I’ve been pondering lately the amount of bullying I see go on in the name of Christ.
Wikipedia suggests: “Bullying is an act of repeated aggressive behavior in order to intentionally hurt another person, physically or mentally. Bullying is characterized by an individual behaving in a certain way to gain power over another person.”
This is the kicker when it comes to “Christianized” bullying …. Good Christian people would never say they are trying to intentionally hurt the other person. None-the-less, aggressive, passive-aggressive, manipulative behaviour that seeks to gain power over another person happens all the time in the name of Christ.
And I’m afraid that at an individual level and at a systemic level, we Christians delude ourselves to the ways that we act like bullies. We justify our bullying in evangelistic language. Afterall, we can’t “love people into hell” you know. We fail to be willing to look at the ways our own needs and our own fears drive our ‘persuasive’ engagement with others.
But I think Philippians 2 can provide a wake-up call. In it we see a picture of Jesus that is the anti-thesis of a bully. The apostle Paul tells us that Jesus ‘made himself nothing, taking the nature of a servant’ and that he ‘humbled himself’. In this picture of Jesus we see someone who was always invitational – who did not force himself into people’s lives. In fact, we see in John 6 that after his teaching about eating his flesh and drinking his blood, many disciples left him. Jesus teaches that people can only come to him if the Father enables them and then asks the disciples if they want to leave too. Peter answers and says, “Lord, to whom would we go? You alone have the words that give eternal life.”
In Peter’s response we glimpse the kind of understanding that Jesus had engendered in his disciples. They were not afraid to go, they didn’t feel shamed to stay….. they had experienced that which was life-giving in their relationship with Jesus – and that is what caused them to want to remain connected with the spirit and life they encountered in Christ.
Would our friends who do not embrace a relationship with Christ, say the same of us, his followers? Would our friends who do know Christ, but who hold different beliefs and values than we do, say the same of us? Would they feel the freedom to experience that which they experience to be life-giving (ie. not our definition of life-giving)? And would it be that life-giving experience that causes them to want to remain, stay connected, take the next steps?
The question for followers of Jesus: Do we trust that it really is God the Father who draws people to himself?
“It is the Spirit who gives eternal life. Human effort accomplishes nothing. And the very words I have spoken to you are spirit and life…… That is what I meant when I said that people can’t come to me unless the Father brings them to me.” (John 6:63, 65)
If we believe this, truly believe it – ought it not free us up to be much more invitational, much more loving, much more relaxed with others?
One of the things that triggered my thinking about this post was a recent interview I gave for Gay Christian Network radio. At one point in the interview, I said something like, “It’s not like we’re calling people to repentance – unless they’re involved in destructive behaviours or something like that.”
And it’s the kind of statement that reminds me of the complexity of speaking to multiple audiences. Given that my primary audience was members of GCN, my intent with that statement was to express our deeply held value to be non-coercive in people’s lives. I wanted to embody the kind of humility that says, “I’m not going to arrogantly presume that I am right, you are wrong, and you better change and become like me.”
But if I am side B, that is, holding to a more traditional interpretation of Scripture on the appropriateness of homosexual behaviour, then surely I should be calling people to repentance shouldn’t I? Shouldn’t I be trying to convince people that they are wrong, need to rethink and change to become like me in accordance with my interpretation of Scripture?
If more conservative folks heard this interview on GCN, this could be a trigger ….. “Ah-ha…. We knew it. We knew Wendy Gritter has slid down the slippery slope of compromise! She isn't even calling people to repentance.”
But is that kind of black & white call to repentance my job, in my context, in the relationships that I invest in and nurture through this blog, facebook, my neighbourhood etc.? Is that really what God is asking me to do?
Or is God asking me to walk in humility, loving and serving, and seeking to embody the character of Jesus, the One who made himself nothing and took the role of servant? What if God is simply asking me to keep my eyes open to the ways he is already at work in another’s life – way ahead of me? And is, perhaps, my ‘job’ so-to-speak, to be alert to the prompting of the Holy Spirit to ask a question at the right time, to offer a point to ponder, to listen together to what God is up to?
Christianity, as an institutionalized religion, has a horrific history of violence, coercion, and addiction to power. We have been frightful bullies. And in the ways the Christian community often calls for gay people to ‘repent’ that same bullying spirit rears its ugly head.
And I will do everything I know to do, to live and relate in a manner that is subversive to this oppressive legacy.
Afterall, ‘people can’t come to Jesus unless the Father brings them to him’. I don’t have to be a bully on his behalf. In fact, his Spirit within me pleads for me to act in the ‘opposite spirit’ – the spirit of gentleness, of invitation, of humility, of welcome. My simple prayer is that in such a spirit of service and friendship, those who cross my path would encounter the life-giving Christ.
Friday, June 5, 2009
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14 comments:
Christ let a life of gentleness and humility, but he was quite black and white on certain issues directly from his father. He may have washed peoples feet, ut he clearly told called them to repentance and said "go and sin no more'. I don't think God the father who leads us by the spirit meant for us to interprepert and reinterpret traditional views on sexuality, to the point where we only, pray and hope others are lead Only by the spirit who will convict them. God uses his mature servants to be bold, and gentle, but tell people God loves you , and sin may be bringing you great unhappiness. Missionaries all over the world are led and guided to love people and equally use there knowledge of sin, to work with God to convict with the holy spirit , this is one important interpretation to work with the loving gift of salvation God gives us, and work with Godand the holy spirit to accomplish his means to and end. The father, Holy spirit and Christ are one in the same, to separate the spirit to do the convicting with or with out you, is possibly what God didn't have in mind after one becomes his child that believes for why he was resurrected.
It could be coercive, to be afraid of offending the majority of society or individuals in gay communities to just pray rather then fulfill Gods command and make strong decisive statements about sin that is killing those yoou claim to love. It is not as important to be liked and respected by all those you disagree whith on Gods sexual ethics, as it is, to be convicted to risk their respect and like for you, to give them the whole love and peace God offers them.
I'm reminded of an observation that Orthodox Steve Hayes made after our first interfaith synchroblog last autumn. He noted that the difference between evangelism and proselytization was that the former involved statements in the form of "I believe this because..." while the latter involved statements in the form of "You should believe this because..." It seems to me that a similar distinction may be appropriate in the context of this post.
-- Jarred.
That may be a pretty good reminder of how to let people know God loves them and forgives them without possibly putting them on the defense. However, it is really semantics because it should be brave and okay to let someone know God is there for them, without neccesarily prefacing it with "God is their for me". As human beings of varying opinions and thoughts on these issues, while it is important to meet people at where their at, I have observed that most mature believers are interested in accomplishing the need to be liked and respected, possibly thinking it is a higher form of communion with God to pray for the lost. aleader and a mature Christian in Christ could say "God loves you too, and I believe that so much, I don't care if you think I am politically correct." Or know me well, or like me yet.
If the early Christians did not proselytize, in the name of jesus, we would not have a 2000 year old historical account of the examples of the disciples of Jesus whom he blessed by being bold and gentle in his name. They did not tip toe around strangers or ones they loved. If you aim to be more Christ like look at the scarifices that were made in His name. Paul is a perfect example of a persecuter who later was converted, and the only one who believed him and encouraged other disciples he persecuted was Barnabas. Barnabas efriended Paul, as he was most unpopular and under great suspicion by the other disciples. Barnabas , bold testimony in the name of Christ proved to be right as Paul, lived a scacrificed life, at the cost of friendships and respect by people to proclaim Gods salvation.
We as a society, are too afraid , or call ourselves victims, if others disagree with us. If your life is trully full and filled, it would be easier to love those you feel are unlovable, or not your job? Then who's???
Most Gay people know what a true bully is, a gay person getting mad because you let them now God loves them and saved you is God honoring.
Wendy,
The fact that you do not automatically assume you are right and allow me to share with you how I disagree with you is really the ONLY thing that keeps me in conversation with you and others like you. You will never convince me and I will never convince you but that doesn't mean we can't at least continue to talk about issues of faith.
Jack
I totally agree with you. It has been my observation that sometimes people within the church tend to get confused between their role and the role of God's Holy Spirit.
I am sure that I did not come to my understanding of scriptures because somebody told me to repent. I came to faith in Christ and walked out of homosexuality for a few different reasons... non of which because somebody told me to.
The one reason that stands out to me in the relationship I had with my Youth Pastor and his wife. And the second major reason is because the Spirit of God began to do His work in my life. And third, because I desired for something more and in that desire began to look for an alternative to homosexuality. The work was for the most part a work that was entirely based upon my relationship with Jesus. And so, I think sometimes the church places too much emphasis on the so-called need that sinners need to be told that they're sinners. I never had to be told I was a "sinner" and I don't think Jesus ever pointed his finger at another and said, "You sinner, your life is an abomination.." he always provided something that was more of an invitation into something more like the woman at the well. He did say to her go and sin no more but he gave something to her that nobody else could that was in place of whatever she was looking for to begin with.
I enjoyed this article very much. I have a Muslim friend who tries to get me to "defend" my Christ or get into an argument. And I just let him talk and whatever. It is my hope that by being friendly always and not getting all in a frenzy will be more valueable to him than anything I can say. I am blessed to be a Christian in such an environment. I trust God has it all under control.
Mary
When I hear or read about a Christian who talks about "telling the truth in love" I cringe. Cannot they hear that others are not listening when they begin walking down that path. Gays have heard this "truth in love" all of their lives. We should be demonstrating the value of being Christian rather than imposing on others to accept and understand that value, too. It is not about being ashamed of Christ or being afraid of social retribution. And has everything to do with the message of Christ. When you have turned of the ears of someone because it is the same ole same ole, then you have not only lost an opportunity to show God to someone but an opportunity that may be a persons last chance to really share God.
Thanks everyone for your comments. There are so many 'anonymous' commenters I'm not sure I can address each one individually (it would be great if you would use some kind of pseudonym - that way we can follow who is saying what). I do think there is a time to be bold and in relationships where there is trust and rapport established, I have no problem being very open about what God has done in my life and opening conversations of faith and spirituality. I was not trying to suggest with this post that we should never speak about our faith or God's love for our friends. But it does come back to motivations: are we sharing our faith because of our own fear, because of a desire to have control; or are we sharing our faith from a place of trust in God's sovereign ability to draw people to himself, a place of humility, gentleness and respect, with a willingness to listen and engage with what our friends have to offer. This is not weak. It is not about just wanting to be liked. This is a courageous faith that let's God be God and focuses our action on being a kind and loving friend. Scripture says of God that it is his kindness that leads us to repentance. If this is true of God, how much more ought it to be true of his people.
Christians and non Christians alike mostly have feared social retribution, not only all through history, just look and listen to anyone of your friends or families worries, conciously or unconciously...it is about being liked by most if not all. Unles the gentle more invitational Christ way of being is tempered with the cold hard facts that "God loves you, and i do too' buthe is the light, the truth and the way!
You can befreind and built trust and be welcoming, but remeber Christ did not live his life befriending just hrough a loving example, he said many bold statements and stood strong to his fathers traditional beliefs without taking a lifetime to be friends and gain respect, only. It is important not to delude yourself, while horriffic think have been done in the name of christianity, we are not supposed to make up for other peoples ignorance and violance.
If you love all people and especially people you've come to know, there is no right time to give the credit of "your friendship with the individual, who God is weeping over their soul, while we all the the while care if We built a strong, trustworthy friendship, and live by example. If you really want to be imitatators of Christ, ask your non Christian friend if you can wash his /her feet, because the God you are striving to be more like, would have offered to do that for your friend.
With all due respect, in this day you probably would think your friend would think your nuts.....Jesus risked looking crazy for for his fathers dear creation, His children. If you say "Well, that was a different time and place", then all of jesus's actions would be out dated.
The chalenge is not being afraid of disagreements or turning off your sinning loved ones you so pray change their ways. If you love them, tell them, alot....taking them to a movie or inviting and including is what the world does to be a part of things. A basic human need. Try being A Part from things and think about whether that is more pleasing to God. I would not consider Christ, Pauls, or even Billy Grahams Boldness as coercive or bullying.
How grateful are you about your God constantly forgiving you of youur sin. Everyday, you let your frien not be encouraged to have that gift as well, you rob God of the mission he called all believers too. days are too short, and while you may feel God will make it happen with or with out you....Don't be too sure.
A walk without a talk might lead someone to ask. A talk without a walk will definitely scare people away. So how about a walk with a talk and a talk with a walk ? Yes, love in all its first corinthians 13 facets is the best witness of all. Wendy I believe you are on the right track. We know Christ's harshest words were for the religious people, not for the "sinners". A knock on a door, a decision and a prayer, and no follow up and no ongoing relationship, is definitely NOT the way to go. He says always be ready to give an answer to those who ask you, not to those who haven't asked yet. If God is patient and willing to wait for people to come to repentance, so should we be. And I totally agree with the distinction between evangelism and proselytizing.
A dear friend told me to check out your organization and this blog!!!!!Intense, but I liked it, especially the annonymous's. The thing is I am not religious, somewhat spiritual, but I know about theology and doctrine from some of my born-again friends..
I will check it out again, the annonymous sounds pretty fundamental , but makes some excellent points if I read through some of the lines, twice.
It is so clear people are loaded with theier own stuff, just needing to share and grow. I didn't notice any great divide. I think all ways of finding the right God (since I kind of think there is one) is a task all by its self. How you all get there , or got there is probably interesting. Know matter differences, you all have love at the bottom line in this post.
Welcome Uber Cool! Finding and growing in God is life-long task / journey I think ..... and is unique for each person. We all need love and grace along the way. I hope you find some good, thought-provoking discussion here at BTG.
Ya, I understand what this post is saying.
I look at the ex-gay movement that I have known and been very active in (past tense) and I think for people who have called me their "son" or "Younger Brother", they certainly were quick to spit me out. There can be active agressive behavior, but there are also the withdrawls that hurt those who are seeking God's will for themselves authenticially. People often have agressively "loved", for selfish reasons and withdrawing when their "love" does not create the result they hope for.
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