. Dismantle any sense of “us & them”.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Priorities for a Generation Navigating Disagreement
In the last few weeks, I had the opportunity to deliver the evening message at one of the downtown churches in Toronto. The group I was engaging was a delightful mix of university students, long-time church members, young professionals, empty-nesters and everyone in-between. I spent the first evening laying some basic groundwork – suggesting that any conversation about homosexuality within the church that is divorced from relational engagement with gay people is an adventure in missing the point; and that unless we see gay brothers and sisters in the faith as mutual pilgrims, our efforts at engagement will bear little fruit. The second evening, I attempted to navigate some of the reality of the diversity in perspectives on homosexuality that are present not only in the world, but increasingly obvious in the Christian community ~ with the opening reminder that we are again called to a posture of humility and self-examination as we navigate such complexity. Below is an edited for length copy of what I shared:
The prophet Hosea speaks about sowing the wind and reaping the whirlwind …. This is an apt description for the fractured and broken place the Christian community finds itself in. We have sown hatred, we have sown fear, we have sown enmity against brothers and sisters in Christ, we have sown arrogance divorced from relationship – and we are reaping confusion, alienation, slander, cynicism, and a misrepresentation of Christ to the world by the enmity within the church ….. That’s the truth of it. On both sides of the divide, we have often behaved in ways that did not reflect the character of Christ.
I want to describe what I see as an emerging expression or generation (not designated by age – but rather perhaps by where they position themselves in this time of transition) within the Christian community.
This expression continues to take the bible seriously, and subscribe to the bible as inerrant – but also recognize that while the bible may be inerrant – there are no inerrant interpreters of the bible. All of us see through a glass dimly – none of us has a perfect pipeline to God. In my conversations with gay friends who hold a different perspective than I do, I have come to a place of saying, “I believe these things deeply, they are of significance to me, I have done my homework – have studied, have prayed, have reflected, have listened – but I recognize that I could be wrong – that I don’t have perfect access to absolute truth – and so I want to engage in conversation and relationship with a humility that is willing to really listen to how you have engaged Scripture, to hear your reflections and prayers – and I want to be open to hear how Christ has been leading you. Doesn’t mean my beliefs are up for grabs – but it demonstrates humility over arrogance. I interviewed Bruxy Cavey for our Bridging the Gap project and Bruxy said, “As a theologically conservative Christian myself, the challenge to me is to accept that it’s possible for someone to come to a different theological conclusion based on scripture, and still be a committed follower of Jesus. I’m used to feeling like, I know you’re a real Christ follower when you agree with me about everything, and part of the journey of a conservative Christian is realizing that there are genuine, heartfelt, passionate followers of Jesus, who arrived at different conclusions on some theological issues and some ethical issues rooted in their passion for, and study of scripture. Now there are also some sloppy, lazy, self-serving people who make up their ethics as they go along, to validate how they want to live, and then try to look through scripture to find the proof-text. And how do you know the difference between the two of those? First of all, as a Christian, I want to give people the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise, but also I get to know the difference when I get to know them, when we hang out together, when we do Bible study together.”
Jesus said that you will know a good tree by the fruit that it bears. And as I have built relationships with gay Christians – many who come to different conclusions theologically than I have – I have also come to experience good fruit, the fruit of the Spirit in their lives, I have experienced their love for Christ. I disagree with them, and it is a significant point of disagreement – but given the evidence I see in their lives of their love for Christ, I am not in a place where I am willing to call their faith counterfeit. That is a call that only God, who sees the heart, is able to judge. Doesn’t mean I won’t discern by walking in step with the Spirit when it is time to speak a word in season about how Christ calls us to live our lives – but it does mean I will wait on God’s timing and I will trust that God is big enough and powerful enough to convict them of the sin in their life – just as He is to convict me of the sin in my life.
So I see a generation that takes the bible seriously – but takes a humble posture in the face of the limitations of our interpretive grids. Doesn’t mean they don’t have clear beliefs themselves – but that they are less willing to impose their beliefs on others in whom they see evidence of love for Christ and the fruits of the Spirit.
Another thing I see in this emerging expression is a deep commitment to relationship. This generation is sensitive to not alienate people they feel Christ has invited them to love and be loyal to. They take Jesus’ words in Luke 17:2 very seriously, "Hard trials and temptations are bound to come, but too bad for whoever brings them on! Better to wear a millstone necklace and take a swim in the deep blue sea than give even one of these dear little ones a hard time!”
This emerging expression isn’t wishy-washy on sin – but they tend to shy away from a top ten hit list which singles out certain categories of sin. As God began to deconstruct some of the prideful and arrogant assumptions that I unwittingly held concerning my perspectives about homosexuality, one of the things that I began to see was the disproportionate attention given to homosexuality ….. my sense was, “How many times does Scripture address homosexual behaviour?” Six times – and it is fair to say that a number of those may well be referring to homosexual behaviour as it was practiced in the context of either idolatry or violence. How many times does Scripture refer to pride and arrogance? 900 times according to Biblegateway.com ….
And so this generation isn’t necessarily “soft on gays” as often accused …. But they are challenged and convicted by the pervasive sin of consumerism that perpetrates profound injustice that seems to often be conveniently overlooked by a rich and self-absorbed western church. They chafe at the sense of injustice that would keep gay and lesbian people at arms length while there seems to be a smug indifference to Jesus’ words to the rich young ruler, "You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." This generation has grown weary of the seemingly endless splinter picking of gay and lesbian neighbours while obvious planks seem to go unaddressed.
This emerging expression counts a robust conversation that seeks to honour Christ, while honouring and respecting one another – even through disagreement – as valuable and are not quick to trade an unengaged certainty for the opportunity to explore questions of faith with someone holding a diverse perspective.
My friend Ron is a celibate gay Christian. He holds a very conservative view of sexuality. This is how he describes his engagement with those with whom he disagrees:
It can, at times, be very difficult to deal with Christians with whom I disagree. Especially if we’re having a conversation about the disagreement, and they’re explaining why they think they have interpreted the Bible correctly, and I just want to pull my hair out and say, “you can’t believe that”, but I also have to step back and ask myself, how am I showing Christ’s love in this situation, and am I being Christ, or am I being a pharasee. I wrestle a lot in reading the New Testament, Christ sometimes does speak very harshly to sin, but Christ is also known for his dinner parties with the sinners, and I wrestle deeply, “is this a time to speak strongly, is this a time to sit down and have dinner together”. And I do sometimes speak out to friends when I know that there’s a depth of trust there. That whether or not they agree with me, they can at least hear what I have to say, but I also know that I have to be careful not to fall into the self-righteousness of thinking that I have all the answers. Through my gay friends, there are things that I disagree greatly with, but there are also ways in which they challenge me, and I can see that they are giving their life to Christ more deeply in some area then I am. In entering into friendships, I open myself to the way they may need to challenge me, but also try to share my own experience, my own understanding of what the Bible says to gently challenge them and to let the spirit work in that situation, in the hope that we will draw closer together and that Christ will show us what is true, and how he wants us to live together in unity. In the meantime, we have all of these divisions, and it’s painful to God, it’s a deep scandal to our witness, it causes non-Christians to wonder, “How can a God of love be operating in the midst of all that disagreement?” And so I want is to do what I can to bind up those wounds. To be willing to be challenged by the people I disagree with. And in being willing to be challenged, also earn the right to challenge.
This emerging expression is less concerned with determining who is excluded and more focused on being part of the most generous invitation to all to come and discover the Love of the Father, Jesus the Son, made real through the presence of the Holy Spirit.
Our text reflects on one of Jesus’ core teachings – that we are to love those we may have perceived to be against us, and that "When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. ….In a word, what I'm saying is, “Grow up. You're kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you." (Matt. 5:44-48, the Message)
If we live out the words of this text, in the midst of our disagreements – which are many – and in the midst of some of our unanswered questions about how the church can best reach and disciple our gay brothers and sisters – then I believe we will have the tools to move forward in a wise way, able in humility to continue to practice the unity to which Christ called us to in John 17, “I pray…. that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you.”
The prophet Hosea speaks about sowing the wind and reaping the whirlwind …. This is an apt description for the fractured and broken place the Christian community finds itself in. We have sown hatred, we have sown fear, we have sown enmity against brothers and sisters in Christ, we have sown arrogance divorced from relationship – and we are reaping confusion, alienation, slander, cynicism, and a misrepresentation of Christ to the world by the enmity within the church ….. That’s the truth of it. On both sides of the divide, we have often behaved in ways that did not reflect the character of Christ.
I want to describe what I see as an emerging expression or generation (not designated by age – but rather perhaps by where they position themselves in this time of transition) within the Christian community.
This expression continues to take the bible seriously, and subscribe to the bible as inerrant – but also recognize that while the bible may be inerrant – there are no inerrant interpreters of the bible. All of us see through a glass dimly – none of us has a perfect pipeline to God. In my conversations with gay friends who hold a different perspective than I do, I have come to a place of saying, “I believe these things deeply, they are of significance to me, I have done my homework – have studied, have prayed, have reflected, have listened – but I recognize that I could be wrong – that I don’t have perfect access to absolute truth – and so I want to engage in conversation and relationship with a humility that is willing to really listen to how you have engaged Scripture, to hear your reflections and prayers – and I want to be open to hear how Christ has been leading you. Doesn’t mean my beliefs are up for grabs – but it demonstrates humility over arrogance. I interviewed Bruxy Cavey for our Bridging the Gap project and Bruxy said, “As a theologically conservative Christian myself, the challenge to me is to accept that it’s possible for someone to come to a different theological conclusion based on scripture, and still be a committed follower of Jesus. I’m used to feeling like, I know you’re a real Christ follower when you agree with me about everything, and part of the journey of a conservative Christian is realizing that there are genuine, heartfelt, passionate followers of Jesus, who arrived at different conclusions on some theological issues and some ethical issues rooted in their passion for, and study of scripture. Now there are also some sloppy, lazy, self-serving people who make up their ethics as they go along, to validate how they want to live, and then try to look through scripture to find the proof-text. And how do you know the difference between the two of those? First of all, as a Christian, I want to give people the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise, but also I get to know the difference when I get to know them, when we hang out together, when we do Bible study together.”
Jesus said that you will know a good tree by the fruit that it bears. And as I have built relationships with gay Christians – many who come to different conclusions theologically than I have – I have also come to experience good fruit, the fruit of the Spirit in their lives, I have experienced their love for Christ. I disagree with them, and it is a significant point of disagreement – but given the evidence I see in their lives of their love for Christ, I am not in a place where I am willing to call their faith counterfeit. That is a call that only God, who sees the heart, is able to judge. Doesn’t mean I won’t discern by walking in step with the Spirit when it is time to speak a word in season about how Christ calls us to live our lives – but it does mean I will wait on God’s timing and I will trust that God is big enough and powerful enough to convict them of the sin in their life – just as He is to convict me of the sin in my life.
So I see a generation that takes the bible seriously – but takes a humble posture in the face of the limitations of our interpretive grids. Doesn’t mean they don’t have clear beliefs themselves – but that they are less willing to impose their beliefs on others in whom they see evidence of love for Christ and the fruits of the Spirit.
Another thing I see in this emerging expression is a deep commitment to relationship. This generation is sensitive to not alienate people they feel Christ has invited them to love and be loyal to. They take Jesus’ words in Luke 17:2 very seriously, "Hard trials and temptations are bound to come, but too bad for whoever brings them on! Better to wear a millstone necklace and take a swim in the deep blue sea than give even one of these dear little ones a hard time!”
This emerging expression isn’t wishy-washy on sin – but they tend to shy away from a top ten hit list which singles out certain categories of sin. As God began to deconstruct some of the prideful and arrogant assumptions that I unwittingly held concerning my perspectives about homosexuality, one of the things that I began to see was the disproportionate attention given to homosexuality ….. my sense was, “How many times does Scripture address homosexual behaviour?” Six times – and it is fair to say that a number of those may well be referring to homosexual behaviour as it was practiced in the context of either idolatry or violence. How many times does Scripture refer to pride and arrogance? 900 times according to Biblegateway.com ….
And so this generation isn’t necessarily “soft on gays” as often accused …. But they are challenged and convicted by the pervasive sin of consumerism that perpetrates profound injustice that seems to often be conveniently overlooked by a rich and self-absorbed western church. They chafe at the sense of injustice that would keep gay and lesbian people at arms length while there seems to be a smug indifference to Jesus’ words to the rich young ruler, "You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." This generation has grown weary of the seemingly endless splinter picking of gay and lesbian neighbours while obvious planks seem to go unaddressed.
This emerging expression counts a robust conversation that seeks to honour Christ, while honouring and respecting one another – even through disagreement – as valuable and are not quick to trade an unengaged certainty for the opportunity to explore questions of faith with someone holding a diverse perspective.
My friend Ron is a celibate gay Christian. He holds a very conservative view of sexuality. This is how he describes his engagement with those with whom he disagrees:
It can, at times, be very difficult to deal with Christians with whom I disagree. Especially if we’re having a conversation about the disagreement, and they’re explaining why they think they have interpreted the Bible correctly, and I just want to pull my hair out and say, “you can’t believe that”, but I also have to step back and ask myself, how am I showing Christ’s love in this situation, and am I being Christ, or am I being a pharasee. I wrestle a lot in reading the New Testament, Christ sometimes does speak very harshly to sin, but Christ is also known for his dinner parties with the sinners, and I wrestle deeply, “is this a time to speak strongly, is this a time to sit down and have dinner together”. And I do sometimes speak out to friends when I know that there’s a depth of trust there. That whether or not they agree with me, they can at least hear what I have to say, but I also know that I have to be careful not to fall into the self-righteousness of thinking that I have all the answers. Through my gay friends, there are things that I disagree greatly with, but there are also ways in which they challenge me, and I can see that they are giving their life to Christ more deeply in some area then I am. In entering into friendships, I open myself to the way they may need to challenge me, but also try to share my own experience, my own understanding of what the Bible says to gently challenge them and to let the spirit work in that situation, in the hope that we will draw closer together and that Christ will show us what is true, and how he wants us to live together in unity. In the meantime, we have all of these divisions, and it’s painful to God, it’s a deep scandal to our witness, it causes non-Christians to wonder, “How can a God of love be operating in the midst of all that disagreement?” And so I want is to do what I can to bind up those wounds. To be willing to be challenged by the people I disagree with. And in being willing to be challenged, also earn the right to challenge.
This emerging expression is less concerned with determining who is excluded and more focused on being part of the most generous invitation to all to come and discover the Love of the Father, Jesus the Son, made real through the presence of the Holy Spirit.
Our text reflects on one of Jesus’ core teachings – that we are to love those we may have perceived to be against us, and that "When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. ….In a word, what I'm saying is, “Grow up. You're kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you." (Matt. 5:44-48, the Message)
If we live out the words of this text, in the midst of our disagreements – which are many – and in the midst of some of our unanswered questions about how the church can best reach and disciple our gay brothers and sisters – then I believe we will have the tools to move forward in a wise way, able in humility to continue to practice the unity to which Christ called us to in John 17, “I pray…. that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you.”
Sunday, October 5, 2008
The Importance of Stories - Part 1 by Brian Pengelly
When I was studying counselling in Seminary I spent many of my classes learning about Cognitive Therapy. This taught me to look for the story or belief that motivated a given behaviour. I learned that often by helping a person change how they interpreted an event, or the story they told about things, great changes in behaviour resulted.
What has been even more fascinating to me is the growing realization that this does not just happen with individuals. Groups of people, whether families, nations, denominations, or corporation, have these stories too. Each cultural grouping has not only its own stories of identity but also tells stories that explain those who are outside their culture and why they are different.
I have found that when interacting with a group of people who are different from me it is very important for me to learn the stories that they tell about themselves. It is also important for me to examine the stories that I tell to explain why they are different from me in light of their stories.
My first glimmering of this idea came when I was still in high school and I went down to Mexico for a summer on a mission trip to build a church. One of the first things that annoyed me about that culture was that nothing ever happened on time! If our team was asked to show up at a church service, we would get there, and almost no one was there. Like many white anglos before me I quickly made up a story to explain this strange behaviour: “Mexicans are lazy and irresponsible.”
But as the summer went on I saw more and more evidence that my story didn’t make sense. I saw many of those in the community getting up at early hours to work jobs, in some cases two jobs, and then come to our worksite and volunteer to work doing hard physical labour long after our team of American teens had packed it in for the day. As a result I was forced to change my story. I felt ashamed that I had jumped to such a judgemental and negative to explain something that I didn’t understand.
What struck me most is that in cultural conflict it seems that both sides are pro something. If I had to sum up my internal conflict that summer, recognizing that this is a huge oversimplification, I would say it was between those who were “pro efficiency” and those who were “pro relationship”. I don’t think anyone would have said they wanted to be known as “anti efficiency” or “anti relationship”.
As I have been living in this strange space trying to bridge the gap between the Christian culture and the gay culture, I have been extremely alarmed by the willingness to jump to tell stories about the other side in contrast to how rarely people are willing to do the work to hear the story of the other side.
If you start with a story like “Gay people are sexually immoral and don’t care about God” or “Christians are narrow minded hateful bigots” then there is almost no way to build a bridge. Christians have often framed their position in debates about homosexuality as being “Pro-Family.” But I have yet to meet anyone who disagrees with them who would describe themselves as “Anti-family”.
I think that a vital step in bridge building is taking the time to listen to the other’s stories, to understand how they think about themselves, and to examine the stories that we have been telling about ourselves and others.
In my next post I will examine some of the stories that I have told about both the Christian community and the gay community over the years, and how listening has changed those stories.
What has been even more fascinating to me is the growing realization that this does not just happen with individuals. Groups of people, whether families, nations, denominations, or corporation, have these stories too. Each cultural grouping has not only its own stories of identity but also tells stories that explain those who are outside their culture and why they are different.
I have found that when interacting with a group of people who are different from me it is very important for me to learn the stories that they tell about themselves. It is also important for me to examine the stories that I tell to explain why they are different from me in light of their stories.
My first glimmering of this idea came when I was still in high school and I went down to Mexico for a summer on a mission trip to build a church. One of the first things that annoyed me about that culture was that nothing ever happened on time! If our team was asked to show up at a church service, we would get there, and almost no one was there. Like many white anglos before me I quickly made up a story to explain this strange behaviour: “Mexicans are lazy and irresponsible.”
But as the summer went on I saw more and more evidence that my story didn’t make sense. I saw many of those in the community getting up at early hours to work jobs, in some cases two jobs, and then come to our worksite and volunteer to work doing hard physical labour long after our team of American teens had packed it in for the day. As a result I was forced to change my story. I felt ashamed that I had jumped to such a judgemental and negative to explain something that I didn’t understand.
What struck me most is that in cultural conflict it seems that both sides are pro something. If I had to sum up my internal conflict that summer, recognizing that this is a huge oversimplification, I would say it was between those who were “pro efficiency” and those who were “pro relationship”. I don’t think anyone would have said they wanted to be known as “anti efficiency” or “anti relationship”.
As I have been living in this strange space trying to bridge the gap between the Christian culture and the gay culture, I have been extremely alarmed by the willingness to jump to tell stories about the other side in contrast to how rarely people are willing to do the work to hear the story of the other side.
If you start with a story like “Gay people are sexually immoral and don’t care about God” or “Christians are narrow minded hateful bigots” then there is almost no way to build a bridge. Christians have often framed their position in debates about homosexuality as being “Pro-Family.” But I have yet to meet anyone who disagrees with them who would describe themselves as “Anti-family”.
I think that a vital step in bridge building is taking the time to listen to the other’s stories, to understand how they think about themselves, and to examine the stories that we have been telling about ourselves and others.
In my next post I will examine some of the stories that I have told about both the Christian community and the gay community over the years, and how listening has changed those stories.
Monday, September 8, 2008
the real deal...
Earlier today, I had an email conversation with a young man I’ve had the privilege of getting to know over the last year or so. J. loves God and is on a journey with Him. He sent me an update that I thought was so poignant, real and authentic that I tentatively asked him if he would consider allowing me to share it more widely – with some identifying details blurred.
I said, “Part of the reason I ask is that sometimes when we're in pain with God it is actually helpful to feel like what we are experiencing has meaning - and sometimes knowing that our authenticity will speak to others is a way of making meaning of where we are at ....”
J. replied and said, “With regards to the blog you can absolutely use that e-mail. Actually after I sent the e-mail I went back to read through it again which I often do if I write poetry or send e-mails to get a real sense of my feelings and when I read it back to myself I thought how nice it would be for someone else to read that if they were going through it to know that they are not alone. Also I thought how good it would be for some of the church to hear the pain and understand that this struggle is not about sex it's about emotion. So yes you can!”
Without further ado and with thanks, here is a glimpse into the heart and journey of J.
“Well just thought I would send a little update. [My ex-boyfriend] moves away on the 27th of this month and to be honest I am so raw emotionally and I didn't expect it. We broke up almost a year ago and have had separate rooms for probably 10 months now....and he's moved on and has a new boyfriend and I have been doing the occasional date with a cute little girl from the church...but it feels like breaking up all over again when I realize that this house that we bought together is going to be empty.
The house has not sold so I am trying to rent it out for the first of October because I just can't do it on my own...if not I will have to let it go back to the bank...all by myself on this one Wendy...this is the single hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life.
Every now and then I just get this flood of emotion and it feels like I am just going to fall to the ground under the weight of grief....and I wonder why...why I am doing all of this. I mean I KNOW why but I feel like I am putting myself through so much...and sometimes I don't even feel like God notices how much I am having to go through just to follow him. Maybe it's a consequence of sin I guess. But I just feel some days like God is saying "well you got yourself into this mess"....it just hurts so much some days.
I feel like I have been beaten to a bloody pulp...spiritually and emotionally like I can barely stand BUT no desire to give up or turn back at all...I will drag this beaten body wherever God leads even if God has to drag me there because I just can't do it. I have never felt that way before. All my life it was thinking "God I can't do this it's too hard" now it's thinking "God....this is REALLY hard but you're going to get me through it somehow".
I am scared though of what might be next Wendy. I really believed that the house would sell quickly and that financial problems would be resolved....but it didn't and they aren't and although that causes me undue stress I am going to continue to fight the good fight. I think maybe financial stresses might even be a bit of the enemy....I mean that has always been my weakest point...fear of financial decay but God has really equipped me for this spiritual battle with a great peace that no matter what happens in this I WILL get through it and I WILL have God with me on the other side of this dark valley.
My heart aches and I feel strong.....it's the most mixed up feeling in the world to be exhausted and NOT ready to give up. But that is where I am...
Anyway I will cut myself off now before I go on too long...but keep me in prayer over the next couple weeks as it's going to be tough.
Love and Blessings,
J.
Dear J.
Thank you so much for letting me know where you are at.... that allows me to pray more intelligently for you. I so appreciate your honesty and authenticity. Given the journey, as an outsider peeking in, it is not unexpected that you would be riding the emotional rollercoaster that you are. I am so very grateful to hear of the real ways that you are taking God in with you to these places ..... and your emerging perspective on the strength in weakness that is the upside down economy of God. Your experience puts you in good company with folks like the Apostle Paul and many other Christian leaders throughout the ages.
I think sometimes that what we often need is simply to know that people see (I often say witness) what it is we are navigating. We don't need people to fix it (like they could anyway....), we don't need people to offer advise or guidance (we're in the place where we are standing with Christ and really all we can do is put one foot in front of the other and wait for God to deliver us in his time), we don't need sympathy or judgment or sugar-coated encouragement .... we simply need people to see and experience that we are known and in the knowing that we are loved, that we are surrounded by a cloud of witnesses who are saying in the Spirit, "Keep going! We know that in Christ you can totally do this!!" And so hear that from me - I see you. I get it. As a sister in Christ I am so proud of you for standing, for waiting on God, for staying real in the process, for being honest about the pain, for reaching deep for the will to do this with God ..... Keep going - I know you can do this!!!
Know that you are treasured - simply for who you are. In the midst of this, you are loved not because you are fighting to be faithful to God - you are loved because you are you. That you are fighting to be faithful to God is a joy and a 'bonus' .... and we join you in the fight.
every blessing,
wendy
Hey Wendy,
It's so true what you said about someone just seeing you. Sometimes it's such a lonely fight and all the advice in the world doesn't make it easier but knowing that someone is there saying "I know it's hard" makes all the difference so thank you."
I know this blog is read by diverse voices. And there might be some who read J’s email and have an opinion or advice for him …. Maybe you disagree with the choices he is making …. Allow me to make this observation before you jump into the comments section: This is where J. is at. This is his heart. The real deal. He is allowed to be where he is at. He doesn’t need to be pushed or prodded or enlightened. He has the right to simply stand where he is at with God. Without trying to be a mother-hen, I do feel a bit protective of him, given that I have asked him to share his vulnerability with our readers. Please honour him. Honour where he’s at. And wherever it is that you are at, please focus your comments on building up, not tearing down, on blessing, not hindering.
Grace to all of us.
I said, “Part of the reason I ask is that sometimes when we're in pain with God it is actually helpful to feel like what we are experiencing has meaning - and sometimes knowing that our authenticity will speak to others is a way of making meaning of where we are at ....”
J. replied and said, “With regards to the blog you can absolutely use that e-mail. Actually after I sent the e-mail I went back to read through it again which I often do if I write poetry or send e-mails to get a real sense of my feelings and when I read it back to myself I thought how nice it would be for someone else to read that if they were going through it to know that they are not alone. Also I thought how good it would be for some of the church to hear the pain and understand that this struggle is not about sex it's about emotion. So yes you can!”
Without further ado and with thanks, here is a glimpse into the heart and journey of J.
“Well just thought I would send a little update. [My ex-boyfriend] moves away on the 27th of this month and to be honest I am so raw emotionally and I didn't expect it. We broke up almost a year ago and have had separate rooms for probably 10 months now....and he's moved on and has a new boyfriend and I have been doing the occasional date with a cute little girl from the church...but it feels like breaking up all over again when I realize that this house that we bought together is going to be empty.
The house has not sold so I am trying to rent it out for the first of October because I just can't do it on my own...if not I will have to let it go back to the bank...all by myself on this one Wendy...this is the single hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life.
Every now and then I just get this flood of emotion and it feels like I am just going to fall to the ground under the weight of grief....and I wonder why...why I am doing all of this. I mean I KNOW why but I feel like I am putting myself through so much...and sometimes I don't even feel like God notices how much I am having to go through just to follow him. Maybe it's a consequence of sin I guess. But I just feel some days like God is saying "well you got yourself into this mess"....it just hurts so much some days.
I feel like I have been beaten to a bloody pulp...spiritually and emotionally like I can barely stand BUT no desire to give up or turn back at all...I will drag this beaten body wherever God leads even if God has to drag me there because I just can't do it. I have never felt that way before. All my life it was thinking "God I can't do this it's too hard" now it's thinking "God....this is REALLY hard but you're going to get me through it somehow".
I am scared though of what might be next Wendy. I really believed that the house would sell quickly and that financial problems would be resolved....but it didn't and they aren't and although that causes me undue stress I am going to continue to fight the good fight. I think maybe financial stresses might even be a bit of the enemy....I mean that has always been my weakest point...fear of financial decay but God has really equipped me for this spiritual battle with a great peace that no matter what happens in this I WILL get through it and I WILL have God with me on the other side of this dark valley.
My heart aches and I feel strong.....it's the most mixed up feeling in the world to be exhausted and NOT ready to give up. But that is where I am...
Anyway I will cut myself off now before I go on too long...but keep me in prayer over the next couple weeks as it's going to be tough.
Love and Blessings,
J.
Dear J.
Thank you so much for letting me know where you are at.... that allows me to pray more intelligently for you. I so appreciate your honesty and authenticity. Given the journey, as an outsider peeking in, it is not unexpected that you would be riding the emotional rollercoaster that you are. I am so very grateful to hear of the real ways that you are taking God in with you to these places ..... and your emerging perspective on the strength in weakness that is the upside down economy of God. Your experience puts you in good company with folks like the Apostle Paul and many other Christian leaders throughout the ages.
I think sometimes that what we often need is simply to know that people see (I often say witness) what it is we are navigating. We don't need people to fix it (like they could anyway....), we don't need people to offer advise or guidance (we're in the place where we are standing with Christ and really all we can do is put one foot in front of the other and wait for God to deliver us in his time), we don't need sympathy or judgment or sugar-coated encouragement .... we simply need people to see and experience that we are known and in the knowing that we are loved, that we are surrounded by a cloud of witnesses who are saying in the Spirit, "Keep going! We know that in Christ you can totally do this!!" And so hear that from me - I see you. I get it. As a sister in Christ I am so proud of you for standing, for waiting on God, for staying real in the process, for being honest about the pain, for reaching deep for the will to do this with God ..... Keep going - I know you can do this!!!
Know that you are treasured - simply for who you are. In the midst of this, you are loved not because you are fighting to be faithful to God - you are loved because you are you. That you are fighting to be faithful to God is a joy and a 'bonus' .... and we join you in the fight.
every blessing,
wendy
Hey Wendy,
It's so true what you said about someone just seeing you. Sometimes it's such a lonely fight and all the advice in the world doesn't make it easier but knowing that someone is there saying "I know it's hard" makes all the difference so thank you."
I know this blog is read by diverse voices. And there might be some who read J’s email and have an opinion or advice for him …. Maybe you disagree with the choices he is making …. Allow me to make this observation before you jump into the comments section: This is where J. is at. This is his heart. The real deal. He is allowed to be where he is at. He doesn’t need to be pushed or prodded or enlightened. He has the right to simply stand where he is at with God. Without trying to be a mother-hen, I do feel a bit protective of him, given that I have asked him to share his vulnerability with our readers. Please honour him. Honour where he’s at. And wherever it is that you are at, please focus your comments on building up, not tearing down, on blessing, not hindering.
Grace to all of us.
Friday, August 29, 2008
The Power of Presence by Brian Pengelly
This summer I attended my first gay wedding. Jon and I had been friends for 7 years, having first met while we were both part of an Exodus affiliated ministry in the States. In the years since then our lives have taken radically different paths. Two years ago he came to my wedding, flying from the Midwest to Portland, Oregon simply to be there with me on my big day. It was between the service and the reception that we sat down in a basement Sunday school room and he told me that he now had a boyfriend.
I knew then that our friendship would change. Up until that time it had been based on shared experiences and beliefs - beliefs that with the passage of time were changing for him. But I also knew that Jon was a friend that I cared deeply about and I was not going to let this hinder our friendship. So as I hugged him that day I promised him that we would always be friends.
Over the next few years we had a number of long talks, we debated theology and principles of hermeneutics, but also shared laughter and trust. We talked of our relationships and families, and even went on to be filmed for a documentary together. I watched the pain in his life as many of his Christian friends and even family members dropped out of his life.
At first I had questions about whether I should attend his wedding or not. (You can read more about my decision here) But by the time the day rolled around I had settled that in my head. I felt strongly that as a friend and as a Christ follower for me not to have gone would have sent a message of conditional love. That wasn’t what I wanted. So my goal in attending was to simply be present and show my love for Jon and Chris as openly and genuinely as I could.
The night before the wedding my wife and I were invited to a dinner and bachelor party. At the dinner I found myself in the distinct minority of being the only guy at the table there with a girl. Many there were already friends of mine, but it made me aware of what it means to be in the minority. This was especially highlighted when others turned to me and asked “So what do you do for a living anyways?” But after a few tense moments of explaining, tongue firmly implanted in cheek, that I was “in the business of forcing gay people to become straight”, people around me laughed and began to relax, and ask questions. For several of the people there, the fact that as a conservative Christian I would be willing to travel and simply be there for an event like this meant that they were willing to listen to what I had to say. And as I respectfully shared, and more importantly listened to their stories and experiences, I was able to make new friends. I even got to help a couple people see that simply because they were gay didn’t mean that Christians had to treat them like jerks.
The wedding itself was done in the Quaker tradition, with the focus on silence and collective sharing. When my time came, I spoke words from my heart. Many there knew who I was from the documentary we did together, and I knew there was some tension at what I would say. By speaking words of honest grace and love, speaking of our friendship and the good that was in the two of them even in the known tension of our differing beliefs, I believe that I acted in good faith as a friend and a Christ follower. When I finally got to Jon and Chris in the receiving line, they both hugged me and told me how grateful they were that I had come, and how much it meant to them.
And then there was an awkward moment as I had to explain to them that I could not sign the guest registry. According to Quaker tradition, all those who did so were seen as officiates in the wedding, and my own vows and conscience prohibited me from doing so. For me it was the line in the sand I couldn’t cross in good faith. But Jon just smiled. Our friendship was built on respect, and he respected my own beliefs and limitations, and valued me for who I was, even as I valued him. “I’m just glad you’re here” he told me.
As I drove home I was full of mixed emotions, happy and sad all at once. Happy for the good things happening in Jon’s life, and happy for the friendship we still shared. Sad, at the same time, for the loss of shared values and beliefs. What I appreciated most was that Jon accepted all of those feelings in me that weekend, even as I accepted him. It occurred to me on the way home how many rich and meaningful conversations I got to have that weekend and that in many ways I had gotten to minister that weekend, sharing what I believe, caring for others and more… but that if I had gone seeing the weekend as an opportunity to minister I don’t think I would have been in the right place to do so at all. In the end it was my willingness to simply be present in Jon’s life with no strings attached that allowed me to both minister to others, and in truth be ministered to by others. And that is enough.
I knew then that our friendship would change. Up until that time it had been based on shared experiences and beliefs - beliefs that with the passage of time were changing for him. But I also knew that Jon was a friend that I cared deeply about and I was not going to let this hinder our friendship. So as I hugged him that day I promised him that we would always be friends.
Over the next few years we had a number of long talks, we debated theology and principles of hermeneutics, but also shared laughter and trust. We talked of our relationships and families, and even went on to be filmed for a documentary together. I watched the pain in his life as many of his Christian friends and even family members dropped out of his life.
At first I had questions about whether I should attend his wedding or not. (You can read more about my decision here) But by the time the day rolled around I had settled that in my head. I felt strongly that as a friend and as a Christ follower for me not to have gone would have sent a message of conditional love. That wasn’t what I wanted. So my goal in attending was to simply be present and show my love for Jon and Chris as openly and genuinely as I could.
The night before the wedding my wife and I were invited to a dinner and bachelor party. At the dinner I found myself in the distinct minority of being the only guy at the table there with a girl. Many there were already friends of mine, but it made me aware of what it means to be in the minority. This was especially highlighted when others turned to me and asked “So what do you do for a living anyways?” But after a few tense moments of explaining, tongue firmly implanted in cheek, that I was “in the business of forcing gay people to become straight”, people around me laughed and began to relax, and ask questions. For several of the people there, the fact that as a conservative Christian I would be willing to travel and simply be there for an event like this meant that they were willing to listen to what I had to say. And as I respectfully shared, and more importantly listened to their stories and experiences, I was able to make new friends. I even got to help a couple people see that simply because they were gay didn’t mean that Christians had to treat them like jerks.
The wedding itself was done in the Quaker tradition, with the focus on silence and collective sharing. When my time came, I spoke words from my heart. Many there knew who I was from the documentary we did together, and I knew there was some tension at what I would say. By speaking words of honest grace and love, speaking of our friendship and the good that was in the two of them even in the known tension of our differing beliefs, I believe that I acted in good faith as a friend and a Christ follower. When I finally got to Jon and Chris in the receiving line, they both hugged me and told me how grateful they were that I had come, and how much it meant to them.
And then there was an awkward moment as I had to explain to them that I could not sign the guest registry. According to Quaker tradition, all those who did so were seen as officiates in the wedding, and my own vows and conscience prohibited me from doing so. For me it was the line in the sand I couldn’t cross in good faith. But Jon just smiled. Our friendship was built on respect, and he respected my own beliefs and limitations, and valued me for who I was, even as I valued him. “I’m just glad you’re here” he told me.
As I drove home I was full of mixed emotions, happy and sad all at once. Happy for the good things happening in Jon’s life, and happy for the friendship we still shared. Sad, at the same time, for the loss of shared values and beliefs. What I appreciated most was that Jon accepted all of those feelings in me that weekend, even as I accepted him. It occurred to me on the way home how many rich and meaningful conversations I got to have that weekend and that in many ways I had gotten to minister that weekend, sharing what I believe, caring for others and more… but that if I had gone seeing the weekend as an opportunity to minister I don’t think I would have been in the right place to do so at all. In the end it was my willingness to simply be present in Jon’s life with no strings attached that allowed me to both minister to others, and in truth be ministered to by others. And that is enough.
back from vacation....
Some weeks ago I was asked a very blunt question by a gay activist. His question was, “Wendy, would you attend a gay wedding and bring a gift – or would you snub the gay wedding?” The question seemed to come a bit out of the blue, not particularly connected to the preceeding dialogue in the comments section …. but there it was in black and white waiting for my response.
Now looking back, I wish I’d thought to have been wise like Jesus – who often answered such “testing” questions with a question in return. Or I wish I’d had some revelation of just the right parable to tell in response.
But not being as wise as Jesus, I’m not sure I could have come up with a question in response that wouldn’t have just seemed evasive and gutless. And man, where is a good parable when you need one? Instead, partly impulsive and partly with a commitment to engaging with authenticity, I decided to answer the question directly.
I responded and said, “I would go to a close friend’s gay wedding and yup, I’d bring a gift. I know that all of my close friends know what I believe about sexual ethics and would not assume my beliefs had changed but that my attendance was a sign of my love and friendship. I’m sure I would get some serious flack for this decision - but at the end of the day, I believe loving people is what God asks of me.”
I suppose at the time I was most thinking of gay and lesbian people (if anyone at all) reading my response. And despite what could be read as a flippant tone in my response, this is a question and a scenario that I have given much thought and prayer to. My focus in responding to the question was seeing an opportunity to build a bridge and to give a practical example of unconditional love in action. Unconditional love doesn’t mean unconditional approval.
Joe Dallas in his book, “When Homosexuality Hits Home” speaks about both conscience and comfort needing to be considered when making decisions about engagement with those with whom we hold disagreements – about homosexuality or really any other number of issues. And different people have different sensitivities in terms of their own conscience and their own comfort levels.
In I Corinthians chapter 8 Paul speaks about the issue of food being sacrificed to idols – and he explains that some people could go ahead and eat such food with the understanding that there is no power behind it …. while others with a weaker conscience were best to stay away from such meat. Then he goes on to say, “Be careful, however, that the exercise of your freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak. For if anyone with a weak conscience sees you who have this knowledge eating in an idol's temple, won't he be emboldened to eat what has been sacrificed to idols? So this weak brother, for whom Christ died, is destroyed by your knowledge. When you sin against your brothers in this way and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ. Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause him to fall.”
And here is the dilemma. I am very comfortable around gay and lesbian people – no problem there. In looking at my own conscience, I have a secure sense of peace that God knows my heart in intentionally extending love and friendship to my gay neighbours and that attending any celebratory event of a gay couple or family would be an expression of that love and friendship. I am reminded in Luke 15 of the parable Jesus tells of leaving the 99 sheep (in the open country none-the-less where they could wander off, be attacked by wolves etc.) to go and search for the one who was lost. I want my presence in my friendships with the gay people in my life to sing with the presence of Jesus – so that if they don’t know him, they might encounter him – and if they do know him, that they would be encouraged in their relationship with him.
And so while I read Paul’s words – and would not want my actions or decisions to be a stumbling block to any other follower of Jesus (though, I hardly think that my willingness to attend a gay wedding is going to suddenly open the flood-gates of Christians showing up at the best decorated wedding receptions in the land) ….. I have to say that the words of Jesus are trump for me. I certainly do not seek to intentionally offend or scandalize other believers. But at the end of the day, they can go and find like-minded believers to hang out with and be encouraged by. God has called me to befriend and love my gay neighbours – and I will seek to love them with as robust a love as I can offer.
Truth is, this isn’t theoretical stuff for us at New Direction. These are real life decisions we need to prayerfully discern. And as Brian shares in the next post the practical out-working of such a decision, we pray that the fruit of our discernment and love will be evident for those with eyes to see and ears to hear. In the end, whether you agree or disagree, we will seek to embody the presence of Jesus in all of the unique and particular places God calls us to – and encourage you to do the same in your own circles of influence.
Now looking back, I wish I’d thought to have been wise like Jesus – who often answered such “testing” questions with a question in return. Or I wish I’d had some revelation of just the right parable to tell in response.
But not being as wise as Jesus, I’m not sure I could have come up with a question in response that wouldn’t have just seemed evasive and gutless. And man, where is a good parable when you need one? Instead, partly impulsive and partly with a commitment to engaging with authenticity, I decided to answer the question directly.
I responded and said, “I would go to a close friend’s gay wedding and yup, I’d bring a gift. I know that all of my close friends know what I believe about sexual ethics and would not assume my beliefs had changed but that my attendance was a sign of my love and friendship. I’m sure I would get some serious flack for this decision - but at the end of the day, I believe loving people is what God asks of me.”
I suppose at the time I was most thinking of gay and lesbian people (if anyone at all) reading my response. And despite what could be read as a flippant tone in my response, this is a question and a scenario that I have given much thought and prayer to. My focus in responding to the question was seeing an opportunity to build a bridge and to give a practical example of unconditional love in action. Unconditional love doesn’t mean unconditional approval.
Joe Dallas in his book, “When Homosexuality Hits Home” speaks about both conscience and comfort needing to be considered when making decisions about engagement with those with whom we hold disagreements – about homosexuality or really any other number of issues. And different people have different sensitivities in terms of their own conscience and their own comfort levels.
In I Corinthians chapter 8 Paul speaks about the issue of food being sacrificed to idols – and he explains that some people could go ahead and eat such food with the understanding that there is no power behind it …. while others with a weaker conscience were best to stay away from such meat. Then he goes on to say, “Be careful, however, that the exercise of your freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak. For if anyone with a weak conscience sees you who have this knowledge eating in an idol's temple, won't he be emboldened to eat what has been sacrificed to idols? So this weak brother, for whom Christ died, is destroyed by your knowledge. When you sin against your brothers in this way and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ. Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause him to fall.”
And here is the dilemma. I am very comfortable around gay and lesbian people – no problem there. In looking at my own conscience, I have a secure sense of peace that God knows my heart in intentionally extending love and friendship to my gay neighbours and that attending any celebratory event of a gay couple or family would be an expression of that love and friendship. I am reminded in Luke 15 of the parable Jesus tells of leaving the 99 sheep (in the open country none-the-less where they could wander off, be attacked by wolves etc.) to go and search for the one who was lost. I want my presence in my friendships with the gay people in my life to sing with the presence of Jesus – so that if they don’t know him, they might encounter him – and if they do know him, that they would be encouraged in their relationship with him.
And so while I read Paul’s words – and would not want my actions or decisions to be a stumbling block to any other follower of Jesus (though, I hardly think that my willingness to attend a gay wedding is going to suddenly open the flood-gates of Christians showing up at the best decorated wedding receptions in the land) ….. I have to say that the words of Jesus are trump for me. I certainly do not seek to intentionally offend or scandalize other believers. But at the end of the day, they can go and find like-minded believers to hang out with and be encouraged by. God has called me to befriend and love my gay neighbours – and I will seek to love them with as robust a love as I can offer.
Truth is, this isn’t theoretical stuff for us at New Direction. These are real life decisions we need to prayerfully discern. And as Brian shares in the next post the practical out-working of such a decision, we pray that the fruit of our discernment and love will be evident for those with eyes to see and ears to hear. In the end, whether you agree or disagree, we will seek to embody the presence of Jesus in all of the unique and particular places God calls us to – and encourage you to do the same in your own circles of influence.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Reaching Gay Persons for Christ: what to avoid
Timothy Kincaid is a “blogger friend” who I’ve had the privilege of engaging on a couple of different blogs: Warren Throckmorton and ExGayWatch. He regularly writes on Box Turtle Bulletin. Timothy is a gay Christian who I have found to be insightful and respectful. Timothy wrote this piece as a comment on another blog and I hope that it will be helpful to the readers of ‘Bridging the Gap’: p.s. Timothy is American - but I think us Canadians have a few take-aways here too eh?
Regarding the question as to how best reach gay persons for Christ, I’m not sure I have an answer for that question, but I do know some things to avoid if one has any real genuine desire to reach gay people for Christ:
1. Don’t demand the impossible.
Telling gay people that they shouldn’t be gay is probably going to be about as successful a witness tool as telling Asians they shouldn’t be Asian.
It doesn’t matter if you don’t believe in orientation. Or if you think the Bible talks about behavior not identity. Or if you can reference a whole list of folks who have “walked away from homosexuality”. Or even if you believe homosexuality is nothing but an addiction, or sin, or the result of some root cause, or a lack of paternal attention, or a demonic spirit.
If you want to reach gay people, it doesn’t matter what you believe at all.
Gay people generally believe that the direction of their attractions is innate and immutable. To ask them not to be gay is, to their way of thinking, preposterous.
This is not to say that you must give up your religious convictions. But rather that you should allow God to guide others to His will.
Remember, the reason for gay persons to come to Christ is not to become un-gay or even to avoid Hell. The reason for gay persons to come to Christ is to have a relationship with God.
In my opinion the smartest response to orientation is to introduce God’s love and grace and simply say that God wants his children to grow into the life He has for them. And then let God direct them.
And if God leads some gay people to some direction other than the plan YOU have for them, well you can take it up with Him.
2. Don’t coerce conversion.
Jews today still resent the efforts of Christians to convert them in the Spanish Inquisition at the point of a sword. Gays don’t feel much different about current efforts to instill repressive and discriminatory laws. They believe that Christians only want to be kind and loving to Christian people and that they will punish you if you are not.
Let’s talk some truth.
Behind every effort to treat gay people differently in this country is language about Sin and Abomination. Gay people observe Christianity to be a threat to their freedoms and sometimes to their very lives. (Yes, some “Christians” use death language).
You may “love the sinner, hate the sin”. You may think homosexuality is a dangerous lifestyle. You may have pity for the person trapped and not want to enable their destruction. You may think that homosexuality is a cancer that will destroy the culture and the nation. You may think that this is a sin that makes God nauseous and that God will rain judgment on the nation that doesn’t harshly punish such filth.
None of that matters.
At all.
Currently, gay people experience their interaction with Christianity as being full of hatred. And the fault lies entirely with the Church (yeah, it really does).
When you seek to harm the livelihood of someone, when you tax them more, when you take away their children, when you deny their ability to serve their country, when you “would never vote for” them, when you lie about their “lifestyle”, when you make entirely bogus claims about their mortality, when you support discrimination against them in business and housing, when you pass laws to remove their health insurance. When you just treat them with contempt.
These are all things that have been done in the name of Christianity. And they are all experienced as hateful.
If you really genuinely want to reach gays for Christ, you cannot do so in a manner that looks like hatred to the people you are trying to reach. You cannot be coercive.
If you care more about reaching gays for Christ than you do about the culture war, you will give up these efforts. Because you cannot reach gays while simultaneously harming them.
And if the culture is destroyed and the nation crumbles, take it up with God. After all, He didn’t call you to protect nations but to win souls.
Regarding the question as to how best reach gay persons for Christ, I’m not sure I have an answer for that question, but I do know some things to avoid if one has any real genuine desire to reach gay people for Christ:
1. Don’t demand the impossible.
Telling gay people that they shouldn’t be gay is probably going to be about as successful a witness tool as telling Asians they shouldn’t be Asian.
It doesn’t matter if you don’t believe in orientation. Or if you think the Bible talks about behavior not identity. Or if you can reference a whole list of folks who have “walked away from homosexuality”. Or even if you believe homosexuality is nothing but an addiction, or sin, or the result of some root cause, or a lack of paternal attention, or a demonic spirit.
If you want to reach gay people, it doesn’t matter what you believe at all.
Gay people generally believe that the direction of their attractions is innate and immutable. To ask them not to be gay is, to their way of thinking, preposterous.
This is not to say that you must give up your religious convictions. But rather that you should allow God to guide others to His will.
Remember, the reason for gay persons to come to Christ is not to become un-gay or even to avoid Hell. The reason for gay persons to come to Christ is to have a relationship with God.
In my opinion the smartest response to orientation is to introduce God’s love and grace and simply say that God wants his children to grow into the life He has for them. And then let God direct them.
And if God leads some gay people to some direction other than the plan YOU have for them, well you can take it up with Him.
2. Don’t coerce conversion.
Jews today still resent the efforts of Christians to convert them in the Spanish Inquisition at the point of a sword. Gays don’t feel much different about current efforts to instill repressive and discriminatory laws. They believe that Christians only want to be kind and loving to Christian people and that they will punish you if you are not.
Let’s talk some truth.
Behind every effort to treat gay people differently in this country is language about Sin and Abomination. Gay people observe Christianity to be a threat to their freedoms and sometimes to their very lives. (Yes, some “Christians” use death language).
You may “love the sinner, hate the sin”. You may think homosexuality is a dangerous lifestyle. You may have pity for the person trapped and not want to enable their destruction. You may think that homosexuality is a cancer that will destroy the culture and the nation. You may think that this is a sin that makes God nauseous and that God will rain judgment on the nation that doesn’t harshly punish such filth.
None of that matters.
At all.
Currently, gay people experience their interaction with Christianity as being full of hatred. And the fault lies entirely with the Church (yeah, it really does).
When you seek to harm the livelihood of someone, when you tax them more, when you take away their children, when you deny their ability to serve their country, when you “would never vote for” them, when you lie about their “lifestyle”, when you make entirely bogus claims about their mortality, when you support discrimination against them in business and housing, when you pass laws to remove their health insurance. When you just treat them with contempt.
These are all things that have been done in the name of Christianity. And they are all experienced as hateful.
If you really genuinely want to reach gays for Christ, you cannot do so in a manner that looks like hatred to the people you are trying to reach. You cannot be coercive.
If you care more about reaching gays for Christ than you do about the culture war, you will give up these efforts. Because you cannot reach gays while simultaneously harming them.
And if the culture is destroyed and the nation crumbles, take it up with God. After all, He didn’t call you to protect nations but to win souls.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Conversations - not an easy ride
A day at the office ….. and two conversations are sticking with me – and it’s only 11 am.
I received an email from a friend who had been involved in a lesbian relationship over the last three years. She’d gotten to know me through New Direction and I’d met several times with her and her partner. She emailed to say that her partner had gotten together with another woman ….. and she didn’t know where else to turn, but asked me to pray for her. My heart is broken for this young woman. Her story is one of a string of rejections and abandonment throughout her childhood. I can only imagine that her heart must be fractured in a million pieces. “When one weeps, the other tastes salt”. Today, I’m tasting salt.
Another conversation came via phone when I picked up to hear a man telling me about having lived a celibate life for the last 11 years. He’d returned to church after many years away. He shared some hurtful experiences about being kicked out of churches for being gay. I shared with him some of the distinctives of New Direction – and in particular that we are discipleship-focused, not change driven. That is, we are focused on an individual’s faith journey and walk with Jesus, rather than putting the emphasis on attempting to change one’s orientation. I explained that the theology of the ministry hasn’t changed over the years – we do believe God’s best intention for sexual intimacy is within heterosexual marriage. I shared about how some people had put all their energy into trying to change their orientation and when this didn’t happen became discouraged, disillusioned …. some lost their faith altogether. I talked about helping people live consistently with their beliefs and values and being clear about realistic expectations.
Then he said, “Well, I want to change my orientation.” And then he hung up.
And now I feel like crap.
“Lord, was I listening to you?”
“Is this guy going to tell his church that New Direction no longer offers hope – like others have been saying of us?”
“Lord, will you protect this man as he pursues change – keep him close to you – whether his attractions change or not.”
“Lord, help me – to simply walk in step with you and offer up this rush of fear I feel to you.”
I believe God can do anything. But I also know, that in His mysterious ways, He does not always do everything we want or ask of him – at least not in the way we expect.
Our hope, must rest on the person of Jesus Christ. He, alone, is our sufficiency regardless of the healing we do or don’t experience.
I received an email from a friend who had been involved in a lesbian relationship over the last three years. She’d gotten to know me through New Direction and I’d met several times with her and her partner. She emailed to say that her partner had gotten together with another woman ….. and she didn’t know where else to turn, but asked me to pray for her. My heart is broken for this young woman. Her story is one of a string of rejections and abandonment throughout her childhood. I can only imagine that her heart must be fractured in a million pieces. “When one weeps, the other tastes salt”. Today, I’m tasting salt.
Another conversation came via phone when I picked up to hear a man telling me about having lived a celibate life for the last 11 years. He’d returned to church after many years away. He shared some hurtful experiences about being kicked out of churches for being gay. I shared with him some of the distinctives of New Direction – and in particular that we are discipleship-focused, not change driven. That is, we are focused on an individual’s faith journey and walk with Jesus, rather than putting the emphasis on attempting to change one’s orientation. I explained that the theology of the ministry hasn’t changed over the years – we do believe God’s best intention for sexual intimacy is within heterosexual marriage. I shared about how some people had put all their energy into trying to change their orientation and when this didn’t happen became discouraged, disillusioned …. some lost their faith altogether. I talked about helping people live consistently with their beliefs and values and being clear about realistic expectations.
Then he said, “Well, I want to change my orientation.” And then he hung up.
And now I feel like crap.
“Lord, was I listening to you?”
“Is this guy going to tell his church that New Direction no longer offers hope – like others have been saying of us?”
“Lord, will you protect this man as he pursues change – keep him close to you – whether his attractions change or not.”
“Lord, help me – to simply walk in step with you and offer up this rush of fear I feel to you.”
I believe God can do anything. But I also know, that in His mysterious ways, He does not always do everything we want or ask of him – at least not in the way we expect.
Our hope, must rest on the person of Jesus Christ. He, alone, is our sufficiency regardless of the healing we do or don’t experience.
Monday, July 14, 2008
agreeing with someone I disagree with
I am deeply saddened by the turmoil of my brothers and sisters in the Anglican Church worldwide. And I am grieved that to the public, homosexuality seems to be the ‘hot button’.
I read an article today about gay bishop Gene Robinson. This past Sunday, Gene delivered a sermon in St. Mary’s in London. It appears that he didn’t even get through his first sentence before a heckler stood up to call him a heretic. Shouting, “Repent heretic”, the man was led out of the church while the congregation sang a hymn. The article said, “A shaken Robinson called on worshippers to ‘pray for that man’ before asking aloud if a church offering ‘the bread of anxiety rather than the bread of life’ is more likely to draw souls through its doors.”
I agree.
Gene Robinson and I have a different position on sexual ethics. He and I look at Scripture differently. On some important realities, Gene and I disagree.
But when Gene says, “I think God wants us to be bold…. to take risks. I don’t think God wants us to be afraid.” I have to say, I agree.
And when Gene says that the question of homosexuality has been ‘elevated way above its place’ in a world shot through with hunger and suffering, I have to say, I agree.
And when the Toronto Star, in their analysis says, “But fear and hostility are certain to figure prominently as the gulf between Anglican conservatives and liberals widens at Lambeth”, I have to say that I grieve.
This is what the world sees. Fear. Hostility. Anger.
Robinson has received ‘credible death threats’. This ought not to be.
Whatever happened to, “And they’ll know we are Christians by our love”?
I read an article today about gay bishop Gene Robinson. This past Sunday, Gene delivered a sermon in St. Mary’s in London. It appears that he didn’t even get through his first sentence before a heckler stood up to call him a heretic. Shouting, “Repent heretic”, the man was led out of the church while the congregation sang a hymn. The article said, “A shaken Robinson called on worshippers to ‘pray for that man’ before asking aloud if a church offering ‘the bread of anxiety rather than the bread of life’ is more likely to draw souls through its doors.”
I agree.
Gene Robinson and I have a different position on sexual ethics. He and I look at Scripture differently. On some important realities, Gene and I disagree.
But when Gene says, “I think God wants us to be bold…. to take risks. I don’t think God wants us to be afraid.” I have to say, I agree.
And when Gene says that the question of homosexuality has been ‘elevated way above its place’ in a world shot through with hunger and suffering, I have to say, I agree.
And when the Toronto Star, in their analysis says, “But fear and hostility are certain to figure prominently as the gulf between Anglican conservatives and liberals widens at Lambeth”, I have to say that I grieve.
This is what the world sees. Fear. Hostility. Anger.
Robinson has received ‘credible death threats’. This ought not to be.
Whatever happened to, “And they’ll know we are Christians by our love”?
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Risk Engaging the Conversation
The Windy City Times recently report on a meeting between members of SoulForce and Bill Hybels and others from Willow Creek Church. For those of you who may not be familiar with SoulForce, they are a national civil-rights and social-justice organization seeking freedom for LGBT people from religious and political oppression. SoulForce, in an initiative called “American Family Outing”, have been visiting mega-churches in the U.S. including: Joel Osteen and Lakewood Church in Houston, The Potter's House (Bishop T.D. Jakes – Senior Pastor) in Dallas, Bishop Harry Jackson and Hope Christian Church outside Washington, D.C., Bishop Eddie Long and New Birth Missionary Baptist Church near Atlanta, Bill Hybels and Willow Creek Community Church near Chicago, and Rick Warren and Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, California. The purpose of these visits is to share “the power of love, commitment and dedication” of lgbt families with these influential church communities.
Of their visit to Willow Creek, SoulForce Executive Director, Jeff Lutes, said, “This was about making connections—person-to-person and family-to-family—and I think we did that. I respect Willow Creek for having the courage and the willingness to really have a meaningful conversation about this. You can't really have honest, healthy conversation with somebody that you don't know or trust or you might fear just because they're unknown.”
The power of conversations. The power of personal connection. The power of relational engagement. I couldn’t agree more.
Lutes went on to say that he asked Bill Hybels if he would take up the challenge of speaking out more clearly on behalf of lgbt people. He said, “Even though there’s still distance between that position and our totally gay-affirming position, there’s still a lot he could do in terms of leadership on things that would create a lot more safety and protection for our community.”
That reminded me of an exchange Michael Bussee, a gay Christian, and I had on Throckmorton’s blog:
Michael: Here’s my point. Although we may disgree on the science and endlessly debate other aspects of the “gay issue”, at the very heart of this entire discussion is the basic theological question — “will unrepentant gays inheriit the kingdom of God”? Some say yes and some say no. This is the great divide. How can we “build bridges” over such a gap? Perhaps we can agree that God loves us all. Pehaps we can agree that only God makes the final judgement. Perhaps we can agree that gays should not be mistreated, beaten or killed. But that may be all.
Wendy: In some corners of the Christian community this would be a huge leap forward don’t you think? It may be only a ’start’…. but if we bridged that gap just maybe hearts would be softened and much more open to the ongoing whisper of the Spirit as we engage in authentic friendships. That is my prayer.
Michael: Wendy; You asked: “In some corners of the Christian community this would be a huge leap forward don’t you think?” Yup, it would be.
In the Windy Times article, both Jay Bakker and another SoulForce member refer to their hope that the gap between Willow Creek (calling same-gender attracted people to live chaste lives) and SoulForce (fully affirming of gay marriage) would eventually disappear.
It begs the question, “Is that the only option to have any Christ-like impact on the reality of same-gender attracted people?”
At New Direction we’re trying to forge a new way forward.
We do hope to be part of dismantling the sense of enmity that so often resides between lgbt people and the church.
We do hope to be part of dismantling attitudes and actions that demean and hurt and alienate lgbt people.
We hope to challenge the church to be a safer place for those who wrestle, question, or embrace diverse sexual identities.
We hope the church will become much more courageous and innovative in honouring single people, in creating space for intimate community and relationships, and in nurturing a sense of family and belonging for all people.
And we hope that Christ-followers, like Bill Hybels, will enter the conversation, to take the time to listen and relate with their gay neighbours.
That means taking risks. Risking challenging the status quo. Risking being misunderstood, judged and/or written off.
But real people are worth it – more than worth it.
Lutes expressed that he “respected Willow Creek for having the courage and the willingness to really have a meaningful conversation”
I do too.
Since SoulForce expressed some concern over some of the ministry resources that Willow Creek had on their website for those dealing with same-gender attraction, I’d like to offer New Direction’s resources to Willow Creek.
I know we’re not where SoulForce would like us to be – we don’t fully affirm gay marriage. Rather, it seems that Willow Creek and New Direction are at a similar place theologically as we continue to look to the creation account in Genesis and see in the complementarity of male and female that God created an ongoing imperative for boundaries in sexual relationships.
But I do hope that we are embodying a fresh courage, relational perspective, open willingness to engage and commitment to justice that will “create more safety and protection” for lgbt people.
In that safe place, might same-gender attracted people know that they are deeply loved by God and invited to experience fullness of life in relationship with Him.
(hat tip: www.exgaywatch.com)
Of their visit to Willow Creek, SoulForce Executive Director, Jeff Lutes, said, “This was about making connections—person-to-person and family-to-family—and I think we did that. I respect Willow Creek for having the courage and the willingness to really have a meaningful conversation about this. You can't really have honest, healthy conversation with somebody that you don't know or trust or you might fear just because they're unknown.”
The power of conversations. The power of personal connection. The power of relational engagement. I couldn’t agree more.
Lutes went on to say that he asked Bill Hybels if he would take up the challenge of speaking out more clearly on behalf of lgbt people. He said, “Even though there’s still distance between that position and our totally gay-affirming position, there’s still a lot he could do in terms of leadership on things that would create a lot more safety and protection for our community.”
That reminded me of an exchange Michael Bussee, a gay Christian, and I had on Throckmorton’s blog:
Michael: Here’s my point. Although we may disgree on the science and endlessly debate other aspects of the “gay issue”, at the very heart of this entire discussion is the basic theological question — “will unrepentant gays inheriit the kingdom of God”? Some say yes and some say no. This is the great divide. How can we “build bridges” over such a gap? Perhaps we can agree that God loves us all. Pehaps we can agree that only God makes the final judgement. Perhaps we can agree that gays should not be mistreated, beaten or killed. But that may be all.
Wendy: In some corners of the Christian community this would be a huge leap forward don’t you think? It may be only a ’start’…. but if we bridged that gap just maybe hearts would be softened and much more open to the ongoing whisper of the Spirit as we engage in authentic friendships. That is my prayer.
Michael: Wendy; You asked: “In some corners of the Christian community this would be a huge leap forward don’t you think?” Yup, it would be.
In the Windy Times article, both Jay Bakker and another SoulForce member refer to their hope that the gap between Willow Creek (calling same-gender attracted people to live chaste lives) and SoulForce (fully affirming of gay marriage) would eventually disappear.
It begs the question, “Is that the only option to have any Christ-like impact on the reality of same-gender attracted people?”
At New Direction we’re trying to forge a new way forward.
We do hope to be part of dismantling the sense of enmity that so often resides between lgbt people and the church.
We do hope to be part of dismantling attitudes and actions that demean and hurt and alienate lgbt people.
We hope to challenge the church to be a safer place for those who wrestle, question, or embrace diverse sexual identities.
We hope the church will become much more courageous and innovative in honouring single people, in creating space for intimate community and relationships, and in nurturing a sense of family and belonging for all people.
And we hope that Christ-followers, like Bill Hybels, will enter the conversation, to take the time to listen and relate with their gay neighbours.
That means taking risks. Risking challenging the status quo. Risking being misunderstood, judged and/or written off.
But real people are worth it – more than worth it.
Lutes expressed that he “respected Willow Creek for having the courage and the willingness to really have a meaningful conversation”
I do too.
Since SoulForce expressed some concern over some of the ministry resources that Willow Creek had on their website for those dealing with same-gender attraction, I’d like to offer New Direction’s resources to Willow Creek.
I know we’re not where SoulForce would like us to be – we don’t fully affirm gay marriage. Rather, it seems that Willow Creek and New Direction are at a similar place theologically as we continue to look to the creation account in Genesis and see in the complementarity of male and female that God created an ongoing imperative for boundaries in sexual relationships.
But I do hope that we are embodying a fresh courage, relational perspective, open willingness to engage and commitment to justice that will “create more safety and protection” for lgbt people.
In that safe place, might same-gender attracted people know that they are deeply loved by God and invited to experience fullness of life in relationship with Him.
(hat tip: www.exgaywatch.com)
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Will you be my friend? by Brian Pengelly
I was riding the subway the other day, crammed like a human sardine during rush hour traffic. I was trying very hard to ignore the couple hundred other people squished uncomfortably close in the car with me when an attractive woman in her early twenties turned toward me and said “How are you doing today?” with a beaming white smile.
I almost didn’t hear her over the music playing in my I-pod, but blinking in surprise I pulled out my ear bud and smiled back. “Pretty good. How are you?” My mind started racing. I must confess that young attractive female strangers talking to me is not something that happens very often and so my mind began spinning. "Do I know her? Where from?"
We chit chatted for the next minute about the crowdedness, the weather, and such and I was starting to relax and enjoy the conversation.
Just as we pulled away from the station the conversation took a turn.
“You know I find it so comforting to know that in the uncertainties of life that I always have the teachings of the Prophet and the elders to guide me…”
My eyes flashed down and for the first time noticed a detail I had missed with her crowded so close. A name tag that declared her to be a part of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
And then it occurred to me. She wasn't interested in ME. She wasn’t talking to me because she wanted to be my friend. She wasn’t talking to me because of my good looks or charm, or out of any real interest in who I am.
Don’t you hate it when that happens?
Now think of your gay neighbour. Do you really want to be their friend? I have had many non-Christian friends tell me about the frustration of befriending Christians who seemed to deeply care about them until they realized that they weren’t interested in converting. You see being friends with someone isn’t about what you will get from them, or how you will change them…its about genuinely caring about them whether they change to be more like you or not.
There is a world of difference between being filled with God’s love so that we want to love others, including our gay neighbours, and an entirely different thing to be friendly toward people to get our way. One is what we are called to as Christians, the other is patronizing.
I almost didn’t hear her over the music playing in my I-pod, but blinking in surprise I pulled out my ear bud and smiled back. “Pretty good. How are you?” My mind started racing. I must confess that young attractive female strangers talking to me is not something that happens very often and so my mind began spinning. "Do I know her? Where from?"
We chit chatted for the next minute about the crowdedness, the weather, and such and I was starting to relax and enjoy the conversation.
Just as we pulled away from the station the conversation took a turn.
“You know I find it so comforting to know that in the uncertainties of life that I always have the teachings of the Prophet and the elders to guide me…”
My eyes flashed down and for the first time noticed a detail I had missed with her crowded so close. A name tag that declared her to be a part of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
And then it occurred to me. She wasn't interested in ME. She wasn’t talking to me because she wanted to be my friend. She wasn’t talking to me because of my good looks or charm, or out of any real interest in who I am.
Don’t you hate it when that happens?
Now think of your gay neighbour. Do you really want to be their friend? I have had many non-Christian friends tell me about the frustration of befriending Christians who seemed to deeply care about them until they realized that they weren’t interested in converting. You see being friends with someone isn’t about what you will get from them, or how you will change them…its about genuinely caring about them whether they change to be more like you or not.
There is a world of difference between being filled with God’s love so that we want to love others, including our gay neighbours, and an entirely different thing to be friendly toward people to get our way. One is what we are called to as Christians, the other is patronizing.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
How NOT to be a good neighbour....
Ok.... so we got this email today through one of our other websites:
"I am a concerned nieghbor of a lesbian couple and wish to send them some info on how to become a christian and distance themselves from there unGodly life style they are currently leading. They are very unhappy people and we believe as a nieghborhood it is because of the homosexuality and no life with Christ. I dont want to push this on them but I would like you to send them some info about how you could help them."
Helpful tips for this concerned neighbour:
1. Find ways to connect with and serve your neighbours - mow their grass, bring them cookies, invite them for dinner
2. Be a listening ear - resist telling them what you think, instead, be a listening presence - you might be surprised by what you hear
3. Pray
In case anyone wonders why we think it is important to stimulate humble, discerning, incarnational conversations with Christians on how to befriend our gay neighbours .... this email is a pretty good indication of the need.
"I am a concerned nieghbor of a lesbian couple and wish to send them some info on how to become a christian and distance themselves from there unGodly life style they are currently leading. They are very unhappy people and we believe as a nieghborhood it is because of the homosexuality and no life with Christ. I dont want to push this on them but I would like you to send them some info about how you could help them."
Helpful tips for this concerned neighbour:
1. Find ways to connect with and serve your neighbours - mow their grass, bring them cookies, invite them for dinner
2. Be a listening ear - resist telling them what you think, instead, be a listening presence - you might be surprised by what you hear
3. Pray
In case anyone wonders why we think it is important to stimulate humble, discerning, incarnational conversations with Christians on how to befriend our gay neighbours .... this email is a pretty good indication of the need.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
