Read about the intent of the synchroblog
Read the suggested things to keep in mind when participating in the synchroblog.
Read what people had to say:
open hands
brian mclaren
catalyst foundation
keeping it simple
deeper moments
a life of unlearning
northern grove
sister friends together
pursue God
warren throckmorton
if i blogged.....
image journal
dance like no one's watching
beth blog ever
random thoughts....
stan's point
child of the wind
justin lee
at home with me
new creation
based on a true story
two world collision
focused conversations
dash house
solar crash
up on my soapbox
dreams unlocked
an examined life
reflections from a sister
mr. grape
okay city
the ooze
musings on
naked pastor
one lost sheep
djfree
musings and prose
out of the box
my pal al
paradoxy
pomoprophet
gay &....
formers
sweet bi and bi
days of marriage
love is an orientation
rising up whole
khanya
kinnon
empire remixed
box turtle
grace rules
moody blogger
cafe inspirado
odd babblings
that guy lam
crossroads
journeys of an academic
ragamuffin ramblings
gathering wool
prickly portal
without contradiction
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Closing and Reflecting on the Synchroblog
As we bring closure to our synchroblog initiative, my tired brain is ruminating on many different impressions and reflections. Overall, let me say how humbled and grateful I am for the many who shared with heart-felt commitment to find ways to see beyond the gaps and engage one another as fellow journeyers.
A number of people have referred to previous attempts at bridging – both personally and publicly. Those who have been intentionally involved in these attempts over the long haul can feel a sense of weariness or what one might describe as being jaded about a new attempt.
The BTG synchroblog was not a new or radically different attempt – though for some of our contributors and readers it was their first exposure to this kind of conversation. And to be honest, it was primarily with these 'newbies' in mind that we wanted to bring this conversation into the public realm of blogging. For those who have been around the block more times than they care to count on this topic, we hoped you would bring your experience, wisdom and maturity. And many of you did. While there may not have been any big “ah-ha” moments for seasoned travelers in these conversations in yesterday’s posts, I do hope that there were spots of encouragement as many shared with honesty and grace.
In particular, I think of Anita’s and Karen’s posts as ones which reflected the grace of seasoned travelers who, out of love for Christ, willingly put themselves out there yet again with words of gracious challenge to see one another across the gaps.
Then there are those for whom this conversation is not a daily reality, perhaps I might describe them as occasional travelers into these bridging attempts. I heard in these contributions a common theme of having experienced the need to unpack and deconstruct assumptions – and I found that encouraging. What I particularly loved about these contributions is that they focused on stories of personal encounters and personal relationships. That really is the heart of it all. And while these friends may not know every subtle nuance of this complex bridging exercise as some who live and breathe this stuff all the time, I thought that the stories of contributors like Mark, Chris and Darryl, to name a few, were bright spots of encouragement for those of us in the trenches on this stuff all the time. In their stories, they embodied what bridging is essentially about ….. meeting another person, connecting and sharing in each other’s lives.
Some concrete suggestions / insights caught my attention:
Justin Lee referred to two new DVD resources, our Bridging the Gap series and GCN’s Through My Eyes. (I had intended to do a post reviewing Through My Eyes - but didn't get a chance - but think it is a really great resource.) He also shared about a new connection point for straight Christians who want to share ideas on loving and bridging ~ and you can contact New Direction or Justin (at) gaychristian (dot) net with the subject line “I’d like to help bridge”.
Moody blogger reminded us that the Lord’s Supper can be a beautiful expression of gaps being bridged – and whether you agree with his perspective on the sacrament or not – it was offered in a wonderful spirit.
Empire Remixed suggested that everyone in the church give up talking about and having sex for a year and focus on serving together. While unlikely to be implemented, a thought-provoking, creative suggestion I thought.
Okay City focused on a tangible orientation to service together despite the reality of some gaps. "You bring the lunch, I'll bring the water."
I also appreciated the diversity reflected in the collection of conversations: some international presence, non-Christian reflections, as well as the spectrum of theological perspectives and sexual identity. I do regret that we did not directly hear from or engage the perspective of our trans neighbours.
As I hear from people who have been reading the posts, I am mainly hearing what I consider positive feedback: people felt most of the posts were thoughtful, respectful, gracious and hopeful; and people were both resonating and being stretched and exercising grace and patience too.
The synchroblog is officially closed now – if you have a post you would yet want to offer – please simply leave a comment on this or the previous post. Prior to doing that, please read through this post for a bit more background on the intention behind the synchroblog.
Some of you may know that I will be entering a season of sabbatical essentially in a couple of days (I have to preach yet on Sunday). I am really grateful for this time to leave the trenches for a while, experience rest, enjoy my family, and read, reflect and work on my book project. I don’t anticipate writing new posts until the fall - but be on the lookout for new weekly video clips and posts written by Brian.
Let me close by saying thank you to contributors and readers who have encouraged me, stretched me, and sharpened me in the last year of blogging. May God continue to give all of us courage, wisdom, humility and grace to truly love one another across the gaps.
Shalom friends - see you in the fall.
wendy
A number of people have referred to previous attempts at bridging – both personally and publicly. Those who have been intentionally involved in these attempts over the long haul can feel a sense of weariness or what one might describe as being jaded about a new attempt.
The BTG synchroblog was not a new or radically different attempt – though for some of our contributors and readers it was their first exposure to this kind of conversation. And to be honest, it was primarily with these 'newbies' in mind that we wanted to bring this conversation into the public realm of blogging. For those who have been around the block more times than they care to count on this topic, we hoped you would bring your experience, wisdom and maturity. And many of you did. While there may not have been any big “ah-ha” moments for seasoned travelers in these conversations in yesterday’s posts, I do hope that there were spots of encouragement as many shared with honesty and grace.
In particular, I think of Anita’s and Karen’s posts as ones which reflected the grace of seasoned travelers who, out of love for Christ, willingly put themselves out there yet again with words of gracious challenge to see one another across the gaps.
Then there are those for whom this conversation is not a daily reality, perhaps I might describe them as occasional travelers into these bridging attempts. I heard in these contributions a common theme of having experienced the need to unpack and deconstruct assumptions – and I found that encouraging. What I particularly loved about these contributions is that they focused on stories of personal encounters and personal relationships. That really is the heart of it all. And while these friends may not know every subtle nuance of this complex bridging exercise as some who live and breathe this stuff all the time, I thought that the stories of contributors like Mark, Chris and Darryl, to name a few, were bright spots of encouragement for those of us in the trenches on this stuff all the time. In their stories, they embodied what bridging is essentially about ….. meeting another person, connecting and sharing in each other’s lives.
Some concrete suggestions / insights caught my attention:
Justin Lee referred to two new DVD resources, our Bridging the Gap series and GCN’s Through My Eyes. (I had intended to do a post reviewing Through My Eyes - but didn't get a chance - but think it is a really great resource.) He also shared about a new connection point for straight Christians who want to share ideas on loving and bridging ~ and you can contact New Direction or Justin (at) gaychristian (dot) net with the subject line “I’d like to help bridge”.
Moody blogger reminded us that the Lord’s Supper can be a beautiful expression of gaps being bridged – and whether you agree with his perspective on the sacrament or not – it was offered in a wonderful spirit.
Empire Remixed suggested that everyone in the church give up talking about and having sex for a year and focus on serving together. While unlikely to be implemented, a thought-provoking, creative suggestion I thought.
Okay City focused on a tangible orientation to service together despite the reality of some gaps. "You bring the lunch, I'll bring the water."
I also appreciated the diversity reflected in the collection of conversations: some international presence, non-Christian reflections, as well as the spectrum of theological perspectives and sexual identity. I do regret that we did not directly hear from or engage the perspective of our trans neighbours.
As I hear from people who have been reading the posts, I am mainly hearing what I consider positive feedback: people felt most of the posts were thoughtful, respectful, gracious and hopeful; and people were both resonating and being stretched and exercising grace and patience too.
The synchroblog is officially closed now – if you have a post you would yet want to offer – please simply leave a comment on this or the previous post. Prior to doing that, please read through this post for a bit more background on the intention behind the synchroblog.
Some of you may know that I will be entering a season of sabbatical essentially in a couple of days (I have to preach yet on Sunday). I am really grateful for this time to leave the trenches for a while, experience rest, enjoy my family, and read, reflect and work on my book project. I don’t anticipate writing new posts until the fall - but be on the lookout for new weekly video clips and posts written by Brian.
Let me close by saying thank you to contributors and readers who have encouraged me, stretched me, and sharpened me in the last year of blogging. May God continue to give all of us courage, wisdom, humility and grace to truly love one another across the gaps.
Shalom friends - see you in the fall.
wendy
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Synchroblog: mid-way delight and late arrivals
I am so grateful as I make my way through the many rich, thoughtful, grace-filled and relationally focused posts. Thank you to each who reflected, prayed and wrote with care and a clear commitment to be positive, encouraging, and open.
I didn't have a map for this initiative. I didn't know how it would play out. I was much in prayer and even as my prayers continue .... they are giving way to peace. I'm seeing a consistent theme of vulnerability, transparency, honesty, owning our own crap, and some especially good insights shared by those who traverse these waters with great regularity. Trying to keep up with the various comment streams from the different posts, I'm sensing the contributors wanting to encourage one another, learn from one another and reach out to make new connections.
Did I already say I was feeling grateful? Well I am.
I did want to draw your attention to some contributors weighing in today - to ensure that you had the chance to read their contributions as well:
- moody blogger
- grace rules
- empire remixed
- kinnon
- box turtle
- khanya
- rising up whole
- cafe inspirado
- odd babblings
- that guy lam
- crossroads
- journeys of an academic
- ragamuffin ramblings
- gathering wool
- prickly portal
- without contradiction
There may even be a few more .... which I'll add to this post as they confirm....
I have more reading to do ..... hopefully you do too.
I have more thinking to do ..... hopefully you do too.
I have more praying to do ..... hopefully you do too.
But at this point ..... much to be thankful for.
I didn't have a map for this initiative. I didn't know how it would play out. I was much in prayer and even as my prayers continue .... they are giving way to peace. I'm seeing a consistent theme of vulnerability, transparency, honesty, owning our own crap, and some especially good insights shared by those who traverse these waters with great regularity. Trying to keep up with the various comment streams from the different posts, I'm sensing the contributors wanting to encourage one another, learn from one another and reach out to make new connections.
Did I already say I was feeling grateful? Well I am.
I did want to draw your attention to some contributors weighing in today - to ensure that you had the chance to read their contributions as well:
- moody blogger
- grace rules
- empire remixed
- kinnon
- box turtle
- khanya
- rising up whole
- cafe inspirado
- odd babblings
- that guy lam
- crossroads
- journeys of an academic
- ragamuffin ramblings
- gathering wool
- prickly portal
- without contradiction
There may even be a few more .... which I'll add to this post as they confirm....
I have more reading to do ..... hopefully you do too.
I have more thinking to do ..... hopefully you do too.
I have more praying to do ..... hopefully you do too.
But at this point ..... much to be thankful for.
The Kids are Alright by Brian Pengelly
Working at New Direction Ministries, Wendy and I have an understanding. As Youth Specialist I will handle the speaking engagements to teens and youth, and as Executive Director she will handle most of the Sunday Morning preaching opportunities. This means that I will often find myself shifting around in a rock hard camp bed on the second sleepless night of a youth retreat in the middle of nowhere….but I wouldn’t trade jobs with her for all the money in the world.
I often joke that working with youth professionally takes a special kind of person…preferably one who was dropped on their head a few times as a kid. But the truth is I love working with youth because they give me hope.
I have had the repeated experience of sharing my story with youth, and having teens come up to me in twos and threes afterwards in tears. Some of them have gay friends or family members, and some of them don’t, but all of them say something similar to me:
“I’ve felt inside that how Christians treat gay people is wrong. I’ve listened to how my pastor talks about this, and something inside just didn’t feel right. I want to follow Jesus, and I am serious about what the Bible teaches…but I knew how we have been acting isn’t what the Bible teaches either. I thought I must be a bad Christian because I felt this way, but your story helped me realize that I was right!”
I must have had this conversation a hundred times in the last year, in churches all across Canada, with youth from dozens of denominations. It always makes me smile because while they are thanking me, the remarkable thing is not my story, it is that they already knew it in their heart.
I have heard a great anxiety among adults in the church that we need to do something to protect our youth. Recently I read an article that claimed that to protect our children we must find anyone, gay or straight, in our churches who didn’t agree with the author's view of homosexuality and put them out of the church! It brought to mind one of my favourite Simpsons episodes where the town riots because of the perceived danger of bears and Helen Lovejoy exclaims in a panic “Won’t someone PLEASE think of the children!” But this view tends to keep God small and our own roles in the fate of the universe overly large.
I have been hanging out with the children, and they are doing okay. The Spirit of God is bringing change. I believe that his heart for reconciliation and his Love for Gay people is being echoed in the hearts of the new generations coming up in the church. I have found a generation who are much more comfortable navigating the differences that divide us with grace. When I think about what will Bridge the Gap between the Church and the Gay community I believe very strongly that it will be our children and grandchildren that are are now and will continue to do it. I think that rather than worry about them we need to listen to them, their voices and opinions and they will lead and teach us.
I often joke that working with youth professionally takes a special kind of person…preferably one who was dropped on their head a few times as a kid. But the truth is I love working with youth because they give me hope.
I have had the repeated experience of sharing my story with youth, and having teens come up to me in twos and threes afterwards in tears. Some of them have gay friends or family members, and some of them don’t, but all of them say something similar to me:
“I’ve felt inside that how Christians treat gay people is wrong. I’ve listened to how my pastor talks about this, and something inside just didn’t feel right. I want to follow Jesus, and I am serious about what the Bible teaches…but I knew how we have been acting isn’t what the Bible teaches either. I thought I must be a bad Christian because I felt this way, but your story helped me realize that I was right!”
I must have had this conversation a hundred times in the last year, in churches all across Canada, with youth from dozens of denominations. It always makes me smile because while they are thanking me, the remarkable thing is not my story, it is that they already knew it in their heart.
I have heard a great anxiety among adults in the church that we need to do something to protect our youth. Recently I read an article that claimed that to protect our children we must find anyone, gay or straight, in our churches who didn’t agree with the author's view of homosexuality and put them out of the church! It brought to mind one of my favourite Simpsons episodes where the town riots because of the perceived danger of bears and Helen Lovejoy exclaims in a panic “Won’t someone PLEASE think of the children!” But this view tends to keep God small and our own roles in the fate of the universe overly large.
I have been hanging out with the children, and they are doing okay. The Spirit of God is bringing change. I believe that his heart for reconciliation and his Love for Gay people is being echoed in the hearts of the new generations coming up in the church. I have found a generation who are much more comfortable navigating the differences that divide us with grace. When I think about what will Bridge the Gap between the Church and the Gay community I believe very strongly that it will be our children and grandchildren that are are now and will continue to do it. I think that rather than worry about them we need to listen to them, their voices and opinions and they will lead and teach us.
This is it ..... synchroblog mania
Today is the day ..... and after spending time in prayer this morning, I opened an overflowing inbox with people letting me know they'd already posted or asking to be added to the list yet. Fantastic.
So we'd invite you to begin checking out the blogs listed in the sidebar. Welcome to those who may be stumbling upon this collection of conversations through another link. If you would like to add your thoughts on your blog - post a comment and we'll get you added to the list. Additionally, if you are looking for a follow-up resource to this conversation, consider checking out our DVD series which you can read more about here or see the trailer here.
Also.... you can follow on twitter today at: #btgblog
My prayer: that love will trump all else in the conversations today!
p.s. Look for the tiny asterik * at the end of the links in the side bar to see those who have already put up their Bridging the Gap posting.... mind you, I'm having a hard time keeping up.
So we'd invite you to begin checking out the blogs listed in the sidebar. Welcome to those who may be stumbling upon this collection of conversations through another link. If you would like to add your thoughts on your blog - post a comment and we'll get you added to the list. Additionally, if you are looking for a follow-up resource to this conversation, consider checking out our DVD series which you can read more about here or see the trailer here.
Also.... you can follow on twitter today at: #btgblog
My prayer: that love will trump all else in the conversations today!
p.s. Look for the tiny asterik * at the end of the links in the side bar to see those who have already put up their Bridging the Gap posting.... mind you, I'm having a hard time keeping up.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
One day till Synchroblog!
The Synchroblog is almost upon us! Tomorrow we will see over 60 different bloggers linking into this website to share their thoughts on how we can best reach across the divides that often separate Christians and LGBT individuals.
Any time you bring that many thinkers together, from so many different places, beliefs and backgrounds there is the chance for conflict. However, we hope that the Synchroblog will be a collection of conversations that encourage people and demonstrate a concrete example of the unity that is possible in the midst of diversity.
With that hope in mind here are a few suggestions to keep in mind as you prepare to post and comment tomorrow:
1) Be Positive!
This is an opportunity to generate conversation, share ideas and dream together about something better. It is easy when looking at a problem to focus on what is wrong. It can also be easy to point fingers and blame those you think caused the problem. But we hope the Synchroblog will be a place where people will be able to talk about how to move forward! I look forward to hearing the good things that you are seeing as well as the challenges. I hope to hear stories of what has worked as you have reached out to others who you perhaps don't agree with. This initiative is a time to dream of what can be, and talk about how to get there.
2) Be Respectful!
The staggering diversity of people that we see taking part in this conversation is really encouraging. We have gay and straight, Christians of many different stripes and denominations, as well as individuals who are not Christian but want to join the conversation. Some contributors will have thought and studied and experienced much in journeying with integrating faith and sexuality - other may be less informed but wanting to be part of making a positive contribution. It is safe to say that those posting will not agree on many things. We do ask that everyone who posts or comments be polite, humble and gentle with each other. Approach this as a chance to learn from others rather than one to prove to others how right you are. Avoid attacks on other people and focus instead on putting out your ideas as clearly as possible, and listening to others carefully. Posts that demean, insult or attack others will not be accepted into the Synchroblog.
3) Be Prayerful!
While not everyone who is participating identifies as a follower of Christ, we do encourage all to be prayerful and reflective as they they write. For our brothers and sisters in Christ, we encourage you to listen to the guiding of the Spirit and to try to be reflect Jesus in all that you do. We believe that God wants to work through this event and this gathering of contributors. So we ask all Christians involved to be in prayer as you write, as you read, and as you interact with others.
4) Spread the Word!
The impact of this synchroblog is limited only by the number of people who get to see it. Remember to link back to this blog and to let your readers know about the larger Synchroblog when you post.
We at New Direction are really excited to see what happens tomorrow and look forward to reading it all and continuing the discussion! See you then!
by: Brian Pengelly
Any time you bring that many thinkers together, from so many different places, beliefs and backgrounds there is the chance for conflict. However, we hope that the Synchroblog will be a collection of conversations that encourage people and demonstrate a concrete example of the unity that is possible in the midst of diversity.
With that hope in mind here are a few suggestions to keep in mind as you prepare to post and comment tomorrow:
1) Be Positive!
This is an opportunity to generate conversation, share ideas and dream together about something better. It is easy when looking at a problem to focus on what is wrong. It can also be easy to point fingers and blame those you think caused the problem. But we hope the Synchroblog will be a place where people will be able to talk about how to move forward! I look forward to hearing the good things that you are seeing as well as the challenges. I hope to hear stories of what has worked as you have reached out to others who you perhaps don't agree with. This initiative is a time to dream of what can be, and talk about how to get there.
2) Be Respectful!
The staggering diversity of people that we see taking part in this conversation is really encouraging. We have gay and straight, Christians of many different stripes and denominations, as well as individuals who are not Christian but want to join the conversation. Some contributors will have thought and studied and experienced much in journeying with integrating faith and sexuality - other may be less informed but wanting to be part of making a positive contribution. It is safe to say that those posting will not agree on many things. We do ask that everyone who posts or comments be polite, humble and gentle with each other. Approach this as a chance to learn from others rather than one to prove to others how right you are. Avoid attacks on other people and focus instead on putting out your ideas as clearly as possible, and listening to others carefully. Posts that demean, insult or attack others will not be accepted into the Synchroblog.
3) Be Prayerful!
While not everyone who is participating identifies as a follower of Christ, we do encourage all to be prayerful and reflective as they they write. For our brothers and sisters in Christ, we encourage you to listen to the guiding of the Spirit and to try to be reflect Jesus in all that you do. We believe that God wants to work through this event and this gathering of contributors. So we ask all Christians involved to be in prayer as you write, as you read, and as you interact with others.
4) Spread the Word!
The impact of this synchroblog is limited only by the number of people who get to see it. Remember to link back to this blog and to let your readers know about the larger Synchroblog when you post.
We at New Direction are really excited to see what happens tomorrow and look forward to reading it all and continuing the discussion! See you then!
by: Brian Pengelly
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Gentleness & Respect
I thought this clip of Bruxy was a perfect one to post in the days prior to our synchroblog scheduled a week from today.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Am I gay?
I encounter a lot of people who wonder why I serve with the ministry of New Direction. It is true, that historically many of the leaders in such ministries have been individuals that experience same-gender attraction. People ask, “What exactly is the connection for Wendy?”
Recently, someone assumed I held a ‘side a’ gay affirming perspective because of my openness to affirm the true Christian faith of gay-affirming Christians. This individual also took the few sentences I shared of my personal journey and assumed I was a lesbian. One of my facebook friends who is gay felt I should take that as a compliment …. though in this particular conversation it was certainly NOT intended as a compliment.
So….. am I gay? Am I same-gender attracted? Am I bi-sexual? Am I fluid in my sexuality?
There are times that I make intentional, but subtle, remarks that could lead to inference or confusion ….. for example when I say, “I’m mainly heterosexual.” Now, in part, I’m just being a bit of a wise-ass when I say that – but on the intentional side, I’m seeking to challenge the black and white notions of sexuality that many conservative Christians hold. I think it is important for those who feel they are in the ‘sexual majority box’ to reconsider that there isn’t just a “right” and “wrong” box of sexuality to put people into. I view sexuality on a continuum. And yes, there are individuals who hit the extremes on either end – but there are a whole lot of folks that land somewhere between those two poles. This continuum affects so much more than just our type of desire for genital sexual intimacy. It encompasses our spirituality, our emotions, our desire for companionship and soul-nourishing relationship. In this understanding of the fluidity of sexuality, I would be the first to say that my own sexuality is fluid. Given that I think our sexuality is, to some degree, impacted by our experiences, and given my story, that shouldn’t be a big surprise.
When I was 13, I met a new teacher at school. She was smart and seemed so confident and sure of herself. And to my utter surprise – she took an interest in me! I began to babysit for her – and we would talk and talk and talk. It seemed like for the first time in my life someone was really listening to me – really valuing my thoughts and ideas. She chose me to be in her canoe for a week long school trip. She chose me. I couldn’t believe it. And by the end of the week – it was a done deal. We were soul mates, kindred spirits, no one else understood me like she did, no one cared for me like she did ….. and though I didn’t know it at the time – I was smitten. I had allowed my heart to open up – and all the need and all the fear and all the insecurity of my whole life rushed in with the reckless hope that finally I would be loved.
This relationship lasted for nearly 10 years. By the end, I had turned my back on my family, my heritage and my church. What I didn’t know then – and could not see for many years – was that this was my initiation into what would become a life-strangling co-dependent relationship.
Wikopedia loosely defines a co-dependent person as someone who exhibits too much and often inappropriate caring for persons who depend on them.
Though the relationship was never a sexual one – as I look back it is very clear to me that had she ever introduced a sexual element, I would have been a sitting duck. I was so vulnerable during those years.
The relationship ended badly. She went through a difficult period in her life, and finally facing the extent of the unhealth of our relationship told me, “You’ve ruined my life – I don’t ever want to speak with you again.” I was devastated to the point of being suicidal. After so many years of my life being so enmeshed with hers – I didn’t know who I was, didn’t know what I believed, didn’t know where I was going ….. I was a sorry mess.
Unlike all the self-help, self-improvement stuff available – I found that I didn’t have the resources within myself to recover from this loss. This was a whole lot deeper and more entrenched than just learning to think positive thoughts. I couldn’t heal myself. I couldn’t even fully heal through loving, healthy relationships with other people – as important as experiencing community is. I needed someone bigger and more powerful, more trustworthy, more perfectly loving – someone who I could know that I know that I know loves me, won’t leave me, and sees me in a way I can’t even see myself – sees me as whole and confident – sees me as someone who can love, and contribute, and make a difference – someone who’s life matters.
I’ll never forget the first time I heard the song, “I will change your name”.
I will change your name
You shall no longer be called
Wounded, outcast
Lonely or afraid
I will change your name
Your new name shall be
Confidence, joyfulness
Overcoming one
Faithfulness, friend of God
One who seeks my face.
This idea – that my past was not my destiny – that who I was did not determine who I would be …. This sense of empowering healing gave me an unshakable gift of hope.
For years, I wondered why so much of my life had been swallowed up in so many years of identity confusion and unhealthy relationships – what purpose could that possibly have served? Today, I see the fingerprints of God all over my life. And I’m grateful for the way God has shaped me to embody and advocate for generous spaciousness.
But for those of you who are gay reading this, you will recognize that what I describe is quite different than the individual who persistently and pervasively experiences a gay orientation.
So, no….. I’m not gay. If I was, I would be unashamed to say so. But that is not my experience. This means I will always be limited in fully and completely understanding what it is like to stand in the shoes of a brother or sister who is gay and wrestling mightily with God to know his will for their life. This means that I try to lead with listening and to engage with humility and to love with an unconditional robustness that breaks down any sense of “us and them”.
And if people assume I’m gay because I love gay people – so be it.
Recently, someone assumed I held a ‘side a’ gay affirming perspective because of my openness to affirm the true Christian faith of gay-affirming Christians. This individual also took the few sentences I shared of my personal journey and assumed I was a lesbian. One of my facebook friends who is gay felt I should take that as a compliment …. though in this particular conversation it was certainly NOT intended as a compliment.
So….. am I gay? Am I same-gender attracted? Am I bi-sexual? Am I fluid in my sexuality?
There are times that I make intentional, but subtle, remarks that could lead to inference or confusion ….. for example when I say, “I’m mainly heterosexual.” Now, in part, I’m just being a bit of a wise-ass when I say that – but on the intentional side, I’m seeking to challenge the black and white notions of sexuality that many conservative Christians hold. I think it is important for those who feel they are in the ‘sexual majority box’ to reconsider that there isn’t just a “right” and “wrong” box of sexuality to put people into. I view sexuality on a continuum. And yes, there are individuals who hit the extremes on either end – but there are a whole lot of folks that land somewhere between those two poles. This continuum affects so much more than just our type of desire for genital sexual intimacy. It encompasses our spirituality, our emotions, our desire for companionship and soul-nourishing relationship. In this understanding of the fluidity of sexuality, I would be the first to say that my own sexuality is fluid. Given that I think our sexuality is, to some degree, impacted by our experiences, and given my story, that shouldn’t be a big surprise.
When I was 13, I met a new teacher at school. She was smart and seemed so confident and sure of herself. And to my utter surprise – she took an interest in me! I began to babysit for her – and we would talk and talk and talk. It seemed like for the first time in my life someone was really listening to me – really valuing my thoughts and ideas. She chose me to be in her canoe for a week long school trip. She chose me. I couldn’t believe it. And by the end of the week – it was a done deal. We were soul mates, kindred spirits, no one else understood me like she did, no one cared for me like she did ….. and though I didn’t know it at the time – I was smitten. I had allowed my heart to open up – and all the need and all the fear and all the insecurity of my whole life rushed in with the reckless hope that finally I would be loved.
This relationship lasted for nearly 10 years. By the end, I had turned my back on my family, my heritage and my church. What I didn’t know then – and could not see for many years – was that this was my initiation into what would become a life-strangling co-dependent relationship.
Wikopedia loosely defines a co-dependent person as someone who exhibits too much and often inappropriate caring for persons who depend on them.
Though the relationship was never a sexual one – as I look back it is very clear to me that had she ever introduced a sexual element, I would have been a sitting duck. I was so vulnerable during those years.
The relationship ended badly. She went through a difficult period in her life, and finally facing the extent of the unhealth of our relationship told me, “You’ve ruined my life – I don’t ever want to speak with you again.” I was devastated to the point of being suicidal. After so many years of my life being so enmeshed with hers – I didn’t know who I was, didn’t know what I believed, didn’t know where I was going ….. I was a sorry mess.
Unlike all the self-help, self-improvement stuff available – I found that I didn’t have the resources within myself to recover from this loss. This was a whole lot deeper and more entrenched than just learning to think positive thoughts. I couldn’t heal myself. I couldn’t even fully heal through loving, healthy relationships with other people – as important as experiencing community is. I needed someone bigger and more powerful, more trustworthy, more perfectly loving – someone who I could know that I know that I know loves me, won’t leave me, and sees me in a way I can’t even see myself – sees me as whole and confident – sees me as someone who can love, and contribute, and make a difference – someone who’s life matters.
I’ll never forget the first time I heard the song, “I will change your name”.
I will change your name
You shall no longer be called
Wounded, outcast
Lonely or afraid
I will change your name
Your new name shall be
Confidence, joyfulness
Overcoming one
Faithfulness, friend of God
One who seeks my face.
This idea – that my past was not my destiny – that who I was did not determine who I would be …. This sense of empowering healing gave me an unshakable gift of hope.
For years, I wondered why so much of my life had been swallowed up in so many years of identity confusion and unhealthy relationships – what purpose could that possibly have served? Today, I see the fingerprints of God all over my life. And I’m grateful for the way God has shaped me to embody and advocate for generous spaciousness.
But for those of you who are gay reading this, you will recognize that what I describe is quite different than the individual who persistently and pervasively experiences a gay orientation.
So, no….. I’m not gay. If I was, I would be unashamed to say so. But that is not my experience. This means I will always be limited in fully and completely understanding what it is like to stand in the shoes of a brother or sister who is gay and wrestling mightily with God to know his will for their life. This means that I try to lead with listening and to engage with humility and to love with an unconditional robustness that breaks down any sense of “us and them”.
And if people assume I’m gay because I love gay people – so be it.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Hitting 50!
I have some of my best ideas sitting and brainstorming over lattes with my friend Mark. Mark Petersen, Executive Director of the Bridgeway Foundation, is an innovative missional partner. He shares the passions of so many Kingdom builders ~ consistently with an energy and excitement that amaze me.
The earliest seeds of the DVD project were shared with Mark. And it was his encouragement and support that was so instrumental in getting the whole project off the ground.
It was again in conversation with Mark that the idea for the synchroblog took shape. As we talked and laughed and dreamed a bit, I remember thinking that if we at least got 20 people blogging with us I would feel like it was a worthwhile endeavour. And if we got 50 people joining us to contribute their positive suggestions for ways to break down dividing walls of hostility… that would be awesome. Mark, on the other hand, said he thought we could get 100 bloggers to connect with the initiative.
Well, we’ve hit 50! Today, Mark and I are both blogging to extend the invitation even further.
I’ve had a lot of emails from people not quite sure what it is or how to participate. Hopefully, this will clarify things:
1. If you have a blog and would like to participate just send us your site address.
2. Then on Wednesday, June 24th, post on your blog your thoughts on how to ‘bridge the gap’. You can read the original invitation again here.
3. On June 24th, indicate your participation in this larger initiative by including a brief comment about the synchroblog with a link back to our site and an invitation to your readers to check out the other posts.
4. Moderate the comments for your own blog as you normally would.
There is no technical synchronization – it is simply a group of people, writing on the same topic, on the same day.
If you don’t have a blog but would like to participate, write up your contribution and email it to me: wendy (at) newdirection.ca
We’ll post it here on BTG on the 24th either under your name or anonymous – whatever your preference is.
If you choose to participate, you are not obligated beyond posting on your own site that day. Of course, we encourage participants to read the other posts and join in the comment conversations on the other blogs as you are able.
Thanks to those who will and who have already shared the invitation to participate with others. I’d love to have to be the one buying Mark the lattes this time around :)
Check out Mark sharing about his partnership with "Bridging the Gap":
The earliest seeds of the DVD project were shared with Mark. And it was his encouragement and support that was so instrumental in getting the whole project off the ground.
It was again in conversation with Mark that the idea for the synchroblog took shape. As we talked and laughed and dreamed a bit, I remember thinking that if we at least got 20 people blogging with us I would feel like it was a worthwhile endeavour. And if we got 50 people joining us to contribute their positive suggestions for ways to break down dividing walls of hostility… that would be awesome. Mark, on the other hand, said he thought we could get 100 bloggers to connect with the initiative.
Well, we’ve hit 50! Today, Mark and I are both blogging to extend the invitation even further.
I’ve had a lot of emails from people not quite sure what it is or how to participate. Hopefully, this will clarify things:
1. If you have a blog and would like to participate just send us your site address.
2. Then on Wednesday, June 24th, post on your blog your thoughts on how to ‘bridge the gap’. You can read the original invitation again here.
3. On June 24th, indicate your participation in this larger initiative by including a brief comment about the synchroblog with a link back to our site and an invitation to your readers to check out the other posts.
4. Moderate the comments for your own blog as you normally would.
There is no technical synchronization – it is simply a group of people, writing on the same topic, on the same day.
If you don’t have a blog but would like to participate, write up your contribution and email it to me: wendy (at) newdirection.ca
We’ll post it here on BTG on the 24th either under your name or anonymous – whatever your preference is.
If you choose to participate, you are not obligated beyond posting on your own site that day. Of course, we encourage participants to read the other posts and join in the comment conversations on the other blogs as you are able.
Thanks to those who will and who have already shared the invitation to participate with others. I’d love to have to be the one buying Mark the lattes this time around :)
Check out Mark sharing about his partnership with "Bridging the Gap":
Friday, June 12, 2009
Really Listening
As we look forward to our synchroblog on June 24, I thought it would be particularly appropriate to share this clip of Brian Pengelly, our Youth Specialist at New Direction. Brian highlights an essential challenge to those who hope to engage in bridging conversations.
What do you think?
What do you think?
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Betrayal
I remember in my early days with New Direction how easy it was for me to feel threatened and defensive when I encountered people who appeared to have moved from a traditional understanding of Scripture’s boundaries for same-gender sexual behaviour towards a more inclusive and affirming stance. I remember feeling quite justified in my judgments of them – because afterall, I felt they had distorted the truth. I lamented people’s lack of certainty, attributing it to being either deceived by the enemy or selfish and fleshly. At times, I concluded that the emotion I was experiencing in these situations was righteous anger.
I felt that I needed to be very guarded, that I needed to be very careful to not be tricked or fooled into deceptive thinking.
And if this was true for me, someone who was not personally wrestling with the experience of same-gender attraction and seeking to be obedient and faithful in holding to Scripture’s teaching, I can only imagine how intense these feelings can be for someone who experiences unwanted same-gender attraction.
And if I, straight & married, could feel so betrayed when a public person moved from a place of certainty in a traditional position to a place that seemed questionable …. How much more might a same-gender attracted person feel betrayed?
With the movement towards seeking to embody a generous spaciousness, a place where any and all can come to engage on matters of spirituality and faith, we are aware of the potential of triggering feelings of betrayal. It is a weight and burden of responsibility that we feel.
For those who are side B and walking a personal journey of commitment, obedience and faithfulness to not engage in gay relationships or same-gender sexual behaviour, we would want to encourage you in the Lord. Our prayer is that your convictions are motivated by a profound sense of how deeply God loves you. We pray that you have worked through any fear or shame or anger or denial that might masquerade as godly motivation. And we pray that you will know God’s provision and sufficiency and delight as you choose to own your convictions from a place of contentment and joy.
Our decision to be engaged relationally with diverse people across this spectrum of faith and sexuality, has come from a deep desire to embody the love and grace that we see in the person of Jesus Christ. We believe that God is at work in all sorts of surprising places and we want to have eyes to see what he is already doing. And we believe that the Holy Spirit really is more than able to be the energy and motivation behind any transformation or growth in any of us.
Regardless of where anyone lands on the continuum of belief and practice in relation to our sexual identity, we all need to be challenged to navigate conversations where faith and sexuality intersect with a growing maturity. This kind of maturity refrains from lashing out and accusing others as a cover for our own insecurities, hurts, emptiness or anxiety. This kind of maturity recalls that engaging with the fruits of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control) is just as important as a commitment to sexual purity and integrity. And this kind of maturity chooses to move from a victim, self-focused perspective to look beyond oneself to the ways we can serve, bless and encourage others.
We long to embody this maturity and to see it develop in others – even as we groan with all of creation in the incomplete experience of this kind of wholeness this side of heaven. We all fall short. We all can play the victim from time to time. We all point the finger and blame others while hiding from our own fear and anxiety. We’re all selfish at times and have next to no desire to serve others. There are gaps between who we are and who we want to be.
But in the midst of this mess, let us find grace. Let’s be gracious with one another, giving one another the benefit of the doubt, expecting the best of each other….. for we are all on a journey.
Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.
I felt that I needed to be very guarded, that I needed to be very careful to not be tricked or fooled into deceptive thinking.
And if this was true for me, someone who was not personally wrestling with the experience of same-gender attraction and seeking to be obedient and faithful in holding to Scripture’s teaching, I can only imagine how intense these feelings can be for someone who experiences unwanted same-gender attraction.
And if I, straight & married, could feel so betrayed when a public person moved from a place of certainty in a traditional position to a place that seemed questionable …. How much more might a same-gender attracted person feel betrayed?
With the movement towards seeking to embody a generous spaciousness, a place where any and all can come to engage on matters of spirituality and faith, we are aware of the potential of triggering feelings of betrayal. It is a weight and burden of responsibility that we feel.
For those who are side B and walking a personal journey of commitment, obedience and faithfulness to not engage in gay relationships or same-gender sexual behaviour, we would want to encourage you in the Lord. Our prayer is that your convictions are motivated by a profound sense of how deeply God loves you. We pray that you have worked through any fear or shame or anger or denial that might masquerade as godly motivation. And we pray that you will know God’s provision and sufficiency and delight as you choose to own your convictions from a place of contentment and joy.
Our decision to be engaged relationally with diverse people across this spectrum of faith and sexuality, has come from a deep desire to embody the love and grace that we see in the person of Jesus Christ. We believe that God is at work in all sorts of surprising places and we want to have eyes to see what he is already doing. And we believe that the Holy Spirit really is more than able to be the energy and motivation behind any transformation or growth in any of us.
Regardless of where anyone lands on the continuum of belief and practice in relation to our sexual identity, we all need to be challenged to navigate conversations where faith and sexuality intersect with a growing maturity. This kind of maturity refrains from lashing out and accusing others as a cover for our own insecurities, hurts, emptiness or anxiety. This kind of maturity recalls that engaging with the fruits of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control) is just as important as a commitment to sexual purity and integrity. And this kind of maturity chooses to move from a victim, self-focused perspective to look beyond oneself to the ways we can serve, bless and encourage others.
We long to embody this maturity and to see it develop in others – even as we groan with all of creation in the incomplete experience of this kind of wholeness this side of heaven. We all fall short. We all can play the victim from time to time. We all point the finger and blame others while hiding from our own fear and anxiety. We’re all selfish at times and have next to no desire to serve others. There are gaps between who we are and who we want to be.
But in the midst of this mess, let us find grace. Let’s be gracious with one another, giving one another the benefit of the doubt, expecting the best of each other….. for we are all on a journey.
Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
We're on Amazon!
After jumping through hoops (thanks Anna for all your hard work!), we've made it onto Amazon to hopefully get the BTG dvd out far and wide :)
Please check out the link! If you haven't bought a copy yet - consider doing so from Amazon to get us up and running there.
If you've viewed the dvd would you consider doing two things for us?
1. Go to the amazon link and rate it
2. Type in a customer review
With thanks!
Please check out the link! If you haven't bought a copy yet - consider doing so from Amazon to get us up and running there.
If you've viewed the dvd would you consider doing two things for us?
1. Go to the amazon link and rate it
2. Type in a customer review
With thanks!
Monday, June 8, 2009
Happy Anniversary BTG
Okay – so I’m not very good with dates or directions (seriously, what is it with me getting lost for every party Mark throws?)….. anyway….
Apparently, last week was the one year anniversary of this blog and I totally missed it.
I have thoroughly enjoyed having such diverse readers engage this forum. I value the conversations that have emerged and the ways that we can all learn and grow from one another’s often thoughtful comments. And while this blog seeks to be unapologetically Christ-centered, I have particularly appreciated those who do not identify as Christian engaging our conversations ….. might you continue to find a safe place of respect and welcome. We need to hear your voices – especially given how easy it is for followers of Jesus to live in their own little bubble.
For those of you who like statistics:
We’ve had 4,603 folks from 83 countries visit 9,542 times.
Our 65+ posts have been commented on nearly 500 times.
The video clips we’ve been posting of the DVD have been viewed 4,726 times.
The two posts that drew the most attention this past year were:
Brian’s post addressing Word of Faith criticism of his journey.
Wendy’s post on whether we continue to Offer Hope.
It would seem that when we stand up and defend ourselves against our detractors we draw the most attention.
So what have we learned in the last year?
There are plenty of people who want answers. Clear answers. They don’t like feeling confused or unsure.
Our response? Join the club….. of living in some uncertainty that is.
What we’ve learned in the last year is to resist the request, or in some cases demand, for black and white answers. I hope we’re learning to ask more questions ….to be present in that generous spaciousness where it is ok to ask tough questions, where it is ok to have doubts, where it is ok to be frustrated with the complexities and seemingly unanswerable questions….. and where the focus is on relating to one another and relating to God.
This can be so threatening. For those of us who’ve grown up in a Christianity that told us we had absolute access to absolute truth with absolute certainty – any deconstruction of that is big-time anxiety producing. For those who have taken some risks to ask different questions …. the incredible discovery is that God is so much bigger than our limited absolutes. And for those who seek and ask and knock and search …. God is right there in the midst of it all.
I hope this blog will be a catalyst to cause people to think deeply, pray much, lead with a humble and listening posture. I hope we can continue to expose some of the ugly motivations that live in all of our hearts: our fear, our anger, our judgments, our assumptions and presumptions. I hope we can do our small part in addressing the systemic inequities that are inconsistent with God’s love for and image in each human being.
So thanks for joining us in these conversations. Thanks for the times you agreed and thanks for the times you’ve disagreed. Thanks for the encouragement many of you have shared. Thanks for your prayers. And thanks for risking to engage in the midst of the tensions of some uncertainty as we press forward together to see God and our common humanity past the divides that the intersection of faith and sexuality can inevitably create.
Apparently, last week was the one year anniversary of this blog and I totally missed it.
I have thoroughly enjoyed having such diverse readers engage this forum. I value the conversations that have emerged and the ways that we can all learn and grow from one another’s often thoughtful comments. And while this blog seeks to be unapologetically Christ-centered, I have particularly appreciated those who do not identify as Christian engaging our conversations ….. might you continue to find a safe place of respect and welcome. We need to hear your voices – especially given how easy it is for followers of Jesus to live in their own little bubble.
For those of you who like statistics:
We’ve had 4,603 folks from 83 countries visit 9,542 times.
Our 65+ posts have been commented on nearly 500 times.
The video clips we’ve been posting of the DVD have been viewed 4,726 times.
The two posts that drew the most attention this past year were:
Brian’s post addressing Word of Faith criticism of his journey.
Wendy’s post on whether we continue to Offer Hope.
It would seem that when we stand up and defend ourselves against our detractors we draw the most attention.
So what have we learned in the last year?
There are plenty of people who want answers. Clear answers. They don’t like feeling confused or unsure.
Our response? Join the club….. of living in some uncertainty that is.
What we’ve learned in the last year is to resist the request, or in some cases demand, for black and white answers. I hope we’re learning to ask more questions ….to be present in that generous spaciousness where it is ok to ask tough questions, where it is ok to have doubts, where it is ok to be frustrated with the complexities and seemingly unanswerable questions….. and where the focus is on relating to one another and relating to God.
This can be so threatening. For those of us who’ve grown up in a Christianity that told us we had absolute access to absolute truth with absolute certainty – any deconstruction of that is big-time anxiety producing. For those who have taken some risks to ask different questions …. the incredible discovery is that God is so much bigger than our limited absolutes. And for those who seek and ask and knock and search …. God is right there in the midst of it all.
I hope this blog will be a catalyst to cause people to think deeply, pray much, lead with a humble and listening posture. I hope we can continue to expose some of the ugly motivations that live in all of our hearts: our fear, our anger, our judgments, our assumptions and presumptions. I hope we can do our small part in addressing the systemic inequities that are inconsistent with God’s love for and image in each human being.
So thanks for joining us in these conversations. Thanks for the times you agreed and thanks for the times you’ve disagreed. Thanks for the encouragement many of you have shared. Thanks for your prayers. And thanks for risking to engage in the midst of the tensions of some uncertainty as we press forward together to see God and our common humanity past the divides that the intersection of faith and sexuality can inevitably create.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Refusing to be a Christianized Bully
I’ve been pondering lately the amount of bullying I see go on in the name of Christ.
Wikipedia suggests: “Bullying is an act of repeated aggressive behavior in order to intentionally hurt another person, physically or mentally. Bullying is characterized by an individual behaving in a certain way to gain power over another person.”
This is the kicker when it comes to “Christianized” bullying …. Good Christian people would never say they are trying to intentionally hurt the other person. None-the-less, aggressive, passive-aggressive, manipulative behaviour that seeks to gain power over another person happens all the time in the name of Christ.
And I’m afraid that at an individual level and at a systemic level, we Christians delude ourselves to the ways that we act like bullies. We justify our bullying in evangelistic language. Afterall, we can’t “love people into hell” you know. We fail to be willing to look at the ways our own needs and our own fears drive our ‘persuasive’ engagement with others.
But I think Philippians 2 can provide a wake-up call. In it we see a picture of Jesus that is the anti-thesis of a bully. The apostle Paul tells us that Jesus ‘made himself nothing, taking the nature of a servant’ and that he ‘humbled himself’. In this picture of Jesus we see someone who was always invitational – who did not force himself into people’s lives. In fact, we see in John 6 that after his teaching about eating his flesh and drinking his blood, many disciples left him. Jesus teaches that people can only come to him if the Father enables them and then asks the disciples if they want to leave too. Peter answers and says, “Lord, to whom would we go? You alone have the words that give eternal life.”
In Peter’s response we glimpse the kind of understanding that Jesus had engendered in his disciples. They were not afraid to go, they didn’t feel shamed to stay….. they had experienced that which was life-giving in their relationship with Jesus – and that is what caused them to want to remain connected with the spirit and life they encountered in Christ.
Would our friends who do not embrace a relationship with Christ, say the same of us, his followers? Would our friends who do know Christ, but who hold different beliefs and values than we do, say the same of us? Would they feel the freedom to experience that which they experience to be life-giving (ie. not our definition of life-giving)? And would it be that life-giving experience that causes them to want to remain, stay connected, take the next steps?
The question for followers of Jesus: Do we trust that it really is God the Father who draws people to himself?
“It is the Spirit who gives eternal life. Human effort accomplishes nothing. And the very words I have spoken to you are spirit and life…… That is what I meant when I said that people can’t come to me unless the Father brings them to me.” (John 6:63, 65)
If we believe this, truly believe it – ought it not free us up to be much more invitational, much more loving, much more relaxed with others?
One of the things that triggered my thinking about this post was a recent interview I gave for Gay Christian Network radio. At one point in the interview, I said something like, “It’s not like we’re calling people to repentance – unless they’re involved in destructive behaviours or something like that.”
And it’s the kind of statement that reminds me of the complexity of speaking to multiple audiences. Given that my primary audience was members of GCN, my intent with that statement was to express our deeply held value to be non-coercive in people’s lives. I wanted to embody the kind of humility that says, “I’m not going to arrogantly presume that I am right, you are wrong, and you better change and become like me.”
But if I am side B, that is, holding to a more traditional interpretation of Scripture on the appropriateness of homosexual behaviour, then surely I should be calling people to repentance shouldn’t I? Shouldn’t I be trying to convince people that they are wrong, need to rethink and change to become like me in accordance with my interpretation of Scripture?
If more conservative folks heard this interview on GCN, this could be a trigger ….. “Ah-ha…. We knew it. We knew Wendy Gritter has slid down the slippery slope of compromise! She isn't even calling people to repentance.”
But is that kind of black & white call to repentance my job, in my context, in the relationships that I invest in and nurture through this blog, facebook, my neighbourhood etc.? Is that really what God is asking me to do?
Or is God asking me to walk in humility, loving and serving, and seeking to embody the character of Jesus, the One who made himself nothing and took the role of servant? What if God is simply asking me to keep my eyes open to the ways he is already at work in another’s life – way ahead of me? And is, perhaps, my ‘job’ so-to-speak, to be alert to the prompting of the Holy Spirit to ask a question at the right time, to offer a point to ponder, to listen together to what God is up to?
Christianity, as an institutionalized religion, has a horrific history of violence, coercion, and addiction to power. We have been frightful bullies. And in the ways the Christian community often calls for gay people to ‘repent’ that same bullying spirit rears its ugly head.
And I will do everything I know to do, to live and relate in a manner that is subversive to this oppressive legacy.
Afterall, ‘people can’t come to Jesus unless the Father brings them to him’. I don’t have to be a bully on his behalf. In fact, his Spirit within me pleads for me to act in the ‘opposite spirit’ – the spirit of gentleness, of invitation, of humility, of welcome. My simple prayer is that in such a spirit of service and friendship, those who cross my path would encounter the life-giving Christ.
Wikipedia suggests: “Bullying is an act of repeated aggressive behavior in order to intentionally hurt another person, physically or mentally. Bullying is characterized by an individual behaving in a certain way to gain power over another person.”
This is the kicker when it comes to “Christianized” bullying …. Good Christian people would never say they are trying to intentionally hurt the other person. None-the-less, aggressive, passive-aggressive, manipulative behaviour that seeks to gain power over another person happens all the time in the name of Christ.
And I’m afraid that at an individual level and at a systemic level, we Christians delude ourselves to the ways that we act like bullies. We justify our bullying in evangelistic language. Afterall, we can’t “love people into hell” you know. We fail to be willing to look at the ways our own needs and our own fears drive our ‘persuasive’ engagement with others.
But I think Philippians 2 can provide a wake-up call. In it we see a picture of Jesus that is the anti-thesis of a bully. The apostle Paul tells us that Jesus ‘made himself nothing, taking the nature of a servant’ and that he ‘humbled himself’. In this picture of Jesus we see someone who was always invitational – who did not force himself into people’s lives. In fact, we see in John 6 that after his teaching about eating his flesh and drinking his blood, many disciples left him. Jesus teaches that people can only come to him if the Father enables them and then asks the disciples if they want to leave too. Peter answers and says, “Lord, to whom would we go? You alone have the words that give eternal life.”
In Peter’s response we glimpse the kind of understanding that Jesus had engendered in his disciples. They were not afraid to go, they didn’t feel shamed to stay….. they had experienced that which was life-giving in their relationship with Jesus – and that is what caused them to want to remain connected with the spirit and life they encountered in Christ.
Would our friends who do not embrace a relationship with Christ, say the same of us, his followers? Would our friends who do know Christ, but who hold different beliefs and values than we do, say the same of us? Would they feel the freedom to experience that which they experience to be life-giving (ie. not our definition of life-giving)? And would it be that life-giving experience that causes them to want to remain, stay connected, take the next steps?
The question for followers of Jesus: Do we trust that it really is God the Father who draws people to himself?
“It is the Spirit who gives eternal life. Human effort accomplishes nothing. And the very words I have spoken to you are spirit and life…… That is what I meant when I said that people can’t come to me unless the Father brings them to me.” (John 6:63, 65)
If we believe this, truly believe it – ought it not free us up to be much more invitational, much more loving, much more relaxed with others?
One of the things that triggered my thinking about this post was a recent interview I gave for Gay Christian Network radio. At one point in the interview, I said something like, “It’s not like we’re calling people to repentance – unless they’re involved in destructive behaviours or something like that.”
And it’s the kind of statement that reminds me of the complexity of speaking to multiple audiences. Given that my primary audience was members of GCN, my intent with that statement was to express our deeply held value to be non-coercive in people’s lives. I wanted to embody the kind of humility that says, “I’m not going to arrogantly presume that I am right, you are wrong, and you better change and become like me.”
But if I am side B, that is, holding to a more traditional interpretation of Scripture on the appropriateness of homosexual behaviour, then surely I should be calling people to repentance shouldn’t I? Shouldn’t I be trying to convince people that they are wrong, need to rethink and change to become like me in accordance with my interpretation of Scripture?
If more conservative folks heard this interview on GCN, this could be a trigger ….. “Ah-ha…. We knew it. We knew Wendy Gritter has slid down the slippery slope of compromise! She isn't even calling people to repentance.”
But is that kind of black & white call to repentance my job, in my context, in the relationships that I invest in and nurture through this blog, facebook, my neighbourhood etc.? Is that really what God is asking me to do?
Or is God asking me to walk in humility, loving and serving, and seeking to embody the character of Jesus, the One who made himself nothing and took the role of servant? What if God is simply asking me to keep my eyes open to the ways he is already at work in another’s life – way ahead of me? And is, perhaps, my ‘job’ so-to-speak, to be alert to the prompting of the Holy Spirit to ask a question at the right time, to offer a point to ponder, to listen together to what God is up to?
Christianity, as an institutionalized religion, has a horrific history of violence, coercion, and addiction to power. We have been frightful bullies. And in the ways the Christian community often calls for gay people to ‘repent’ that same bullying spirit rears its ugly head.
And I will do everything I know to do, to live and relate in a manner that is subversive to this oppressive legacy.
Afterall, ‘people can’t come to Jesus unless the Father brings them to him’. I don’t have to be a bully on his behalf. In fact, his Spirit within me pleads for me to act in the ‘opposite spirit’ – the spirit of gentleness, of invitation, of humility, of welcome. My simple prayer is that in such a spirit of service and friendship, those who cross my path would encounter the life-giving Christ.
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