As we look forward to our synchroblog on June 24, I thought it would be particularly appropriate to share this clip of Brian Pengelly, our Youth Specialist at New Direction. Brian highlights an essential challenge to those who hope to engage in bridging conversations.
What do you think?
Showing posts with label motivations. Show all posts
Showing posts with label motivations. Show all posts
Friday, June 12, 2009
Monday, June 8, 2009
Happy Anniversary BTG
Okay – so I’m not very good with dates or directions (seriously, what is it with me getting lost for every party Mark throws?)….. anyway….
Apparently, last week was the one year anniversary of this blog and I totally missed it.
I have thoroughly enjoyed having such diverse readers engage this forum. I value the conversations that have emerged and the ways that we can all learn and grow from one another’s often thoughtful comments. And while this blog seeks to be unapologetically Christ-centered, I have particularly appreciated those who do not identify as Christian engaging our conversations ….. might you continue to find a safe place of respect and welcome. We need to hear your voices – especially given how easy it is for followers of Jesus to live in their own little bubble.
For those of you who like statistics:
We’ve had 4,603 folks from 83 countries visit 9,542 times.
Our 65+ posts have been commented on nearly 500 times.
The video clips we’ve been posting of the DVD have been viewed 4,726 times.
The two posts that drew the most attention this past year were:
Brian’s post addressing Word of Faith criticism of his journey.
Wendy’s post on whether we continue to Offer Hope.
It would seem that when we stand up and defend ourselves against our detractors we draw the most attention.
So what have we learned in the last year?
There are plenty of people who want answers. Clear answers. They don’t like feeling confused or unsure.
Our response? Join the club….. of living in some uncertainty that is.
What we’ve learned in the last year is to resist the request, or in some cases demand, for black and white answers. I hope we’re learning to ask more questions ….to be present in that generous spaciousness where it is ok to ask tough questions, where it is ok to have doubts, where it is ok to be frustrated with the complexities and seemingly unanswerable questions….. and where the focus is on relating to one another and relating to God.
This can be so threatening. For those of us who’ve grown up in a Christianity that told us we had absolute access to absolute truth with absolute certainty – any deconstruction of that is big-time anxiety producing. For those who have taken some risks to ask different questions …. the incredible discovery is that God is so much bigger than our limited absolutes. And for those who seek and ask and knock and search …. God is right there in the midst of it all.
I hope this blog will be a catalyst to cause people to think deeply, pray much, lead with a humble and listening posture. I hope we can continue to expose some of the ugly motivations that live in all of our hearts: our fear, our anger, our judgments, our assumptions and presumptions. I hope we can do our small part in addressing the systemic inequities that are inconsistent with God’s love for and image in each human being.
So thanks for joining us in these conversations. Thanks for the times you agreed and thanks for the times you’ve disagreed. Thanks for the encouragement many of you have shared. Thanks for your prayers. And thanks for risking to engage in the midst of the tensions of some uncertainty as we press forward together to see God and our common humanity past the divides that the intersection of faith and sexuality can inevitably create.
Apparently, last week was the one year anniversary of this blog and I totally missed it.
I have thoroughly enjoyed having such diverse readers engage this forum. I value the conversations that have emerged and the ways that we can all learn and grow from one another’s often thoughtful comments. And while this blog seeks to be unapologetically Christ-centered, I have particularly appreciated those who do not identify as Christian engaging our conversations ….. might you continue to find a safe place of respect and welcome. We need to hear your voices – especially given how easy it is for followers of Jesus to live in their own little bubble.
For those of you who like statistics:
We’ve had 4,603 folks from 83 countries visit 9,542 times.
Our 65+ posts have been commented on nearly 500 times.
The video clips we’ve been posting of the DVD have been viewed 4,726 times.
The two posts that drew the most attention this past year were:
Brian’s post addressing Word of Faith criticism of his journey.
Wendy’s post on whether we continue to Offer Hope.
It would seem that when we stand up and defend ourselves against our detractors we draw the most attention.
So what have we learned in the last year?
There are plenty of people who want answers. Clear answers. They don’t like feeling confused or unsure.
Our response? Join the club….. of living in some uncertainty that is.
What we’ve learned in the last year is to resist the request, or in some cases demand, for black and white answers. I hope we’re learning to ask more questions ….to be present in that generous spaciousness where it is ok to ask tough questions, where it is ok to have doubts, where it is ok to be frustrated with the complexities and seemingly unanswerable questions….. and where the focus is on relating to one another and relating to God.
This can be so threatening. For those of us who’ve grown up in a Christianity that told us we had absolute access to absolute truth with absolute certainty – any deconstruction of that is big-time anxiety producing. For those who have taken some risks to ask different questions …. the incredible discovery is that God is so much bigger than our limited absolutes. And for those who seek and ask and knock and search …. God is right there in the midst of it all.
I hope this blog will be a catalyst to cause people to think deeply, pray much, lead with a humble and listening posture. I hope we can continue to expose some of the ugly motivations that live in all of our hearts: our fear, our anger, our judgments, our assumptions and presumptions. I hope we can do our small part in addressing the systemic inequities that are inconsistent with God’s love for and image in each human being.
So thanks for joining us in these conversations. Thanks for the times you agreed and thanks for the times you’ve disagreed. Thanks for the encouragement many of you have shared. Thanks for your prayers. And thanks for risking to engage in the midst of the tensions of some uncertainty as we press forward together to see God and our common humanity past the divides that the intersection of faith and sexuality can inevitably create.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Refusing to be a Christianized Bully
I’ve been pondering lately the amount of bullying I see go on in the name of Christ.
Wikipedia suggests: “Bullying is an act of repeated aggressive behavior in order to intentionally hurt another person, physically or mentally. Bullying is characterized by an individual behaving in a certain way to gain power over another person.”
This is the kicker when it comes to “Christianized” bullying …. Good Christian people would never say they are trying to intentionally hurt the other person. None-the-less, aggressive, passive-aggressive, manipulative behaviour that seeks to gain power over another person happens all the time in the name of Christ.
And I’m afraid that at an individual level and at a systemic level, we Christians delude ourselves to the ways that we act like bullies. We justify our bullying in evangelistic language. Afterall, we can’t “love people into hell” you know. We fail to be willing to look at the ways our own needs and our own fears drive our ‘persuasive’ engagement with others.
But I think Philippians 2 can provide a wake-up call. In it we see a picture of Jesus that is the anti-thesis of a bully. The apostle Paul tells us that Jesus ‘made himself nothing, taking the nature of a servant’ and that he ‘humbled himself’. In this picture of Jesus we see someone who was always invitational – who did not force himself into people’s lives. In fact, we see in John 6 that after his teaching about eating his flesh and drinking his blood, many disciples left him. Jesus teaches that people can only come to him if the Father enables them and then asks the disciples if they want to leave too. Peter answers and says, “Lord, to whom would we go? You alone have the words that give eternal life.”
In Peter’s response we glimpse the kind of understanding that Jesus had engendered in his disciples. They were not afraid to go, they didn’t feel shamed to stay….. they had experienced that which was life-giving in their relationship with Jesus – and that is what caused them to want to remain connected with the spirit and life they encountered in Christ.
Would our friends who do not embrace a relationship with Christ, say the same of us, his followers? Would our friends who do know Christ, but who hold different beliefs and values than we do, say the same of us? Would they feel the freedom to experience that which they experience to be life-giving (ie. not our definition of life-giving)? And would it be that life-giving experience that causes them to want to remain, stay connected, take the next steps?
The question for followers of Jesus: Do we trust that it really is God the Father who draws people to himself?
“It is the Spirit who gives eternal life. Human effort accomplishes nothing. And the very words I have spoken to you are spirit and life…… That is what I meant when I said that people can’t come to me unless the Father brings them to me.” (John 6:63, 65)
If we believe this, truly believe it – ought it not free us up to be much more invitational, much more loving, much more relaxed with others?
One of the things that triggered my thinking about this post was a recent interview I gave for Gay Christian Network radio. At one point in the interview, I said something like, “It’s not like we’re calling people to repentance – unless they’re involved in destructive behaviours or something like that.”
And it’s the kind of statement that reminds me of the complexity of speaking to multiple audiences. Given that my primary audience was members of GCN, my intent with that statement was to express our deeply held value to be non-coercive in people’s lives. I wanted to embody the kind of humility that says, “I’m not going to arrogantly presume that I am right, you are wrong, and you better change and become like me.”
But if I am side B, that is, holding to a more traditional interpretation of Scripture on the appropriateness of homosexual behaviour, then surely I should be calling people to repentance shouldn’t I? Shouldn’t I be trying to convince people that they are wrong, need to rethink and change to become like me in accordance with my interpretation of Scripture?
If more conservative folks heard this interview on GCN, this could be a trigger ….. “Ah-ha…. We knew it. We knew Wendy Gritter has slid down the slippery slope of compromise! She isn't even calling people to repentance.”
But is that kind of black & white call to repentance my job, in my context, in the relationships that I invest in and nurture through this blog, facebook, my neighbourhood etc.? Is that really what God is asking me to do?
Or is God asking me to walk in humility, loving and serving, and seeking to embody the character of Jesus, the One who made himself nothing and took the role of servant? What if God is simply asking me to keep my eyes open to the ways he is already at work in another’s life – way ahead of me? And is, perhaps, my ‘job’ so-to-speak, to be alert to the prompting of the Holy Spirit to ask a question at the right time, to offer a point to ponder, to listen together to what God is up to?
Christianity, as an institutionalized religion, has a horrific history of violence, coercion, and addiction to power. We have been frightful bullies. And in the ways the Christian community often calls for gay people to ‘repent’ that same bullying spirit rears its ugly head.
And I will do everything I know to do, to live and relate in a manner that is subversive to this oppressive legacy.
Afterall, ‘people can’t come to Jesus unless the Father brings them to him’. I don’t have to be a bully on his behalf. In fact, his Spirit within me pleads for me to act in the ‘opposite spirit’ – the spirit of gentleness, of invitation, of humility, of welcome. My simple prayer is that in such a spirit of service and friendship, those who cross my path would encounter the life-giving Christ.
Wikipedia suggests: “Bullying is an act of repeated aggressive behavior in order to intentionally hurt another person, physically or mentally. Bullying is characterized by an individual behaving in a certain way to gain power over another person.”
This is the kicker when it comes to “Christianized” bullying …. Good Christian people would never say they are trying to intentionally hurt the other person. None-the-less, aggressive, passive-aggressive, manipulative behaviour that seeks to gain power over another person happens all the time in the name of Christ.
And I’m afraid that at an individual level and at a systemic level, we Christians delude ourselves to the ways that we act like bullies. We justify our bullying in evangelistic language. Afterall, we can’t “love people into hell” you know. We fail to be willing to look at the ways our own needs and our own fears drive our ‘persuasive’ engagement with others.
But I think Philippians 2 can provide a wake-up call. In it we see a picture of Jesus that is the anti-thesis of a bully. The apostle Paul tells us that Jesus ‘made himself nothing, taking the nature of a servant’ and that he ‘humbled himself’. In this picture of Jesus we see someone who was always invitational – who did not force himself into people’s lives. In fact, we see in John 6 that after his teaching about eating his flesh and drinking his blood, many disciples left him. Jesus teaches that people can only come to him if the Father enables them and then asks the disciples if they want to leave too. Peter answers and says, “Lord, to whom would we go? You alone have the words that give eternal life.”
In Peter’s response we glimpse the kind of understanding that Jesus had engendered in his disciples. They were not afraid to go, they didn’t feel shamed to stay….. they had experienced that which was life-giving in their relationship with Jesus – and that is what caused them to want to remain connected with the spirit and life they encountered in Christ.
Would our friends who do not embrace a relationship with Christ, say the same of us, his followers? Would our friends who do know Christ, but who hold different beliefs and values than we do, say the same of us? Would they feel the freedom to experience that which they experience to be life-giving (ie. not our definition of life-giving)? And would it be that life-giving experience that causes them to want to remain, stay connected, take the next steps?
The question for followers of Jesus: Do we trust that it really is God the Father who draws people to himself?
“It is the Spirit who gives eternal life. Human effort accomplishes nothing. And the very words I have spoken to you are spirit and life…… That is what I meant when I said that people can’t come to me unless the Father brings them to me.” (John 6:63, 65)
If we believe this, truly believe it – ought it not free us up to be much more invitational, much more loving, much more relaxed with others?
One of the things that triggered my thinking about this post was a recent interview I gave for Gay Christian Network radio. At one point in the interview, I said something like, “It’s not like we’re calling people to repentance – unless they’re involved in destructive behaviours or something like that.”
And it’s the kind of statement that reminds me of the complexity of speaking to multiple audiences. Given that my primary audience was members of GCN, my intent with that statement was to express our deeply held value to be non-coercive in people’s lives. I wanted to embody the kind of humility that says, “I’m not going to arrogantly presume that I am right, you are wrong, and you better change and become like me.”
But if I am side B, that is, holding to a more traditional interpretation of Scripture on the appropriateness of homosexual behaviour, then surely I should be calling people to repentance shouldn’t I? Shouldn’t I be trying to convince people that they are wrong, need to rethink and change to become like me in accordance with my interpretation of Scripture?
If more conservative folks heard this interview on GCN, this could be a trigger ….. “Ah-ha…. We knew it. We knew Wendy Gritter has slid down the slippery slope of compromise! She isn't even calling people to repentance.”
But is that kind of black & white call to repentance my job, in my context, in the relationships that I invest in and nurture through this blog, facebook, my neighbourhood etc.? Is that really what God is asking me to do?
Or is God asking me to walk in humility, loving and serving, and seeking to embody the character of Jesus, the One who made himself nothing and took the role of servant? What if God is simply asking me to keep my eyes open to the ways he is already at work in another’s life – way ahead of me? And is, perhaps, my ‘job’ so-to-speak, to be alert to the prompting of the Holy Spirit to ask a question at the right time, to offer a point to ponder, to listen together to what God is up to?
Christianity, as an institutionalized religion, has a horrific history of violence, coercion, and addiction to power. We have been frightful bullies. And in the ways the Christian community often calls for gay people to ‘repent’ that same bullying spirit rears its ugly head.
And I will do everything I know to do, to live and relate in a manner that is subversive to this oppressive legacy.
Afterall, ‘people can’t come to Jesus unless the Father brings them to him’. I don’t have to be a bully on his behalf. In fact, his Spirit within me pleads for me to act in the ‘opposite spirit’ – the spirit of gentleness, of invitation, of humility, of welcome. My simple prayer is that in such a spirit of service and friendship, those who cross my path would encounter the life-giving Christ.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Of motivations and integrity....
As I was posting my last entry on ‘trust issues’, I came across a comment that had somehow gotten lost in the wasteland of unmoderated comments. “Jack” was very articulate in raising concerns that seem to be shared by other gay readers, so I wanted to try to address some of the issues he raises:
Jack: Quite honestly, I truly question your motives. I think you truly want to reach out to gays and lesbians, and at some level, I believe that part. However, I always leave this blog and ones to similar to this wondering what outcome are you truly looking for. I see a lot of words revolving around reconciliation, understanding, bridging the gap and so on. But I am left wondering less about the process you are using and wondering MORE about what kind of outcome you are searching for? Is it your hope that you will befriend Gays and Lesbians in hopes that we will decide to become celibate and live chaste lives?
Wendy: These are the outcomes I pray for:
1. I hope that the conservative Christian community will be a safer place for gay people to be honest and open about their day-to-day realities and journey of faith. Some gay people might want to see a day when no one holds a conservative sexual ethic – but I think the reality is that there will always be people of faith who interpret Scripture in a manner that precludes same-sex sexual behaviour. The questions for me are, “How do those who do hold a conservative sexual ethic relate to gay people? How can motivations of fear, control, dominance, coercion, and hatred be confronted as being completely incompatible with the person and ministry of Jesus Christ? How can conservative Christians be helped to feel more comfortable and prepared to be in friendships with gay people – even though there may be points of disagreement that need to be navigated?”
So my hope is that Christians who continue to hold a conservative sexual ethic will do so on the basis of their own convictions birthed from prayer, study of Scripture, and a realistic connection and understanding of the realities of gay people – NOT from fear-based stereotypes of gay people, judgmental control, arrogance, or a sense of drivenness to “make the gay go away”.
My hope is that conservative Christians will engage people with respect, will speak up for issues of justice, and will navigate points of disagreement with humility and grace.
2. I hope, through the context of relationship with Christ-followers, that gay and lesbian people who are not believers would encounter the presence of Christ. I am unapologetically passionate about people coming to know and live in the reality of God’s love for them in Jesus Christ.
At the same time, if a gay person comes to Christ, they will, when the time is right (and that may not be for a long time), need to wrestle with Scripture and through prayer discern what God’s will is for them. In my pastoral connections, I regularly point people to resources like www.gaychristian.net where multiple perspectives are articulated. My perspective is that each individual needs to own what they believe – and then seek to live in a manner that is consistent with those beliefs. Some gay people will own a side B perspective – and many will own a side A perspective. I seek to leave that with God. For those who own a side B perspective, a commitment to celibacy often follows. Some find fulfillment and serenity in this decision. Others find over time that they move towards a side A perspective. Sometimes it is different than that – sometimes someone who was side A moves towards a side B perspective. In my years of connecting with people, I have encountered a lot of diversity in how people navigate their journey of faith - and I have learned to let go and let God be God.
3. I hope that those who are side B in theological perspective (conservative sexual ethic) would focus on shared love for Christ and a mutual commitment to grow in relationship with Christ with side A believers (gay affirming). My hope is that more Christians will recognize that God, through the Holy Spirit, is the one whose job it is to convict and challenge on issues of sin for any and all believers. And we all have sin issues that we're not dealing with. There are times that we are prompted by the Holy Spirit to speak a word in season – but this requires discernment, trust in the relationship, and an openness for someone to accept or reject what we have to offer. Growing in this kind of discernment is most fruitful when we err on the side of humility and waiting for God’s confirmation rather than leading with an anxiety-based agenda.
4. I hope to particularly encourage those individuals who experience same-gender attraction who embrace a side B perspective in their walk with Christ. For example, my post about ‘staying true to convictions’ was written to an person who is committed to a side B perspective. It was not written as manifesto on why every gay person should be side B.
5. I hope that we will be part of fostering a generous spaciousness within the Christian community. Part of that may be accepting that the issue of homosexuality is a disputable matter. Good Christians who love God and take the bible seriously do disagree on this topic. And we can still love and respect each other despite our disagreements. We can still acknowledge and honour each other’s faith and love for Christ. And we can, through relationship, come to a place where we do trust one another’s motives. I hope that part of seeking to foster a generous spaciousness means that people have the room and freedom to continue to explore and respond to the ways they belief God is leading them.
Jack: Is it your hope that you will befriend Gays and Lesbians in hopes that we will decide to become celibate and live chaste lives? If this is your ultimate goal then you might as well stop your efforts now. Why would gay and lesbians want to be a part of conservative/evangelical congregation where your presence would be only lukewarm at best? Why not attend an MCC Church or another liberal mainline congregation where the issue of homosexuality has long since been answered?
Wendy: The reality is that there are some gay and lesbian people who are choosing, on the basis of their own convictions, to live celibate lives. There are very few resources that are of much encouragement to them. Sometimes, this decision to live celibately is driven by fear and self-hatred. When we sense this, we always want to gently challenge them if that seems to be the dominant motivation. If someone is committed to living celibately, we want that to come from a place of security in God’s love and acceptance – not fear.
Some gay and lesbian people do want to be part of a evangelical/conservative congregation, for a variety of reasons, and if we can help that environment to be more welcoming through our writing, resources and teaching – then we hope that is honouring to Christ and helpful to gay people.
Let me be clear. We are not trying to convince side A individuals or institutions to shift towards a side B perspective. It would be quite audacious to think we could have that kind of influence – and completely out of touch with reality. If God is who he says he is, then we don’t have to worry about convincing anyone – that is his job. If our writings are some sort of catalyst for rethinking attitudes and perspectives – we entrust that to God. Any seeds sown are God’s business. Our prayer is consistently that we would not get in the way of what he is already doing.
Jack: It just seems to me that this blog and others are so condescending--even more so than the out and out gay haters like Phelps and his crowd. In some ways I think Evangelical Christians who are so (all of a sudden" surgary sweet) and nice are a cause for MORE concern. More of a concern because it seems that this "new approach" being used by some in the evangelical church is an attempt to engage gays and lesbians in conversation without truly looking for a different outcome than those who out and out publicly denounce homosexuality. To put it in easier terms it just seems like a "sneakier approach" with the same intent in mind. Sort of a "love the sinner hate the sin" dressed up in a pretty dress--it looks nicer and prettier but the message and the outcome is still the same.
Wendy: The last thing we want to be is condescending.
At the same time, I would challenge the notion that the only person who can be loving and respectful toward gay people is the person who fully embraces and affirms all aspects of gay life. I deeply love my gay friends - and they do view me as an ally of sorts. I don’t agree with them on every theological point. But I have all kinds of friends with whom I don’t agree on every theological point. We can still be friends who care for each other, respect each other, and encourage each other to grow in the faith. For my gay friends who are not followers of Jesus, I love and care for them the same I would any other friend who isn’t a believer.
If the only terms acceptable for authentic engagement are that we all have to agree on everything, what a fractured and divided and horribly disengaged society we would be. And if those are the only terms, then there really is very little hope that the gap between the gay community and conservative Christian community can be bridged – and that would be a tragedy.
I would hope that those who connect with us over the long haul would discern the significant difference between someone, like Phelps, who expresses overt hate, consigns people to hell for their orientation, is driven to eradicate gay people from society, and protests any fair and equal treatment – and our commitment to love gay people and to be part of a generous spaciousness.
Last thought, a number of gay people, who are understandably skeptical and cynical, have commented on my “sweetness”…. what you may not realize is the crap that I take for the generosity I seek to embody on this blog, through the resources we develop and the speaking that I do. While I understand the skepticism and the reality that trust is earned …. and I’m committed to walking this out long term and being patient while people watch and observe ….. I wouldn’t be completely honest if I didn’t say that sometimes it is hard to encounter the skepticism. I’m hardly a martyr …. But the truth is that it can be exhausting to try to stay present in the moderate middle. Being a bridge can be painful – especially when folks on both ends question your motives. But at the end of the day, I believe being a bridge, to the best of my ability, is what Christ has called me to – and so I lean on his grace in the confidence that he sees the integrity of my heart.
p.s. If you would like to read Jack's full comment, see it in the comment section here: http://btgproject.blogspot.com/2009/02/staying-true-to-convictions.html
Jack: Quite honestly, I truly question your motives. I think you truly want to reach out to gays and lesbians, and at some level, I believe that part. However, I always leave this blog and ones to similar to this wondering what outcome are you truly looking for. I see a lot of words revolving around reconciliation, understanding, bridging the gap and so on. But I am left wondering less about the process you are using and wondering MORE about what kind of outcome you are searching for? Is it your hope that you will befriend Gays and Lesbians in hopes that we will decide to become celibate and live chaste lives?
Wendy: These are the outcomes I pray for:
1. I hope that the conservative Christian community will be a safer place for gay people to be honest and open about their day-to-day realities and journey of faith. Some gay people might want to see a day when no one holds a conservative sexual ethic – but I think the reality is that there will always be people of faith who interpret Scripture in a manner that precludes same-sex sexual behaviour. The questions for me are, “How do those who do hold a conservative sexual ethic relate to gay people? How can motivations of fear, control, dominance, coercion, and hatred be confronted as being completely incompatible with the person and ministry of Jesus Christ? How can conservative Christians be helped to feel more comfortable and prepared to be in friendships with gay people – even though there may be points of disagreement that need to be navigated?”
So my hope is that Christians who continue to hold a conservative sexual ethic will do so on the basis of their own convictions birthed from prayer, study of Scripture, and a realistic connection and understanding of the realities of gay people – NOT from fear-based stereotypes of gay people, judgmental control, arrogance, or a sense of drivenness to “make the gay go away”.
My hope is that conservative Christians will engage people with respect, will speak up for issues of justice, and will navigate points of disagreement with humility and grace.
2. I hope, through the context of relationship with Christ-followers, that gay and lesbian people who are not believers would encounter the presence of Christ. I am unapologetically passionate about people coming to know and live in the reality of God’s love for them in Jesus Christ.
At the same time, if a gay person comes to Christ, they will, when the time is right (and that may not be for a long time), need to wrestle with Scripture and through prayer discern what God’s will is for them. In my pastoral connections, I regularly point people to resources like www.gaychristian.net where multiple perspectives are articulated. My perspective is that each individual needs to own what they believe – and then seek to live in a manner that is consistent with those beliefs. Some gay people will own a side B perspective – and many will own a side A perspective. I seek to leave that with God. For those who own a side B perspective, a commitment to celibacy often follows. Some find fulfillment and serenity in this decision. Others find over time that they move towards a side A perspective. Sometimes it is different than that – sometimes someone who was side A moves towards a side B perspective. In my years of connecting with people, I have encountered a lot of diversity in how people navigate their journey of faith - and I have learned to let go and let God be God.
3. I hope that those who are side B in theological perspective (conservative sexual ethic) would focus on shared love for Christ and a mutual commitment to grow in relationship with Christ with side A believers (gay affirming). My hope is that more Christians will recognize that God, through the Holy Spirit, is the one whose job it is to convict and challenge on issues of sin for any and all believers. And we all have sin issues that we're not dealing with. There are times that we are prompted by the Holy Spirit to speak a word in season – but this requires discernment, trust in the relationship, and an openness for someone to accept or reject what we have to offer. Growing in this kind of discernment is most fruitful when we err on the side of humility and waiting for God’s confirmation rather than leading with an anxiety-based agenda.
4. I hope to particularly encourage those individuals who experience same-gender attraction who embrace a side B perspective in their walk with Christ. For example, my post about ‘staying true to convictions’ was written to an person who is committed to a side B perspective. It was not written as manifesto on why every gay person should be side B.
5. I hope that we will be part of fostering a generous spaciousness within the Christian community. Part of that may be accepting that the issue of homosexuality is a disputable matter. Good Christians who love God and take the bible seriously do disagree on this topic. And we can still love and respect each other despite our disagreements. We can still acknowledge and honour each other’s faith and love for Christ. And we can, through relationship, come to a place where we do trust one another’s motives. I hope that part of seeking to foster a generous spaciousness means that people have the room and freedom to continue to explore and respond to the ways they belief God is leading them.
Jack: Is it your hope that you will befriend Gays and Lesbians in hopes that we will decide to become celibate and live chaste lives? If this is your ultimate goal then you might as well stop your efforts now. Why would gay and lesbians want to be a part of conservative/evangelical congregation where your presence would be only lukewarm at best? Why not attend an MCC Church or another liberal mainline congregation where the issue of homosexuality has long since been answered?
Wendy: The reality is that there are some gay and lesbian people who are choosing, on the basis of their own convictions, to live celibate lives. There are very few resources that are of much encouragement to them. Sometimes, this decision to live celibately is driven by fear and self-hatred. When we sense this, we always want to gently challenge them if that seems to be the dominant motivation. If someone is committed to living celibately, we want that to come from a place of security in God’s love and acceptance – not fear.
Some gay and lesbian people do want to be part of a evangelical/conservative congregation, for a variety of reasons, and if we can help that environment to be more welcoming through our writing, resources and teaching – then we hope that is honouring to Christ and helpful to gay people.
Let me be clear. We are not trying to convince side A individuals or institutions to shift towards a side B perspective. It would be quite audacious to think we could have that kind of influence – and completely out of touch with reality. If God is who he says he is, then we don’t have to worry about convincing anyone – that is his job. If our writings are some sort of catalyst for rethinking attitudes and perspectives – we entrust that to God. Any seeds sown are God’s business. Our prayer is consistently that we would not get in the way of what he is already doing.
Jack: It just seems to me that this blog and others are so condescending--even more so than the out and out gay haters like Phelps and his crowd. In some ways I think Evangelical Christians who are so (all of a sudden" surgary sweet) and nice are a cause for MORE concern. More of a concern because it seems that this "new approach" being used by some in the evangelical church is an attempt to engage gays and lesbians in conversation without truly looking for a different outcome than those who out and out publicly denounce homosexuality. To put it in easier terms it just seems like a "sneakier approach" with the same intent in mind. Sort of a "love the sinner hate the sin" dressed up in a pretty dress--it looks nicer and prettier but the message and the outcome is still the same.
Wendy: The last thing we want to be is condescending.
At the same time, I would challenge the notion that the only person who can be loving and respectful toward gay people is the person who fully embraces and affirms all aspects of gay life. I deeply love my gay friends - and they do view me as an ally of sorts. I don’t agree with them on every theological point. But I have all kinds of friends with whom I don’t agree on every theological point. We can still be friends who care for each other, respect each other, and encourage each other to grow in the faith. For my gay friends who are not followers of Jesus, I love and care for them the same I would any other friend who isn’t a believer.
If the only terms acceptable for authentic engagement are that we all have to agree on everything, what a fractured and divided and horribly disengaged society we would be. And if those are the only terms, then there really is very little hope that the gap between the gay community and conservative Christian community can be bridged – and that would be a tragedy.
I would hope that those who connect with us over the long haul would discern the significant difference between someone, like Phelps, who expresses overt hate, consigns people to hell for their orientation, is driven to eradicate gay people from society, and protests any fair and equal treatment – and our commitment to love gay people and to be part of a generous spaciousness.
Last thought, a number of gay people, who are understandably skeptical and cynical, have commented on my “sweetness”…. what you may not realize is the crap that I take for the generosity I seek to embody on this blog, through the resources we develop and the speaking that I do. While I understand the skepticism and the reality that trust is earned …. and I’m committed to walking this out long term and being patient while people watch and observe ….. I wouldn’t be completely honest if I didn’t say that sometimes it is hard to encounter the skepticism. I’m hardly a martyr …. But the truth is that it can be exhausting to try to stay present in the moderate middle. Being a bridge can be painful – especially when folks on both ends question your motives. But at the end of the day, I believe being a bridge, to the best of my ability, is what Christ has called me to – and so I lean on his grace in the confidence that he sees the integrity of my heart.
p.s. If you would like to read Jack's full comment, see it in the comment section here: http://btgproject.blogspot.com/2009/02/staying-true-to-convictions.html
Friday, August 29, 2008
The Power of Presence by Brian Pengelly
This summer I attended my first gay wedding. Jon and I had been friends for 7 years, having first met while we were both part of an Exodus affiliated ministry in the States. In the years since then our lives have taken radically different paths. Two years ago he came to my wedding, flying from the Midwest to Portland, Oregon simply to be there with me on my big day. It was between the service and the reception that we sat down in a basement Sunday school room and he told me that he now had a boyfriend.
I knew then that our friendship would change. Up until that time it had been based on shared experiences and beliefs - beliefs that with the passage of time were changing for him. But I also knew that Jon was a friend that I cared deeply about and I was not going to let this hinder our friendship. So as I hugged him that day I promised him that we would always be friends.
Over the next few years we had a number of long talks, we debated theology and principles of hermeneutics, but also shared laughter and trust. We talked of our relationships and families, and even went on to be filmed for a documentary together. I watched the pain in his life as many of his Christian friends and even family members dropped out of his life.
At first I had questions about whether I should attend his wedding or not. (You can read more about my decision here) But by the time the day rolled around I had settled that in my head. I felt strongly that as a friend and as a Christ follower for me not to have gone would have sent a message of conditional love. That wasn’t what I wanted. So my goal in attending was to simply be present and show my love for Jon and Chris as openly and genuinely as I could.
The night before the wedding my wife and I were invited to a dinner and bachelor party. At the dinner I found myself in the distinct minority of being the only guy at the table there with a girl. Many there were already friends of mine, but it made me aware of what it means to be in the minority. This was especially highlighted when others turned to me and asked “So what do you do for a living anyways?” But after a few tense moments of explaining, tongue firmly implanted in cheek, that I was “in the business of forcing gay people to become straight”, people around me laughed and began to relax, and ask questions. For several of the people there, the fact that as a conservative Christian I would be willing to travel and simply be there for an event like this meant that they were willing to listen to what I had to say. And as I respectfully shared, and more importantly listened to their stories and experiences, I was able to make new friends. I even got to help a couple people see that simply because they were gay didn’t mean that Christians had to treat them like jerks.
The wedding itself was done in the Quaker tradition, with the focus on silence and collective sharing. When my time came, I spoke words from my heart. Many there knew who I was from the documentary we did together, and I knew there was some tension at what I would say. By speaking words of honest grace and love, speaking of our friendship and the good that was in the two of them even in the known tension of our differing beliefs, I believe that I acted in good faith as a friend and a Christ follower. When I finally got to Jon and Chris in the receiving line, they both hugged me and told me how grateful they were that I had come, and how much it meant to them.
And then there was an awkward moment as I had to explain to them that I could not sign the guest registry. According to Quaker tradition, all those who did so were seen as officiates in the wedding, and my own vows and conscience prohibited me from doing so. For me it was the line in the sand I couldn’t cross in good faith. But Jon just smiled. Our friendship was built on respect, and he respected my own beliefs and limitations, and valued me for who I was, even as I valued him. “I’m just glad you’re here” he told me.
As I drove home I was full of mixed emotions, happy and sad all at once. Happy for the good things happening in Jon’s life, and happy for the friendship we still shared. Sad, at the same time, for the loss of shared values and beliefs. What I appreciated most was that Jon accepted all of those feelings in me that weekend, even as I accepted him. It occurred to me on the way home how many rich and meaningful conversations I got to have that weekend and that in many ways I had gotten to minister that weekend, sharing what I believe, caring for others and more… but that if I had gone seeing the weekend as an opportunity to minister I don’t think I would have been in the right place to do so at all. In the end it was my willingness to simply be present in Jon’s life with no strings attached that allowed me to both minister to others, and in truth be ministered to by others. And that is enough.
I knew then that our friendship would change. Up until that time it had been based on shared experiences and beliefs - beliefs that with the passage of time were changing for him. But I also knew that Jon was a friend that I cared deeply about and I was not going to let this hinder our friendship. So as I hugged him that day I promised him that we would always be friends.
Over the next few years we had a number of long talks, we debated theology and principles of hermeneutics, but also shared laughter and trust. We talked of our relationships and families, and even went on to be filmed for a documentary together. I watched the pain in his life as many of his Christian friends and even family members dropped out of his life.
At first I had questions about whether I should attend his wedding or not. (You can read more about my decision here) But by the time the day rolled around I had settled that in my head. I felt strongly that as a friend and as a Christ follower for me not to have gone would have sent a message of conditional love. That wasn’t what I wanted. So my goal in attending was to simply be present and show my love for Jon and Chris as openly and genuinely as I could.
The night before the wedding my wife and I were invited to a dinner and bachelor party. At the dinner I found myself in the distinct minority of being the only guy at the table there with a girl. Many there were already friends of mine, but it made me aware of what it means to be in the minority. This was especially highlighted when others turned to me and asked “So what do you do for a living anyways?” But after a few tense moments of explaining, tongue firmly implanted in cheek, that I was “in the business of forcing gay people to become straight”, people around me laughed and began to relax, and ask questions. For several of the people there, the fact that as a conservative Christian I would be willing to travel and simply be there for an event like this meant that they were willing to listen to what I had to say. And as I respectfully shared, and more importantly listened to their stories and experiences, I was able to make new friends. I even got to help a couple people see that simply because they were gay didn’t mean that Christians had to treat them like jerks.
The wedding itself was done in the Quaker tradition, with the focus on silence and collective sharing. When my time came, I spoke words from my heart. Many there knew who I was from the documentary we did together, and I knew there was some tension at what I would say. By speaking words of honest grace and love, speaking of our friendship and the good that was in the two of them even in the known tension of our differing beliefs, I believe that I acted in good faith as a friend and a Christ follower. When I finally got to Jon and Chris in the receiving line, they both hugged me and told me how grateful they were that I had come, and how much it meant to them.
And then there was an awkward moment as I had to explain to them that I could not sign the guest registry. According to Quaker tradition, all those who did so were seen as officiates in the wedding, and my own vows and conscience prohibited me from doing so. For me it was the line in the sand I couldn’t cross in good faith. But Jon just smiled. Our friendship was built on respect, and he respected my own beliefs and limitations, and valued me for who I was, even as I valued him. “I’m just glad you’re here” he told me.
As I drove home I was full of mixed emotions, happy and sad all at once. Happy for the good things happening in Jon’s life, and happy for the friendship we still shared. Sad, at the same time, for the loss of shared values and beliefs. What I appreciated most was that Jon accepted all of those feelings in me that weekend, even as I accepted him. It occurred to me on the way home how many rich and meaningful conversations I got to have that weekend and that in many ways I had gotten to minister that weekend, sharing what I believe, caring for others and more… but that if I had gone seeing the weekend as an opportunity to minister I don’t think I would have been in the right place to do so at all. In the end it was my willingness to simply be present in Jon’s life with no strings attached that allowed me to both minister to others, and in truth be ministered to by others. And that is enough.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Offering hope?
OK – buckle your seatbelts…. this is going to be as close to a rant as I get.
Something’s been bugging me. Sort of like a sliver under your fingernail that you just can’t get out. It had come to my attention that a colleague had told others that “New Direction doesn’t offer hope anymore.”
Now, I’m not looking for sympathy here …. but let’s face it, New Direction deals with a pretty controversial area of ministry. It isn’t easy at the best of times to build credibility and engage pastors and local churches in our work. So, when a ministry colleague, who well knows the challenges facing a ministry like ours, takes a pot-shot at our credibility by saying ‘we no longer offer hope’…. it’s frustrating.
I wondered why this colleague didn’t call me up and say, “Hey I’ve got some concerns about the kind of language I see you using on your website – can you clarify some things for me?” Why didn’t they check out their concerns before spreading a death-knell for credibility and trustworthiness?
So the other night I had the opportunity to have a conversation with this colleague. Turns out, yes, they were concerned that we weren’t offering hope anymore. Seems their big concern was with our distinctive that we are ‘discipleship-focused, not change driven’ – that we seemed to be saying that sexual orientation change wasn’t always possible.
Now I have a bit of a track record for being candid….ok upfront ….. ok downright blunt sometimes. I asked this person if they thought every same-gender attracted follower of Jesus would become fully heterosexual. They said no. But, they said, they saw heterosexuality as part of God’s plan of redemption for people. “Everyone is on a journey towards heterosexuality”, they said, “but some people only go a little way down that road.” So then I asked about the disconnect for same-gender attracted people who don’t experience any significant change in the direction or intensity of their attractions – those who “only go a little way down the road” ….. You see, my concern is that we not set people up for a striving, good-works based gospel. My concern is that we don’t set up a system where people constantly feel like they don’t measure up, that their faith must be deficient…. where they are perpetually vulnerable to a sense of shame and condemnation for simply continuing to be same-gender attracted. This colleague agreed, that wasn’t what they wanted either ….. Then I said, “We’re offering people Jesus Christ – at the centre of their life, identity and sexuality – and Jesus is the hope of the world – how can you say that we’re not offering hope – when we’re offering people Jesus??”
Paul says, “When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling.” (I Corinthians 2: 1-3)
In our wrestling for the blessing for same-gender attracted people, we are emerging in weakness and fear and with much trembling. There is a lot we don’t know about sexual orientation. We don’t really know what causes it, exactly how and what influences it, or how to consistently or permanently affect it. Even our trained counselors are humbled in the face of the complexities and seek to minister with gentleness and discernment. We’ve seen God do amazing things in people’s lives. But is the Christian life about the amazing things God does for us? Or is the Christian life about knowing God and participating with him in his mission to restore the world to right relationship with God?
By making heterosexuality part of God’s redemption plan…. I have to wonder if it isn’t just buying in to the consumer notion of Christianity. “Being a Christian is about getting what you want.”
I just heard the news about a precious little nephew born a few weeks back. Baby John has Down’s Syndrome. Is Down’s God’s best intention for humanity? Should we all now commit ourselves to praying and fasting that God will heal baby John of the reality of his condition? Will we limit John’s experience of faith in Jesus Christ because of his Down’s syndrome?
Before I find myself in a wasp’s nest of controversy, I am not suggesting a one-to-one comparison of Down’s with the experience of same-gender attraction. What I’m simply trying to do is raise some questions about how we go about shaping our theology of redemption.
When I was in seminary, I had an important conversation with my uncle – someone I respect who has been a pastor for many years. I was struggling with a number of doctrinal issues and he said, “Wendy, I’ve always felt that the church needed to focus much more on biblical theology than on systematic theology.”
Systematic theology says, “God’s best intention for human sexual intimacy is the covenant of marriage between husband and wife. Therefore, in God’s plan of restoration and redemption, he will restore heterosexuality to those who do not naturally experience it.” Never-mind that there are deeply devoted disciples of Jesus who have prayed much, experienced much counsel and ministry, and continue to walk day-by-day in the reality of experiencing same-gender attraction.
As for me and my team at New Direction, what we do know, without a shadow of a doubt, is that Jesus Christ is the light of the world. We know he loves all people and all of creation. We know that in him we are accepted by God. We know he offers us abundant life – but that he invites us to experience that through his upside-down economy of suffering, dying to self, taking up our cross and following him. We know that we experience redemption now – as we come to experience intimate relationship with God within the perfect relationship of Father, Son and Spirit.
I don’t think the experience of same-gender attraction is immutable. There seems to be sufficient evidence of the fluidity of sexuality for at least some people to prevent us from putting anyone’s sexuality in a box. But that certainly doesn’t mean everyone’s sexuality can and will change. (ok Karen K. I got sucked in ….. I did end up touching on this question on this blog :))
I’ve heard this very same colleague say that homosexuality is not a salvation issue ….it falls under the realm of sanctification (becoming more like Jesus). Yet, when we, in humbleness, take a step back from the issue of orientation change ….. we no longer offer hope??
Galatians 5:14-16: The entire law is summed up in a single command: "Love your neighbor as yourself." If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.
“Lord, help me to keep my eyes fixed on you – the author and finisher of our faith. Help me to trust you to guard and protect New Direction as you keep leading us to risk and serve and love gay people. And keep my heart soft, open, gracious and forgiving – it’s much easier to just be pissed off. Make me like you.”
Something’s been bugging me. Sort of like a sliver under your fingernail that you just can’t get out. It had come to my attention that a colleague had told others that “New Direction doesn’t offer hope anymore.”
Now, I’m not looking for sympathy here …. but let’s face it, New Direction deals with a pretty controversial area of ministry. It isn’t easy at the best of times to build credibility and engage pastors and local churches in our work. So, when a ministry colleague, who well knows the challenges facing a ministry like ours, takes a pot-shot at our credibility by saying ‘we no longer offer hope’…. it’s frustrating.
I wondered why this colleague didn’t call me up and say, “Hey I’ve got some concerns about the kind of language I see you using on your website – can you clarify some things for me?” Why didn’t they check out their concerns before spreading a death-knell for credibility and trustworthiness?
So the other night I had the opportunity to have a conversation with this colleague. Turns out, yes, they were concerned that we weren’t offering hope anymore. Seems their big concern was with our distinctive that we are ‘discipleship-focused, not change driven’ – that we seemed to be saying that sexual orientation change wasn’t always possible.
Now I have a bit of a track record for being candid….ok upfront ….. ok downright blunt sometimes. I asked this person if they thought every same-gender attracted follower of Jesus would become fully heterosexual. They said no. But, they said, they saw heterosexuality as part of God’s plan of redemption for people. “Everyone is on a journey towards heterosexuality”, they said, “but some people only go a little way down that road.” So then I asked about the disconnect for same-gender attracted people who don’t experience any significant change in the direction or intensity of their attractions – those who “only go a little way down the road” ….. You see, my concern is that we not set people up for a striving, good-works based gospel. My concern is that we don’t set up a system where people constantly feel like they don’t measure up, that their faith must be deficient…. where they are perpetually vulnerable to a sense of shame and condemnation for simply continuing to be same-gender attracted. This colleague agreed, that wasn’t what they wanted either ….. Then I said, “We’re offering people Jesus Christ – at the centre of their life, identity and sexuality – and Jesus is the hope of the world – how can you say that we’re not offering hope – when we’re offering people Jesus??”
Paul says, “When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling.” (I Corinthians 2: 1-3)
In our wrestling for the blessing for same-gender attracted people, we are emerging in weakness and fear and with much trembling. There is a lot we don’t know about sexual orientation. We don’t really know what causes it, exactly how and what influences it, or how to consistently or permanently affect it. Even our trained counselors are humbled in the face of the complexities and seek to minister with gentleness and discernment. We’ve seen God do amazing things in people’s lives. But is the Christian life about the amazing things God does for us? Or is the Christian life about knowing God and participating with him in his mission to restore the world to right relationship with God?
By making heterosexuality part of God’s redemption plan…. I have to wonder if it isn’t just buying in to the consumer notion of Christianity. “Being a Christian is about getting what you want.”
I just heard the news about a precious little nephew born a few weeks back. Baby John has Down’s Syndrome. Is Down’s God’s best intention for humanity? Should we all now commit ourselves to praying and fasting that God will heal baby John of the reality of his condition? Will we limit John’s experience of faith in Jesus Christ because of his Down’s syndrome?
Before I find myself in a wasp’s nest of controversy, I am not suggesting a one-to-one comparison of Down’s with the experience of same-gender attraction. What I’m simply trying to do is raise some questions about how we go about shaping our theology of redemption.
When I was in seminary, I had an important conversation with my uncle – someone I respect who has been a pastor for many years. I was struggling with a number of doctrinal issues and he said, “Wendy, I’ve always felt that the church needed to focus much more on biblical theology than on systematic theology.”
Systematic theology says, “God’s best intention for human sexual intimacy is the covenant of marriage between husband and wife. Therefore, in God’s plan of restoration and redemption, he will restore heterosexuality to those who do not naturally experience it.” Never-mind that there are deeply devoted disciples of Jesus who have prayed much, experienced much counsel and ministry, and continue to walk day-by-day in the reality of experiencing same-gender attraction.
As for me and my team at New Direction, what we do know, without a shadow of a doubt, is that Jesus Christ is the light of the world. We know he loves all people and all of creation. We know that in him we are accepted by God. We know he offers us abundant life – but that he invites us to experience that through his upside-down economy of suffering, dying to self, taking up our cross and following him. We know that we experience redemption now – as we come to experience intimate relationship with God within the perfect relationship of Father, Son and Spirit.
I don’t think the experience of same-gender attraction is immutable. There seems to be sufficient evidence of the fluidity of sexuality for at least some people to prevent us from putting anyone’s sexuality in a box. But that certainly doesn’t mean everyone’s sexuality can and will change. (ok Karen K. I got sucked in ….. I did end up touching on this question on this blog :))
I’ve heard this very same colleague say that homosexuality is not a salvation issue ….it falls under the realm of sanctification (becoming more like Jesus). Yet, when we, in humbleness, take a step back from the issue of orientation change ….. we no longer offer hope??
Galatians 5:14-16: The entire law is summed up in a single command: "Love your neighbor as yourself." If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.
“Lord, help me to keep my eyes fixed on you – the author and finisher of our faith. Help me to trust you to guard and protect New Direction as you keep leading us to risk and serve and love gay people. And keep my heart soft, open, gracious and forgiving – it’s much easier to just be pissed off. Make me like you.”
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Reaching Gay Persons for Christ: what to avoid
Timothy Kincaid is a “blogger friend” who I’ve had the privilege of engaging on a couple of different blogs: Warren Throckmorton and ExGayWatch. He regularly writes on Box Turtle Bulletin. Timothy is a gay Christian who I have found to be insightful and respectful. Timothy wrote this piece as a comment on another blog and I hope that it will be helpful to the readers of ‘Bridging the Gap’: p.s. Timothy is American - but I think us Canadians have a few take-aways here too eh?
Regarding the question as to how best reach gay persons for Christ, I’m not sure I have an answer for that question, but I do know some things to avoid if one has any real genuine desire to reach gay people for Christ:
1. Don’t demand the impossible.
Telling gay people that they shouldn’t be gay is probably going to be about as successful a witness tool as telling Asians they shouldn’t be Asian.
It doesn’t matter if you don’t believe in orientation. Or if you think the Bible talks about behavior not identity. Or if you can reference a whole list of folks who have “walked away from homosexuality”. Or even if you believe homosexuality is nothing but an addiction, or sin, or the result of some root cause, or a lack of paternal attention, or a demonic spirit.
If you want to reach gay people, it doesn’t matter what you believe at all.
Gay people generally believe that the direction of their attractions is innate and immutable. To ask them not to be gay is, to their way of thinking, preposterous.
This is not to say that you must give up your religious convictions. But rather that you should allow God to guide others to His will.
Remember, the reason for gay persons to come to Christ is not to become un-gay or even to avoid Hell. The reason for gay persons to come to Christ is to have a relationship with God.
In my opinion the smartest response to orientation is to introduce God’s love and grace and simply say that God wants his children to grow into the life He has for them. And then let God direct them.
And if God leads some gay people to some direction other than the plan YOU have for them, well you can take it up with Him.
2. Don’t coerce conversion.
Jews today still resent the efforts of Christians to convert them in the Spanish Inquisition at the point of a sword. Gays don’t feel much different about current efforts to instill repressive and discriminatory laws. They believe that Christians only want to be kind and loving to Christian people and that they will punish you if you are not.
Let’s talk some truth.
Behind every effort to treat gay people differently in this country is language about Sin and Abomination. Gay people observe Christianity to be a threat to their freedoms and sometimes to their very lives. (Yes, some “Christians” use death language).
You may “love the sinner, hate the sin”. You may think homosexuality is a dangerous lifestyle. You may have pity for the person trapped and not want to enable their destruction. You may think that homosexuality is a cancer that will destroy the culture and the nation. You may think that this is a sin that makes God nauseous and that God will rain judgment on the nation that doesn’t harshly punish such filth.
None of that matters.
At all.
Currently, gay people experience their interaction with Christianity as being full of hatred. And the fault lies entirely with the Church (yeah, it really does).
When you seek to harm the livelihood of someone, when you tax them more, when you take away their children, when you deny their ability to serve their country, when you “would never vote for” them, when you lie about their “lifestyle”, when you make entirely bogus claims about their mortality, when you support discrimination against them in business and housing, when you pass laws to remove their health insurance. When you just treat them with contempt.
These are all things that have been done in the name of Christianity. And they are all experienced as hateful.
If you really genuinely want to reach gays for Christ, you cannot do so in a manner that looks like hatred to the people you are trying to reach. You cannot be coercive.
If you care more about reaching gays for Christ than you do about the culture war, you will give up these efforts. Because you cannot reach gays while simultaneously harming them.
And if the culture is destroyed and the nation crumbles, take it up with God. After all, He didn’t call you to protect nations but to win souls.
Regarding the question as to how best reach gay persons for Christ, I’m not sure I have an answer for that question, but I do know some things to avoid if one has any real genuine desire to reach gay people for Christ:
1. Don’t demand the impossible.
Telling gay people that they shouldn’t be gay is probably going to be about as successful a witness tool as telling Asians they shouldn’t be Asian.
It doesn’t matter if you don’t believe in orientation. Or if you think the Bible talks about behavior not identity. Or if you can reference a whole list of folks who have “walked away from homosexuality”. Or even if you believe homosexuality is nothing but an addiction, or sin, or the result of some root cause, or a lack of paternal attention, or a demonic spirit.
If you want to reach gay people, it doesn’t matter what you believe at all.
Gay people generally believe that the direction of their attractions is innate and immutable. To ask them not to be gay is, to their way of thinking, preposterous.
This is not to say that you must give up your religious convictions. But rather that you should allow God to guide others to His will.
Remember, the reason for gay persons to come to Christ is not to become un-gay or even to avoid Hell. The reason for gay persons to come to Christ is to have a relationship with God.
In my opinion the smartest response to orientation is to introduce God’s love and grace and simply say that God wants his children to grow into the life He has for them. And then let God direct them.
And if God leads some gay people to some direction other than the plan YOU have for them, well you can take it up with Him.
2. Don’t coerce conversion.
Jews today still resent the efforts of Christians to convert them in the Spanish Inquisition at the point of a sword. Gays don’t feel much different about current efforts to instill repressive and discriminatory laws. They believe that Christians only want to be kind and loving to Christian people and that they will punish you if you are not.
Let’s talk some truth.
Behind every effort to treat gay people differently in this country is language about Sin and Abomination. Gay people observe Christianity to be a threat to their freedoms and sometimes to their very lives. (Yes, some “Christians” use death language).
You may “love the sinner, hate the sin”. You may think homosexuality is a dangerous lifestyle. You may have pity for the person trapped and not want to enable their destruction. You may think that homosexuality is a cancer that will destroy the culture and the nation. You may think that this is a sin that makes God nauseous and that God will rain judgment on the nation that doesn’t harshly punish such filth.
None of that matters.
At all.
Currently, gay people experience their interaction with Christianity as being full of hatred. And the fault lies entirely with the Church (yeah, it really does).
When you seek to harm the livelihood of someone, when you tax them more, when you take away their children, when you deny their ability to serve their country, when you “would never vote for” them, when you lie about their “lifestyle”, when you make entirely bogus claims about their mortality, when you support discrimination against them in business and housing, when you pass laws to remove their health insurance. When you just treat them with contempt.
These are all things that have been done in the name of Christianity. And they are all experienced as hateful.
If you really genuinely want to reach gays for Christ, you cannot do so in a manner that looks like hatred to the people you are trying to reach. You cannot be coercive.
If you care more about reaching gays for Christ than you do about the culture war, you will give up these efforts. Because you cannot reach gays while simultaneously harming them.
And if the culture is destroyed and the nation crumbles, take it up with God. After all, He didn’t call you to protect nations but to win souls.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
How NOT to be a good neighbour....
Ok.... so we got this email today through one of our other websites:
"I am a concerned nieghbor of a lesbian couple and wish to send them some info on how to become a christian and distance themselves from there unGodly life style they are currently leading. They are very unhappy people and we believe as a nieghborhood it is because of the homosexuality and no life with Christ. I dont want to push this on them but I would like you to send them some info about how you could help them."
Helpful tips for this concerned neighbour:
1. Find ways to connect with and serve your neighbours - mow their grass, bring them cookies, invite them for dinner
2. Be a listening ear - resist telling them what you think, instead, be a listening presence - you might be surprised by what you hear
3. Pray
In case anyone wonders why we think it is important to stimulate humble, discerning, incarnational conversations with Christians on how to befriend our gay neighbours .... this email is a pretty good indication of the need.
"I am a concerned nieghbor of a lesbian couple and wish to send them some info on how to become a christian and distance themselves from there unGodly life style they are currently leading. They are very unhappy people and we believe as a nieghborhood it is because of the homosexuality and no life with Christ. I dont want to push this on them but I would like you to send them some info about how you could help them."
Helpful tips for this concerned neighbour:
1. Find ways to connect with and serve your neighbours - mow their grass, bring them cookies, invite them for dinner
2. Be a listening ear - resist telling them what you think, instead, be a listening presence - you might be surprised by what you hear
3. Pray
In case anyone wonders why we think it is important to stimulate humble, discerning, incarnational conversations with Christians on how to befriend our gay neighbours .... this email is a pretty good indication of the need.
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