Conversations - not an easy ride

A day at the office ….. and two conversations are sticking with me – and it’s only 11 am.

I received an email from a friend who had been involved in a lesbian relationship over the last three years. She’d gotten to know me through New Direction and I’d met several times with her and her partner. She emailed to say that her partner had gotten together with another woman ….. and she didn’t know where else to turn, but asked me to pray for her. My heart is broken for this young woman. Her story is one of a string of rejections and abandonment throughout her childhood. I can only imagine that her heart must be fractured in a million pieces. “When one weeps, the other tastes salt”. Today, I’m tasting salt.

Another conversation came via phone when I picked up to hear a man telling me about having lived a celibate life for the last 11 years. He’d returned to church after many years away. He shared some hurtful experiences about being kicked out of churches for being gay. I shared with him some of the distinctives of New Direction – and in particular that we are discipleship-focused, not change driven. That is, we are focused on an individual’s faith journey and walk with Jesus, rather than putting the emphasis on attempting to change one’s orientation. I explained that the theology of the ministry hasn’t changed over the years – we do believe God’s best intention for sexual intimacy is within heterosexual marriage. I shared about how some people had put all their energy into trying to change their orientation and when this didn’t happen became discouraged, disillusioned …. some lost their faith altogether. I talked about helping people live consistently with their beliefs and values and being clear about realistic expectations.

Then he said, “Well, I want to change my orientation.” And then he hung up.

And now I feel like crap.
“Lord, was I listening to you?”
“Is this guy going to tell his church that New Direction no longer offers hope – like others have been saying of us?”
“Lord, will you protect this man as he pursues change – keep him close to you – whether his attractions change or not.”
“Lord, help me – to simply walk in step with you and offer up this rush of fear I feel to you.”

I believe God can do anything. But I also know, that in His mysterious ways, He does not always do everything we want or ask of him – at least not in the way we expect.
Our hope, must rest on the person of Jesus Christ. He, alone, is our sufficiency regardless of the healing we do or don’t experience.