Bruxy Cavey is the Teaching Pastor at the Meeting House, a multi-site church in the Toronto area. He is a popular speaker and his book, “The End of Religion: An Introduction to the Subversive Spirituality of Jesus” has resonated deeply with many Christ-followers longing to live differently. He is all of those things - but most importantly to me, Bruxy is a friend. He has a heart for justice. He takes risks to welcome people. He encourages relationship over religion. And he is an advocate for loving engagement with our gay neighbours and the ways it may stretch and challenge those in the more conservative parts of the Body of Christ. Take a look at this clip and let us know your thoughts:
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
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6 comments:
Wendy, I'm coming here by way of your invitation on my blog.
For some reason I can't hear the audio on your blog video clips, so I can't respond to this particular post.
However, I did do some back-reading of older posts and comments, and I did come upon a comment that resonates with me.
My experience as a comfortably "out," partnered Christian in a lay leadership role in an affirming congregation of a mainline denomination, attempting to engage in dialogue with conservative evangelicals, has almost always been a disaster. I don't feel treated like a peer in Christ -- because of my theological point of view as much as because of my sexual orientation. I also don't feel that whatever dialog that happens is in good faith; I always detect an undercurrent of evangelical folk trying to "fix" me.
Here's the deal: If you can't imagine yourself having a genuine friendship with someone who thinks either your marriage or your voluntary celibacy a mistake (and I've certainly met Evangelicals who feel compelled to marry off every single person they know, as if singlehood is a terrible disease that must be fought at all costs) and whose ultimate goal in befriending you is to somehow get you to "see the light" of your errant behavior -- then please don't expect me to trust your motives or develop a full-fledged friendship with you. Because you're not treating me as a peer. It's like a Southerner of the 1950's presuming that s/he is the "friend" of the African-American housekeeper or handyman because s/he's "nice" to them. I don't want to be treated "nicely"; I want to be treated as a fellow child of God, sibling of Christ, heir/member of the household of God. If that is impossible for some of your readers...well...I'll gladly ladle soup next to them at a mission or engage in some mutually compelling activist cause with them; but that frankly is going to be the extent of our rapprochement, no matter how many well-meaning attempts to bring us together. Being around people who think that my sexual orientation and my partnership are "sins" -- no matter how smiley and "nice" and non-confrontational they may be -- creates an emotional/psychological burden on me that I am not willing to bear for the sake of helping some conservative Evangelicals feel better about themselves as "tolerant" and "open." And frankly that's also true of theology; after getting the "not a Real Christian[tm]" treatment from assorted Evangelicals who seem to be suspect of the sincerity of faith or even salvific status of catholic/liturgical Christians, it became obvious to me that it was more hurtful to me than helpful to either them or myself to keep trying to acheive some sort of mutually respectful relationship with them.
My pastor, when talking about Jesus' instructions to the disciples that if they're rejected in a community, to shake the dust from their sandals and leave, suggests that to be, cultural context aside, not as an aggressive/contemptuous act so much as a kind of offering-up to God of an impossible situation: "You have to deal with these people now, God -- I'm done." That's pretty much my conclusion after my last series of interactions with conservative Evangelicals: I no longer have the stamina to deal with you; I do not want a dialogue with you; I'm done here.
Thank you LutheranChik for taking the time to take me up on my invitation. I can understand the weariness behind your conclusion, "I no longer have the stamina to deal with you; I do not want a dialogue with you; I'm done here." By your taking the time to post this comment, it will give some readers a glimpse of your experience - though some may not understand. Your insights about not wanting to be treated "nicely" but rather as a fellow child of God cut to the heart of the matter - and I think you have highlighted the most significant issue in any effort to bridge the gap. Our efforts on this blog, and the personal writing that I do, I pray are deeper than just wanting to "feel better about ourselves as 'tolerant' or 'open'" - though I hear what you are saying. I am wrestling with the concept of "diputable matter" in some attempt to honour people's convictions (as they are based on their best engagement with Scripture, prayer and the Holy Spirit - not convictions solely based on tradition or fear) and foster a generous spaciousness where we do engage as peers, beloved by God. It would seem to me, that any true dialogue that could be bridging needs to start at the place of saying, "Christian people of real and genuine faith do disagree on this. So how do we be part of being the Body of Christ together rather than part of a finger-pointing, accusing, challenging, speaking past each other, divisive wound that is painful to Christ." I can understand that this sort of dialogue comes at great personal cost to people - and most will likely never grasp the cost to someone like yourself and your partner. I don't experience the cost in the same way that you do .... though I face the weariness of hate mail (as much or more from conservative Christians as from gay people), and being accused of compromise, and being mistrusted and misunderstood and assumed to be 'sliding down the slippery slope' or conversely with some hidden agenda to "fix or change". It may be ironic to some, though not so much for me, to hear that when I am most discouraged and weary, there are several gay friends (who share your perspectives) who are the ones to encourage me and point me back to God giving me this assignment. I don't think we will fully and perfectly bridge this gap this side of heaven. We are in the groaning and waiting for the fullness of redemption - along with the rest of creation - when all things will be made right. But I do hope that in this critical and timely season in the church (at least in the west) there will be important steps taken to lay the accusations down, to lay the agendas down, to lay some of our certainty down - and truly embrace one another as, precisely what you have said, fellow children of God, siblings of Christ, and members of the household of God. I have hope for those moments and encounters to increase. And I do honestly believe that it is the heart of God for such ministry of reconciliation to occur. For the ways that you have shared - though parts are painful and difficult to hear - I thank you.
Thanks Lisa - this clip is an exclusive part of the "Bridging the Gap" DVD. Glad you like it though :)
Excellent!! I love him!! What is this being used for or in?- can I use it in FSATAT or is it taken and being used already? I'm thinking the
latter but I love it. This is spot on. Want to share more of this kind
of message
Love you! Lisa
Wendy: Thanks for you comments. And I hope you understand that using 2nd-person pronouns in my post was a generalized "you all," "one," and not directed to you personally.
You write of wanting people to come to a point where they can say, "Christian people of real and genuine faith do disagree on this." Sadly, it has not been my experience that most conservative Evangelicals can do this. Very often, when dealing with them, I have my orientation compared to dysfunctional/criminal abuses of sexuality, like pedophilia or zoophilia, or obvious sins against other people like theft or marital infidelity: "Well, you're asking me to affirm your sexuality -- that would be like my excusing a thief for stealing." At that point, my interest in continuing the conversation is over. Contrast that with an issue like infant baptism or the Real Presence in the Eucharist, where I can at least expect graceful concession from some con-evs that Christians can disagree on issues of sacramental theology without assuming apostacy or "unrealness" of faith on the part of the other side.
But again...that's a fight I am no longer willing to wage. I'm limping off the field. I'm done.
Certainly we also continue to encounter absolutely false and grievous stereotypes, assumptions etc. Part of our commitment to equip the church is to address those head-on with unflinching honesty.
As I've often said, we grasp at parallels to try to relate to a reality that most can never fully relate to ..... but the truth is that every parallel we draw is limited and breaks down at some point. Rather than hunting for the perfect comparison - I think we need to simply engage the reality in front of us. In so doing, I trust we will encounter real faith in one another.
I am hopeful as I encounter more and more people who are looking to engage in that radical center with humility - who are deeply committed to try to bridge the gap (including the glaring gap within the community of God).
I am pained by the divisions. I think they hinder our witness to a watching world. I think our divisions run counter to Christ's prayer in John 17. And I pray that we will have courage and endurance to continue to seek God's heart through the complexities these realities raise.
Shalom.
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