Some weeks ago I was asked a very blunt question by a gay activist. His question was, “Wendy, would you attend a gay wedding and bring a gift – or would you snub the gay wedding?” The question seemed to come a bit out of the blue, not particularly connected to the preceeding dialogue in the comments section …. but there it was in black and white waiting for my response.
Now looking back, I wish I’d thought to have been wise like Jesus – who often answered such “testing” questions with a question in return. Or I wish I’d had some revelation of just the right parable to tell in response.
But not being as wise as Jesus, I’m not sure I could have come up with a question in response that wouldn’t have just seemed evasive and gutless. And man, where is a good parable when you need one? Instead, partly impulsive and partly with a commitment to engaging with authenticity, I decided to answer the question directly.
I responded and said, “I would go to a close friend’s gay wedding and yup, I’d bring a gift. I know that all of my close friends know what I believe about sexual ethics and would not assume my beliefs had changed but that my attendance was a sign of my love and friendship. I’m sure I would get some serious flack for this decision - but at the end of the day, I believe loving people is what God asks of me.”
I suppose at the time I was most thinking of gay and lesbian people (if anyone at all) reading my response. And despite what could be read as a flippant tone in my response, this is a question and a scenario that I have given much thought and prayer to. My focus in responding to the question was seeing an opportunity to build a bridge and to give a practical example of unconditional love in action. Unconditional love doesn’t mean unconditional approval.
Joe Dallas in his book, “When Homosexuality Hits Home” speaks about both conscience and comfort needing to be considered when making decisions about engagement with those with whom we hold disagreements – about homosexuality or really any other number of issues. And different people have different sensitivities in terms of their own conscience and their own comfort levels.
In I Corinthians chapter 8 Paul speaks about the issue of food being sacrificed to idols – and he explains that some people could go ahead and eat such food with the understanding that there is no power behind it …. while others with a weaker conscience were best to stay away from such meat. Then he goes on to say, “Be careful, however, that the exercise of your freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak. For if anyone with a weak conscience sees you who have this knowledge eating in an idol's temple, won't he be emboldened to eat what has been sacrificed to idols? So this weak brother, for whom Christ died, is destroyed by your knowledge. When you sin against your brothers in this way and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ. Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause him to fall.”
And here is the dilemma. I am very comfortable around gay and lesbian people – no problem there. In looking at my own conscience, I have a secure sense of peace that God knows my heart in intentionally extending love and friendship to my gay neighbours and that attending any celebratory event of a gay couple or family would be an expression of that love and friendship. I am reminded in Luke 15 of the parable Jesus tells of leaving the 99 sheep (in the open country none-the-less where they could wander off, be attacked by wolves etc.) to go and search for the one who was lost. I want my presence in my friendships with the gay people in my life to sing with the presence of Jesus – so that if they don’t know him, they might encounter him – and if they do know him, that they would be encouraged in their relationship with him.
And so while I read Paul’s words – and would not want my actions or decisions to be a stumbling block to any other follower of Jesus (though, I hardly think that my willingness to attend a gay wedding is going to suddenly open the flood-gates of Christians showing up at the best decorated wedding receptions in the land) ….. I have to say that the words of Jesus are trump for me. I certainly do not seek to intentionally offend or scandalize other believers. But at the end of the day, they can go and find like-minded believers to hang out with and be encouraged by. God has called me to befriend and love my gay neighbours – and I will seek to love them with as robust a love as I can offer.
Truth is, this isn’t theoretical stuff for us at New Direction. These are real life decisions we need to prayerfully discern. And as Brian shares in the next post the practical out-working of such a decision, we pray that the fruit of our discernment and love will be evident for those with eyes to see and ears to hear. In the end, whether you agree or disagree, we will seek to embody the presence of Jesus in all of the unique and particular places God calls us to – and encourage you to do the same in your own circles of influence.
Friday, August 29, 2008
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5 comments:
Great posts, Wendy and Brian. It's interesting how preoccupied we can be as Christians with making sure others understand that we view their behavior as sinful - particularly, I think, in the arena of sexuality, and even more so where homosexuality is concerned. On the one hand I can sort of understand this, because we live in a time and place where moral relativism is the norm, and traditional concepts of sex and marriage are disappearing. So maybe in some way we're "doing our part" as Christians in standing against cultural norms, proclaiming God's truth. But I'm not sure this is what motivates most Christians to speak out against homosexuality. I think the main issues, unfortunately, are fear and ignorance - dare I use the "H" word, homophobia? Even though most will mouth the "love-the-sinner-hate-the-sin" slogan, in their hearts they are repulsed by and afraid of gay people, and view homosexual behavior as worse than other sins. And, to be fair, most Christians haven't had the opportunity to see a different approach modeled - though with ministries like New Direction available, this will hopefully change.
Isn't Paul playing on this prejudice to make his point when he writes his letter to the Romans? He speaks about people falling into sin when they "exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man" - a list of sins that includes homosexual behavior, but also "lesser" sins - envy, greed, gossip, strife. He goes on to say, "you, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things."
So Paul is saying, in effect, "don't act all shocked and repulsed, because you're just as bad!" All of us stand condemned apart from God's grace. If we truly have a revelation of this, we will understand that our job as Christians is to love people, to pray for them and to shine God's light. Jesus hung out with sinners. He didn't approach people saying, "hi, I'm Jesus, the Messiah, and I just want you to understand that I disapprove of your lifestyle." Instead, he said "let's hang out - why don't we go to Starbucks for a coffee?"
I want to love like Jesus loved. I know it's not always easy - there's no formula or book ("Seven Steps To Loving Your Gay Friends Without Them Thinking You Approve Of Their Lifestyle"), but God's love, His very character, is expansive, inclusive, welcoming. When we love like this, we open the door for the Holy Spirit to work in another's life.
Hello Wendy, My name is Lloyd Peacock, my spouse Bob and I were one of the couples in B.C. who took our government to court so we might show our love in a very public way, by marrying in church. We were also very close friends of Frank Shears, who at one time headed up the largest change ministry in B.C. Like many former ex-gay Christians we have known, Frank discovered that he couldn't continue pretending he was something other than who God created him to be. Frank fell from grace and had a same-sex weekend affair. He shared this with one of the board members and that was the end of his ministry. His church rebuked him in front of the large congregation and stripped him of his duties. He lost both his church and his family because of his "slip back into the "Lifestyle." This was too much for Frank and he went on a sexual binge. The end result was that he contracted AIDS. He died in 1994 and the church was overflowing with friends from his former church as well as the members of Liberty Community Church, which we attended. My partner Bob and I were sitting in the front pew as mourners walked by his picture. We were struck by the sight of a group of mentally challenged angels that walked by and touched Frank's picture, as the tears streamed down their cheeks.
I said to Bob that these people didn't know if Frank was gay or straight. I don't think they care, they just know that someone they loved was taken from them. At that moment I discovered the true meaning of "Love." People who are totally non-judgmental, that accept us with all our warts.
I have been advised by Lisa Darden that she interviewed you for her upcoming documentary, "For Such a time as This." She also said you were a very cool person. From what I have read so far on your Blog, I must agree with her. You appear to be all about love and without condemnation. Bob and I are Pentecostal and have tried to fit into a few of the mainline churches. There was one major obstacle. They wanted to change two people who didn't want to be changed and believe that God created us just the way we are. We accepted the Lord as our personal Savior in 1988, at a small church in Phoenix, Arizona. The church ministered to gay and lesbian people and we had a life changing experience. God changed everything about us. However He left one thing the same: Our sexual orientation. We try not to judge others who want to, or believe they can change. We will however continue to serve God as two Christians who are gay, and saved by mercy and grace. We wish you well and continue to show love, mercy and grace.
Lloyd Peacock
Hi Lloyd - thanks for stopping by. I would imagine that if given the opportunity to sit and have dinner together you'd have some stories to tell :)
I am touched by your story of Frank's funeral ... there has been so much pain .... and yet the love of Frank's developmentally delayed friends is a glimpse into the Father's heart.
Thanks for your response Wendy. Yes we have a few stories to share during our Christian walk.One that leaps out at me is when we decided that we wanted to attend a large Pentecostal church in Vancouver. Bob is a Gospel singer and we were moved by their praise and worship. I always say that Bob and I have been out before it was in to be out. I emailed the senior pastor to tell him that we wanted to be regular attendees at the church and also shared that we were two gay men who were searching for a welcoming church.
The pastor was a very nice man who thought Bob and I should meet with him and one of his associate pastors for an hour each Tuesday. We met for several weeks and discussed homosexuality and the Bible, their interpretation and ours.They said that we seemed different than most gay people they had met, we weren't quite sure what that meant? Then at one meeting the senior pastor wanted to discuss the meaning of love. He said, I don't want to offend you but may I pose a question? If a young farm girl fell in love with her bull, would that be OK in your minds?
After picking myself off the floor I thought I should use my humour to pardon the expression, straighten him out. So my response was: That would depend on how the bull felt. He had very high blood pressure and we thought he was going to collapse. Bob and I decided there would be no good reason to continue those meetings but we wanted to keep attending church.
A few weeks later the associate pastor was delivering a message on God's plan for our lives, or His plan as perceived by the pastor. He know of course that we were sitting in the pews. He called three people to the front of the church. A young woman, a young man and the pastors wife. He then walked toward the young lady, as if to put his arms around her. He stopped, shook his head and said: No, no, that isn't God's plan. he then walked toward the young man and reached out his arms. He stopped, shook his head and said: This is certainly not God's plan. He finally wrapped his arms around his wife and said: Now this is God's plan. Bob and I decided after this circus that we could no longer attend the church that we loved so much.We could not sit and be ridiculed without causing a scene, so it was easier to leave. Interestingly, a few months later there was a split in the church. Both the senior and associate pastors have left. I sometimes wonder, was that possibly part of God's plan? I guess we'll never know.
I'm sorry Lloyd to hear of some of your experiences in the church - and grateful that you have maintained a sense of graciousness and humour in spite of it. I do hope that you have found a fellowship in which you are encouraged in your journey with Christ - heaven knows the church needs more gracious people who actually do have a sense of humour :)
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