Empathy in the midst of the Divide

Brian McLaren shares the story of his grandfather and the ways we embody systemic injustice. He reminds us to live in the Spirit of Christ.

A Question of Corinthians Part 1 by Brian Pengelly

As I talk across Canada, sharing my passion for bridging the gap between the church and the LGBT community I have been surprised at how positively I have been received. There is a sense that the Church is ready to begin to face this issue, and many of the evangelical Christians I know have a sense that what they church has been doing is not right, but they are not quite sure what they should be doing instead. As they grapple with the many questions that come up, one that seems to consistently be a challenge is how to relate to LGBT individuals who claim to be Christians. I have lost count of the times when Christians have told me stories about how they have non Christian friends who are gay who they relate to well, but when faced by a Christian who is gay the rules change, and they feel free to treat them rudely, or cut them entirely out of their lives.

The reason for this usually comes down to 1 Corinthians 5:9-11. The verses state:

"I have written you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people­ not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat."

The logic here flows like this: "The Bible teaches that homosexuality is sexually immoral, therefore anyone who claims to be gay and acts on it should be put out of the church, and Christians should refuse to associate with them in any way."

Many Christians that I have worked with over the years find themselves trapped between their internal sense that cutting their friends and family members out of their lives is not the right thing to do, and yet at the same time want to be obedient to Scripture. Others seem to use these verses as an excuse to not have to deal with the challenges of loving people they disagree with, or worse yet to treat LGBT people in disrespectful ways.

I know my Side A friends shake their heads and go "Obviously this verse doesn't apply because there is nothing immoral about gay sexual relationships!" but for those who are Side B navigating friendships with those within the church this verse can be a major stumbling block.

Later this week I will post my thoughts on this verse, but i am interested to read how others have understood this verse. How do you understand this verse? Does it mean that Side B and Side A Christians can't ever work together?

Walking in Step with the Holy Spirit

Wendy Gritter points to the complexity of sexual identity and the great need to address our own issues of anxiety before responding to an individual asking questions of faith and sexuality.

Putting Skin on the Issue by Brian Pengelly

When I go around to talk to youth groups I have learned over the years not to start with "Hi my name is Brian, and I'm gay!" The issue of homosexuality is one that Christians have learned to be defensive about and as soon as the hear "The G word" many of them put up a mental barrier or distrust that makes it hard to get them to challenge any of their presuppositions. So when I am talking to church groups I instead start with a bunch of humorous stories about what it was like growing up in church.
In many ways this portion of my talk resembles a stand up comedy routine but it tends to gain the attention of the audience and more importantly it builds a feeling of commonality and familiarity. When I get people laughing about the stress of getting ready for church, or how silly Sunday School songs are when you stop and think about them then they begin to identify with me. There is something that happens where the audience goes "He is one of us! He understands us!" which allows me to bypass some of the defenses of people, so that when I get to the part of the story where I say "and then I realized I was gay" it changes their assumptions about gay people. It allows them to feel that gay people are REAL people like them, rather than "those people out there". Once this has happened, getting them to think about how they treat gay people, and whether that honors God or not is much easier to do.

Often in evangelical circles there is a feeling that when dealing with the issue of homosexuality the way to best follow God is to keep people's stories out of it, and just focus on "what scripture says". However as I was recently rereading through the gospels it struck me that this was the opposite of what Jesus did. In Matthew 12 Jesus is confronted because his disciples who were hungry were plucking grain and eating it, which was against the Sabbath law. Jesus doesn't defend them by explaining that what they are doing is lawful, he reminds the Pharisees how David also broke the law by eating the temple bread. Jesus's then quotes Hosea 6:6 which says "I desire mercy not sacrifice". By ignoring stories we keep people in the safely theoretical space. But people's stories matters to God. Their circumstances, their pain, their experiences are all known by Him, and he cares about them. The debate about homosexuality that rages on in the church can never be allowed to be a war of ideas...it is about people.

When people of whatever stripe allow themselves to dehumanize those who disagree with them, to make those people into an "other" that they do not have to care about the same way they care about those that agree with them, we they lose the heart of God. This is why it is so important for us to make the effort to befriend those we disagree with , it helps us to remember that other people are people with loves and lives, challenges and circumstances beyond the issue that we disagree on. It helps us see people as more than people we disagree with, but as co-bearers of the image of Christ, just like us.

So as you encounter people who you disagree with, whatever side you are on, take time to get to know them. Listen to their stories. Get to know their families and communities. Ask what circumstances and experiences have shaped them into the person they are now. After all, how do you love someone if you don't even know who they really are?

Befriending 'Outsiders'

Bruxy Cavey points to the example of Paul engage the people of Athens as a model for Christians to engage those outside of the church with eyes to see where God is already at work.

Differing Graciously

Brian McLaren describes the tension many Christians feel who have gay loved ones.

Responding to the Tel Aviv shootings by Brian Pengelly

While I was enjoying a relaxing long weekend camping with friends in the Catskills an unidentified person walked into a LGBT support group in Tel Aviv Israel and opened fire with an M-16. Two people were killed and 15 others wounded. I didn’t get the news until this morning when I sat down to my laptop to catch up on email and blogs that I read on a regular basis.

As I read the news, a lot of different feelings warred inside me: anger, fear, sadness, and frustration all came up in a rush. In my head I began building an idea of who would do such a thing. I went over all the times I had been bullied or felt excluded and began building connections in my mind. I wondered why other Christians I knew hadn’t said anything about this and wondered what it meant about them.

Then I remembered another shooting. A little over ten years ago I was a young youth worker fresh out of Bible College when the Columbine shooting happened. The two shooters had worn black trench coats, and were misidentified by some as being goth.

At that time I had been working at building relationships with a number of teens who identified with the “goth” subculture. I remember these students telling me stories about how suddenly they were treated as potential killers by those around them. Many of them were called names, and one friend was even assaulted by others who saw them as “one of those freaks.” The irony of it all was that my friends were some of the gentlest people I had ever met. Many were pacifists who refused to touch weapons, and others were vegan because they could not even countenance violence against animals.

Horrific events like this seem to bring out the part of our human nature that seeks to classify the “other” and to draw away into the safety of “people like us”. We desperately seek for meaning in such events, and try to assure ourselves that something we can do we protect us from such things happening. And in the process these very human reactions can cause us to do a lot of things which can hurt innocents.

As of the time I am writing this we do not know who committed this crime and we do not know why. I would ask all people to be careful about making rash judgements without firm information. If more details do emerge we still need to be careful about the generalizations that we make from them. If the killer turns out to be motivated by hatred of gay people in general we must refrain from transferring that person’s crime onto others who share that person’s nationality, ethnicity, or religion. If it turns out that the shooter was gay that information should not be used by groups to try and prove anything about gay people in general either, or claim that gay relationships are more dangerous.

In the face of such an evil act I believe that the only response is for all of us: gay and straight, people of diverse religions or no religion, liberals and conservatives to commit to working hard to understand each other better. We must commit to defending and respecting each other. We must all speak out against violence whether in its obvious forms such as this shooting, or its more subtle forms that happen a thousand times every day.

But most of all we must resist the temptation to retreat further into “us vs them” thinking. We must not be ruled by fear. Because it is that very thing…the ability to think as another human being as “other” that allows the violence in the first place.