Urbana 09

So I’ve made it home from Urbana 09 while back in St. Louis, 16,000 conference participants are still hitting the main sessions, workshops and completely slamming a tiny little Starbucks across the street from the conference centre. Put on by Intervarsity Christian Fellowship, Urbana happens once every 3 years. From what I understand, this year had the most developed focus on hosting conversations around sexual identity.

I began my workshop by suggesting these priorities:
• Fostering a spacious place for those outside the heterosexual mainstream to explore faith
• Encouraging disciples in local, contextualized communities
• Nurture shalom where these issues touch real people’s lives
• Dismantling the negative perceptions of those outside the church

I wanted to lay out the context by describing the attitudes, tensions, and challenges I regularly encounter across the diverse spectrum of folks I engage. I also wanted to identify the realities that should inform our thinking: the impact of post-modernity, post-Christendom, rapid social change, generational disconnection, diversity in the church, and turbulence in the church.

In light of these considerations, core values for engagement:
• To be radical in hospitality
• To be grace-based—not judgment-based
• To not use shame or fear as motivators
• To be non-coercive
• To embody a sense of mutuality & equity (non-patronizing)
• To be respectful of differences
• To be realistic about expectations
• To be alert to issues of justice
• To focus on authentic hope in Christ
• To empower the individual to own their own journey
• To continue growing in discernment

There were four speakers addressing various aspects of engaging our gay neighbours. Andrew Marin, Christopher Yuan and Bill Henson joined me in offering five workshops – by far the most Urbana has ever had. The four of us also joined forces in offering our thoughts in a 90 minute panel discussion. Going in, I’d read Andy’s book, followed his blog and connected a bit over email with him, I had a bit of a sense of who Christopher was, but had never heard of Bill. And I wondered how well our different talks would mesh. I was glad they put us on a panel together – and I was grateful for how that discussion emerged. While each speaker comes from their own unique context and journey, there was a clear and consistent focus on: the priority of sharing the love of Christ with people where they’re at; and promoting a strong relational paradigm for mission and ministry.

I expected that the audience would be diverse – and I was right. It seemed that generally speaking audiences had a good capacity to acknowledge and respect the reality of diversity. I encountered many students for whom these are very personal realities - and I cherished the chance to affirm to them God's love and his desire to use them in their sense of calling.

All in all, I leave Urbana hopeful – hopeful that gay brothers and sisters will know the love of God as they serve him in missions and beyond and that this generation of leaders will engage their gay neighbours with priorities and values that embody the heart of Christ.

Uganda & Beyond: Speaking the Truth in Love

On my way to St. Louis to speak at the Urbana Student Missions conference, I had the opportunity to re-read Jean Vanier’s book, “Finding Peace”. If you haven’t read this little gem – go get it and read it! In its pages I was again inspired, revitalized and focused to continue our bridge-building work as an expression of the peace-making heart of God.

Vanier says, “The world is divided into many thousands of more or less hermetically closed groups. If each group is sure that it is better than others, how can peace ever come? It is difficult to dialogue with others if we cling arrogantly to the idea that we are right or that our power and technology are a sign of our humanity and goodness. Walls and barriers exist between people because of language, but also because of fear – each group fearful of those who are different, fearful of losing its identity. People resist opening up to others. Aren’t we all in one way or another enclosed in a secure group, in our culture, our religion, our family, our network of friends? Family and different types of groups are needed for human growth, but when they become sealed they engender rivalry, conflict, elitism.” (p. 16 emphasis mine)

Last night I heard Oscar Muriu from Kenya speak at Urbana. He spoke about the incarnation and the movements that Christ embodied in this choice to enter our world vulnerably as a newborn child. The movements from pride to humility, from power to powerlessness, from position to poverty (and he had one more which I’m not recalling) are the incarnational postures to which we are called as those who seek to nurture shalom. Here was a passionate African leader challenging 16,000 students to lead the way through vibrant expressions of incarnational mission, to extend grace to the generation before them who made lots of mistakes but who did the best they knew how in obedience and faithfulness to Christ, and to lead by forging a new and radical path that refuses the way of empire, colonialism, power and money. How grateful I was, how hopeful I was to think about partnership and engagement with our African brothers and sisters who embrace and embody such incarnational paradigms.

I continue to have many questions about how to best engage the situation in Uganda. I am keenly aware of our tragic legacy of colonialism and the danger of imposing western culture into their unique context. One of my deepest personal core values is to not be patronizing in my engagement with others – but to extend honour and respect by experiencing mutuality with the expectation that there will always be opportunity to learn even as there is opportunity to offer personal experience. And I am concerned that I not speak into a global situation (of which I would be the first to say I have no first-hand experience) with an unconscious yet arrogant presumption. At the same time, have we not learned some things in the 40 plus years since Stonewall? Are there not some things that can and ought to be offered and shared in both a spirit of humility and the conviction of valuing the image of God and the belovedness of each glbt person?

As I have continued to ponder and pray, I continue to return to this idea that seems to be generating powerful fear behind the Ugandan legislation and broader misconceptions about glbt people. It is this idea that gay people are recruiting “our children”. It seems to me that this is one of the core drivers behind the perpetuation and justification of devaluing the lives of same-sex oriented individuals in not only Uganda, but many parts of the world.

As a mom, I well know, that if you want to see me turn from a meek & mild, gentle & nice woman to a ferocious mama bear in 3 seconds flat – then just threaten my children. The gloves are off, I don’t care who you are – I’ll take you out. If I am honest, I may not take the necessary time to investigate if the threat is real or fabricated – because in that moment all I care about is protecting my babies. And if I don’t have access to reliable information about the perceived threat, then I will likely be incapable of making clear decisions consistent with the universal core value of treating others as I would want to be treated. All of that goes out the window in light of my gut level passion to protect my children.

And it is this kind of fear-inducing, manipulation (often promoted in the name of Christ) to which I feel I must speak. I must speak because this whole notion of widespread recruiting of children by average gay people is not true. And because stirring up fear that turns one human being against another is completely inconsistent with the way of Jesus – who chose incarnation: humility, powerlessness & poverty.

It is a sad reality of human sexuality that older adults seduce the young. This is indisputable. But this is not a gay issue – this is a human issue.

And it is a tragic reality that sexual abuse can cause tremendous woundedness and confusion in victims. But it is not accurate to insinuate that all gay people should be viewed as offenders until proven innocent – anymore than it would be to insinuate that all straight people should be viewed as offenders until proven innocent.

And it is not accurate to insinuate that homosexuality can somehow be “caught”, that it will “spread”, or that extending dignity and respect to our gay neighbours will increase the prevalence of homosexuality among our youth. The question of causation is complex and currently inconclusive. So while there seems to be a unique combination of both nature and nurture factors impacting different people to different degrees, what we do know is that a homosexual orientation is not something chosen or simply adopted. (And really, given the climate in Uganda towards gay people – who in their right mind would choose that?)

The reality of an increase in same-sex sexual experimentation, particularly in our western context, is, in my opinion, an alarming one. In my understanding, it is alarming because it fosters an unhealthy promiscuity for which young people seem to be often oblivious to long-term consequences including the potential of confusion in one's experience of sexual identity. But such experimentation, I would suggest, is far more the result of our own consumeristic, lust-oriented, celebrity-fixated, individualistic culture than it is the fruit of extending fair and just treatment and hospitality to our gay neighbours.

So, as someone in the west who desires to humbly acknowledge that I do not fully understand all the complex cultural realities influencing attitudes about homosexuality in a context like Uganda, I do wish, as a follower of Jesus Christ who in serving gay people has experienced much heart change, to offer such distinctions on these matters as they impact our children.

It may be that you continue, on the basis of Scripture, to hold a theological perspective that homosexual behaviour is inconsistent with God’s guidelines for human sexuality. If you hold such convictions may it be not from fear, misinformation, or prejudice – but from prayerful, humble wrestling with Scripture. But let us, who name the name of Jesus, recognize that such conviction about God-honouring behaviour cannot negate the truth of God’s love for our gay neighbours and our responsibility as his followers to challenge fear-inducing misinformation that would oppress or marginalize.

Vanier: “This passage, this crossing over the barricades that separate cultures and religions, is not a rejection of one’s own faith, tradition, and culture, but rather a fulfillment of them. Faith, religion, and culture find their deepest meaning as they become a way to permit us to be bonded to God, the God of love and compassion, which give us the strength, the courage, and the wisdom to meet others who are different as persons. We can only become peacemakers if we believe that every person – whatever their culture, religion, values, abilities or disabilities – is important and precious to God and if we seek to open our hearts to them. Such encounters between people are deep, wonderful moments that seem to transcend time and space, religion and culture. They bring people together to a place of trust and mutual respect as they listen to one another and their sacred stories, not from the place of their own certitudes and ideologies, but from the place of inner silence. They imply a fundamental equality: no one person is superior to another. As we enter into this relationship together, we are opening our hearts to one another and somehow losing some of the things we want to possess in order to feel superior and to have power. Walls that separate culture, religion, social status, and people start to weaken in this gentle encounter.” (p.40)

Across unique and complex cultural realties, may our shared love for Christ remind us to speak the truth (not generalizations, assumptions, or unsubstantiated threats), cast out fear, and extend dignity and respect to all our neighbours.

Risking for Justice

In a speaking engagement I raised two fairly recent public statements as a case study in contrasts. One was the statement issued by Liverpool pastors speaking out against homophobia in their community in the wake of the beating death of a gay teen and near-fatal assault on another gay man. The other was the Manhattan Declaration - a call to defend the truths of sanctity of life, marriage and religious liberty. The contrast, as I saw it, was the difference in use of power.

It seemed to me that the Liverpool statement used the power of the signers to promote shalom for those in their community – including those who held divergent views. It was a statement that could create some problems for them, where the pastors could potentially lose power in their constituency.

The Manhattan Declaration, on the other hand, seemed to be using power to beget power. It seemed to me an example of a desperate church trying to reestablish the realm of Christendom in an increasingly post-Christendom context. (My personal view is that I don’t think the Kingdom really comes through the establishment of Christian Empire) Regardless of one’s convictions about the positions presented in the Declaration concerning abortion, homosexuality and religious freedom, I think every follower of Jesus needs to consider how God exerts his power.

Consider this Advent reading from Henri Nouwen:

God 'Unmasks the Illusion of Power'
Learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart. Matthew 11:29

God chose powerlessness. God chose to enter into human history in complete weakness. That divine choice forms the center of Christian faith. In Jesus of Nazareth, the powerless God appeared among us to unmask the illusion of power, to disarm the prince of darkness who rules the world, and to bring the divided human race to a new unity.
Through total and unmitigated powerlessness, God shows us divine mercy. The radical, divine choice is the choice to reveal glory, beauty, truth, peace, joy, and most of all, love in and through the complete divestment of power. It is very hard - if not impossible - for us to grasp this divine mystery.
Jesus, in all we do and say this Advent, may we follow your example of gentleness and humility.

Well as you might imagine, I got some flack for raising this case study in contrasts. It was interesting to me that my support of the Liverpool statement was considered to be an “endorsement of gay people” (which was viewed as negative). And that my critique of the Manhattan Declaration was perceived as divisive, dishonouring, tearing down the Body of Christ, and assisting in the promotion of the ‘gay agenda’ (whatever that even is exactly….)

Now I happen to really value unity in diversity. So, in raising my critiques my goal was not for everyone to agree with me or necessarily adopt my views. Rather, my goal was to get people thinking.

I fear we are too apathetic to really think. And even more, that we are too afraid to think.

I first spoke up for justice for glbtqi people in Uganda last March. At the time I could never have imagined the draconian legislation advocating extremely harsh penalties for gay people currently before that nation’s government. As I consider the jaw-dropping developments in the Ugandan context over the last 9 months, I see a lot of scrambling (I won’t speak up …. Oh, now there’s a lot of pressure …. OK I will speak up …..). If you are unfamiliar with all the developments, check out this link for a comprehensive time line and description of events. And if you’ve been silent up till now: go think, pray and act. A first, easy step is to join the facebook group “Speaking Out Against Uganda’s Anti-Homosexuality Bill 2009”

Friends, these are real people with real lives that are at stake. What risks are you willing to take on their behalf? After my radio interview this week, a man emailed to say that he’s just had to resign from the position of elder in his church because he spoke out and advocated loving engagement with gay people. Would you risk your position in your church to stand up for justice and shalom?

I suppose one good thing about not really having much power is that you don’t fear losing it. Janis Joplin sang, “Another word for freedom is having nothing to lose.”

When it comes to engagement, not on gay issues, but engagement with people for whom gay issues are real, personal and intimate – I want to be truly free.

I want to be free to think - and to rethink.
Free to stand up and speak up.
Free to follow Jesus’ example: which essentially means free to lose everything, suffer much, have people misunderstand, misinterpret, desert and betray you (apparently, especially folks in your own religion) ….

Am I willing to experience all of that to speak up for justice and shalom?
Am I willing to experience all of that to challenge power politics and the church behaving like the empire?

Damn right I am.

Because the good news of the gospel begins with justice and shalom and it comes in the way of a subversive Kingdom not a power-majority empire.

It comes in the way of love.


(Personal note: For those who may be wondering, I was grateful for my sabbatical from July - September. I did begin my book - but, no, it is not finished. The last couple months being back have been jammed packed with speaking engagements. But, I am really looking forward to getting back into the swing of blogging - and hope to reconnect with y'all in the comment section. wendy)

How would you feel? by Brian Pengelly

How would you feel if I told you that a country was passing a law that would severely restrict the rights and freedoms of Christians? That the government of a country, which was entirely controlled by followers of another religion had decided to band together and do something about the “Christian threat”? What if they published the names of people they suspected to be Christians in the newspaper, and encouraged the public to harm them or refuse to associate with them? What if they passed a law so that if you were caught practicing your faith in your own home you could be thrown in jail for 7 years? What if they made it a law that if your neighbour found out you were a Christian they were forced to report it to the police or face 3 years in prison themselves? What if that law had a provision in it that if you were caught multiple times you could be put to death?

How would you feel? Angry? Sad? Would you be motivated to do something about it? Would you ask your member of parliament or senator to approve sanctions against the country treating your Christian brothers and sisters in such a way? What would you do?

Now stop. Because it IS really happening right now. In Uganda.

But there is one difference, which is why you probably haven’t heard about it. You see in Uganda this very scenario is being played out, except the people in power are Christians, and the laws are being made against gay people.

Does that change things for you? If so why?

You see, no matter what you think about what scripture says about homosexuality, we should all be able to agree on one of the most basic teachings in Scripture: the Golden Rule. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” So here is the question: Would you want to be treated the way gay people are treated in Uganda? Would you want your government to treat you the way they are treated because your religion believed something different from theirs?

If we take Scripture seriously, then we as Christians have no right to treat those who do not share our beliefs in oppressive or unfair ways. Yet the history of our faith has shown that Christians in political power very often do exactly that. It is easy to look back at ancient examples of injustice like the crusades and think, “I wouldn’t be part of something like that.” But this is happening now, on our watch.

So the question is: What are we going to do about it? Are we going to turn a blind eye? Or are we as Christians going to speak up and say to the Christians in power in Uganda, “When you take away the basic rights of gay and lesbian people it grieves the heart of the Father and it lessens freedom for all of us.”

Do I believe that Christians should stand up for the teaching of Scripture and moral truth? Yes I do. But how we do it is as much or MORE important than what we teach. If we try to use power to force our beliefs on others, if we take away basic human freedoms from others in trying to proclaim the teaching of the Bible, then we by our actions are unfaithful to that same teaching and have failed.

If you want to know more about how you can speak up against this join the Facebook group

Or follow this link to learn more and find a list of people you can write to, to make your voice heard.

God at Work in Unlikely Places

Greg Paul, a pastor in an inner city community, reminds us that we are called to humbly embrace that we are the beloved.

Modelling Repentance

Bruxy Cavey challenges the tendency of the Christian community to organize mainly for prohibition and calls us a lifestyle of repentance.

Campolo: Gay Issues in the Church

Campolo highlights questions youth are asking regarding gay issues in the church.

Online Relating

Bridging the Gap panel discuss the realities of relating online and share helpful insight.

A Question of Corinthians Part 2

As I head into the second post examining the implications of 1 Corinthians 5 on how Christians who disagree with each other on the issue of homosexuality should treat one another I want to make one thing abundantly clear: I do not claim to have "the answer" to the question at hand. I do not claim the kind of authority that would allow me to even attempt such a thing, but as a follower of Christ I am sharing my ideas with other believers in the hope that we will continue to wrestle with this passage. I think that one of the greatest dangers in approaching a passage like this is to blithely assume you know what it means, and in that confidence dismiss it. This happens on all sides of the debate, with people either "explaining it away" on the one hand, or assuming they know what it means on the other hand so that they don't have to think about the further implications because to them it is just about "that one thing."

It is our natural human tendency to want nicely packaged resolution to things. It makes life much more convenient if we have the answer and then put it to mind, but I believe that part of "meditating on scripture day and night" is leaving space to continue to learn and grow as I learn new things from a passage throughout my life. In keeping my mind open and continuing to wrestle I am not waffling so that I never have to make a choice on things, rather I am staying open to what the Spirit is showing me today, that I did not catch the last time I looked at this.

So the following is not so much an answer to the "Question of Corinthians" but rather a set of questions that the Spirit has been using to challenge me as I wrestle with this passage. I hope that you will gain benefit from it as well.

1. The Question of Consistency

Several of the people who commented on the first half of this post noted that Christians have tended to focus on the fact that the passage does not just focus on the issue of sexual immorality, but also lists idolatry, greed, drunkenness, and swindlers as those we should not eat with. The issue of greed came up in particular, with people debating what constitutes a person being greedy, and several people noting that much of the world would consider our Western lifestyles horribly greedy. Why I have never heard a sermon warning me not to eat with greedy people? What about Slanderers? I don't think I have even heard a definition of the word in a sermon, let alone exposition on what it means to avoid them. If sexual immorality is so clear, why are these other issues treated so differently? Even within the wide definition of sexual immorality there is a huge gap what Christians agree on. Why do we treat divorce and remarriage so differently from homosexuality? Does that mean we loosen our views on homosexuality or tighten them on other issues? What would it look like if we did?

2. The Question of Discernment

What role does discernment of the individual case as hand should go into how I apply this scripture? It seems as Jesus confronted the Pharisees one of his frequent critiques was that the applied rules without understanding the point behind them, and ended up missing the point. What is the point of Paul's pronouncement here? Since this is in response to a particular case, when does it apply and when does it not? Is there a difference between approving of homosexuality and bragging about incest. It is interesting to me that individual in question was using Scripture to back up his actions? Did he sincerely believe what he was doing was okay? Does that make a difference? How far does one have to go before the church should put them out? If someone things rated R movies are okay, and another doesn't do we put them out too? Is the point of church discipline the restoration of the brother or maintaining God and the Church's holiness?

These questions are ones that i have particularly grappled with, and as I have tried to discern a way forward have come to the following: the heart of the person involved is a key question. I have had friends who when coming to this issue have basically gone "this is so hard, I am going to change my beliefs so I can get what I want." The interesting thing about this is that while they often protest they are following God still, their attitude is reflected on other issues. I remember telling one friend I talked with "I understand people disagree on the issue of homosexuality, but you are sleeping with multiple partners, some of who are married! I think you are making excuses at this point!" On the other hand I look at friends of mine like Justin Lee (who is featured on the DVD) who even as their views on homosexuality have changed have sacrificed greatly to uphold the Christian beliefs of chastity, faithfulness and sexual purity. Although I still disagree with many things with Justin, having got to know him and his heart to follow Christ I feel confident continuing to work and minister with him. I certainly would have no compunction about eating a meal with him. With my other friend while I have not cut him out of my life, the difference in heart has led to alot of strain on our friendship as my refusal to approve of his actions has caused him to reject me.

The other thing that really sticks with me as I wrestle with this passage is that if the purpose of excommunication is to bring a brother to repentance, why I have I never seen it have that result in my many friends who have been thrown out of the church? What I have seen instead is that those who are hard hearted just leave, and those who still care about God find other churches that agree with them, or stay on the outskirts of the church. They want to be part of the body but will not compromise their integrity of belief simply to be let back into community. Are they the same as the example in Corinthians? Should they be handled the same way? Does church discipline work different when you have millions of believers in a city instead of a handful?

3. The Question of Assumptions

One of the things that struck me most when I read the comments on the last post is how people often start at a totally different place than me. I was particularly intrigued by the one poster who immediately linked "eating together" with the Lord's Table. This is not a connection I would ever have made on my own, and do not know that I agree with it yet...but I started to ask why they made that connection, and why it never occurred to me. I am guessing that it has a lot to do with the differences in the denominations in which we circulate. I tend to come from a denomination that does not put huge emphasis on communion (as we call it) though we practice it. But when I mentioned this to a friend who grew up in a church where the Eucharist (a term I never even heard growing up) is central to church life they immediately saw a connection there.

In another comment someone talked about reading Paul versus reading Jesus, and immediately my conservative evangelical side kicked in and went "that's not a valid point..all Scripture is God breathed..." often these discussions bog down because we are not really arguing about homosexuality or whatever else, we are arguing about principles of interpretation. So what assumptions am I bringing to the text that blind me to what the Spirit is telling me? How has my context shaped me to hear and how has it shaped me to overlook important things? What are the read divides? What are the valid critiques that those who disagree with me see clearly that I am likely to ignore?

Like I said, I do not have the final answer to all of these questions. As I encounter more and more people who disagree with me on this issue I am trying to listen to the Spirit and discern on how I should interact with each of them. I continue to ask what is helpful to them, to the church, and what Christ wants to do in this situation. I have had those I have had to set boundaries on. There are others that I embrace as brothers and sisters in Christ and do not apologize for doing so. But I do not want dismiss this passage. I believe God is alive and speaking through Scripture and so I continue to wrestle with this passage but alone and with other believers as I continue to follow Christ. Thank you all for being a small part of that and I look forward to continuing to wrestle with you.

Breaking Judgments of Gay People

Bruxy Cavey calls us to break down pre-judgments and stereotypes about gay people.

Empathy in the midst of the Divide

Brian McLaren shares the story of his grandfather and the ways we embody systemic injustice. He reminds us to live in the Spirit of Christ.

A Question of Corinthians Part 1 by Brian Pengelly

As I talk across Canada, sharing my passion for bridging the gap between the church and the LGBT community I have been surprised at how positively I have been received. There is a sense that the Church is ready to begin to face this issue, and many of the evangelical Christians I know have a sense that what they church has been doing is not right, but they are not quite sure what they should be doing instead. As they grapple with the many questions that come up, one that seems to consistently be a challenge is how to relate to LGBT individuals who claim to be Christians. I have lost count of the times when Christians have told me stories about how they have non Christian friends who are gay who they relate to well, but when faced by a Christian who is gay the rules change, and they feel free to treat them rudely, or cut them entirely out of their lives.

The reason for this usually comes down to 1 Corinthians 5:9-11. The verses state:

"I have written you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people­ not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat."

The logic here flows like this: "The Bible teaches that homosexuality is sexually immoral, therefore anyone who claims to be gay and acts on it should be put out of the church, and Christians should refuse to associate with them in any way."

Many Christians that I have worked with over the years find themselves trapped between their internal sense that cutting their friends and family members out of their lives is not the right thing to do, and yet at the same time want to be obedient to Scripture. Others seem to use these verses as an excuse to not have to deal with the challenges of loving people they disagree with, or worse yet to treat LGBT people in disrespectful ways.

I know my Side A friends shake their heads and go "Obviously this verse doesn't apply because there is nothing immoral about gay sexual relationships!" but for those who are Side B navigating friendships with those within the church this verse can be a major stumbling block.

Later this week I will post my thoughts on this verse, but i am interested to read how others have understood this verse. How do you understand this verse? Does it mean that Side B and Side A Christians can't ever work together?

Walking in Step with the Holy Spirit

Wendy Gritter points to the complexity of sexual identity and the great need to address our own issues of anxiety before responding to an individual asking questions of faith and sexuality.

Putting Skin on the Issue by Brian Pengelly

When I go around to talk to youth groups I have learned over the years not to start with "Hi my name is Brian, and I'm gay!" The issue of homosexuality is one that Christians have learned to be defensive about and as soon as the hear "The G word" many of them put up a mental barrier or distrust that makes it hard to get them to challenge any of their presuppositions. So when I am talking to church groups I instead start with a bunch of humorous stories about what it was like growing up in church.
In many ways this portion of my talk resembles a stand up comedy routine but it tends to gain the attention of the audience and more importantly it builds a feeling of commonality and familiarity. When I get people laughing about the stress of getting ready for church, or how silly Sunday School songs are when you stop and think about them then they begin to identify with me. There is something that happens where the audience goes "He is one of us! He understands us!" which allows me to bypass some of the defenses of people, so that when I get to the part of the story where I say "and then I realized I was gay" it changes their assumptions about gay people. It allows them to feel that gay people are REAL people like them, rather than "those people out there". Once this has happened, getting them to think about how they treat gay people, and whether that honors God or not is much easier to do.

Often in evangelical circles there is a feeling that when dealing with the issue of homosexuality the way to best follow God is to keep people's stories out of it, and just focus on "what scripture says". However as I was recently rereading through the gospels it struck me that this was the opposite of what Jesus did. In Matthew 12 Jesus is confronted because his disciples who were hungry were plucking grain and eating it, which was against the Sabbath law. Jesus doesn't defend them by explaining that what they are doing is lawful, he reminds the Pharisees how David also broke the law by eating the temple bread. Jesus's then quotes Hosea 6:6 which says "I desire mercy not sacrifice". By ignoring stories we keep people in the safely theoretical space. But people's stories matters to God. Their circumstances, their pain, their experiences are all known by Him, and he cares about them. The debate about homosexuality that rages on in the church can never be allowed to be a war of ideas...it is about people.

When people of whatever stripe allow themselves to dehumanize those who disagree with them, to make those people into an "other" that they do not have to care about the same way they care about those that agree with them, we they lose the heart of God. This is why it is so important for us to make the effort to befriend those we disagree with , it helps us to remember that other people are people with loves and lives, challenges and circumstances beyond the issue that we disagree on. It helps us see people as more than people we disagree with, but as co-bearers of the image of Christ, just like us.

So as you encounter people who you disagree with, whatever side you are on, take time to get to know them. Listen to their stories. Get to know their families and communities. Ask what circumstances and experiences have shaped them into the person they are now. After all, how do you love someone if you don't even know who they really are?

Befriending 'Outsiders'

Bruxy Cavey points to the example of Paul engage the people of Athens as a model for Christians to engage those outside of the church with eyes to see where God is already at work.

Differing Graciously

Brian McLaren describes the tension many Christians feel who have gay loved ones.

Responding to the Tel Aviv shootings by Brian Pengelly

While I was enjoying a relaxing long weekend camping with friends in the Catskills an unidentified person walked into a LGBT support group in Tel Aviv Israel and opened fire with an M-16. Two people were killed and 15 others wounded. I didn’t get the news until this morning when I sat down to my laptop to catch up on email and blogs that I read on a regular basis.

As I read the news, a lot of different feelings warred inside me: anger, fear, sadness, and frustration all came up in a rush. In my head I began building an idea of who would do such a thing. I went over all the times I had been bullied or felt excluded and began building connections in my mind. I wondered why other Christians I knew hadn’t said anything about this and wondered what it meant about them.

Then I remembered another shooting. A little over ten years ago I was a young youth worker fresh out of Bible College when the Columbine shooting happened. The two shooters had worn black trench coats, and were misidentified by some as being goth.

At that time I had been working at building relationships with a number of teens who identified with the “goth” subculture. I remember these students telling me stories about how suddenly they were treated as potential killers by those around them. Many of them were called names, and one friend was even assaulted by others who saw them as “one of those freaks.” The irony of it all was that my friends were some of the gentlest people I had ever met. Many were pacifists who refused to touch weapons, and others were vegan because they could not even countenance violence against animals.

Horrific events like this seem to bring out the part of our human nature that seeks to classify the “other” and to draw away into the safety of “people like us”. We desperately seek for meaning in such events, and try to assure ourselves that something we can do we protect us from such things happening. And in the process these very human reactions can cause us to do a lot of things which can hurt innocents.

As of the time I am writing this we do not know who committed this crime and we do not know why. I would ask all people to be careful about making rash judgements without firm information. If more details do emerge we still need to be careful about the generalizations that we make from them. If the killer turns out to be motivated by hatred of gay people in general we must refrain from transferring that person’s crime onto others who share that person’s nationality, ethnicity, or religion. If it turns out that the shooter was gay that information should not be used by groups to try and prove anything about gay people in general either, or claim that gay relationships are more dangerous.

In the face of such an evil act I believe that the only response is for all of us: gay and straight, people of diverse religions or no religion, liberals and conservatives to commit to working hard to understand each other better. We must commit to defending and respecting each other. We must all speak out against violence whether in its obvious forms such as this shooting, or its more subtle forms that happen a thousand times every day.

But most of all we must resist the temptation to retreat further into “us vs them” thinking. We must not be ruled by fear. Because it is that very thing…the ability to think as another human being as “other” that allows the violence in the first place.

Relationships: the core of the gospel

Greg Paul speaks from the place of being a pastor deeply committed to relationships.

Compassion & Service

Bruxy Cavey reminds us that Christ lived a life of such radical compassion and grace that religious conservatives misunderstood and accused him of being a drunkard and glutton. How close are we living to Christs example?

Relationship with Jesus is the Foundation

Brian Pengelly, someone who has journeyed to integrate his same-sex attractions and faith, reminds us that engaging the complexity of Biblical interpretation must be built on a foundation of intimate personal relationship with Christ.

Jesus & the Breaking of Barriers

Brian McLaren describes Jesus welcome and inclusion for our gay neighbours.

Befriending our Gay Neighbours

June 24 Synchroblog Participants

Read about the intent of the synchroblog

Read the suggested things to keep in mind when participating in the synchroblog.

Read what people had to say:
open hands
brian mclaren
catalyst foundation
keeping it simple
deeper moments
a life of unlearning
northern grove
sister friends together
pursue God
warren throckmorton
if i blogged.....
image journal
dance like no one's watching
beth blog ever
random thoughts....
stan's point
child of the wind
justin lee
at home with me
new creation
based on a true story
two world collision
focused conversations
dash house
solar crash
up on my soapbox
dreams unlocked
an examined life
reflections from a sister
mr. grape
okay city
the ooze
musings on
naked pastor
one lost sheep
djfree
musings and prose
out of the box
my pal al
paradoxy
pomoprophet
gay &....
formers
sweet bi and bi
days of marriage
love is an orientation
rising up whole
khanya
kinnon
empire remixed
box turtle
grace rules
moody blogger
cafe inspirado
odd babblings
that guy lam
crossroads
journeys of an academic
ragamuffin ramblings
gathering wool
prickly portal
without contradiction

Closing and Reflecting on the Synchroblog

As we bring closure to our synchroblog initiative, my tired brain is ruminating on many different impressions and reflections. Overall, let me say how humbled and grateful I am for the many who shared with heart-felt commitment to find ways to see beyond the gaps and engage one another as fellow journeyers.

A number of people have referred to previous attempts at bridging – both personally and publicly. Those who have been intentionally involved in these attempts over the long haul can feel a sense of weariness or what one might describe as being jaded about a new attempt.

The BTG synchroblog was not a new or radically different attempt – though for some of our contributors and readers it was their first exposure to this kind of conversation. And to be honest, it was primarily with these 'newbies' in mind that we wanted to bring this conversation into the public realm of blogging. For those who have been around the block more times than they care to count on this topic, we hoped you would bring your experience, wisdom and maturity. And many of you did. While there may not have been any big “ah-ha” moments for seasoned travelers in these conversations in yesterday’s posts, I do hope that there were spots of encouragement as many shared with honesty and grace.

In particular, I think of Anita’s and Karen’s posts as ones which reflected the grace of seasoned travelers who, out of love for Christ, willingly put themselves out there yet again with words of gracious challenge to see one another across the gaps.

Then there are those for whom this conversation is not a daily reality, perhaps I might describe them as occasional travelers into these bridging attempts. I heard in these contributions a common theme of having experienced the need to unpack and deconstruct assumptions – and I found that encouraging. What I particularly loved about these contributions is that they focused on stories of personal encounters and personal relationships. That really is the heart of it all. And while these friends may not know every subtle nuance of this complex bridging exercise as some who live and breathe this stuff all the time, I thought that the stories of contributors like Mark, Chris and Darryl, to name a few, were bright spots of encouragement for those of us in the trenches on this stuff all the time. In their stories, they embodied what bridging is essentially about ….. meeting another person, connecting and sharing in each other’s lives.

Some concrete suggestions / insights caught my attention:

Justin Lee referred to two new DVD resources, our Bridging the Gap series and GCN’s Through My Eyes. (I had intended to do a post reviewing Through My Eyes - but didn't get a chance - but think it is a really great resource.) He also shared about a new connection point for straight Christians who want to share ideas on loving and bridging ~ and you can contact New Direction or Justin (at) gaychristian (dot) net with the subject line “I’d like to help bridge”.

Moody blogger reminded us that the Lord’s Supper can be a beautiful expression of gaps being bridged – and whether you agree with his perspective on the sacrament or not – it was offered in a wonderful spirit.

Empire Remixed suggested that everyone in the church give up talking about and having sex for a year and focus on serving together. While unlikely to be implemented, a thought-provoking, creative suggestion I thought.

Okay City focused on a tangible orientation to service together despite the reality of some gaps. "You bring the lunch, I'll bring the water."

I also appreciated the diversity reflected in the collection of conversations: some international presence, non-Christian reflections, as well as the spectrum of theological perspectives and sexual identity. I do regret that we did not directly hear from or engage the perspective of our trans neighbours.

As I hear from people who have been reading the posts, I am mainly hearing what I consider positive feedback: people felt most of the posts were thoughtful, respectful, gracious and hopeful; and people were both resonating and being stretched and exercising grace and patience too.

The synchroblog is officially closed now – if you have a post you would yet want to offer – please simply leave a comment on this or the previous post. Prior to doing that, please read through this post for a bit more background on the intention behind the synchroblog.

Some of you may know that I will be entering a season of sabbatical essentially in a couple of days (I have to preach yet on Sunday). I am really grateful for this time to leave the trenches for a while, experience rest, enjoy my family, and read, reflect and work on my book project. I don’t anticipate writing new posts until the fall - but be on the lookout for new weekly video clips and posts written by Brian.

Let me close by saying thank you to contributors and readers who have encouraged me, stretched me, and sharpened me in the last year of blogging. May God continue to give all of us courage, wisdom, humility and grace to truly love one another across the gaps.

Shalom friends - see you in the fall.
wendy

Synchroblog: mid-way delight and late arrivals

I am so grateful as I make my way through the many rich, thoughtful, grace-filled and relationally focused posts. Thank you to each who reflected, prayed and wrote with care and a clear commitment to be positive, encouraging, and open.

I didn't have a map for this initiative. I didn't know how it would play out. I was much in prayer and even as my prayers continue .... they are giving way to peace. I'm seeing a consistent theme of vulnerability, transparency, honesty, owning our own crap, and some especially good insights shared by those who traverse these waters with great regularity. Trying to keep up with the various comment streams from the different posts, I'm sensing the contributors wanting to encourage one another, learn from one another and reach out to make new connections.

Did I already say I was feeling grateful? Well I am.

I did want to draw your attention to some contributors weighing in today - to ensure that you had the chance to read their contributions as well:

- moody blogger
- grace rules
- empire remixed
- kinnon
- box turtle
- khanya
- rising up whole
- cafe inspirado
- odd babblings
- that guy lam
- crossroads
- journeys of an academic
- ragamuffin ramblings
- gathering wool
- prickly portal
- without contradiction

There may even be a few more .... which I'll add to this post as they confirm....

I have more reading to do ..... hopefully you do too.
I have more thinking to do ..... hopefully you do too.
I have more praying to do ..... hopefully you do too.

But at this point ..... much to be thankful for.

The Kids are Alright by Brian Pengelly

Working at New Direction Ministries, Wendy and I have an understanding. As Youth Specialist I will handle the speaking engagements to teens and youth, and as Executive Director she will handle most of the Sunday Morning preaching opportunities. This means that I will often find myself shifting around in a rock hard camp bed on the second sleepless night of a youth retreat in the middle of nowhere….but I wouldn’t trade jobs with her for all the money in the world.

I often joke that working with youth professionally takes a special kind of person…preferably one who was dropped on their head a few times as a kid. But the truth is I love working with youth because they give me hope.

I have had the repeated experience of sharing my story with youth, and having teens come up to me in twos and threes afterwards in tears. Some of them have gay friends or family members, and some of them don’t, but all of them say something similar to me:

“I’ve felt inside that how Christians treat gay people is wrong. I’ve listened to how my pastor talks about this, and something inside just didn’t feel right. I want to follow Jesus, and I am serious about what the Bible teaches…but I knew how we have been acting isn’t what the Bible teaches either. I thought I must be a bad Christian because I felt this way, but your story helped me realize that I was right!”

I must have had this conversation a hundred times in the last year, in churches all across Canada, with youth from dozens of denominations. It always makes me smile because while they are thanking me, the remarkable thing is not my story, it is that they already knew it in their heart.

I have heard a great anxiety among adults in the church that we need to do something to protect our youth. Recently I read an article that claimed that to protect our children we must find anyone, gay or straight, in our churches who didn’t agree with the author's view of homosexuality and put them out of the church! It brought to mind one of my favourite Simpsons episodes where the town riots because of the perceived danger of bears and Helen Lovejoy exclaims in a panic “Won’t someone PLEASE think of the children!” But this view tends to keep God small and our own roles in the fate of the universe overly large.

I have been hanging out with the children, and they are doing okay. The Spirit of God is bringing change. I believe that his heart for reconciliation and his Love for Gay people is being echoed in the hearts of the new generations coming up in the church. I have found a generation who are much more comfortable navigating the differences that divide us with grace. When I think about what will Bridge the Gap between the Church and the Gay community I believe very strongly that it will be our children and grandchildren that are are now and will continue to do it. I think that rather than worry about them we need to listen to them, their voices and opinions and they will lead and teach us.

This is it ..... synchroblog mania

Today is the day ..... and after spending time in prayer this morning, I opened an overflowing inbox with people letting me know they'd already posted or asking to be added to the list yet. Fantastic.

So we'd invite you to begin checking out the blogs listed in the sidebar. Welcome to those who may be stumbling upon this collection of conversations through another link. If you would like to add your thoughts on your blog - post a comment and we'll get you added to the list. Additionally, if you are looking for a follow-up resource to this conversation, consider checking out our DVD series which you can read more about here or see the trailer here.

Also.... you can follow on twitter today at: #btgblog

My prayer: that love will trump all else in the conversations today!

p.s. Look for the tiny asterik * at the end of the links in the side bar to see those who have already put up their Bridging the Gap posting.... mind you, I'm having a hard time keeping up.

One day till Synchroblog!

The Synchroblog is almost upon us! Tomorrow we will see over 60 different bloggers linking into this website to share their thoughts on how we can best reach across the divides that often separate Christians and LGBT individuals.

Any time you bring that many thinkers together, from so many different places, beliefs and backgrounds there is the chance for conflict. However, we hope that the Synchroblog will be a collection of conversations that encourage people and demonstrate a concrete example of the unity that is possible in the midst of diversity.

With that hope in mind here are a few suggestions to keep in mind as you prepare to post and comment tomorrow:

1) Be Positive!
This is an opportunity to generate conversation, share ideas and dream together about something better. It is easy when looking at a problem to focus on what is wrong. It can also be easy to point fingers and blame those you think caused the problem. But we hope the Synchroblog will be a place where people will be able to talk about how to move forward! I look forward to hearing the good things that you are seeing as well as the challenges. I hope to hear stories of what has worked as you have reached out to others who you perhaps don't agree with. This initiative is a time to dream of what can be, and talk about how to get there.

2) Be Respectful!
The staggering diversity of people that we see taking part in this conversation is really encouraging. We have gay and straight, Christians of many different stripes and denominations, as well as individuals who are not Christian but want to join the conversation. Some contributors will have thought and studied and experienced much in journeying with integrating faith and sexuality - other may be less informed but wanting to be part of making a positive contribution. It is safe to say that those posting will not agree on many things. We do ask that everyone who posts or comments be polite, humble and gentle with each other. Approach this as a chance to learn from others rather than one to prove to others how right you are. Avoid attacks on other people and focus instead on putting out your ideas as clearly as possible, and listening to others carefully. Posts that demean, insult or attack others will not be accepted into the Synchroblog.

3) Be Prayerful!
While not everyone who is participating identifies as a follower of Christ, we do encourage all to be prayerful and reflective as they they write. For our brothers and sisters in Christ, we encourage you to listen to the guiding of the Spirit and to try to be reflect Jesus in all that you do. We believe that God wants to work through this event and this gathering of contributors. So we ask all Christians involved to be in prayer as you write, as you read, and as you interact with others.

4) Spread the Word!
The impact of this synchroblog is limited only by the number of people who get to see it. Remember to link back to this blog and to let your readers know about the larger Synchroblog when you post.

We at New Direction are really excited to see what happens tomorrow and look forward to reading it all and continuing the discussion! See you then!

by: Brian Pengelly

Gentleness & Respect

I thought this clip of Bruxy was a perfect one to post in the days prior to our synchroblog scheduled a week from today.

Am I gay?

I encounter a lot of people who wonder why I serve with the ministry of New Direction. It is true, that historically many of the leaders in such ministries have been individuals that experience same-gender attraction. People ask, “What exactly is the connection for Wendy?”

Recently, someone assumed I held a ‘side a’ gay affirming perspective because of my openness to affirm the true Christian faith of gay-affirming Christians. This individual also took the few sentences I shared of my personal journey and assumed I was a lesbian. One of my facebook friends who is gay felt I should take that as a compliment …. though in this particular conversation it was certainly NOT intended as a compliment.

So….. am I gay? Am I same-gender attracted? Am I bi-sexual? Am I fluid in my sexuality?

There are times that I make intentional, but subtle, remarks that could lead to inference or confusion ….. for example when I say, “I’m mainly heterosexual.” Now, in part, I’m just being a bit of a wise-ass when I say that – but on the intentional side, I’m seeking to challenge the black and white notions of sexuality that many conservative Christians hold. I think it is important for those who feel they are in the ‘sexual majority box’ to reconsider that there isn’t just a “right” and “wrong” box of sexuality to put people into. I view sexuality on a continuum. And yes, there are individuals who hit the extremes on either end – but there are a whole lot of folks that land somewhere between those two poles. This continuum affects so much more than just our type of desire for genital sexual intimacy. It encompasses our spirituality, our emotions, our desire for companionship and soul-nourishing relationship. In this understanding of the fluidity of sexuality, I would be the first to say that my own sexuality is fluid. Given that I think our sexuality is, to some degree, impacted by our experiences, and given my story, that shouldn’t be a big surprise.

When I was 13, I met a new teacher at school. She was smart and seemed so confident and sure of herself. And to my utter surprise – she took an interest in me! I began to babysit for her – and we would talk and talk and talk. It seemed like for the first time in my life someone was really listening to me – really valuing my thoughts and ideas. She chose me to be in her canoe for a week long school trip. She chose me. I couldn’t believe it. And by the end of the week – it was a done deal. We were soul mates, kindred spirits, no one else understood me like she did, no one cared for me like she did ….. and though I didn’t know it at the time – I was smitten. I had allowed my heart to open up – and all the need and all the fear and all the insecurity of my whole life rushed in with the reckless hope that finally I would be loved.

This relationship lasted for nearly 10 years. By the end, I had turned my back on my family, my heritage and my church. What I didn’t know then – and could not see for many years – was that this was my initiation into what would become a life-strangling co-dependent relationship.

Wikopedia loosely defines a co-dependent person as someone who exhibits too much and often inappropriate caring for persons who depend on them.

Though the relationship was never a sexual one – as I look back it is very clear to me that had she ever introduced a sexual element, I would have been a sitting duck. I was so vulnerable during those years.

The relationship ended badly. She went through a difficult period in her life, and finally facing the extent of the unhealth of our relationship told me, “You’ve ruined my life – I don’t ever want to speak with you again.” I was devastated to the point of being suicidal. After so many years of my life being so enmeshed with hers – I didn’t know who I was, didn’t know what I believed, didn’t know where I was going ….. I was a sorry mess.

Unlike all the self-help, self-improvement stuff available – I found that I didn’t have the resources within myself to recover from this loss. This was a whole lot deeper and more entrenched than just learning to think positive thoughts. I couldn’t heal myself. I couldn’t even fully heal through loving, healthy relationships with other people – as important as experiencing community is. I needed someone bigger and more powerful, more trustworthy, more perfectly loving – someone who I could know that I know that I know loves me, won’t leave me, and sees me in a way I can’t even see myself – sees me as whole and confident – sees me as someone who can love, and contribute, and make a difference – someone who’s life matters.

I’ll never forget the first time I heard the song, “I will change your name”.

I will change your name
You shall no longer be called
Wounded, outcast
Lonely or afraid

I will change your name
Your new name shall be
Confidence, joyfulness
Overcoming one
Faithfulness, friend of God
One who seeks my face.

This idea – that my past was not my destiny – that who I was did not determine who I would be …. This sense of empowering healing gave me an unshakable gift of hope.

For years, I wondered why so much of my life had been swallowed up in so many years of identity confusion and unhealthy relationships – what purpose could that possibly have served? Today, I see the fingerprints of God all over my life. And I’m grateful for the way God has shaped me to embody and advocate for generous spaciousness.

But for those of you who are gay reading this, you will recognize that what I describe is quite different than the individual who persistently and pervasively experiences a gay orientation.

So, no….. I’m not gay. If I was, I would be unashamed to say so. But that is not my experience. This means I will always be limited in fully and completely understanding what it is like to stand in the shoes of a brother or sister who is gay and wrestling mightily with God to know his will for their life. This means that I try to lead with listening and to engage with humility and to love with an unconditional robustness that breaks down any sense of “us and them”.

And if people assume I’m gay because I love gay people – so be it.

Hitting 50!

I have some of my best ideas sitting and brainstorming over lattes with my friend Mark. Mark Petersen, Executive Director of the Bridgeway Foundation, is an innovative missional partner. He shares the passions of so many Kingdom builders ~ consistently with an energy and excitement that amaze me.

The earliest seeds of the DVD project were shared with Mark. And it was his encouragement and support that was so instrumental in getting the whole project off the ground.

It was again in conversation with Mark that the idea for the synchroblog took shape. As we talked and laughed and dreamed a bit, I remember thinking that if we at least got 20 people blogging with us I would feel like it was a worthwhile endeavour. And if we got 50 people joining us to contribute their positive suggestions for ways to break down dividing walls of hostility… that would be awesome. Mark, on the other hand, said he thought we could get 100 bloggers to connect with the initiative.

Well, we’ve hit 50! Today, Mark and I are both blogging to extend the invitation even further.

I’ve had a lot of emails from people not quite sure what it is or how to participate. Hopefully, this will clarify things:

1. If you have a blog and would like to participate just send us your site address.
2. Then on Wednesday, June 24th, post on your blog your thoughts on how to ‘bridge the gap’. You can read the original invitation again here.

3. On June 24th, indicate your participation in this larger initiative by including a brief comment about the synchroblog with a link back to our site and an invitation to your readers to check out the other posts.

4. Moderate the comments for your own blog as you normally would.

There is no technical synchronization – it is simply a group of people, writing on the same topic, on the same day.

If you don’t have a blog but would like to participate, write up your contribution and email it to me: wendy (at) newdirection.ca
We’ll post it here on BTG on the 24th either under your name or anonymous – whatever your preference is.

If you choose to participate, you are not obligated beyond posting on your own site that day. Of course, we encourage participants to read the other posts and join in the comment conversations on the other blogs as you are able.

Thanks to those who will and who have already shared the invitation to participate with others. I’d love to have to be the one buying Mark the lattes this time around :)

Check out Mark sharing about his partnership with "Bridging the Gap":

Really Listening

As we look forward to our synchroblog on June 24, I thought it would be particularly appropriate to share this clip of Brian Pengelly, our Youth Specialist at New Direction. Brian highlights an essential challenge to those who hope to engage in bridging conversations.



What do you think?

Betrayal

I remember in my early days with New Direction how easy it was for me to feel threatened and defensive when I encountered people who appeared to have moved from a traditional understanding of Scripture’s boundaries for same-gender sexual behaviour towards a more inclusive and affirming stance. I remember feeling quite justified in my judgments of them – because afterall, I felt they had distorted the truth. I lamented people’s lack of certainty, attributing it to being either deceived by the enemy or selfish and fleshly. At times, I concluded that the emotion I was experiencing in these situations was righteous anger.

I felt that I needed to be very guarded, that I needed to be very careful to not be tricked or fooled into deceptive thinking.

And if this was true for me, someone who was not personally wrestling with the experience of same-gender attraction and seeking to be obedient and faithful in holding to Scripture’s teaching, I can only imagine how intense these feelings can be for someone who experiences unwanted same-gender attraction.

And if I, straight & married, could feel so betrayed when a public person moved from a place of certainty in a traditional position to a place that seemed questionable …. How much more might a same-gender attracted person feel betrayed?

With the movement towards seeking to embody a generous spaciousness, a place where any and all can come to engage on matters of spirituality and faith, we are aware of the potential of triggering feelings of betrayal. It is a weight and burden of responsibility that we feel.

For those who are side B and walking a personal journey of commitment, obedience and faithfulness to not engage in gay relationships or same-gender sexual behaviour, we would want to encourage you in the Lord. Our prayer is that your convictions are motivated by a profound sense of how deeply God loves you. We pray that you have worked through any fear or shame or anger or denial that might masquerade as godly motivation. And we pray that you will know God’s provision and sufficiency and delight as you choose to own your convictions from a place of contentment and joy.

Our decision to be engaged relationally with diverse people across this spectrum of faith and sexuality, has come from a deep desire to embody the love and grace that we see in the person of Jesus Christ. We believe that God is at work in all sorts of surprising places and we want to have eyes to see what he is already doing. And we believe that the Holy Spirit really is more than able to be the energy and motivation behind any transformation or growth in any of us.

Regardless of where anyone lands on the continuum of belief and practice in relation to our sexual identity, we all need to be challenged to navigate conversations where faith and sexuality intersect with a growing maturity. This kind of maturity refrains from lashing out and accusing others as a cover for our own insecurities, hurts, emptiness or anxiety. This kind of maturity recalls that engaging with the fruits of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control) is just as important as a commitment to sexual purity and integrity. And this kind of maturity chooses to move from a victim, self-focused perspective to look beyond oneself to the ways we can serve, bless and encourage others.

We long to embody this maturity and to see it develop in others – even as we groan with all of creation in the incomplete experience of this kind of wholeness this side of heaven. We all fall short. We all can play the victim from time to time. We all point the finger and blame others while hiding from our own fear and anxiety. We’re all selfish at times and have next to no desire to serve others. There are gaps between who we are and who we want to be.

But in the midst of this mess, let us find grace. Let’s be gracious with one another, giving one another the benefit of the doubt, expecting the best of each other….. for we are all on a journey.

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.

We're on Amazon!

After jumping through hoops (thanks Anna for all your hard work!), we've made it onto Amazon to hopefully get the BTG dvd out far and wide :)

Please check out the link! If you haven't bought a copy yet - consider doing so from Amazon to get us up and running there.

If you've viewed the dvd would you consider doing two things for us?

1. Go to the amazon link and rate it

2. Type in a customer review

With thanks!

Happy Anniversary BTG

Okay – so I’m not very good with dates or directions (seriously, what is it with me getting lost for every party Mark throws?)….. anyway….
Apparently, last week was the one year anniversary of this blog and I totally missed it.

I have thoroughly enjoyed having such diverse readers engage this forum. I value the conversations that have emerged and the ways that we can all learn and grow from one another’s often thoughtful comments. And while this blog seeks to be unapologetically Christ-centered, I have particularly appreciated those who do not identify as Christian engaging our conversations ….. might you continue to find a safe place of respect and welcome. We need to hear your voices – especially given how easy it is for followers of Jesus to live in their own little bubble.

For those of you who like statistics:
We’ve had 4,603 folks from 83 countries visit 9,542 times.
Our 65+ posts have been commented on nearly 500 times.
The video clips we’ve been posting of the DVD have been viewed 4,726 times.

The two posts that drew the most attention this past year were:
Brian’s post addressing Word of Faith criticism of his journey.
Wendy’s post on whether we continue to Offer Hope.

It would seem that when we stand up and defend ourselves against our detractors we draw the most attention.

So what have we learned in the last year?

There are plenty of people who want answers. Clear answers. They don’t like feeling confused or unsure.

Our response? Join the club….. of living in some uncertainty that is.

What we’ve learned in the last year is to resist the request, or in some cases demand, for black and white answers. I hope we’re learning to ask more questions ….to be present in that generous spaciousness where it is ok to ask tough questions, where it is ok to have doubts, where it is ok to be frustrated with the complexities and seemingly unanswerable questions….. and where the focus is on relating to one another and relating to God.

This can be so threatening. For those of us who’ve grown up in a Christianity that told us we had absolute access to absolute truth with absolute certainty – any deconstruction of that is big-time anxiety producing. For those who have taken some risks to ask different questions …. the incredible discovery is that God is so much bigger than our limited absolutes. And for those who seek and ask and knock and search …. God is right there in the midst of it all.

I hope this blog will be a catalyst to cause people to think deeply, pray much, lead with a humble and listening posture. I hope we can continue to expose some of the ugly motivations that live in all of our hearts: our fear, our anger, our judgments, our assumptions and presumptions. I hope we can do our small part in addressing the systemic inequities that are inconsistent with God’s love for and image in each human being.

So thanks for joining us in these conversations. Thanks for the times you agreed and thanks for the times you’ve disagreed. Thanks for the encouragement many of you have shared. Thanks for your prayers. And thanks for risking to engage in the midst of the tensions of some uncertainty as we press forward together to see God and our common humanity past the divides that the intersection of faith and sexuality can inevitably create.

Refusing to be a Christianized Bully

I’ve been pondering lately the amount of bullying I see go on in the name of Christ.

Wikipedia suggests: “Bullying is an act of repeated aggressive behavior in order to intentionally hurt another person, physically or mentally. Bullying is characterized by an individual behaving in a certain way to gain power over another person.”

This is the kicker when it comes to “Christianized” bullying …. Good Christian people would never say they are trying to intentionally hurt the other person. None-the-less, aggressive, passive-aggressive, manipulative behaviour that seeks to gain power over another person happens all the time in the name of Christ.

And I’m afraid that at an individual level and at a systemic level, we Christians delude ourselves to the ways that we act like bullies. We justify our bullying in evangelistic language. Afterall, we can’t “love people into hell” you know. We fail to be willing to look at the ways our own needs and our own fears drive our ‘persuasive’ engagement with others.

But I think Philippians 2 can provide a wake-up call. In it we see a picture of Jesus that is the anti-thesis of a bully. The apostle Paul tells us that Jesus ‘made himself nothing, taking the nature of a servant’ and that he ‘humbled himself’. In this picture of Jesus we see someone who was always invitational – who did not force himself into people’s lives. In fact, we see in John 6 that after his teaching about eating his flesh and drinking his blood, many disciples left him. Jesus teaches that people can only come to him if the Father enables them and then asks the disciples if they want to leave too. Peter answers and says, “Lord, to whom would we go? You alone have the words that give eternal life.”

In Peter’s response we glimpse the kind of understanding that Jesus had engendered in his disciples. They were not afraid to go, they didn’t feel shamed to stay….. they had experienced that which was life-giving in their relationship with Jesus – and that is what caused them to want to remain connected with the spirit and life they encountered in Christ.

Would our friends who do not embrace a relationship with Christ, say the same of us, his followers? Would our friends who do know Christ, but who hold different beliefs and values than we do, say the same of us? Would they feel the freedom to experience that which they experience to be life-giving (ie. not our definition of life-giving)? And would it be that life-giving experience that causes them to want to remain, stay connected, take the next steps?

The question for followers of Jesus: Do we trust that it really is God the Father who draws people to himself?

“It is the Spirit who gives eternal life. Human effort accomplishes nothing. And the very words I have spoken to you are spirit and life…… That is what I meant when I said that people can’t come to me unless the Father brings them to me.” (John 6:63, 65)

If we believe this, truly believe it – ought it not free us up to be much more invitational, much more loving, much more relaxed with others?

One of the things that triggered my thinking about this post was a recent interview I gave for Gay Christian Network radio. At one point in the interview, I said something like, “It’s not like we’re calling people to repentance – unless they’re involved in destructive behaviours or something like that.”

And it’s the kind of statement that reminds me of the complexity of speaking to multiple audiences. Given that my primary audience was members of GCN, my intent with that statement was to express our deeply held value to be non-coercive in people’s lives. I wanted to embody the kind of humility that says, “I’m not going to arrogantly presume that I am right, you are wrong, and you better change and become like me.”

But if I am side B, that is, holding to a more traditional interpretation of Scripture on the appropriateness of homosexual behaviour, then surely I should be calling people to repentance shouldn’t I? Shouldn’t I be trying to convince people that they are wrong, need to rethink and change to become like me in accordance with my interpretation of Scripture?

If more conservative folks heard this interview on GCN, this could be a trigger ….. “Ah-ha…. We knew it. We knew Wendy Gritter has slid down the slippery slope of compromise! She isn't even calling people to repentance.”

But is that kind of black & white call to repentance my job, in my context, in the relationships that I invest in and nurture through this blog, facebook, my neighbourhood etc.? Is that really what God is asking me to do?

Or is God asking me to walk in humility, loving and serving, and seeking to embody the character of Jesus, the One who made himself nothing and took the role of servant? What if God is simply asking me to keep my eyes open to the ways he is already at work in another’s life – way ahead of me? And is, perhaps, my ‘job’ so-to-speak, to be alert to the prompting of the Holy Spirit to ask a question at the right time, to offer a point to ponder, to listen together to what God is up to?

Christianity, as an institutionalized religion, has a horrific history of violence, coercion, and addiction to power. We have been frightful bullies. And in the ways the Christian community often calls for gay people to ‘repent’ that same bullying spirit rears its ugly head.

And I will do everything I know to do, to live and relate in a manner that is subversive to this oppressive legacy.

Afterall, ‘people can’t come to Jesus unless the Father brings them to him’. I don’t have to be a bully on his behalf. In fact, his Spirit within me pleads for me to act in the ‘opposite spirit’ – the spirit of gentleness, of invitation, of humility, of welcome. My simple prayer is that in such a spirit of service and friendship, those who cross my path would encounter the life-giving Christ.